Megan, thanks. Would love to have your on board at some point in any capacity.
Update: Pretty much put everything on hold trying to figure out what the hale is wrong with my computer. So many applications screwing up, i dunno. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon and I can reinstall all of my applications.
I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, JACK MALONE! mY GIRLFRIEND IS BLACK AND WILL KICK YOUR BUTT! DELETE THOSE PICTURESW NOW! OH I'M GONNA BE SICK!
WOW!!! DUDE!! Okay that is it! WE are fine with you just telling us to do stuff like this but threatening someone that crosses a line!!! I am giving you a warning! I am done with all your crap! It's called fun try it sometime with your 'girlfriend'. Goodbye!
This pitch deserves more attention. It's actually a really cool idea. I would love to see how this turns out. Keep developing it (although I think you have no choice lol). And if you don't mind me asking, what's your major? Whatever it is, your professor sounds like a badass. What an awesome assignment. I wish you the best with this.
Just an update...Haven't abandoned this show or The Path. It's gonna take a day or two to get to it while I finish up my pilot. I have high hopes! Sounds like it will be much better than the 1st episode.
Coming off the two-part premier, I thought that this episode excellent. I'm not sure if I liked it more or less than the others, I just really enjoyed it.
I am really in love with Spider-Girl now. I find her so hilarious and refreshing, easily steals every scene she's in. From the first Kansas seen all the way to her singing at Petra, I couldn't stop laughing.
Another characterization I thoroughly enjoy is Karen Wagner. I was worried about how her German would be portrayed and I think you guys pulled it off very well. It's very much Kurt but as a woman. I love her shyness but there is also a sort of reserved strength in the character as well that I've always admired.
My least favorite character this episode was Jean Gray. I kept getting flashbacks of Crystal Conners from the movie Showgirls. There is something irritating about how she was with Kristen, messing with her glasses and basically hitting on her. I kept wanting her to back off. Clever, by the way, playing on the relationship of Cyclops and Jean Gray...also, nice nod to MJ and Peter Parker, I suspect that's who she was referring to in the last scene.
With that said, the episode ran on a little. I think that the last MJ scene could have been saved for the next episode. Also, the first Jean Gray scene could have been slimmed down as well.
One thing I noticed is the correlation of Jean Gray saying she's not a monster and Karen Wagner saying the same thing. It felt a little odd, the way Karen said it- with the stutter. All I could hear was the tiny violin, it read a little melodramatic for me. I envision her saying it softly, but not like that. This is just me being nitpicky tho.
Overall, I enjoyed it and can't wait for the next episode. 9.5/10
P.S. Is it just me or is everyone a lesbian? I love it, to be honest. Not many stories dip into lgbtq territory.
After seeing the improvements made with The Path I was a little let down with this episode. There were so many grammatical errors that I couldn't really get into the script.
It also felt a little slow for me. Like, the scene inthe training area on page 6 seemed more like filler than moving the plot. Even in tense situations, there were missed opportunities to really capture the moment. For example, when they are going over battle strategies, there's no sense of urgency or drama or excitement.
Ie pg. 32: Julie, May Lionel stand in the room looking at each other.
From there it's straight dialog. The scene could be really enhanced with descriptions of facial expressions, reactions, personal ticks like deep breaths, something to add that extra oomf to the situation. This applies to other scenes as well.
Story wise, I was expecting battles and whatnot but I understand that this is setting things up. Story is your strength and I trust that the next episode will have lots of action in it.
I really just had a hard time getting into things because of the errors so hopefully they'll be fixed. This show has potential and it just needs some finessing.
I wanted to bring this show back because it was a huge mistake ending it in the first place. I love it to death and I hope it can be welcomed back with open arms. The main changes I made were character tweaks and actually setting the show to an earlier time. There was also a lack of a point of view and I've finally found that. There's focus and now I know which direction the show is heading in.
If the show were to be picked up again, I would love to have some producers/beta readers to help check ideas and catch any mistakes I may have missed and possibly help write some scenes. Also, someone to make a few graphics would be awesome.
Genre: Drama/Comedy Rating: TV-MA Features: Strong language, strong sexual content, loads of humor Tag line: It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...
Jenna Carmichael has wanted to find her independence for a long time. That’s why she moved to New York. However, she is slowly learning that it’s the person that must change, not the environment.
Watchdogs follows Jenna and six others as they follow their journalism dreams in Manhattan, while trying to figure out what’s really important in life. Some will remind her that friendship is one of the greatest thrills of life and others will show her that sometimes, it’s a dog-eat-dog world.
This is a show about passion, lies, and doing whatever it takes to get what you want in the end.
