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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 1, 2012 9:31:06 GMT -6
Oh my god, LOVE the poster! And I really hope this series is picked up! I think I'll be a Sara fan =P Thank you, Nicole! I can't thank Darrin enough for making it for me! And thank you for the support. I'm glad you think you'll like Sara! She is very fun to write! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 10:41:07 GMT -6
It was my pleasure bud. I'm glad you like it! Best of luck
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Ms. Kerry
VPN Community Member
Fight the good fight, Tony, I hate nap time too.
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Post by Ms. Kerry on Apr 1, 2012 11:08:30 GMT -6
Nice poster!
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 1, 2012 19:50:57 GMT -6
REVIEW: "Super Start (Part One)" - Aimee Nicole
I just wanna start by saying the series has an interesting premise and there is lots and lots of potential here. The story of three teens who gain powers and have to deal with them while dealing with normal high school issues. It seems cliché, but there are always different ways to spin things. Comics show us that all the time, so I've no doubt we can see a new spin on it from you as well.
First, I want to say that the teaser was really good. It pulled us in with a strange, rather unique murder and ended on the the town of Upsville getting put through an unnatural occurrence. There were a few instances where you repeated yourself, but they were rather small things and nothing really to bug about. The slugline in the first scene of Act One, I would personally take out "4 Hours Later" and simply put "Later" or something to that effect, but that's just my personal preference. Unless it's important to note that it was four hours later -- as in, if you're dealing with some sort of time thing where you NEED to keep time on this.
The first part of the pilot, as a whole, is pretty great. I really, really liked it. I think my favorite characters out of it all are Debbie and Clark. Sara's not too bad, either. I do wanna say that I think Frank's death came too soon. I think it would have had more of an impact if we saw more between them than just flashbacks. The flashbacks were nice, and they definitely helped, but I think you would be better off postponing his death a little bit and give us more of an emotional attachment to him first -- and help us better understand his relationship with Janice. I also feel that the bringing in of the detective was too early -- and I believe someone else felt the same. However, I will keep in mind that this is a "Part One/Part Two" dealio for your pilot, and that you could have MORE in mind for the detective come part two, so I will save my judgment on that and leave it alone.
All in all, I love the concept, you have a pretty good pilot here and it's definitely something I think people could get into and enjoy. I could see it being part of the line-up and be the first superhero show not affiliated with the DC or Marvel universes here on the VPN. I give it an 8/10. Good luck, Brady!
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 1, 2012 20:09:03 GMT -6
REVIEW: "Super Start (Part One)" - Aimee Nicole I just wanna start by saying the series has an interesting premise and there is lots and lots of potential here. The story of three teens who gain powers and have to deal with them while dealing with normal high school issues. It seems cliché, but there are always different ways to spin things. Comics show us that all the time, so I've no doubt we can see a new spin on it from you as well. Thank you so much for the review Aimee! It really means a lot! Now, I must reply... Thank you so much for the compliment on the TEASER. I really enjoyed writing it. It took me a while to figure out HOW and WHY everyone changed and all that stuff. Thank you for pointing that out! I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it. But yea, "Later" would be much more appropriate. Thank you for liking Debbie and Clark the best! ;D It really means a lot. Oh, and thank you for enjoying Sara! I totally can see what you mean by this, and I tried to fix it as best as I could. I realize that postponing his death would be beneficial for the emotional attachment, but I've been set on "this" since I developed the idea. I threw out flashbacks here and there as much as I could, and I really hoped it would've helped. I'm really going to think about how, or even if I can, change this. But I honestly can see what you mean. After hearing this from people, I did slim down her role tremendously. I gave her only one scene - I think - it Part One. She is in Part Two for about one or two more scenes I believe. Hopefully it will help! Thank you so much, Aimee! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I really do hope it will become a part of the line-up. I've got big things for the characters I want everyone to see! And, I didn't even think about the first superhero show not affiliated with DC or Marvel. Thank you for an 8!! Holy cow, I couldn't even imagine an 8!! ;D
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Post by xsylviamoonx on Apr 4, 2012 22:43:17 GMT -6
SPOILER SPACE FOR REVIEW OF "PILOT" FOR SUPER TEENS - - - - - - - - - - I'm writing little things that irk me while reading the script, just so I don't forget them. The first thing is very minor, but it bothered me a little when "the figure" told her weapon to "kill..." I like the whole super villain thing, definitely digging that. But, it seemed a little bit cheesey, haha.
