The Inbetween (Sci-Fi/Supernatural/Thriller) Webisode series

[Matthew James]

Premise

The residents of the small town of Heaven’s Pass is left in shambles when 15 year old Ella Dodds, (Natalia Dyers) suddenly vanishes and friends and family are left to try and find a way to move on, until…

One year later 

Ella  stumbles out of the woods, without any recollection of the past year or what’s happened to her. Though she suddenly displays odd abilities, the power to create and manipulate electricity. She also experiences odd visions that may be connected to a murderer who has also resurfaced and was previously believed to be dead.

Now with strange powers she doesn't understand, Ella turns to her best friend Gabe (Khylin Rambo), and the two launch an investigation into where exactly Ella has been for the past year of her life. The two discover that something dark and other worldly lays at the bottom of the towns beloved, Lake hope.


Characters

ELLA DODDS (Portrayed by Natalia Dyer), isn’t the same girl she was a year ago, now back with bizarre otherworldly powers, and a connection to a long dead serial killer, Ella is thrust into the position of reluctant hero, and tries desperately to return to her once normal apple pie life, but that’s gone, and now she has a bigger calling. One that she nor or friends really understand, at least yet. 

GABE HOLLANDER (Portrayed by Khylin Rhambo), is Ella’s witty childhood friend, and one of the first to reconcile with her after her return, as a result the two friends share a deep trust in each other, and Gabe becomes obsessed with uncovering where Ella has been for the last year, his determination to help his friends leads him down a dark rabbit hole, one he may not be ever able to climb out of. 

MADISON “MADDIE” FREDRICK (Portrayed by Carlson Young), has probably been the most affected by her best friend’s disappearance and always believed that Ella simply ran away, and is faking not being able to remember what happened to her. Maddie has become mistrusting towards those who try to get close to her, and has exiled her old friends, in favor of popularity. Maddie only appears to be cold hearted, because beneath the broken exterior she fronts, lays the heart of a loyal and brave young woman. She currently dates Lance, Ella’s ex-boyfriend, and fears that Ella’s return will end her relationship. 

LANCE RYDELL (Portrayed by Jacob Artist), is a star Lacrosse player of the Heaven Pass Lions. He's charming, confident, and despite the cliché very intelligent, he was loved Ella since he first saw her in second grade, and life seemed planned out for the couple, until her “death”. He has since struggled to move on and eventually falls for Maddie. But Ella’s sudden return, throws him for a loop, and he’s left to pick between two great girls.



QUENTIN DODDS (Portrayed by Matt Davis), is a marine biologist, and the now single father of Ella, he wasn’t able to cope with her death, and toke a string of jobs on the ocean that have kept him from returning home, as a result, his wife left him. He drops everything when he gets the call that Ella is alive, he rushes home, and struggles to return to his old life.

Recurring Characters 

SHERIFF GEORGE WALSH (Portrayed by Joe Spano) is the town’s beloved Sheriff.

CALVIN ELLIOT (portrayed by Kerr Smith) is a serial killer who was believed to have been killed fifty years ago, and has returned to continue his murder spree once again, though this time with bizarre supernatural powers. 





ZOEY KEATING (Portrayed by Danielle Campbell) is Maddie’s new best friend, the two are inseparable.


ABBY DODDS (Portrayed by Emma Caulfield), is Ella’s distant mother, who lives in New York.

EPISODE GUIDE 

A year after she is presumed dead, Fifteen year old Ella Dodds stumbles back into the small town of Heaven's Pass, just as bizarre murders begin to pop up in the sleepy town. 

Link: 1x01 - One Year Later

1x02 -In The Water
Ella begins to experience odd dreams, as she comes to realization that she may be able to create electricity, but Gabe has noticed it as well, another murder leaves the Sheriff's department baffled, and Maddie fights with Lance over his feelings for Ella.

1x03 - Electrokinesis
Gabe (Rhambo) tries to help Ella (Dyers) control her powers, as a recent nightmare about Maddie (Young), causes concern for Ella, especially when Walsh (Guest Star Joe Spano) informs her that her last nightmare may be connected to a case, 

1x04 – Midnight 
Maddie (Young) stays late at school preparing for the spring dance, as Deputy Valentine (Guest Star: Alona Tal), has Ella (Dyers) detained as she fears her nightmare may come true and her old friend may be in danger. 

 1x05 – ... Into the Fire (Mid Season Finale) 
1x06 – Fifty Year Ago
1x07 – The Truth sucks
1x08 –I Knew You We’re Special
1x09 – The Beginning

[jadams]

This seems like an awesome pitch, with a very intriguing plot and some rather cool characters. I look forward to reading this.

[Matthew James]

Thanks jadams, hope you enjoy the pilot, which is done! Should be up in a few days time.. Maybe a week.

[Matthew James]

[Matthew James]

NOTES:


So a few notes the pilot:

- Steven Kreuger has replaced Jacob Artist as Lance, the character now being older than the others.

- Noah Bean has replaced Kerr Smith as Calvin

- There will be a second part to this episode.

- The second part will feature Maddie and Gabe more, with flashbacks featuring Maddie and Lance and the early stages of their relationship, and dealing with Ella's disappearance, and we will learn a bit more why Maddie now hates Ella so much.

- The second part will further explore Ella's abilities.

