Post by Brian Melanson on May 22, 2015 21:31:20 GMT -6
I want to start off with saying how much the premise of the show interested me. Especially in this day and age where the masses are flocking to social media to post everything from how the weather ruined their camping trip to how AMAZEBALLS the burrito from down the street was. This all done in 140 characters or less. This rings no truer than those of the High School variety. Teenagers spend more time online exposing their every moves, every decision is a poll and privacy is a thing of the past. So, to have a series based on a teenager who doesn't want to flaunt her insecurities but accidentally does just has comedy written all over it. And I'm old. Old people love making fun of young people. It's chemical.
Please forgive the next paragraph or so. I'm reading and reviewing as I go, so it may be a little scatter-brains at times. So please bear with me.
Starting off I have to say I'm a little disappointed we never got to see/read about that viral video in the teaser. I would have love to know at least one of her 101 ways to survive high school. But all is forgiven once we meet Fiona. To me she is an extremely exaggerated version of how Americans picture Australians to be. Her spider bit was funny. I really liked the interview cuts during the scene. I could totally picture it. Reminds me of the movie Mean Girls, 'Regina George punched me in the face once. It was awesome'. Speaking of Mean Girls we're introduced to Katerina. I love her back story. 'It was a crowded hot tub'. Her interactions with Hayley were pretty good up until Katerina's response to Hayley asking how the yeast infection was. I feel like that was a great victory for Hayley and could have been left at that. Especially when Katerina's next dialogue felt like you were trying to force a joke but to me it just didn't quite get there. Can I have a Fiona meme please? I love her Australian slang phrases for sex. 'Dingo ate my baby' might be my favorite. One thing that stuck out like a sore thumb was two very similar scenes where nothing is really happening except for her peers calling her a celebrity. I guess the reason I bring this up is that I don't see the point. You had this scene once. We, the reader, now know that Hayley is a local celebrity so why repeat it? I could see it happen again if it related to the plot in some way, say some director wanted to shoot a commercial at Serenity High and so Danny could then announce that she's a local celebrity. It relates to the plot, which so far I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what the plot is. That's not to say what I have read hasn't been entertaining, because it has, it's just so far your whole Pilot is based on the reader getting to know your characters. Charlie and Mr. Parkwizers interactions are hilarious. Very Modern Family with the comedic timing. I kind of have a crush on Fiona. She's got that vulgarity to her I'm looking for in a best friend. 'Oh, what the f**k?!' had me literally laughing out loud. You definitely have an ear/eye/nose(?) for comedy.
Okay. Thoughts collected. I'm torn. I love the characters, I love your sense of humor, I just didn't love that the episode lacked direction. The plot of the Pilot really didn't begin until the third act when we get a Glee-inspired story of a drama club that will be no more if they can't get at least ten members. The comedy is there, the dialogue is decent, but that lack of plot and then when there is plot it's borderline Glee 2.0 is worrisome to me. If there was one thing I would change in the Pilot would be that third act but with knowing that you've already written a few episodes I know that is probably off the table.
Overall I enjoyed the characters and the comedic dialogue. The pilot itself was fun to read for what it was. I just hope that future episodes have plot from start to finish, make the readers feel like they've taken this journey with the characters. I look forward to see what is to come with this series.
Hey Darrin, thanks for reading the pilot! It's nice to know that people are reading it.
In terms of plot, the whole thing is about Hayley find her place. The reason why I kept repeating the fact that her video went viral is because it annoys her until she finally cracks at the Drama Class. We won't see the video for a while. The video is not the main premise of the story. It's more along the lines of Hayley's backstory. And for the 101 Ways To Survive High School, The 101 tips will last for the entire series, the episode titles themselves are the titles of the tips, while the plot of episode is an experience for the characters. Now in each episode, it won't be reflected on. I don't want to stop the episode dead and have Hayley review each tip and what she learned, it wouldn't flow well. It all comes together and is kind of a long game to the series which I planned out from the start.
This series is about Hayley finding her place, and how I found my place, was the Drama Club and the experiences I had from it. But in no way will this show become Glee 2.0. Where Glee went wrong was that it relied on big names and songs. With "101" it's going to rely on the characters and what drives them. Drama Club for me seems like the perfect setting. Arts in Schools are always put down as a low-budget thing and thats going to drive the force to bring the characters to fight for what they love. This episode was, in reality, a way to let the audience meet the characters and show them what is to come. Which is a journey of a teenage girl who will fight to be normal and more than "the girl who made a viral video". Also this is technically a two parter that is 1x01 and 1x02. But easily, if picked up, I will go back and add a bit more direction to the episodes, now after writing more episodes and finally getting a groove.
I do love writing Fiona, she's seriously a great one to write, just being able to write her having no filter is great. I have plans for her in future episodes. The comedy is based a lot in satire. Because I don't want this to be any normal comedy. But while the show will have elements that Glee did, NO WAY am I making this Glee. That show was good for one season then went down the tubes. But I will admit, Glee did inspire a bit and will be a joke in the show, which is fun.
But thanks for reading and giving your input, hope what I said cleared up some confusion, but I thank you again Darrin!