THE FALLEN (Supernatural Sci/Fi Drama) Revamped with Pilot!

[Matthew James]

PREMISE

After his mother is murdered in front of him, troubled sixteen year old Matt McAllister (Steven R.McQueen) is forced to move in with his estranged father George (Julian McMahon) and sister Shannon (Lucy Hale), but when a second attack by someone close to Shannon occurs the siblings begin to uncover a secret kept from them by their mother and discover that they are Nephilims, being born from the blood of god, created to stop the devil from rising. Together with their friends Justin (Darren Chris) and Emily (Holland Roden), the teens try thier best to keep light and hope one step ahead of darkness, should they fall, the rest of the world will turn to ash.

STARRING
STEVEN R. MCQUEEN
LUCY HALE
HOLLAND RODEN
DARREN CRISS
AND JULIAN MCMAHON

REGULAR CAST

Matt McAllister (Portrayed by Steven R.McQueen) a troubled teen with trust issues has been kicked out of most of the schools he's attended and is forced to move in with his father after his mother is killed in front of him, Matt's trust issues are put to the test and he slowly learns the importance of family and friends as darkness weighs down on his small town. Matt quickly discovers strange abilities and begins his search for answers. 

Shannon McAllister (Portrayed by Lucy Hale) The younger sibling of of two, Shannon is selfless, sensitive and compassionate to those around her nearly the opposite of Matt in every way, her mother's death sends her simple life into chaos, as she begins having dark prophetic nightmares, she along with the others begin to search for answers. 

Justin Reese (Portrayed by Darren Criss) a sarcastic, witty and loyal close friends of Shannon's, he harbors deeper feelings for her but is too afraid to reveal them, for fear of rejection. He quickly accepts the bizarre things happening in his town and throws himself into to the front line hoping to impress Shannon. 

Emily Ashford (Portrayed by Holland Roden) a shallow, popular girl at Northwood High, who's mouth is as big as her heart, despite her flaws, she has been Shannon's best friend since grade school, she is extremely loyal to those in her life and she quickly is pulled into the dark world the McAllister's find themselves in. She dislikes Justin deeming him unpopular and believes Shannon shouldn't be friends with him, while she does become smitten with Matt. 

George McAllister (Portrayed by Julian McMahon), a lawyer, regretful father, and a former alcoholic who has simply replaced alcohol with work, George has grown into a protective and supportive father and see's Matt's return as a second chance at being a good father, a task he thinks will be easy. He loves both his children deeply, and is also a father figure to Shannon's friends, Justin and Emily. 

RECURRING CAST

- Detective Cassandra Reese (Portrayed by Emma Caulfied) a detective for the Northwood Police Department and mother of Justin.
- Grace Thomas (Portrayed by Allison Scagliotti) a rebellious, and defiant teenager who is suddenly thrusted the power's of electricity around the same time the McAllister's receive their gift. She arrives in own after the death of her father and is revealed to be connected to what is happening around the McAllister's. First Appearance: Episode Two
- Kyle Lassiter (Portrayed by Robbie Amell) Shannon's high school boyfriend, he is kind, sensitive and an all around good guy. However he attacks Shannon soon after they receive their powers. 
- Janet McAllister (Portrayed by Julie Bowen) The mother of Matt and Shannon, she is murdered early on in the Pilot after an arguement with Matt. Though she does not appear much in present day, her story will be explained through flashbacks. 
- Quinn Ashford (Portrayed by Joanne Kelly) Emily's aunt and legal guardian, she is also the owner of the town's dinner, Quinn's. She is very protective of Emily and often gives the boys around her a difficult time. First Appearance: Episode Three  
- Amara (Portrayed by Alona Tal) A self proclaimed daughter of Lucifer with intentions on resurrecting him and starting the second coming.  First Appearance: Pilot. 
- Angela "Angie"Sharpe (Portrayed by Amanda Tapping) is George's partner at his law firm and possible love interest for the single father. First Appearence: Episode Three

EPISODE GUIDE

1.01 | So It Begins | Link

Several deaths related to a small town family lead two estranged siblings to discover they are beings known as Nephilims and that they posses supernatural powers and are the believed saviors of the world.



1.02 | Destiny In the Details (renamed)

A girl with mysterious uncontrollable abilities arrives in Nortwood, leading Shannon (Hale) and Emily (Roden) to investigate when the two believe the timing is no coincidence, meanwhile Matt (McQueen) and Justin (Criss) decide to hit the internet to get answer's after Shannon is plagued prophetic dreams. And Cassandra Reese and her partner narrow in on the Woman in Red. 

