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Post by Brian Melanson on Dec 18, 2014 13:46:50 GMT -6
Hayley Parker never intended for her High School life to involve talking in front of a camera, but after one accidental click, her entire life changed. After one million views, and an increase in Twitter followers, Hayley’s Diary has become an Internet Sensation. With the aid of her friends Danny (Dylan O’Brien), the film buff with a knack for setting up a shot, Fiona (Rebel Wilson), an exchange student from Australia who keeps Hayley in check, and Tatum (Alfie Enoch), the jock who loves comics and men, she tries to keep her second year at Serenity High, normal. But with complications from the Barbie Dolls, Teachers, trying to bring Drama Club back to the top, and get to Senior, she finds it even harder to survive high school. From the creator of ‘The Path not Taken’ comes a story about trying to make it in the world, while trying to make it in High School. Anna Kendrick is Hayley Parker and this is 101 Ways to Survive High School. StarringAnna Kendrick as Hayley Parker (the YouTube Girl)After her Video Diary went viral, Hayley wasted her summer hiding away from all types of social media and all of her friends. But on her first day back at school, hoping everyone would just forget it, it becomes her worst nightmare. She tries to get through it but with her constant feeling of not knowing where she belongs, could it ruin the rest of her High School Career. Or will a new opportunity give her a chance to redeem herself?Tyler Posey as Danny Ford (the Best Friend)Since day one, Hayley and Danny have been best friends. He’s supported her through everything and was there in her time of need. But he has one slight problem, he’s not the smartest cookie in the bunch. He tries to get through it but his need to be sarcastic and make his friends laugh sometimes gets him in trouble.
Rebel Wilson as Fiona Westley (the Aussie) After transferring from the great continent on Australia, Fiona has been trying to adapt to her new life at Serenity High and making sense of the weird ways of American Customs. Her mysterious past causes confusion but her loyalty to her friends makes her strong and always ready to stand up for herself and those she cares about. Alfie Enoch as Tatum Lyons (the Geeky Jock)Newest linebacker on the Serenity High SeaHawks and newly out of the closet, Tatum is trying to make it through High School like everyone else. He gets straight A’s and enjoys all the latest comic books. But the one problem is, conmintement issues. He’s always looking for the next hookup, but when he meets a nice boy in Drama Club, could that all change?
Emma Watson as Katerina Cove (the Queen Bee)If you thought Regina George was bad, you don’t know Katerina Cove. Katerina practically runs Serenity High. Attached at her hips are her two clones Nellie and Izzy, and her perfect boyfriend, Will. But when the Drama Club starts up, she feels her popularity being threatened by her old friend, now rival Hayley. At what lengths will Katerina go to stay on top?Grant Gustin as Will Hamilton (the Jock Star)One Half of the Hamilton Twins, Will has everything he’s ever wanted. Perfect Girlfriend, Jock Star, and popularity. But the one thing he feels he doesn’t have is a purpose. As he tries to stay good with his grades, he starts to notice that his perfect life, may not be so perfect and that he needs to find his place. But how? Liz Gillies as Riley Hamilton (the Drama Star)Unlike her brother, Riley is not popular. While she might be talented at the arts and trying to pursue her dreams, her overbearing Mother puts her dreams down. But when the Serenity High Drama Club starts up, Riley takes a chance to finally reach her goals, become a star, and prove her mother wrong. with Chris Pratt as Charlie Clarke (the Hot Teacher)Once the Star Quarterback at Serenity, Charlie has returned to be the Bio teacher. He still struggles everyday, trying to relieve the glory days of High School. And after a failed marriage, he feels he can never find love again. But when he meets Maureen, all of that could change. and Mamrie Hart as Maureen