Amin
VPN Community Member
|
Post by Amin on May 27, 2011 12:14:34 GMT -6
Wow... just Wow. That was great on so many different levels... really, I can't put it into words, but I'll try anyway. "Along Came a Spider/Seeing Red" was a wonderful pilot episode(s?) and it really opened up this fantastic world to us; introducing all these characters. The unique thing here for me is... I'm loving pretty much every character! Well, except Flash Thompson and MJs dad; them both I want to strangle with my own hands. As for the rest of the characters, like I said, I'm loving them all and I think they all melt together to form one heck of a show! Melanie with her pure awesomeness in the form of butt-kicking and fun lines (no explaination needed!), MJ being probably the best friend I could imagine, Kristen being... well, see Melanie's description only a whole lot darker. Euphoria is pretty high on my favorites list right now, she just seems so cool with all her high-tech stuff and elegant way of acting. I also enjoyed the way you wrote Bobby's character, the way you nearing the end of "Seeing Red" revealed him as a Mutant. Lance/Avalanche was deliciously evil without a real reason and I can't wait to see what he and Mystique ( ) come up with together. If I have to choose my three favorites so far (counting out Mystique... she's beyond any lists), I think it'll have to stand between Kristen, Bobby and Euphoria (tempted to break the rules of only three favorites and adding MJ as well!). Oh, and how could I forget to mention... I love the chemestry between Melanie and Xavier, they're just so cute together; a girl in a spider-suit and a bald man in a wheelchair. I can't help loving those odd duos. The cinematic thing I mentioned in my last post is something I'll say again: It all feels to deliciously cinematic and this show really feels special and very "out of the box". An amazing start to an (I'm sure of it) amazing series and I can't wait for next week's episode. 10/10 for both of them. Just one thing I am curious about and don't really grasp: are Melanie, MJ and Kristen lesbian? From the pilot episode, I got the feeling that Melanie and MJ were interested in each other, then in "Seeing Red" all of a sudden MJ calls Kristen her girlfriend. Sorry if I sound really stupid or am pointing out something obvious.
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 27, 2011 12:48:15 GMT -6
Wow... just Wow. That was great on so many different levels... really, I can't put it into words, but I'll try anyway. "Along Came a Spider/Seeing Red" was a wonderful pilot episode(s?) and it really opened up this fantastic world to us; introducing all these characters. First of all, I want to say thank you. To be completely honest, I was really worried about how “Seeing Red” was going to turn out. I was afraid it wasn’t going to be able to stand up to what the original, first episode was. I spent two and a half weeks nit picking the hell out of “Seeing Red” to make sure that it wouldn’t disappoint in comparison and now that I can see that I accomplished that, I feel a lot better XD So thanks for that. ^^ The unique thing here for me is... I'm loving pretty much every character! Well, except Flash Thompson and MJs dad; them both I want to strangle with my own hands. I want to strangle them too. XD Flash Thompson actually…I didn’t really base him much off Flash Thompson as much as I did his son, Gene Thompson, from the Marvel Comics 2 universe. I needed all the extra asshole behavior I could get to pull off that ridiculous stunt he pulled in “Seeing Red”. Unfortunately for all of us, we will be seeing more of MJ’s dad and we’ll be seeing more of Flash as well. Their reign of terror is not yet over. XD As for the rest of the characters, like I said, I'm loving them all and I think they all melt together to form one heck of a show! Melanie with her pure awesomeness in the form of butt-kicking and fun lines (no explaination needed!), Thanks! I’m glad you think so! I’m personally excited to get to all the parts where they’re all together “for real”, I guess I should say. But we won’t be seeing that for a few episodes, but damn will it be worth it. Melanie, in coming episodes, will not disappoint. XD Especially in Episode 3, I think you guys will get a kick out of her. MJ being probably the best friend I could imagine, Kristen being... well, see Melanie's description only a whole lot darker. MJ is definitely one of the key characters that people are going to relate to, like Melanie. She’s got all that drama going on, yet she still manages to pull herself through and be there for Melanie and Kristen, despite the fact that she may not be treated 100% all the time, as we saw with Kristen. I’m so glad that you liked Kristen. She’s actually one of my favorite characters myself, but I was afraid that her presentation in “Seeing Red” would paint her in a bad light. XD But I’m glad that I was wrong and that you actually like her! Euphoria is pretty high on my favorites list right now, she just seems so cool with all her high-tech stuff and elegant way of acting. I also enjoyed the way you wrote Bobby's character, the way you nearing the end of "Seeing Red" revealed him as a Mutant. Euphoria is something else, that’s for sure XD I enjoy working with Monica on her scenes, and the way she interacts with the other characters, specifically Spider-Girl. We’ll see a slightly different side of her later in the season when she works with Kristen. Lance/Avalanche was deliciously evil without a real reason and I can't wait to see what he and Mystique ( ) come up with together. If I have to choose my three favorites so far (counting out Mystique... she's beyond any lists), I think it'll have to stand between Kristen, Bobby and Euphoria (tempted to break the rules of only three favorites and adding MJ as well!). He and Mystique…Good Lord. Episode 3 is definitely going to be the episode for you, then XD Those two, I can’t even explain them. But you won’t be disappointed. I’m thrilled to hear that those three (or four ) made it to your favorites! Oh, and how could I forget to mention... I love the chemestry between Melanie and Xavier, they're just so cute together; a girl in a spider-suit and a bald man in a wheelchair. I can't help loving those odd duos. Haha! Those two are pretty fun to work with. XD I love writing their scenes together. I’m glad you enjoyed it! The cinematic thing I mentioned in my last post is something I'll say again: It all feels to deliciously cinematic and this show really feels special and very "out of the box". An amazing start to an (I'm sure of it) amazing series and I can't wait for next week's episode. 10/10 for both of them. Thank you so much for rating and reviewing, it’s been great getting so much good feedback from everyone, and your review of “Seeing Red” components has definitely cleared up a lot (if not all) of the doubts that I had about it. Just one thing I am curious about and don't really grasp: are Melanie, MJ and Kristen lesbian? From the pilot episode, I got the feeling that Melanie and MJ were interested in each other, then in "Seeing Red" all of a sudden MJ calls Kristen her girlfriend. Sorry if I sound really stupid or am pointing out something obvious. Yes, all three of them are. We went for the “oh snap” factor when it came to MJ and Kristen. I will admit, though, they’re pretty much tools in a setup for a greater…oh hell, what was the word. SCHEME! XD MJ and Kristen, I mean. But yes, Melanie and MJ are in to each other, which I tried to show with Melanie’s mini-bitch fit she had in Cerebro XD but it remains unspoken between them.
