Cursed - The Series

[stevieg]

They are monsters.... created by the past.... to protect humanity.

THE PREMISE:

Every Government have their secret organizations. Most are there to enforce control over it's people, but there is one that is there to enforce control over those that aren't exactly.... human. It is called the 'Dreamland Institute', ran by Bela Harker - a beautiful, yet deadly woman who has a killer instinct and a record of suvival unlike any other - having lived for more than a century, being a Vampire - but not just any Vampire, a unique kind unlike anything ever seen before.

Working alongside her are a special team of individuals who combine dangerous inner demons that have found them on this path - from Anka, a young woman who possesses the power to self heal and made of something from the world she left behind. Christine Daee - a French woman who was a former acrobat for a circus, who has tried to bury the past crimes she committed. J.J. Griffiths - a darkened young soul who has the ability to find himself fading from view upon call, and a warped mind of his obsession towards women. Dr Franklyn N. Stein, a genius in the field of several Doctorates who is dedicated to understanding the mind as well as the body of those creatures they come across.

When a young, pretty girl named Emily Johnson comes onto their radar - several of the team find themselves conflicted between helping her or using her to discover something much more darker, dangerous that is lurking out there and intent on using her to get what it wants. A deadly game in which personal feelings and trust can be shattered in an instant - and the past that each hides is never too far behind.

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THE CAST:


Bela Harker is a mystery to some, a danger to others. She is the leader of the Project known as the 'Dreamland Institute', based in the Nevada Desert (Area 51). Her own past, which is shrouded in darkness, murder and redemption makes her the perfect candidate to be in charge. Having sought out several others in the same way as herself - seeking atonement for their sins, she leads them into battle against other creatures, demons and supernatural entities which bring chaos against humanity in the world. She can be considered cold, deadly at times - but has a warmer side to her that is occasionally seen by few.

Born in 1898 to the couple Jonathan and Mina Harker, her future was written before she was born after Mina was attacked and possessed by the most dangerous Demon known to mankind - Count Dracula, raised by the Devil himself. Bela found herself with a thirst for blood, leading her down a dark and lonely road, bringing pain and sacrifice to her own family and death to those she met on her travels. Now she is seeking redemption in a hope that one day her own parents would forgive her for the crimes against them... while trying her best to keep dormant the darkness that still lingers within her very soul and wanting to break free at any given moment.


Emily is an twenty year old girl, who finds herself dragged into the world by Bela and the team when she learns that she is much more than a pretty face, but a deadly inner beast that is unleashed every full moon. Caught between her caring nature and the search for the truth - she finds herself trying to find her way in dealing with the savaged animal she has become and finding a new family in those around her of the team.

Also starring:


Simon Harker, is a distant relation to Bela. He is a young, intelligent man who has an affection towards Emily after keeping eye on her from the very start of her journey. He often finds himself on the bitter end of J.J.'s comments - but is able to hold his own in a fight, but his human side of him is difficult to protect as much as Bela tries her hardest to keep him out of harms way.


John James Griffiths, aka J.J., is a dark, moody and disturbing character from Newcastle, England. His whole demeanor stinks of trouble. He has been arrested more times than he can count, and a history of issues with women in general. A young man with few friends, and a love of a good fight - if it's in his favour, and a willingness to wind others up for his own amusement. His curse borders him between just a disturbed individual, and a full blown Sociopath.


Christine Daee, a French born young woman hides pain, heartache and secrets of her past she ran away from. A former acrobat working in the circus in Paris many years ago, she is agile, fast and able to use her abilities in her role she finds herself in. Not more than a year ago, she was the saviour of Paris as a masked vigilante that protected the innocent known only as ... 'The Phantom'.


Anka has the appearance of youth - although she is older than even Bela herself, but also has the hidden quality of age and wisdom. She occasionally helps out at museums, thanks to her incredible knowldge of ancient Egypt which seems unmatched by anyone in the world. She will put herself where the danger lies, in order to protect those close to her at risk of her own harm. It is yet to be known how, or if she can be seriously hurt without her own body regenerating itself to heal her from within.

Also co-starring:


Doctor Franklyn N. Stein, or Doc as he is commonly referred to by other members has the appearance of a geek, and lives up to that reputation with an intelligence and genius in various fields of science. His passion and dedication for knowledge, especially in the fields of science, psychology and other medical research surpasses even those older than himself.


Emelia, is a young woman and companion of Frederick's. She never seems to speak, wether she can or can't is unknown. She is young, pretty and seems to have a fascination with water and succumbs to the world below the surface of beautiful creatures that stem back to prehistoric times.