Lynwood (the Drama Teacher) Maureen has never been taken seriously by her fellow teachers and has been treated as just another sub. And after the failed Drama Class, she believes that she’ll never get to bring Drama back to Serenity High. But when she takes a chance, she finds that it will be hard to bring the Drama Club back to the top. Hopefully, with her sparkling personality and goals to win, she will finally get her chance to shine again. Supporting CastViola Davis as Rose Johnson (the Principal)Grace Helbig as Carrie Jenkins (the English Teacher)Hannah Hart as Vicki Moore (the Art Teacher)Grey Damon as Vincent Rock (the Player) Arden Cho as Nellie Yang (the Queen Bee Clone)Diane Guerrero as Izzy Cortez (the Dumb One) Burnie Burns as Fred Allen (the History Teacher) Zoella as Christy Sparks (the Peppy Brit) Conner Franta as Cal Quincy (the Tech Hand) Justine Ezarik as Jennifer Parker (the Sister)Sarah Hyland as Misty Cobb (the Know It All) Kelly Clarkson as Veronica Wellington (the Preston Director)Chester See as Darren Millstone (the New Teacher)Collen Ballinger as Sophia Hallaway (the Choir Director) Lilly Singh as Liv Underwood (the Transfer)Holland Roden as Ivy Lynwood (the New Student) Elizabeth Mitchell as Cady Parker (the Cool Mom)Colin Ferguson as Aaron Parker (the Sheriff)Glozell Green as Ophelia Banks (the Guidance Consular) Episodes1.01: It’s Not The End of the World, It’s High School [X]THE SERIES PREMIERE OF #101W2SHS -- Hayley Parker (Anna Kendrick) is a Sophomore at Serenity High. For a School project she has to reenact the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet and upload it online. But it’s when she makes an accidental click, she uploads her video diary, trashing her high school, and a lot of the people in it. After her viral video dies down. She tries to keep her Sophomore Year of High School normal, but no one lets her forget that she made a viral video. With the support of her friends, Fiona (Rebel Wilson) , Danny (Dylan O’Brien) and Tatum (Alfie Enoch), she tries to keep a sense of normalcy in her School life. 1.02: Make Sure to Find Your Place [X]ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE IN SERENITY -- Maureen is trying to recruit new members for the newly founded Drama Club after it has been disbanded for ten years. As lovers of Drama join, and some join for something to do, Hayley struggles with her choice. Meanwhile, when all the teachers accidentally assign a test on the same day, the Students of Serenity High scramble to not lose their minds. 1.03: Never Underestimate Regina George HOLY S@%T -- It’s the day of the Fall Festival and the Drama Kids are “volunteering” to help with planning. But after a freak out from Katerina over her boyfriend, Will, and his somewhat flirtations with Hayley, The Fall Festival is without its planner. Hayley steps forward to help, but Katerina, in a jealous rage tries to make the Festival fail without question. Meanwhile, Riley and Hayley make an unexpected connection. 1.04: Don’t Bring you Study Date Home Just as the Drama Club gets together for their first meeting, Maureen gets word from the Drama Guild that for the first time since she was in High School, they will be able to compete in the Annual Drama Festival. Maureen decides to have the students perform the infamous play “Into the Woods”. Meanwhile Will tries to get his grades up with the help of Hayley and meeting her family. 1.05: Sometimes You Gotta Rewrite the Story When the students finally start rehearsals for the play, bumps are hit in the road when a new face joins the Drama club. Riley and Hayley have to convince more students to help out with the tech side of things. Maureen and Charlie discuss what’s next for them as Carrie is surprised by an old High School flame that puts Vicki in an unexpected Situation. While trying to recruit more Drama Club Members, Riley tries to convince Hayley to Audition for a role. 1.06: We’re All In this Together. Not Really. As rehearsals continue for the Drama Fest show, after a PTA meeting, the Drama Club can no longer do “Into the Woods” for the dark themes. So as a substitute, the students get