Jenna is the co-host of The Beat. What she wants more than anything else is to be a strong, independent woman. For her, this will take some work. Coming from a stable background, she has always had a network of support, learning to rely on others rather than to figure things out on her own. Now, she’s trying to break free and experience what the world really has to offer. Her move to the Big City was just the beginning. The rest is up to her.
Gabby is Jenna’s best friend and the wardrobe stylist for The Beat. Ever honest and vulgar, she is also extremely supportive and protective. Unfortunately, she finds herself in the middle of Jenna's affairs which sometimes create a rift in their relationship. Cynical and somewhat self aware, what she desires most is to let go and stop trying to control everything and everyone around her.
James is the smart, well-connected friend of Gabby and Jenna. A prominent New Yorker all of his life, he knows the city and can spot ill-intentioned people quite easily. He is caring of people in general, seen through his involvement with many different charities. Struggling with his own issues, James has to decide whether he will be the man everyone wants him to be or the man that he really is.
Natasha loves power and influence. As an upper middle class woman, she maintains a certain refined image that clashes with Jenna's wildness. Wanting nothing more than to see Jenna fail, she is a firm believer in Darwinism and stepping on others to get to the top. Natasha is extremely private, only revealing certain information about herself. Her greatest desire is to make it onto network television and The Beat is just another stepping stone.
Chris is handsome, charming, and arrogant. He also knows people very well and uses this to his advantage. Often regarded as "the guy every man wants to be," Chris wants something more. Problem is, he loves everything about his current life. This conflict has left Chris confused about what he desires both professionally and personally. His main goal is to get back on track and find that drive once again. However, it’s easier said than done with so many distractions in the Big City.
David is the managing director for the Beat. He acts as a friend and confidante to Jenna. He is extremely supportive to those around him. Too much, some would say. David has trouble dividing time between his work and family, which is one of the many reasons why his marriage has failed. What David wants the most out of life is to be a great father while making the Beat the best show New York has to offer. However, this is unrealistic and he will have to learn which is more important eventually.
Mary “Bloody Mary” Frankfort is the no-hold-barred, ball-busting managing director of the Village. Always out for blood, she will do whatever it takes to keep her show number one. Coming from a lower middle class family, she works hard and never takes no for an answer. Always seen at work as the boss from hell, she is also a loving wife and mother of three. With that said, she is uncompromising and maintains a high quality work ethic.
Supporting Cast/Recurring Characters
Natalie Dormer as Casey Summers Casey is the co-host of the Village. She acts as the neutral party and eases tense or awkward situations. Even though she tries to stay out of things, she always finds herself in the middle of conflicts. This annoys her to no end.
Robert Pine as Edward Cox Edward is one of the network executives. Older and balding, the others seek to push him out of the company. He is in constant fear of losing his job. Edward has close ties with David Sullivan and often acts as a liaison to the other execs.
Holly Marie Combs as Lana Sullivan Lana is David’s manipulating and hellish ex-wife. She is very demanding and unrelenting. Her main desire is to punish her ex-husband for their failed marriage. Even so, she also wants him to see what an absent father he has been to their children and how damaging that is for them. Her ambivalent feelings towards him will cause her to make huge mistakes that will garner even greater consequences.
Tamara Taylor as Simone Harris Simone is the responsible and approachable producer for the Village. While Mary terrorizes her employees, Simone provides a safe-haven for them to ask questions and double check on tasks they are too afraid to approach Mary with. Although this is true, she will reprehend those who ask questions they should already know the answer to. She is very straightforward and like Mary, does not respond well to "incompetence and complacency" as she puts it. She is Mary's loyal friend, as they have worked together for many years.
Peter Jacobson as Fred Samson Fred is the snarky and highly annoying producer for the Beat. He often oversteps his boundaries and irritates both Jenna and Natasha to no end. He possesses a great desire to keep his current job and will do anything to maintain that, even if it means throwing David Sullivan and others under the bus.
Pilot - Welcome Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) just landed an exciting job as the co-host of a popular tv show. However, she finds that not everyone is excited to have her there. Meanwhile, at a bar, she meets a charming stranger who turns out to be the opposite of what he says he is.
Episode 1:Rejection Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) has secured what she believes to be an important interview with a major celebrity. When she refuses his advances, Jenna finds herself in a compromised position with unforeseen consequences. Guest star TBA.
Episode 2:Fury With his divorced finalized, David Sullivan (Brian Krause) decides to let loose by throwing a party. Things get complicated when some uninvited guests start showing up. Holly Marie Combs guest stars.
Episode 3:Setbacks The Beat’s ratings take a dive. In response, studio heads drop a bombshell of an announcement that leaves the entire crew fighting for their jobs.