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EPISODE GUIDE:


Episode 1.01: Howl! (Pilot Episode) -- 80 Pages -- 198kb
Click banner above to read online / download!

When Emily Johnson, a young girl living in the outskirts of Alaska with her Aunt discovers that she is more than just a pretty face - but a real life Lycanthrope, she finds herself beginning a journey into the world of the strange and working for a specialist Project known as the 'Dreamland Institute'.

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Coming Soon:


1.02 - Nightmares: - 49 Pages - 150kb

While Emily recouperates from the vicious showdown seen last, she awakens to learn the truth about Bela Harker - her unusual condition, and more importantly Bela's parents. Meanwhile, a strange little Nightmare Demon is captured by Christine and Anka, who discover he has his own little secrets and past with Bela as he tells them a tale of when he met her.


1.03 - Elements: - 61 Pages - 172kb

After a teenager is brutally murdered inside a classroom of a High School, Bela sends the group to try and uncover what, or who is behind the deaths as more teenagers soon begin to fall victim to the killer. Meanwhile, Bela sits down with Emily and informs her the truth about where Emily's condition originated from - and Bela's own ties to Emily's family more than half a century ago.


1.04 - Insanity: - ?? Pages - ??kb

When J.J. Griffiths is found leaning over the body of a young woman, strangled to death with a scarf in London - the members of the team are conflicted over wether to help free him or leave to suffer his fate. As Bela travels to London, she finds herself recalling the day she found J.J. and his terrible past which is tied to his present predicament.


1.05 - Burn, Baby, Burn: - ?? Pages - ??kb

When a teenage boy with a gift of Pyrokenesis murders a burglar who threatens the life of him and his father - they seek Bela's help in protecting him from the law. Meanwhile, Christine Daee finds it all too close to home as she recalls to the Doc of her past life growing up in the circus alongside her parents, and the man she murdered which set off her curse.


1.06 - Cabin In The Woods: (Mid-Season Finale) - ?? Pages - ??kb

When Bela takes the team on a retreat to a special Cabin in the woods, in order to bond more as a team - she recalls her past while an old enemy returns by leading a group of mercenaries to kill every member of the team who are defenceless. Meanwhile, the face behind all the threats and issues are revealed and sets off a disturbing plan that could destroy everything Bela has worked for.

SEASON ONE: PART II:

1.07: Ashes To Ashes! -- When an accidental car crash results in a new bride dying, her husband finds himself signing an agreement with a strange man who appears at his doorstep - offering to return her to him - only not the same as when she left.
1.08: Deap Steal Diving! -- When the bodies of two fisherman are discovered missing, off the coast of a small fishing resort - the team are despatched to figure out what could be responsible. As they begin to unravel the truth about the waters surrounding the town, they find themselves facing off against an underwater creature that dates back millions of years.
1.09: Medusa! -- When bodies of men start turning up across the country, the team investigate and uncover a woman travelling from town to town in search of something. As they track her down, they soon discover her deadly pheremones cause not only any man she meets to fall in love with her, but are also causing them to turn to stone.
1x10: All Good Things ... -- As Bela starts suffering nightmares of seeing the dead she has killed over the years, she finds herself being forced to lock herself away to protect those around her. But soon, one member of the team finds themselves captured as Bela discovers the truth about who is behind it all!
1x11: ... Must Come To An End! -- Bela, now knowing she has been manipulated by her dreams sets off in searching to free her colleague - only to find something far worse behind the curtain, and a deadly secret which could tear her own soul apart and the death of someone within the team.
1x12: It's 'Not Such' A Wonderful Life? -- In the aftermath of what happened last time, Bela finds herself with an ultimatum that could change everything she ever knew.

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OTHER NOTES:

This is a show that has been around for a number of years, and still keeps coming back to haunt me. Over past few months, I've been tinkering with it a little and gone back to my original concept. I've currently got 3 episodes wrote, although may need a beta reader to make sure all reads fine while I look at working on future episodes.

I've been gone for a few months, personal reasons - so I'd be currently working on this while also working on another show pitched elsewhere.

[Brady Brown]

I've always found this to be a very interesting idea. I have a special love for classic gothic literature, as well as some of the classic Universal films, and seeing a spin on some of those creatures really intrigues me. I don't necessarily remember if the "Dreamland Institute" was a part of the original concept, but I like it. I'll defintiely try to give the pilot a read sooner rather than later!

Just a little thing: you call her "Emily Johnson" in the descriptions but "Emily Talbot" in her cast image.