together and try to write their own show over the weekend. Hayley and Fiona try to think of cool ideas as everyone pitches idea. Meanwhile Katerina throws a party and invites everyone in the school. Hayley and Will make a confession to each other, Tatum and Cal try dating, and Maureen and Charlie come up with a plan that can save the Drama Club. 1.07: You Screwed Up, Now Fix It. After the Drama kids finally come up with a play to do, Hayley and her friends have to deal the repercussions of their actions from Katerina’s Party. Hayley and Will avoid each other, Tatum and Cal try to keep their affections a secret and Maureen tries to get Charlie alone. Meanwhile, Riley takes over Drama Club for the day and tries to finish the play, while bossing Danny around to do her dirty work. 1.08: Don’t Be Scared to Try New Things The Drama club hosts a fundraiser at the school and sets up a Haunted House throughout the entire school. Principal Johnson tells Maureen that she must recruit more members for the Drama Club or she’ll lose her funding. In a desperate attempt, Riley and Danny talk about their relationship what it means for their future, Fiona tries to use her “Australian Charm” to lure more men into the Drama Club. And Riley brings a personal touch to the Haunted House. 1.09: Keep Your Enemies Closer When rival Drama Director, Veronica Wellington from Preston High Academy for the Arts comes to mock her old Drama Rival Maureen, it causes a blow out between the schools and starts a not so friendly competition between SHS and PHAftA. Riley and Hayley team up to figure out a way to get back PHftA, and Fiona tries to get Intel on Will and his big secret. 1.10: Test the WatersITS TIME TO TEST THE PLAY – When the Students believe they are ready to perform “Faithfully” for their parents. But it doesn’t go over well when an unscripted moment between Hayley and Will, causes an uproar. When Maureen tries to pave over the worries of the parents, Riley confronts her overprotective, suburban Mother, Winifred Hamilton to put a stop to the parent’s protests. 1.11: Parents Don’t Always Understand After the PTA has its annual meeting, it has been decided that the Play the students wrote is not appropriate for teenagers to perform. Fed up with the decision, Riley goes after her parents who run the PTA and try to get the change the revoked. Another consequence of the PTA’s ruling, the Drama Club can no longer use the Auditorium to rehearse and must use the Cafeteria. 1.12: When In Doubt, Let it Go (SEASON FINALE + Christmas Special)When the Drama cuts could possibly cause the students to not even perform at Drama Fest. The students begins to plan a Holiday show to prove to the Parents, Teachers, and Students, that the Drama club is important. Meanwhile a mistletoe breaks the ice for what could be the new Drama club power couple. Riley pleads with her parents. Fiona tries to help Tatum get Cal back. And a surprising event at the end of the night will change everything and the face of the Drama Club, forever. NOTES: Basically this series is going to be a Comedy which will mainly be a better version of Glee meets Parks and Rec. The show will be a Mockumentary with Interviews and Voice overs during the episodes to get into the heads of the characters. I think this will be a great way to get to know the characters.
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Post by Jack Malone on Dec 18, 2014 21:03:41 GMT -6
Dude, you know how much I love this pitch and I love this series. I think it's definitely something new and different for theVPN and can also tackle a lot of relatable elements I think everyone has gone through but in a fresh and exciting way. The title alone is just awesome, and you've sent me a lot of teasers from the pilot and so I'm looking forward to reading the finished pilot and really hope for a 2015 pickup for sure! I think the cast is very spread out too, and its nice to see you so passionate about a new project.
Good luck, man!
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Post by Jack Malone on Dec 18, 2014 23:55:30 GMT -6
Didn't even see the pilot attached oh my god I need to read it now!
