Avery Strange [with Pilot]

[guyrjames]

Hello all,

New around here, but I've been a member of MZP for a long time. This is one of the first pitches I ever pitched almost 5 years ago, although it's gone through many changes. I really wanted to get some fresh eyes on the pitch and pilot and get some much needed feedback. I hope you enjoy.

Sidenote: In the script, the character of Brayden is now going to be called Lincoln in the pitch. Just so it doesn't confuse anyone.

I used to be normal. Before moving back home with my crazy parents. Before my twin brother killed himself. Before I found out just how weird my hometown really is. Normal? I don’t think I even know what that word means anymore. Aurora, California, a town where the strange and peculiar are an everyday occurrence. I’m Avery Strong: Student. Outcast. And now…paranormal investigator.

Max Thieriot as Avery Strong
Avery is the show’s hero. Moving back to Aurora after the suicide of his twin brother, Alex, Avery takes over his brother’s extracurricular activity of investigating the things that go bump in the night. Your average teenager, Avery is a smart, stubborn individual whose own reservations about the supernatural may be his only downfall. Determined that Alex’s suicide wasn’t what it seemed, Avery’s one goal is to find out what was behind it. Add to that a strained relationship with his parents and a town who thinks he’s insane, Avery has a lot going against him, but will not let anything stand in his way.

Claire Holt as Emily Davenport
Emily isn’t the friendliest individual. As Alex’s girlfriend, and her own past tied to the supernatural, Emily helped Alex with his independently run school magazine entitled, Strange Times. Hardened by Alex’s death, Emily has a hard time letting Avery, or anyone for that matter, in. Genuinely a good person, she just wants to find the truth, and to let people know about it. With dark secrets of her own, she feels that Avery has a right to know the truth and may be the only one who can keep Alex’s dream alive.

Dev Patel as Chandler Yadav
The only person to befriend Avery upon his arrival in Aurora. He’s definitely more a sidekick than a leading man, but he’s come to terms with that and buries his anguish with inappropriate humor and jokes. The son of Aurora High’s principal gives him a certain “get out of jail free” card when it comes to getting in trouble. When he’s not mouthing off, he’s usually trying to get the girls to notice him.

Naya Rivera as Tessa Alvarado
An outcast in school, Tessa doesn’t take any prisoners. A badass, she is from the part of town where you don’t want to park your car, or walk the streets alone unaccompanied by the Dark Night. She’s definitely a glass half empty kind of girl. Known to run with a certain crowd, she isn’t a girl you want on your bad side. A lot of heart, and a hatred for all things fab, she is often at odds with the rich and shameless, and doesn’t believe for a second they’ve earned what they got. Her own connections to the supernatural put her on Avery’s radar from time to time, and if he plays his cards right, she could be a great ally, or an even greater foe.

Colton Haynes as Kyle Lincoln "Link" Daniels
Link is part of Aurora High’s royal court. He is the Darth Vader to Avery’s Luke Skywalker, and doesn’t like that Avery is taking over for Alex one bit. Your typical jock to the untrained eye, he’s moody, angry, and thinks he can get away with anything just because he’s the sheriff’s son. His new goal is to make Avery’s life miserable and he’ll stop at nothing to make it happen.

Ashley Benson as Jude Monroe
Jude Monroe. Popular. Queen Bee. All synonyms for the word “bitch”, but Jude has no qualms with the various nicknames she is called around the halls of Aurora High. Daughter of Lance Monroe, the town’s Mayor and leader of the coven of witches that inhabit the bustling hamlet, she often abuses her power for her own personal gain and rarely apologizes for it. When Avery comes to town, she doesn’t take a liking to his kind too much, and makes it a point to keep Avery on his toes.


James Marsden and Keri Russell as Carter & Beth Strong
Carter and Beth Strong are Avery’s parents. Carter, a passionate and fun-loving individual, has been a paranormal investigator all his life. Beth, nurturing and headstrong, came into this life when she met Carter and ditched her old life and became a professor of Paranormal Studies at Hastings University much to her family’s dismay. Having a difficult time since Alex’s death, they are happy that Avery has decided to stay, even if they know he isn’t a believer, they hope to one day reunite their family as a whole…or as whole as they possibly can.