[Jamison]

First off, welcome back Stevie! It's nice to see you popping back in on the forums.

Onto the pitch - I love it! I was intrigued by your original pitch, and I'm even more intrigued now. I decided to look over both pitches and compare, and you were able to add a lot of information and even do some more world building here. You've got a great set of characters - I'm really looking forward to seeing your take on these classic characters and stories. I'll be reading the pilot soon, but I just wanted to let you know I really believe in this show. It's got loads of potential and I can't wait to see what you do with it.

[stevieg]

Nov 1, 2014 13:34:02 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

I've always found this to be a very interesting idea. I have a special love for classic gothic literature, as well as some of the classic Universal films, and seeing a spin on some of those creatures really intrigues me. I don't necessarily remember if the "Dreamland Institute" was a part of the original concept, but I like it. I'll defintiely try to give the pilot a read sooner rather than later!

Just a little thing: you call her "Emily Johnson" in the descriptions but "Emily Talbot" in her cast image.

Thanks Brady I've always loved the classic Universal Monster Legacy films, as well as the british Hammer Films and that's what always inspired me with the idea behind this a few years back now and just developed various directions over the years.

But behind it is the basic principle of:
"Descendants of the Creatures unite to protect Humanity from other Creatures considered a danger to the world!"

The Dreamland Institute isn't part of the original concept - but I felt the group always needed a base where they worked from, and this seemed perfect. In real life it is better known as 'Area 51' a secret base the Government owns which is where 'alleged' aliens are kept and technology - I just felt this would be a perfect setting/base for the group with the question of "What if it isn't Aliens kept there, but dangerous Creatures and Supernatural entities captured?" It's a possibility for a episode down the line of how did it become to be known as this, who founded it etc - as there are hints over the first 3 episodes that Bela didn't create it, but just runs it as of late.

She starts of as being known as 'Emily Johnson' as that's who she believes she is, but in the final scene of Episode 2 - we discover she is actually a descendant of Talbot's legacy, and in Episode 3, Bela tells Emily about the period in which she met her Uncle - Lawrence Talbot (aka: Original Wolfman).

I hope you enjoy it when you read. It's gone through various stages and drafts over the past few years and in different directions of settings, but always returns back to this storyline.

Thanks Chris, hope you enjoy it to. I've got 3 episodes wrote so far and ideas for the others in the first season.

[Brady Brown]

Just wanted to let you know, I'll be checking out your pilot within the next few days, Stevie!

[stevieg]

Thanks Brady

Also, judt editied the original post and added a (rough) episode guide to season 1, which would be split into two halves. Episodes may change, but is an idea of what's to come.

[The Doctor]

So....im excited that you pitched this here
You know how much I have been looking forward to this!!!
Chris needs to pick this up!!!

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: "Howl"

Alright, sorry for the delayed review. But I have now read the entire script! I did enjoy it, but with that being said, I do believe some aspects could be improved.

First, the dialogue and characterization. A lot of it is very on-the-nose and wooden. Most of the time, a character would explain exactly what was going and it disrupted the flow of the script. Speaking of which, Emily says some very non-American things, for example "Phone me!". Basically, I would just start saying dialogue out loud to see if it sounds normal, and not try and make the characters explain what is happening all of the time. Also, some characters sound very similar. I had a hard time distinguishing Bela, Christine, and Anka from one another. And, at times, Emily and Simon as well. The character who stood out the most was JJ, as he a very distinct voice.

Also, Christine, Anka, and JJ's powers. I think an explanation regarding those would be very helpful, at least in my opinion.

Another thing that I feel, personally, could you use work is the description. I didn't mind it so much in the beginning, but a lot of it is unnecessary, in my opinion, especially at the party scene. It's basically the same critique as with the dialogue, really.

On the plus side, I really enjoyed your wolf transformation. I really liked the description of that, and I liked how real and raw you made it feel. That was probably my favorite scene throughout the entire script. Also, the fight scene at the end was really cool to read. But the entire script ended really abruptly.

Okay, so my basic advice is to go in and fix the dialogue, characterizations, and description. Make each character sound unique and differentiated from the rest of the cast, because so far, only JJ really sticks out. Also, make sure to show and not tell with their dialogue, because that was the biggest problem I ran into. All in all, I'm excited to see what you do with this!

[Jamison]

Alright, so I gave the pilot a read and for the most part, I thought it was a pretty good start.