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Post by Brady Brown on Dec 21, 2014 20:50:51 GMT -6
I think this is a really interesting concept, Brian! It reminds me a lot of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, which... I don't know if you know what that is, but it's like this only in middle school and with a composition book instead of Youtube videos haha. But anyway, I think can become something really great; however, I feel like the pilot had a lot of things it could be improved upon. First, the plot. There didn't seem to be one. It was really just a lot of introductions for these characters, some of whom I feel like could have been introduced in the next episode, specifically Charlie. He didn't serve any real purpose than to introduce an entirely different storyline that had nothing to do with the episode. Anyway, I didn't get a sense of a plot until Maureen was trying to convince Rose to let her have a drama club but that was the last scene of the entire episode. Speaking of which, Rose gave into Maureen's suggestions really easily. I don't know, it just didn't seem believable to me. Also, the explanation at the beginning of the episode could have been expanded upon because I'm still a little confused about all of it, especially since one of the "ways" weren't given by the episode's conclusion. The humor is another department I feel like this didn't really deliver on. This is a comedy, but all of the jokes felt very over the top. Comedy is a very tricky thing to write, because it doesn't translate to paper like it does to screen. I don't know how to give advice or critiques regarding being funny, because I don't find myself funny at all and believe I have worlds to improve, but I guess... don't try and be funny. Do what comes natural. Humor will, hopefully, follow. Also, there were a lot of SPAG errors. I try not to focus on things like that, because they don't have anything to do with the actual story or episode, but they really took away from the script. Regarding casting, it's really hard to picture Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, and Diana Guerrero all as high school sophomores. I get the casting of older actors/actresses, but it's just really hard to realistically imagine it. Like I said, I really enjoy this concept, and feel as though it could tell so many interesting stories. But right now, the execution was lacking on this. I realize it's a first draft, but it could really be improved. Good luck with this, Brian! And I'll definitely read a second draft
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Post by Brian Melanson on Dec 21, 2014 21:29:15 GMT -6
I think this is a really interesting concept, Brian! It reminds me a lot of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, which... I don't know if you know what that is, but it's like this only in middle school and with a composition book instead of Youtube videos haha. But anyway, I think can become something really great; however, I feel like the pilot had a lot of things it could be improved upon. First, the plot. There didn't seem to be one. It was really just a lot of introductions for these characters, some of whom I feel like could have been introduced in the next episode, specifically Charlie. He didn't serve any real purpose than to introduce an entirely different storyline that had nothing to do with the episode. Anyway, I didn't get a sense of a plot until Maureen was trying to convince Rose to let her have a drama club but that was the last scene of the entire episode. Speaking of which, Rose gave into Maureen's suggestions really easily. I don't know, it just didn't seem believable to me. Also, the explanation at the beginning of the episode could have been expanded upon because I'm still a little confused about all of it, especially since one of the "ways" weren't given by the episode's conclusion. The humor is another department I feel like this didn't really deliver on. This is a comedy, but all of the jokes felt very over the top. Comedy is a very tricky thing to write, because it doesn't translate to paper like it does to screen. I don't know how to give advice or critiques regarding being funny, because I don't find myself funny at all and believe I have worlds to improve, but I guess... don't try and be funny. Do what comes natural. Humor will, hopefully, follow. Also, there were a lot of SPAG errors. I try not to focus on things like that, because they don't have anything to do with the actual story or episode, but they really took away from the script. Regarding casting, it's really hard to picture Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, and Diana Guerrero all as high school sophomores. I get the casting of older actors/actresses, but it's just really hard to realistically imagine it. Like I said, I really enjoy this concept, and feel as though it could tell so many interesting stories. But right now, the execution was lacking on this. I realize it's a first draft, but it could really be improved. Good luck with this, Brian! And I'll definitely read a second draft I do get what you're saying Brady, I did feel writing it that it didn't make sense. I will stick with the cast I have just cause I like them. And the jokes as well but plot wise I am making changes. Also Jack edited the episode heavily so it's much better now and will post the better version. But I did like hearing from you. Also I do have to make edits to this pitch cause a lot has changed lol but thanks Brady I'm happy you like the concept. Hopefully I can convince you on the pilot once I add a few more scenes. And the pilot plot is a bit confusing so I do have to make some more edits to make the plot clear but the plot is HAYLEY trying to find her way after the aftermath of the video and Maureen begins with the Drama club after HAYLEY mentions that she need to find a place, which will be more apparent one I make more edits tonight. So thanks again.
