Post by Ms. Kerry on May 8, 2012 13:37:51 GMT -6
Review: Double Identity 1x01 Nebula
Alright I am just going to write this as I read each part.
Teaser: All in all the teaser was pretty good. It wasn't as strong as I think it could be, but it did a good job I think in setting the general tone of the show...or at least what I think the tone is. You're very descriptive in your writing and it isn't always needed, but it is not really distracting for the most part. The only time I think I was distracted was the bit about the fact orange juice droplets were on her dad's beard. It was a good description and all but I couldn't see why it was important. However, that is just me somebody else might be glad to read that. I like how you ended it with the execution. Nice hook!
Act One: Oh gracious how do I begin XD. I do like this act and I am priding myself on picking up the various shout outs to Hunger Games. The execution of Peter is making me mad, which is good that you can pull such a strong reaction. That and everything is pretty easy to visualize which is a big plus! I like that.
Act Two: Stupid marshmallow. 'Nuff said bout that. I do like the whole deal of some of the kids will be fighting each other, but I think you might need to establish a little better about why they would do that. They want to be top of the class and get a plaque but that seems maybe a bit too much of a stretch for such a small prize. Maybe there would be something bad if they are too far down in the class like not getting food. being put in a detention cell, or something. They need something a little more to be attacking to each other in my opinion. I know you have it there you just need to bring it out a little more. I like all this scene though with everyone fighting.
Act Three: This was all good, more fighting and stuff. I enjoyed that Elliot was the one that won and I have to say I expected it from him. There isn't much to say on this Act, it was all fine just revealing more about the Academy and such.
Act Four: Interesting twist about Jace's dad and Alaina's mother. It mostly negates this issues I had about the reason for fighting before, but still it would be nice to have a reason such fighting is acceptable and common.
Act Five: I felt the montage might be a bit needless here, but not exactly bad. Nothing else much to say other than you have a good cliff hanger here which certainly leaves me wanting more!
All in all this was a good episode. I hope it didn't come across as me not liking it here because I did! There were a few errors here and there which can be fixed with a quick run through of the script. I know I miss stuff too in my scripts. I certainly want to see more of this show and I support it! 8/10
Alright I am just going to write this as I read each part.
Teaser: All in all the teaser was pretty good. It wasn't as strong as I think it could be, but it did a good job I think in setting the general tone of the show...or at least what I think the tone is. You're very descriptive in your writing and it isn't always needed, but it is not really distracting for the most part. The only time I think I was distracted was the bit about the fact orange juice droplets were on her dad's beard. It was a good description and all but I couldn't see why it was important. However, that is just me somebody else might be glad to read that. I like how you ended it with the execution. Nice hook!
Act One: Oh gracious how do I begin XD. I do like this act and I am priding myself on picking up the various shout outs to Hunger Games. The execution of Peter is making me mad, which is good that you can pull such a strong reaction. That and everything is pretty easy to visualize which is a big plus! I like that.
Act Two: Stupid marshmallow. 'Nuff said bout that. I do like the whole deal of some of the kids will be fighting each other, but I think you might need to establish a little better about why they would do that. They want to be top of the class and get a plaque but that seems maybe a bit too much of a stretch for such a small prize. Maybe there would be something bad if they are too far down in the class like not getting food. being put in a detention cell, or something. They need something a little more to be attacking to each other in my opinion. I know you have it there you just need to bring it out a little more. I like all this scene though with everyone fighting.
Act Three: This was all good, more fighting and stuff. I enjoyed that Elliot was the one that won and I have to say I expected it from him. There isn't much to say on this Act, it was all fine just revealing more about the Academy and such.
Act Four: Interesting twist about Jace's dad and Alaina's mother. It mostly negates this issues I had about the reason for fighting before, but still it would be nice to have a reason such fighting is acceptable and common.
Act Five: I felt the montage might be a bit needless here, but not exactly bad. Nothing else much to say other than you have a good cliff hanger here which certainly leaves me wanting more!
All in all this was a good episode. I hope it didn't come across as me not liking it here because I did! There were a few errors here and there which can be fixed with a quick run through of the script. I know I miss stuff too in my scripts. I certainly want to see more of this show and I support it! 8/10