1.03 | All About A Girl


VPN OFFICIAL DESCRIPTION: Emily (Roden) is kidnapped by a fellow classmate claiming to have become an Angel, while Amara help’s Grace gain control over her abilities and Matt (McQueen), Shannon (Hale) and Justin (Criss) scramble to find their missing friend.  

1.04 | Past and Present

VPN OFFICIAL DESCRIPTION: With Emily (Roden) now in Amara’s grasp, and Matt (McQueen) a prime suspect in her kidnapping, Shannon (Hale) and Justin (Criss), are forced to confront their own issues, and end up working alongside unlikely allies. Meanwhile George meets Amy Grant the editor of the Northwood Gazette when he looks into his late wife’s past.


1.05 | The Apocalypse Isn't Near It’s Here


VPN OFFICIAL DESCRIPTION: THE APOCALYPSE LOOMS |The McAllister’s and their allies gather to stop Amara from completing her ritual, and as news about Kyle’s coming role devastates Shannon (Hale), Matt (McQueen) learns the truth behind his mother’s murder. Holland Roden and Darren Criss also star.



1.06 | Aftermath
1.07 | TBA
1.08 | TBA
1.09 | TBA 
1.10 | What Happen's In Egypt 

NOTES:

This is a drastically altered new version of Destiny Falls, it takes place at high school rather than college and will revolve around Angel mythology rather than alternate universe's. and have a building story instead of a freak of the week. Angel's will be the primary focus but other creatures will come into play.

[Jamison]

I do like the sound of this. I've been intrigued by 'Nephilim' lore since watching the miniseries "Fallen," so something about that automatically sparks my interest. I look forward to seeing how this goes. Good luck, Matt

[Matthew James]

Thanks Chris! Well as you know, I've always wanted to do a "Supernatural Sci/Fi" type series, I wanted to do something that hasn't been done, or at least used a lot. Off the bat Vampires were out, lol. Zombies are being done, as are a werewolves, when I started working on this VPN even had it's own werewolf show.

VPN all ready has it's own superhero shows, with Watchtower, Trinity, and I think the Super Teens lol. I've read a lot of it and I know they were genetically altered sort of like the Fantastic Four but I'm still not sure if Brady Brown, would classify them as "Superheroes". I wanted to give the VPN something it didn't have.

I'm with you in that I've been interested in them since I saw the trailer, I never got to watch the mini series, and that is what inspired the title. But it will have little resemblance to the T.V movie, all though Bryan Cranston as Lucifer, hmm that could be awesome

I think it could be interesting in exploring what it would be like for a boy to come into this power and a girl at the same time.

I've also come to the conclusion that a major recurring theme in the whole series will be "History Repeating". I have a few plans all ready set into place, which we will see right from the pilot and not know it until later on in the series.

Plus I've mistakingly been up all night working on the Pilot, it's now 9:00 am and the pilot is near completion

[Matthew James]

Pilot episode completed! Just click the title of the first episode to read it! Keep in mind this is just the first draft, it's very likely there will be some changes made.

[Matthew James]

Character guide changed, Anna Kendrick, now joins the cast as Leah Matticks, while Jessica Stroup and her character Emily are set to return at some point, Ben McKenzie now joins as Gabriel and is promoted to series regular, while Hayden Pannettiere joins as a recurring cast member, and new description's for the second and third episodes.

[Jamison]

Okay, so I read the pilot the other day, and read it again just now to get it fresher in my mind. I'll start by saying your concept, while touched on many times before, is intriguing. I do think it could use some kind of unique spin on the "chosen one" concept - just because we've seen it before. But I liked it for the most part.

There was some good stuff in the script, but it's definitely a first draft. Improvement with dialogue and characterization can definitely be made with edits. For me personally, I think a few scenes can actually be added to the script. Maybe something to do with the detectives. Some kind of scene to bridge the gap between the one they had at the beginning in the woods, and the one at the school in the end.

And like I said, some of the dialogue and characterization could be fixed. Like when Shannon tells Justin she's not interested. From what we've seen of Shannon's character, leading up to that moment, it seemed a little out of character. She chose a very blunt way of telling him that, and I think she would probably have gotten the job done in a softer manner. Justin would still have the same reaction he had, but that bit was just strange for me. But what do I now, these are your character. Just something that stuck out for me.