[Jack Malone]

"One Year Later" Review

There's definitely an intriguing and mysterious premise here that I'm interested in based on the pitch and some elements established in the pilot, but the pilot itself was quite lacking in it's attempt to sort of haphazardly throw all these characters at us at once rather than narrow in on something more specific. I don't think you necessarily need a part two, I think you just need to tighten and restructure this episode in order for it to truly do your premise and your story justice. 

One way that might enhance everything is to perhaps dedicate the majority, if not, half of this first episode to establishing Ella's romance with Lance, and her relationship with her father. Show us what she's going to be coming back to and how it's going to be something meaningful by letting us in on what those dynamics are like before the one year time jump. If you end the episode with Ella coming back a year later after this incident — and maybe even show us that literal spark that her powers can now accomplish — then you've done your job in setting up what the show will be in a way that best suits the format of a 10-20pg webisode. Then when Ella and Lance reunite, it carries this emotional weight to it that we can feel reading it. And when we see Quentin without his daughter and in this state in the present, we feel for him. All the other things like trying to establish how Quentin is now separated from his wife, how Lance is dating Maddie, etc, would work better if you had more time. They're all definitely very interesting dynamics to play around with but you have an entire season to do that and so I don't think it's important to have all of that crammed into the first episode. As a result, Ella, as a main character, just isn't getting the right amount of attention and introducing all the other characters in 20pgs doesn't really do justice for any of them. 

My advice would be to just find a way to bring Ella to the forefront and have us as the audience connect with her as best as you can. Also, I'd suggest going back over it to not only edit (as there are a lot of SPAG errors) but to see what aspects don't necessarily have to be involved in the pilot (eg. meeting Maddie in the second episode and learning Lance is with someone else in the present would offer more than the "you've destroyed my relationship" moment in this episode).

The pilot should be telling us what the show is and what we can expect going forward whilst trying to hook us into the story. You've captured that very well with the mystery, the introduction of Ella's powers, and the now-complicated love story between Ella and Lance. Even the introduction of Calvin at the end added a nice touch. Drowning everything else out to focus in on that better would definitely help a lot. 

Overall, it's hard to really comment on anything beyond that right now. It really does come down to structure, and I hope some of what I said can be taken on board as constructive criticism and we see a second draft come out of it. I'm eager to see what others feel about this first episode as this is just obviously what I got from it. And I wish you the best of luck with the project going forward! 

[Matthew James]

Thanks Jack, for the quick review! You've given me a lot to consider! I'm going wait to see what other people think as well, but when I go back and edit, I will be taking your suggestions into account, and sticking in the past a lot longer, and explore Ella's relationship with her father, Lance, and Maddie more! Again thanks Jack!

Side note, it wasn't until I read the names out lout that I realized I have two characters who when name's come together make Quentin Lance, So I"ll be changing Quentin's name in the next draft.

[jadams]

I'd give a really long detailed review, but I think Jack has said most of what I intend to.

The script, no doubt about it, has an awesome premise, and you can sort of feel the potential as the script goes on, but for me I feel that you never really hit quite what it could be. By this, I mean that I think almost every character beat had the potential to be quite good, but allot of it didn't really work.

I think, and you'll probably hate me for this, you should have a go at making this a full 45 minute episode. Fleshing out all of the characters before the incident will make everything after so much more powerful, and will allow you to create more realistic character reactions. I think the ideas for this episode were just too big for one episode webisode.

An example of a moment that I felt sort of came out of nowhere and felt a bit strange was when Maddie, despite Ella being back, says something along the lines of 'You stole my boyfriend!' I feel like I've met plenty of less than pleasant people, but I just don't think a character who can say that about another person can be at all likeable, and I don't think it was very realistic.

Don't give up with this series; the potential is there and the possible character beats are very cool, but you just need to keep working on making them effective and more hard hitting. This script, in my opinion, needs to follow Ella but give more of an insight into the mind-set of the other characters. Then we can understand why Maddie says what she does, and why all of these characters act like they do.

I look forward to the second draft!

P.S. I quite like the name Quentin. Seems to suit the character.

[Matthew James]

Thanks jadams I completely get what you're saying, and I appreciate the review. I am going to take your comments into consideration moving forward and explore the characters during Ella's time missing! I originally wanted to do a 45 minute series, but I guess this just wasn't the series to try it, which is okay. 45 minutes will like you said give me the chance to "flesh out all the characters" which I'm excited for.

PS Hmm.. right! If anything I'll chance Lance to Lucas. I wanted to go back to that 90's format of having characters name's that weren't so ordinary. So if you have any suggestions of names for Lance let me know!

[stevieg]

Read and much has already been said about the Pilot so far, with a little tightening in the structure this could be a good Pilot episode for the show - and maybe could stretch to 25-30 pages if done right I believe. I've sent you a PM with an idea to structure it more, not sure if interested - if not that's fine, just an idea.

Love the concept idea, and the mystery behind it all intrigues me. I'd stick with the Lance name, it has that 'Jock' type feel to the name of the character and suits him for me. Looking forward to reading more over time as I believe you had a good concept of a series here.

[guyrjames]

Just wanted to stop by and say that I read the pilot. I do agree with much of what has already been said. It's a great idea and concept. The mystery and everything feels like it has longevity and I want to read more of it, but I do feel that the pilot could do with some tightening up. Will try and give some more detailed feedback this weekend.

[Matthew James]

Hey everyone! Just wanted to give ya'll an update. The pilot is about 55% completed! Should be hopefully done by the weekend. I've tried to take all of your great ideas into consideration! Here's a snippet of a new scene from the pilot, I'd like to thank stevieg , for all of his help, ideas, and edits.