SEASON 1

1x01: pilot guyrjames.webs.com/1x01%20Script.pdf
Avery deals with finding his place in a town where he is immediately deemed an outcast. Picking up on the case that his brother was in the middle of, Avery is faced with questioning everything he has ever known.

1x02: eyes wide open
In search for the truth, Avery takes on one of his dad’s cases. New information regarding Alex comes to light and a mysterious laptop may hold the key to what happened to Avery’s brother.

1x03: bad moon rising
In an attempt to save Tessa from an attack, Avery is bitten by a werewolf. In transition, Avery must deal with heightened senses, new feelings, and tracking down the rogue werewolf and kill it before his transition is complete.

1x04: the chupacabra way
A creature from Emily’s past comes back to haunt her and it’s up to Avery to help her cope. Chandler makes a breakthrough in hacking his way into Alex’s computer files and what is found could be the answers Avery has been waiting for.

1x05: adventures in séancing
With the knowledge that Alex was cheating on Emily, Avery wonders if this is what caused Alex’s death. Emily and Avery have their first date. Jude is enlisted to try to communicate with Alex on the other side with disastrous results.

[Aimee Nicole]

I'm sorry, Guy, but I'm going to have to lock your pitch for now. The requirement before you are able to pitch a series is that you must reach 15 posts. If you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you take a look at our Pitching Requirements, and read over MJ's detailed Pitching Guide. Also, taking a look at our Accepted Pitches might help you out as well.

Once you've done that and met the 15 post requirement, the network admins will unlock your pitch and you can pursue it further. Thank you!

[Brady Brown]

Guy, since you've reached 15 posts, your pitch has now been unlocked. Thank you for your cooperation, and good luck!

[guyrjames]

Awesome. Thanks. Hope everyone enjoys. It's kind of been my baby for the last few years. Really looking forward to some feedback whenever people have a chance.

[Jamison]

I think you may have something here. Pretty solid idea, with some interesting looking characters thrown in the mix. Plus, an amazing title.

This kind of reminds me a cool cross between Supernatural and Veronica Mars, which is just brilliant. I think it could work well. I hope to get to reading the script very soon.

[Deleted]

I'm looking forward to reading this. I remember reading it at MZPtv, I believe, and I remember enjoying it. I'm not sure what has changed, if anything, but I am going to reread it tomorrow and let you know what I think.

[guyrjames]

Awesome. I can't wait to hear your opinion.

[Deleted]

Avery Strange 1.01 - Pilot | Review

I have to say I enjoyed the teaser. I liked the dialogue exchange between Alex and Avery a lot. I also liked how you tried to fool the reader with what was actually going on. I almost think you could stretch it just a little bit further. At one point you have Alex disappear then reappear. I think this scene would of taken me by surprise had you of never had him disappear and then reappear. That was a dead giveaway as to what was happening. Instead keep him there until the last image of him dangling. I think that would make the reader go "What the hell?". But overall the dialogue was great.

Act I was overall good. I don't wanna call it slow, because that doesn't express what I mean. But it built. I like the chemistry between all of the characters introduced so far. You introduce them in a way that flows with the story, which is great.

I really liked the scene with Avery and his mom after he's brought home by the Sheriff. It was emotional, and I really felt it. Tessa Salazar is amazing. I love her attitude. I'm still a little confused as to what Eleanor does for a living. We know it's something to do with revealing supernatural, or natural things. Is she a reporter, or someone who debunks supernatural occurrence? I think that's one thing that needs to be made a little more clearer.