I've noticed reading the pilot that you do the college drama/comedy thing pretty well. It's the supernatural aspects that could use some work. Right now a lot of it feels a little generic and "on the nose." Although I love that you're using Angels for this series, in the script... you could probably replace the word "Nephilim" with "Witch" or "Mutant" and not much would change. I think if you added some more backstory, or just find some other way to make "The Fallen" stand out from similar shows, it would help a lot with giving it more originality.

Character wise, I think the lot of them have potential. When I said characterization could be improved, I was talking more about the characters personalities and how they are presented through their actions and especially dialogue. At the moment, the characters are there but few of them are singing. It might that your characters are a little bit too generic. I don't like using that word, so I'll say "common" instead. Take Matt for example. He's very much your average hero guy. He's a clean cut, nice guy, a little bit shy, very likable with a good sense of humor, but can be serious when the time comes. When he's burdened with new gifts, he's shocked but manages to keep it all inside and remain, for the most part, calm. It's very much the 'norm,' and I think this show could improve just by breaking out of some of those more common character tropes.

Maybe make him a bit of an antihero (which has become quite popular too), or simply give him a different personality trait and shape his dialogue from that. The same can be said for most of the characters. In short, give them more personality and make their personalities more noticeable through their action and dialogue. It should improve the character dynamics, and overall, it just makes the plot more interesting to read when the characters driving the plot forward are more interesting to read.

Overall, I think it was solid pilot with a lot of room for improvement. I'll read and review any second drafts you come up with. I'm hoping some of the things I wrote are clear enough for you to think about and put into a second draft. If not, I'd be willing to work with you on the show more closely as you go into making changes, if you'd like.

[Matthew James]

So I see what your saying, whenever someone says the word "anti-hero" I think "dick" lol. Like Sawyer or Daryl Dixon, I feel like if we decide to go with that route I possibly want to recast Steven, as I can't see him as that type of character. I was thinking Daniel Sharman, maybe Chris Zylka, or even Colton Haynes... I love the idea because it feels very God and Lucifer in my opinion, with the possibility Matt could always fall towards that darkness, and his constant struggle to do the right thing.

You mentioned giving the "Nephilim" story more, and more back story, I realized that same thing too. My plan was too expand on that more in the second episode. In the first draft it's used more or less as an excuse to give our characters "super powers" and isn't really touched on again.

You also brought up giving our Sheriff's department more, my plan for the second draft would be to minimize the role of the sheriff, and give Deputy Holliday her first big case.

I would also love the help maybe we can talk on Skype when you get the chance, because I'm not sure about a few things, like how to change the role of Shannon and Justin, or completely sure what you meant with "these are your characters".

[Matthew James]

The series is under going a lot of changes and a new pilot is in the works, will be taking the students out of college and putting them in a High School setting. The series will start with our siblings coming together again after being separated nearly a decade. The two will at first not like or understand or even know each other very well, but a death will unite them and trigger a deadly curse and a destiny that links to the Apocalypse. A new cast is also in the works. Which includes Steven R.McQueen, Holland Roden, Ashley Benson, Beau Mirkoff, and Julian McMahon.

[Matthew James]

Updated the episode guide, and the "starring". For now just ignore everything else, lol. I'm slowly updating the new pitch.

[Jamison]

I'm glad you're still working on this show, Matt. It's got bags of potential!

[Matthew James]

Thanks Chris, the pilot is done, I just want to spend a little time making sure it all looks good. Changing just a few ideas around.

[Matthew James]

The Pilot has been finished and sent off to Chris Davis. Hopefully will get his thoughts soon.

[Matthew James]

Second draft of a Pilot and a new pitch!

[Matthew James]

So, originally as you'll notice I kind of wrote the pilot with Ashley Benson in mind for the role of Shannon, consider the pilot an unaired version, like they did with Lori Rom/Alyssa Milano for Charmed, or Riff Regan/Alyson Hannigan for Buffy

Other than that, as mentioned earlier the series has undergone many changes, lot's of the character's have been written out, new ones have been introduced, the series now takes place in a small town, and in high school rather than college.

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: Fallen 1.01 - "Homecoming"

Just finished reading the pilot and thought I'd leave some thoughts! Your concept is definitely interesting. I've never personally read/seen anything to do with angels, so I was very curious to see your take on this. But right now, it could use a lot of room for improvement.

The dialogue is very on the nose, and your characters read all the same except for Emily, who was probably my favorite from the pilot. They seem to say everything that is happening exactly when it's happening, and it comes off as dull and wooden. I would definitely recommend going back and rereading several of the character's lines and seeing if they sound like something someone would actually say.