Episode 4:Village People On the eve of one of their biggest shows, The Village faces major challenges when a portion of the set catches fire. Desperate, Mary Frankfort (Sandra Bullock) will have to enlist the help of her sworn enemy- David Sullivan (Brian Krause).
Episode 5:Sweet Charity James Willingham (Adrien Brody) invites Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) and Gabby (Christina Ricci) to volunteer at the local hospital. When Natasha (Camilla Belle) suddenly shows up, they find themselves competing for the children’s affections, leading to one disastrous day.
Episode 6:Wanted, Part One When controversial photos are leaked, Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) finds herself wanted. As her life slowly starts to unravel, she will soon learn that this was only the beginning. Meanwhile, Fred Samson (Peter Jacobson) takes their heated rivalry a step further when he undermines David Sullivan (Brian Krause) in an attempt to secure his position.
Episode 7:Wanted, Part Two While the studio heads debate on her future, Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) betrays David (Brian Krause) by publicly lashing out. This puts her job in further jeopardy. Will she stay or will she go? Meanwhile, David Sullivan gets overwhelmed when his ex-wife unexpectedly leaves their two kids at his doorstep. Holly Marie Combs guest stars.
Episode 8:Check Mate In the wake of Jenna’s (Emilie de Ravin) controversy, The Beat takes over the number one slot in the ratings. As a result, they have secured a big named guest. Angry, Mary Frankfort (Sandra Bullock) attempts to steal their guest away- by any means necessary.
Episode 9:Love Drunk Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) and Chris (Adrian Grenier) are supposedly over. Gabby (Christina Ricci) suspects they aren’t and at the same time, thinks that her boyfriend is cheating on her. David (Brian Krause) confronts his ex-wife about their kids and discovers some life changing news. Holly Marie Comes returns as a guest star.
Episode 10:Secrets James Willingham (Adrien Brody) has a great life. A nice apartment. A wonderful girlfriend. A job that he loves. So why is he unhappy? He has a secret that just might destroy everything, including himself. Meanwhile, Natasha’s (Camilla Belle) past comes back to haunt her when her mother is involved in a serious accident. Eric McCormack guest stars.
Episode 11: Crush Chris Fisher’s (Adrian Grenier) one night stand sends his life spiraling out of control. James’s (Adrien Brody) life has already unraveled after his secret gets out. Can these men pull their lives back together?
Episode 12:Match point Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) and Chris start sleeping together again. Gabby (Christina Ricci) hates this. While Jenna believes this could turn into something more, Gabby thinks otherwise. She cooks up a plan to separate the two for good. Also, David (Brian Krause) battles his ex-wife in court for the custody of their kids. Holly Marie Combs guest stars.
Episode 13:Locked In Mary (Sandra Bullock) faces her biggest fear as she is stuck in an elevator with David Sullivan (Brian Krause). Across town, James’s (Adrien Brody) girlfriend Amanda refuses to let him go without a fight. Backed in a corner, James makes one last attempt at normalcy by entering a wellness center. Will it make him better? Or worse?
Episode 14: Scorned The rivalry between The Beat and the Village heats up after Chris Fisher (Adrian Grenier) humiliates Jenna (Emilie de Ravin) and Natasha (Camilla Belle) on their own show. Out for revenge, the co-hosts orchestrate a retaliation that goes too far.
Episode 15:Decisions Season finale. Someone will leave.
First of all, I am very weary of action scripts. I usually find them to be corny and either unoriginal or just bad. You’ve succeeded in creating something that is well written and engaging. I love how everything is so detailed. For example:
After We hear a distinct CLICK off screen, and we PAN RIGHT to reveal SPIDER-GIRL slowly pushing her way into the room. She is holding a small case. After she looks over and sees the sleeping teenagers, she takes the opportunity to close the blinds over the window out into the ICU hall.
I know this might seem random but I’m nitpicky as hell. If someone’s gonna describe something, it better have a purpose , it better make sense, and it had better sound good. You have done all of those things and I was able to follow the script easily.
I’m learning to appreciate the slight campy nature that comes with the genre. For example, the opening scene in Along Came A Spider where she’s talking to the bad guy. It made me chuckle a little, it was cute. It’s something I have to get used to because watching and reading are two different things. Thankfully Watchtower and Trinity are helping me ease into it along with this show.
I’m not very familiar with most of these characters so I had no expectations on how they were portrayed. All I can say is that it has been executed well. Spider-Girl I usually think of as some weird campy disposable character (which she probably isn’t) and I actually like her in these episodes. Also, I’m used to Mary Jane being annoying and having no purpose so it’s nice to see her with a real role here.
All I can say is that I enjoyed the show and can’t wait for more. There were a few grammatical missteps here and there so watch out for those. Overall, it’s an excellent show and you should be proud of your work.