Okay, just finished the episode and just like I had suspected I loved it. It had mystery, emotion and some great comic relief when needed. I would suggest going over the script again for SPAG errors, especially in the second half of the script. And other than the things I talked about in this review I think this show has what it takes to go all the way. 8.5/10

[guyrjames]

Wow. That's a great review. Thanks so much for taking the time to read the pilot. I agree with you about the teaser completely. It would make it a bit more creepier to keep the audience in the dark just a bit longer. As for Act 1, there is a lot of exposition, but in Draft 2, I'm working on introducing the 'coma case' earlier in Act 1 to make it more important to the overall story and hopefully break up the exposition and help the information flow better.

I'm glad you like the chemistry between the characters as it is something I really tried to strive for. And it's so funny that you love Tessa because I thought she was going to be the hardest character to write for, but as soon as I started, she became the easiest. She's so fun and care free.

Eleanor is a paranormal investigator, and aside from the synopsis, you wouldn't know that, so also, in Draft 2, I'm working a few scenes on exactly what Eleanor does. Again, thanks so much for reading. It really means a lot.

[guyrjames]

Still workin' on Draft 2, which is made harder by the new job, but hope to get a few more opinions on the pilot before finishing. Cheers all.

[Jamison]

Okay, finally finished the pilot, and here are my thoughts:

I love this shows overall vibe. It seems like there's a mixture of a few distinct genres thrown into this series like Teen Drama, Supernatural, and Crime/Mystery. I really like that because it keeps things interesting. A lot of shows try to mix a handful of genres into one show, and for the most part, it works; but there are a few times when it doesn't. I'm happy to say that, in my opinion, the style in which you have chosen to tell this story works extremely well!

That being said, onto the plot. Very solid. Avery's twin brother "commits suicide," although it may not be that simple, and he is lead to sort of taking on his life as a paranormal investigator. I like it. It's simple, yet compelling, a lot like the pilot. I liked how quickly the story went. This was a very focused script. The storyline had a clear beginning, middle and end, and I felt like you really knew where you were going and where you wanted to end up when I was reading.

I think the characters helped with how easy it was to read this script. The dynamic between characters like Avery and his mother, Avery and Felicity, and even the relationship that we've been introduced to by flashbacks and visions, between Avery and Alex. You've already set up so many relationships and they all have their own quirks and tones. That's another thing I really liked about the pilot.

Still on characters, I have to say that my favorite character is Avery. I don't usually get attached to the lead characters right away; not only in VS but on TV as well, so kudos for creating such a strong lead, and right off the bat. I also really like Tessa. She's got spunk; I love that in a girl haha!

On the technical side of things, there may have been a few SPAG issues here and there, but nothing too major. Your descriptions were very simple, but in a good way. The dialogue felt natural like I could hear a person say some of the things that were said, and it made sense. I loved the voice-over element of the script, which is something I thought I wouldn't have at first. I think it can get cliche at times, but you handled it pretty well here. I would definitely love for it to stay consistent in terms of being used in future episodes.

I was a bit confused in parts of the script where we see that Avery's last name is Strong, yet people are calling him "Strange." I thought it may have been a mistake, but I realize now that it's just his (or to be more accurate, Alex's nickname, which sort of passed onto him) at least that's what I got from it. I'm not sure if anyone else will get confused by that, or if I'm just slow, but it might be a good idea to make it more clear in the script. Like, maybe someone calls him "Strange," and have Avery question it for a beat, before accepting it -- just to make sure it doesn't throw the readers off. Sometimes a quick little confirmation is all they need.

Overall, I really enjoyed this pilot. Good focus, pacing, and characterization. Witty dialogue and how well you've succeeded in creating the ''storyworld'' really brought the quality of the script up for me.

[guyrjames]

Thanks for everyone who read the pilot. The helpful criticisms and word of encouragement really helped me. This project is still very much alive, though based on some feedback is getting retooled. Updated the OP with a new banner, which I'm pretty proud of, and hoping to have the new pitch and pilot up in the next few weeks. Thanks again.

[Jamison]

Love the new graphic! Really enjoyed the original pilot, and still see potential in this series, so I'm looking forward to seeing your revised pitch and pilot.