Also, the some of the plot points didn't necessarily make sense. The way George took the kids away from the questioning officer didn't really make sense to me. They weren't being held - it's standard procedure to question the people who actually witnessed the crime, and if I'm not mistake it doesn't necessarily matter if they're a minor unless they're under arrest. Also, the way Matt made the connections between the figure on the road and Jon's death didn't seem believable. I saw no real evidence that connected to two except for both being freak accidents.

Characterization was also off, especially when Shannon confronts Matt about seeing Jon in her dreams. She cracked a smile? She just seemed too normal considering she witnessed her boyfriend die right in front of her. That's traumatic even if you didn't know the victim. Also, the siblings believed that they could talk to dead people way too easily. Cassandra bought Shannon's sob story too quickly and didn't make sense since they were in a secured area, and with this:

CASSANDRA
Oh by the way it looks like someone
stole your boyfriends body

And Shannon nods and smiles? And Cassandra didn't find that odd? Sure, Shannon was "just playing it off" but still. That's not something you hear everyday. The script is not very believable, even if it is a supernatural show.

Pacing was also an issue. Once Shannon told Matt she believed him, everything from there moved way too fast. Scenes could definitely have been expanded upon, like how they gained access to the morgue so quickly. That could have been very interesting to read, and funny if you used Emily as the distraction for them gaining entrance. Also, how Cassandra knew of the examiner's death? That scene could have been added and helped the flow of the script.

There also an excessive use of "bro," "dude," "bud," and "kiddo" for my liking.

The whole climatic scene with Jon at the house doesn't sit well with me either. Matt easily just shot and killed someone he thought was alive, Justin just automatically assumes he's going to help Shannon and Matt discover what they are, and it ended very cliche with "it's only the beginning" and Jon immediately dying as he was about to reveal what they are. Just not a fan of that whole thing.

I know it seems like there were a lot of negatives, but again, I think the whole angel concept is really interesting and I really liked Emily, just wish there was more of her. But I definitely suggest reading back over this and fix things so that they make sense. I would also get a beta reader who has the time to go over this with you pick out the small things I've mentioned. Best of luck with this!

[Matthew James]

Thanks Brady for the review, It means a lot  
I see what you mean about the dialogue, I went back over it and patched it up. All though the be honest, I only found the word "bro" and "dude" in the first act at the party. It doesn't really show up anywhere else. I removed a lot of George's kiddo's and buds, keeping just a few.

I toke your advice and added in more Emily, adding a lot more spice to the the lines I gave her. So hopefully more people fall for her flare and charm. Not to mention the second episode, involves Emily a lot more and puts her in the damsel in distress role. Giving Justin the chance to step up and be the hero.

I also removed a lot of the unnecessary "smiles" and "smirks" or in certain moments, added the word "sad smile" at least which is probably what I meant.

When it comes to the rising action scene, I see what you mean, when it came to Matt easily shooting Jon, I went back and made it feel more like Jon forced him to pull the trigger, and adding more regret and hesitation to Matt's choice.

Justin however I'm not sure about, you said it was odd how Justin reacted to what had happened, the way I saw it, he was a lonely kid who needed something, someone to latch on too. That's why he decided to help Matt, and as he mentions he feel's a sense of dept to Matt for his role in what happened at the party and at the house. I removed Jon's last line.

[Brady Brown]

Nov 24, 2013 20:13:13 GMT -6 Matthew James said:

Thanks Brady for the review, It means a lot  
I see what you mean about the dialogue, I went back over it and patched it up. All though the be honest, I only found the word "bro" and "dude" in the first act at the party. It doesn't really show up anywhere else. I removed a lot of George's kiddo's and buds, keeping just a few.

My bad then. Guess it was just in my mind when I was referring to "kiddo" and "bud".

Justin however I'm not sure about, you said it was odd how Justin reacted to what had happened, the way I saw it, he was a lonely kid who needed something, someone to latch on too. That's why he decided to help Matt, and as he mentions he feel's a sense of dept to Matt for his role in what happened at the party and at the house. I removed Jon's last line.

Not necessarily a problem with him wanting to do it, but with how it was all played out - Matt and Shannon just accept that he's, basically, forcing himself into their little circle. Just wasn't a fan, personally.

[Matthew James]

I guess I saw it more as giving him a chance to earn a spot in the group, but I see what you mean, however it could make for comical relief point

NEW RECURRING CHARACTERS ADDED!