Another thing that seemed far fetched was the detective kneeling by the body and asking "How on earth did you die?" Detectives are never astonished about lack of visual evidence on the body UNTIL the body is brought to the morgue and fully examined. If there is still no evidence at that point, thats when it gets weird. I get what she meant, but it seemed like something a detective wouldn't say until a proper autopsy took place. I do however, think I will enjoy her curiousity and pushy "truth seeking" attitude.
I very much enjoy Clarks personality. It is fairly unique, especially in a teenager. He's more mature than most, especially moreso than his sisters, which raises a few questions. Why is he so mature? Possibly from having to deal with two sisters who are constantly fighting, it pushed him to grow up faster, or possibly being the only male figure in the family forced him to become the man. I like that he is protective of his sisters in the papa bear way even though they're the same age, and I like that he is the mediator between the girls.
Really enjoyed the scene with the earthquake, the UU falling down and the "get flowers here!" window shattering. Well detailed. Light consuming the sky? Cool. Now I understand why it's called "Bright Day".
Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I can't find a "guest starring" at the beginning of the episode, which was a bit dissapointing since I like to imagine the scenes play out, and there was no image in my brain for Frank.
The flashback, where Frank plans to go on a date with Janice... it was a bit strange. Did they know each other, or were they strangers? If they didn't, no one asks someone out they don't even know. And judging by Janice's personality so far, she doesn't seem like the type to have the confidence to say yes before he even finishes his sentence haha. And Sara and Clark had a discussion about the two girls' constant fighting, which would be acceptable and all, except for the fact that you think they'd be a little tongue tied after seeing a dead body.
I really enjoyed the Sara/Clark kickass moments with the thug. They seem like a good team and I like their relationship. I also enjoy what seems to be Janice's role as the leader. Nice cliffhanger, would really like to see this picked up.
EPISODE RATING: 8/10
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 5, 2012 7:01:22 GMT -6
SPOILER SPACE FOR REVIEW OF "PILOT" FOR SUPER TEENS - - - - - - - - - - I'm writing little things that irk me while reading the script, just so I don't forget them. The first thing is very minor, but it bothered me a little when "the figure" told her weapon to "kill..." I like the whole super villain thing, definitely digging that. But, it seemed a little bit cheesey, haha. Wow! Thank you for the review, Nicole! It really means a lot. ;D Okay, the reason she said "Kill" was... Damn. That would be a major spoiler. xD Let's just say, if I get picked up, it should be revealed in episodes to come. I did this little scene to try and do a "homage" to all my favorite crime shows. The reason I made her ask this was, because Dr. Rivers said no signs of homicide or suicide. And there were no marks whatsoever. So, I thought she would be confused at that time and place. Did I confuse you? Sorry if I did. LOL. I'm glad you like Clark! He is one of my favorite to right for! Wait...should I say that. Scratch it. ALL my characters are my favorite to write for... Anyway, yes Clark is very mature for his age. It started when his father died, and he knew he had to step up. This maturity grew and grew over the passing years, but highly increased when his sisters began to bicker. He hates it sometimes, but he breaks them up from fighting. I LOVED writing the "Bright Day" scene. And trust me, you don't know how long it took me to come up with something as simple as that. xD Thank you for the compliment. I'm sorry I didn't list a "Guest Starring" role for Frank, Jonathan, etc. I'll try and update it earlier today, if I remember. xD They weren't like "friends" but they weren't "strangers", I guess. But if I had to pick one, it'd be strangers. She was starstruck when she laid eyes on him. He felt the same. Clark is the only one Sara can talk to about her fighting with Janice. Sure, it was bad timing when she brought it up. xD Thank you for enjoying them kicking ass! LOL. I'm glad you liked it! And thanks for the enjoyment of the cliffhanger. Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! ;D
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 5, 2012 14:45:22 GMT -6
Some Character Promotional Images created by the always awesome Darrin! ;D Sorry I made the post so long. Enjoy! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2012 20:02:40 GMT -6
The poster and character images looks awesome! I swear I will be reading this pilot soon!