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Post by Brian Melanson on Dec 22, 2014 21:28:02 GMT -6
EDITS (12/22/14): Second Draft of Pilot added after edits, episode lineup changes.
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 2, 2015 21:09:54 GMT -6
UPDATES: Episode Guide Updated / Cast List Updated / New Draft of Pilot Added
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Post by Brady Brown on May 3, 2015 21:06:07 GMT -6
Will definitely try and give the new pilot a read within the next few days, Brian!
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 4, 2015 6:45:38 GMT -6
Will definitely try and give the new pilot a read within the next few days, Brian! thanks Brady! The pilot is still along the same lines, but with the help of Jack, I went back and edited it around so that it could show the story of Hayley feeling lost, and then the second episode, which is kinda Part 2, wraps it up. So yeah a bit better than last time, and it maybe polished up more in the future. But Thanks for giving a new read man
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 16, 2015 13:09:44 GMT -6
UPDATE: Episode Two AKA Part Two of the Pilot is up to kinda help get to know the characters a bit better and hopefully help get to know how the show works. So yeah!
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 16, 2015 22:50:01 GMT -6
Update 5/17: New Extended version of the Pilot has been uploaded. Give it a read and let me know what you all think.
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 18, 2015 15:35:34 GMT -6
Another update: Episode Guide updated. Coming soon will be characters bios besides just the titles they're given for the series. The Pilot and Episode 2 are up and hopefully give a sense of what the series will be and where it's headed. Hope y'all enjoy!
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 18, 2015 22:02:40 GMT -6
Y'all are probably tired of this but UPDATE: More Graphics Added, Character Bios added. Enjoy!
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Post by Brady Brown on May 21, 2015 21:23:29 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.01 "It’s Not The End of the World, It’s High School"This was definitely a lot stronger than the first draft of the pilot. The story flowed a lot nicer, and I really got a better grasp of the characters and their motivations for why they do certain things - specifically Riley, Will, and Hayley. The comedy was also a lot tighter in this episode. There were still some moments that I felt were rather over the top; however, I think that can work to your advantage if you do it correctly and smart. This reads very much like a satire of high school, and that was when the pilot worked the best - when it felt like these characters truly would say these out of nowhere lines because they're teenagers and that's what they do. The interview scenes were a real highlight for the episode, and were probably my favorite part. It helps you get into the mindset of the characters, which there were a lot of. A lot of introductions came out of nowhere, but it wasn't really that distracting, just a lot to keep up with. In regards to characters, the real standout was Maureen, who provided a nice speech to Hayley. It almost seemed like the two had been acquainted with each other for a lot longer than we actually got to see them. Each character had some really stand out lines, and you made it really easy to connect with Hayley when all she wants to do is be a regular high school sophomore and not be this internet celebrity. Speaking of which, do we end up actually seeing her viral video? It seemed strange that it wasn't included. My favorite scene was the introduction scene in the auditorium. It read so well and flowed nicely and added some genuine comedy. The main problem I had was that there wasn't a real direction of where this episode was heading; as in, there's not necessarily a plot. I think you said this was a two part pilot, which I have yet to read the second episode you've posted, but as an episode on it's own it just reads like a prequel to the series. If any of that makes sense. Again, this was a very solid pilot. The comedy was a lot more genuine this time around, and the characters were a lot more established. Good job!