It didn't feel 80 pages long - I got through it pretty quickly and it was very easy to read, so a big thumbs up there. The script flowed well and the pacing was spot on for me. The plot of the episode was pretty straight forward and it kept me interested throughout. Even though Bela seems to be our main character, the pilot really focused in on Emily and her transition, which worked nicely, but I would have liked to see more from Bela, if she's being marketed as the lead. Or perhaps you were going for a more 'ensemble' feel. If so, forget what I just said.

The main problem I had with the script was the dialogue. It was a bit too on the nose and static, for me. There were more than a few instances where I think some lines could have been shortened or altered just a tad to make it read more naturally. For example;

LOUISE (O.S.)

(via phone)

I might be home pretty late so don't 

wait up for me. There's some 

leftovers in the fridge if you wanna 

reheat them in the microwave.

Might have been shortened to --

LOUISE (O.S.)
(via phone)
I might be home pretty late so don't
wait up. There's some leftovers
in the fridge.

I was noticing things like that all through the script, so that may be something to think about.

Another thing I think could be improved on is making sure each character comes across distinctively in the way they speak. Aside from J.J. and in some moments, Bela and Christine, your characters sound too much alike. If you took away the names, I wouldn't be able to tell who was saying what half the time. So, I'd say try bringing out more personality in each of your characters and giving them more distinct characterization. J.J. is the only one who really stood out as a proper, fleshed out character.

Anyway, that was the only thing I think could be improved upon. I loved figuring out who these characters were meant to be from these legends and myths. I'm going to guess that Anka is some incarnation of "Ankhesenamun" which may be completely off base or obvious, but it's what I'm going with. After reading the pilot, I can definitely say that I want to read more. I think you've got a really cool show here, with loads of potential and room for growth.

I apologize for this incoherent review, I might add more to it somewhere down the line. But overall, good job Stevie! I think I can really get into something like this.

[stevieg]

First off, thanks to both Brady and Chris for the reviews and helpful feedback. Also thanks Doctor Karl for your support, this is a show that's been lurking around for so long and still as passionate about to get up and running.

Regards the issues with the script - which I fully understand and accept. I'll admit, personally I do believe dialogue and distinguishing characters are my biggest flaws, especially when it came to this show. As stated, I think J.J. is the only one I've truly captured out of the group and so easy as he's borderline sociopath so his mind is dirty and disturbing, like virtually everything that comes out of his mouth.

I'm trying to find the voices of the others, albeit struggling a little:

Simon - comes across as caring about Emily, almost protective of her. Has issues with J.J. (who doesn't?), brave yet he's always getting into trouble and being human he can be harmed easily.
Emily - still finding her way in the world, and now more so than ever before with the loss she's received. Uncertain of the others, yet will grow to trust them over time with her life.
Bela - a mix between a cold, ruthless person when needs to be and a caring 'mother-like' quality who cares for the team, and believes in this mission she's taken on. So much baggage of her past life it's difficult to define what side of the line she is walking on at times.
Christine - I see her as still struggling a little with the English language, so may have her throw the odd 'French word' in the mix as she struggles to find the English equivalant. Also, she never shows much flesh (like the other girls) and good reason for it as we'll find out.
Anka - a truly difficult one to capture, as she's so old and yet new to the world at the same time. (Chris, she was more a link to 'The Mummy' original films, but I will say I do like what you came up with and might incorperate that into the mix of the Mummy backstory, thanks)
Doc - a guy who is to the point, direct who isn't a 'team' player as such. He only cares about 2 things in his life, a young woman who stays with him and to enhance his mind with more knowledge than anyone else, especially of creatures. He often doesn't get some humor or likes being spoken down to like he's beneath people.

I think the non-American dialogue by Emily may be an issue that could be checked along the way by an editor, as being British I'm probably more used to british sayings than American, although do watch a lot of American shows lol.

The opening Pilot episode was really used as a focus to bring Emily into the team (Bela is the real star), so the focus throughout is more on Emily and her story than anything - which is probably why we don't see a lot in what the others can do. We will get to see more of them, and what can do over the season as several episodes delve into the backstory of the characters. I have tried to reveal small snippets in the pilot of what some curses are.

I think the Wolf transformation was one of my favourties also, as I wanted to try and show the anguish and excrutiating pain that Emily goes through when she changes. As we see this sweet, innocent small girl that basically becomes a large beast and felt that it has to be torturous everytime to go through that.

I'm currently going through the Pilot episode again, trying to clean it up - remove excess descriptions, added a small flashback of Emily's mother when she talks about her to Simon in diner, cut down a bit of dialogue where isn't needed etc.