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 5, 2012 20:07:38 GMT -6
The poster and character images looks awesome! I swear I will be reading this pilot soon! Thank you! But, I have to take ZERO percent of the credit. Darrin did them, and did a very amazing job! And take the time with the pilot! I hope you enjoy it! ;D
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 7, 2012 10:36:22 GMT -6
If anyone is currently reading the pilot and have any questions, concerns or are confused in anyway, please just let me know and I will be more than happy to answer. Hope everyone is enjoying the pilot and I can't wait to here what you guys think! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2012 12:11:43 GMT -6
The Super Teens - ReviewI just finished reading the pilot. Overall I enjoyed it. You have a great concept, and idea. I enjoyed the "Bright Day" I thought that was cool, especially how some survived others didn't. I think the part that was a little unsettling was that everybody acted non-chalant about people's deaths, like it was no big deal. This is especially seen with the altercations of Sara and Janice. Janice has just been through this great ordeal with the death of her boyfriend but all Sara wants to talk about is this feud between them. I get what you were trying to do with causing this conflict and sibling rivalry but I don't think that was the appropriate time to execute it. Another miss step, in my opinion, was the introduction of Jonathon. You introduce this "villian" at the beginning of the episode but then he has nothing really to do with the plot of the episode. There's no doubt in my mind that he will play a crucial role in the series but plot wise for the Pilot he was pointless. The same goes with the mysterious killer in the first scene. I liked Debbie, and the humor she brings especially when Sara and Janice are upstairs getting acquanted with their new found powers and she tells them to keep it down. The dialogue was pretty good, and so were your descriptions. I look forward to future episodes.
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 9, 2012 12:19:45 GMT -6
The Super Teens - ReviewI just finished reading the pilot. Overall I enjoyed it. You have a great concept, and idea. I enjoyed the "Bright Day" I thought that was cool, especially how some survived others didn't. I think the part that was a little unsettling was that everybody acted non-chalant about people's deaths, like it was no big deal. This is especially seen with the altercations of Sara and Janice. Janice has just been through this great ordeal with the death of her boyfriend but all Sara wants to talk about is this feud between them. I get what you were trying to do with causing this conflict and sibling rivalry but I don't think that was the appropriate time to execute it. Another miss step, in my opinion, was the introduction of Jonathon. You introduce this "villian" at the beginning of the episode but then he has nothing really to do with the plot of the episode. There's no doubt in my mind that he will play a crucial role in the series but plot wise for the Pilot he was pointless. The same goes with the mysterious killer in the first scene. I liked Debbie, and the humor she brings especially when Sara and Janice are upstairs getting acquanted with their new found powers and she tells them to keep it down. The dialogue was pretty good, and so were your descriptions. I look forward to future episodes. Thank you for the review, Darrin! It really means a lot! Now, time to reply... I didn't mean for it to come across as everybody acted like it was no big deal citizens died. I am greatly sorry it came across like that. I understand what you mean by the Sara and Janice altercation. Thank you for pointing that out! Jonathan, was not really as much of a villain in this episode, as he will be in Part 2. He was just solely supposed to be introduced in this episode to set him up for the next one. And as for the killer, she will be playing a huge role further down the line. And once again. thank you for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. ;D
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 23, 2012 17:50:56 GMT -6
TEASER TRAILER for the third episode, Super Scent, has been posted under the episode's icon! Would love for you guys to check it out, and to know what you think!
Thanks!
;D
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Post by Brady Brown on Apr 30, 2012 16:32:00 GMT -6
Trailer for "Super Kill" has been added under the episode's icon! Please, check it out, and leave some feedback! That'd be awesome, guys!
;D
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Post by buffycharmed on May 1, 2012 11:48:02 GMT -6
this sounds great!
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Post by Brady Brown on May 9, 2012 18:38:20 GMT -6
Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoy the pitch! I seem to be getting some positive feedback from the pitch & pilot, and that's always great! Thanks! ;D
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Post by Brady Brown on May 9, 2012 20:20:09 GMT -6
UPDATE:
I'm looking for about 2-3 more reviews of the pilot episode, to see if I need to undergo major revisions, and redo the pilot. If anyone would like to read the pilot, and doesn't already have the link, I will be happy to PM you guys the link. You guys rock!
And if a second episode needs to be reviewed, I would be happy to send that link also!
Thanks! ;D
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