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 21, 2015 21:39:38 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.01 "It’s Not The End of the World, It’s High School"This was definitely a lot stronger than the first draft of the pilot. The story flowed a lot nicer, and I really got a better grasp of the characters and their motivations for why they do certain things - specifically Riley, Will, and Hayley. The comedy was also a lot tighter in this episode. There were still some moments that I felt were rather over the top; however, I think that can work to your advantage if you do it correctly and smart. This reads very much like a satire of high school, and that was when the pilot worked the best - when it felt like these characters truly would say these out of nowhere lines because they're teenagers and that's what they do. The interview scenes were a real highlight for the episode, and were probably my favorite part. It helps you get into the mindset of the characters, which there were a lot of. A lot of introductions came out of nowhere, but it wasn't really that distracting, just a lot to keep up with. In regards to characters, the real standout was Maureen, who provided a nice speech to Hayley. It almost seemed like the two had been acquainted with each other for a lot longer than we actually got to see them. Each character had some really stand out lines, and you made it really easy to connect with Hayley when all she wants to do is be a regular high school sophomore and not be this internet celebrity. Speaking of which, do we end up actually seeing her viral video? It seemed strange that it wasn't included. My favorite scene was the introduction scene in the auditorium. It read so well and flowed nicely and added some genuine comedy. The main problem I had was that there wasn't a real direction of where this episode was heading; as in, there's not necessarily a plot. I think you said this was a two part pilot, which I have yet to read the second episode you've posted, but as an episode on it's own it just reads like a prequel to the series. If any of that makes sense. Again, this was a very solid pilot. The comedy was a lot more genuine this time around, and the characters were a lot more established. Good job! AH BRADY! Okay so I am so happy you liked the pilot this time around! I'm so happy that I went back in with Jack and made the edits that were needed. In regards to Hayley's video, I do have a plan for that, interesting enough, I don't want to make the whole show based on Hayley's video, but I do have a plan in mind for that, probably S2, or something along those lines. But anywho, you will see it, one day, just I want this to be able to establish the series and what the goals for it are, high school students trying to prove to everyone and themselves that they are more than just teenagers. And thank god you were loving the interview scenes of the episodes because that's going to play a HUGE role in the series. I thought this would be an easy way for the audience to get to know the characters while still getting to know their own private thoughts of the situations. When Jack first read the series, he fell in love with Maureen, and I am so happy you like her as well because I like to consider her the Drama Teacher I never had, but while also taking aspects from my old directors. I do understand the "over the top" moments in the episode, but I think that if, like you said, do it right, it will work out. One of the episodes is REALLY over the top, but thats before edits. Episode Two kind of continues the story of the Pilot with Maureen starting up the Drama Club, but while doing a kind of fun event in the school, that sends the students into haywire. And all of that leads Hayley to make the choice for the Drama Club. And after that, the show really hits a point where it's about these Drama Kids, its about their stories, and them trying to find their places. But thank you again for re-reading the pilot it means so much to me and just made my night!
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Post by Jamison on May 21, 2015 22:02:13 GMT -6
Just gave the pilot a read, and although there are a few things I'd like to touch on, it was really solid. I took a look at the original draft, and this is definitely an improvement. It's a more focused, put together script. Brady's thoughts summed up a lot of what I was going to say, so I'll just add a few bullet points below...
Pros:
- There is a very clear, high school vibe radiating from this pilot. You did a nice job establishing that setting and tone. - The interview scenes were great! Probably my favorite bits of the episode. The dialogue was just very strong (and funny) during those scenes. - The comedic timing here is pretty great. There are some moments where you don't know where the joke is going but it ultimately pays off later. I think you handle humor very well. - You've got a nice core group of characters that I would really love to get invested in. I got a Glee Season One (When the show was still semi-good) feeling while reading this. I really like Haley as a lead, and Fiona is pretty great. - This almost feels like a parody of high school and I like that, especially since Haley is a YouTuber. There's a nice, satirical element here that could probably be amped up even more. I would like to see Haley's channel playing an even bigger part into the main storyline. Maybe making this sort of her re-telling her high school journey, through a second lens would make the sometimes over-the-top, stereotypical elements make more sense, and actually mean something in relation to the overarching themes of the show. Maybe I'm overthinking this. haha!
Cons:
- There's no clear direction. I often found myself questioning what the plot was. It was introduced kind of late in the episode. I think if we were given a little more concrete backstory on Haley, her situation and the video she posted; Maybe even a little flashback or an excerpt of her making the video; it would help with the structure a bit. Instead of you just introducing all the characters for most of the script. But I don't know when you had planned on revealing what the video consisted of. Or what your reason for wanting to wait would be.
- This might not be a con, yet. But I don't want the characters to turn into their cliches. I hope in future episodes, we see these characters becoming more. Work on giving them layers, and making them interesting, complex, 3-dimensional people, instead of just the punchline of a joke. Like Fiona, as much as I love her, almost every other line she had reminded us that she's from Australia. After a time, it got a bit excessive. Like, "you're an Aussie, we get it! Now, what else you got?" You know? It's too early to be making those judgements now, but I'm just getting this in early to make sure you're thinking about that.
So, overall it was a pretty solid episode. I'll be reading episode two either tonight or tomorrow and should post my feedback soon after. Good job, Brian! I'm looking forward to where you take this series, and am hoping for the best!
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Post by Brian Melanson on May 21, 2015 22:16:16 GMT -6
Just gave the pilot a read, and although there are a few things I'd like to touch on, it was really solid. I took a look at the original draft, and this is definitely an improvement. It's a more focused, put together script. Brady's thoughts summed up a lot of what I was going to say, so I'll just add a few bullet points below... Pros:- There is a very clear, high school vibe radiating from this pilot. You did a nice job establishing that setting and tone. - The interview scenes were great! Probably my favorite bits of the episode. The dialogue was just very strong (and funny) during those scenes. - The comedic timing here is pretty great. There are some moments where you don't know where the joke is going but it ultimately pays off later. I think you handle humor very well. - You've got a nice core group of characters that I would really love to get invested in. I got a Glee Season One (When the show was still semi-good) feeling while reading this. I really like Haley as a lead, and Fiona is pretty great. - This almost feels like a parody of high school and I like that, especially since Haley is a YouTuber. There's a nice, satirical element here that could probably be amped up even more. I would like to see Haley's channel playing an even bigger part into the main storyline. Maybe making this sort of her re-telling her high school journey, through a second lens would make the sometimes over-the-top, stereotypical elements make more sense, and actually mean something in relation to the overarching themes of the show. Maybe I'm overthinking this. haha! Cons:
- There's no clear direction. I often found myself questioning what the plot was. It was introduced kind of late in the episode. I think if we were given a little more concrete backstory on Haley, her situation and the video she posted; Maybe even a little flashback or an excerpt of her making the video; it would help with the structure a bit. Instead of you just introducing all the characters for most of the script. But I don't know when you had planned on revealing what the video consisted of. Or what your reason for wanting to wait would be. - This might not be a con, yet. But I don't want the characters to turn into their cliches. I hope in future episodes, we see these characters becoming more. Work on giving them layers, and making them interesting, complex, 3-dimensional people, instead of just the punchline of a joke. Like Fiona, as much as I love her, almost every other line she had reminded us that she's from Australia. After a time, it got a bit excessive. Like, "you're an Aussie, we get it! Now, what else you got?" You know? It's too early to be making those judgements now, but I'm just getting this in early to make sure you're thinking about that. So, overall it was a pretty solid episode. I'll be reading episode two either tonight or tomorrow and should post my feedback soon after. Good job, Brian! I'm looking forward to where you take this series, and am hoping for the best! Oh my god two reviews in one night, I think I'm going crazy. But I do see your concerns. I do understand that there was no clear direction of where they were going and what was happening. But I was probably too nervous about having to introduce all these characters. But if this does get picked up, I may go back and rework things around. As for characters, they will each develop more, Hayley and Riley have so far gotten the most but Fiona is one of the many I have a plan for. I was planning on it for S2, but it could easily be worked into a future episode. And I want each character to come in with a cliche and then define that as the show develops. Like a lot of original plans I had for them have been tossed to the side because as I wrote it, I saw them as teenagers who were lost. So it's all coming together and they will all come together in the end. and for Hayley as a YouTuber, I have a plan for that, 100% and it may not be for a while that it pays off but I got a plan. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy episode two which is kinda a continuation of a pilot but also one of those random plots but it drives the characters. But thanks again I'll see you on Twitter or in Three weeks when you come back online.
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Post by Darrin McCann on May 22, 2015 20:26:51 GMT -6
REVIEW - 101 Ways to Survive High School – It's Not the End of the World. It's High School
I want to start off with saying how much the premise of the show interested me. Especially in this day and age where the masses are flocking to social media to post everything from how the weather ruined their camping trip to how AMAZEBALLS the burrito from down the street was. This all done in 140 characters or less. This rings no truer than those of the High School variety. Teenagers spend more time online exposing their every moves, every decision is a poll and privacy is a thing of the past. So, to have a series based on a teenager who doesn't want to flaunt her insecurities but accidentally does just has comedy written all over it. And I'm old. Old people love making fun of young people. It's chemical.
Please forgive the next paragraph or so. I'm reading and reviewing as I go, so it may be a little scatter-brains at times. So please bear with me.
Starting off I have to say I'm a little disappointed we never got to see/read about that viral video in the teaser. I would have love to know at least one of her 101 ways to survive high school. But all is forgiven once we meet Fiona. To me she is an extremely exaggerated version of how Americans picture Australians to be. Her spider bit was funny. I really liked the interview cuts during the scene. I could totally picture it. Reminds me of the movie Mean Girls, 'Regina George punched me in the face once. It was awesome'. Speaking of Mean Girls we're introduced to Katerina. I love her back story. 'It was a crowded hot tub'. Her interactions with Hayley were pretty good up until Katerina's response to Hayley asking how the yeast infection was. I feel like that was a great victory for Hayley and could have been left at that. Especially when Katerina's next dialogue felt like you were trying to force a joke but to me it just didn't quite get there. Can I have a Fiona meme please? I love her Australian slang phrases for sex. 'Dingo ate my baby' might be my favorite. One thing that stuck out like a sore thumb was two very similar scenes where nothing is really happening except for her peers calling her a celebrity. I guess the reason I bring this up is that I don't see the point. You had this scene once. We, the reader, now know that Hayley is a local celebrity so why repeat it? I could see it happen again if it related to the plot in some way, say some director wanted to shoot a commercial at Serenity High and so Danny could then announce that she's a local celebrity. It relates to the plot, which so far I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what the plot is. That's not to say what I have read hasn't been entertaining, because it has, it's just so far your whole Pilot is based on the reader getting to know your characters. Charlie and Mr. Parkwizers interactions are hilarious. Very Modern Family with the comedic timing. I kind of have a crush on Fiona. She's got that vulgarity to her I'm looking for in a best friend. 'Oh, what the f**k?!' had me literally laughing out loud. You definitely have an ear/eye/nose(?) for comedy.
Okay. Thoughts collected. I'm torn. I love the characters, I love your sense of humor, I just didn't love that the episode lacked direction. The plot of the Pilot really didn't begin until the third act when we get a Glee-inspired story of a drama club that will be no more if they can't get at least ten members. The comedy is there, the dialogue is decent, but that lack of plot and then when there is plot it's borderline Glee 2.0 is worrisome to me. If there was one thing I would change in the Pilot would be that third act but with knowing that you've already written a few episodes I know that is probably off the table.
Overall I enjoyed the characters and the comedic dialogue. The pilot itself was fun to read for what it was. I just hope that future episodes have plot from start to finish, make the readers feel like they've taken this journey with the characters. I look forward to see what is to come with this series.
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