|
|
Amin
VPN Community Member
|
Post by Amin on May 27, 2011 13:30:54 GMT -6
Just a suggestion: It would be cool if Mystique was bisexual. It would fit well with her ability of shapeshifting and if I recall correctly, in one of the comics she "Male-ified" herself and knocked up some woman. That'd be real cool xD
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 27, 2011 13:35:08 GMT -6
XD!!! Oh don't worry, we're keeping that part of her. Mystique is bisexual, just as she is in the comics. ^^ Jesus...as if she doesn't have enough damn children, and then she knocks someone up? Good going, Mystique, you she-devil XD
|
|
Amin
VPN Community Member
|
Post by Amin on May 27, 2011 13:39:17 GMT -6
And your comment instantly makes me wonder if Mystique has a certain blue daughter in the cast? xD
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 27, 2011 13:43:54 GMT -6
That is a very good question.
|
|
|
Post by Keisha on May 27, 2011 18:10:49 GMT -6
Kay, I'm not the best at reviews but here we go.
First of all, I am very weary of action scripts. I usually find them to be corny and either unoriginal or just bad. You’ve succeeded in creating something that is well written and engaging. I love how everything is so detailed. For example:
After We hear a distinct CLICK off screen, and we PAN RIGHT to reveal SPIDER-GIRL slowly pushing her way into the room. She is holding a small case. After she looks over and sees the sleeping teenagers, she takes the opportunity to close the blinds over the window out into the ICU hall.
I know this might seem random but I’m nitpicky as hell. If someone’s gonna describe something, it better have a purpose , it better make sense, and it had better sound good. You have done all of those things and I was able to follow the script easily.
I’m learning to appreciate the slight campy nature that comes with the genre. For example, the opening scene in Along Came A Spider where she’s talking to the bad guy. It made me chuckle a little, it was cute. It’s something I have to get used to because watching and reading are two different things. Thankfully Watchtower and Trinity are helping me ease into it along with this show.
I’m not very familiar with most of these characters so I had no expectations on how they were portrayed. All I can say is that it has been executed well. Spider-Girl I usually think of as some weird campy disposable character (which she probably isn’t) and I actually like her in these episodes. Also, I’m used to Mary Jane being annoying and having no purpose so it’s nice to see her with a real role here.
All I can say is that I enjoyed the show and can’t wait for more. There were a few grammatical missteps here and there so watch out for those. Overall, it’s an excellent show and you should be proud of your work.
|
|
|
Post by Keisha on May 27, 2011 18:15:24 GMT -6
Oh I should give it a rating, shouldn't I?
9.5/10
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 27, 2011 18:54:23 GMT -6
Kay, I'm not the best at reviews but here we go. First of all, I am very weary of action scripts. I usually find them to be corny and either unoriginal or just bad. You’ve succeeded in creating something that is well written and engaging. I love how everything is so detailed. For example: After We hear a distinct CLICK off screen, and we PAN RIGHT to reveal SPIDER-GIRL slowly pushing her way into the room. She is holding a small case. After she looks over and sees the sleeping teenagers, she takes the opportunity to close the blinds over the window out into the ICU hall. I know this might seem random but I’m nitpicky as hell. If someone’s gonna describe something, it better have a purpose , it better make sense, and it had better sound good. You have done all of those things and I was able to follow the script easily. Yeah I was pretty afraid of the heavy action that’s gonna be in here, but after everyone telling me I could handle it, I’m glad that I went ahead with it XD I was weary myself about the heavy description that I put in, but it looks like it’s paid off, so I will continue to make it detailed as it is so that it continues to be enjoyable the way that it is. I’m learning to appreciate the slight campy nature that comes with the genre. For example, the opening scene in Along Came A Spider where she’s talking to the bad guy. It made me chuckle a little, it was cute. It’s something I have to get used to because watching and reading are two different things. Thankfully Watchtower and Trinity are helping me ease into it along with this show. It makes me happy that you liked the opening scene in “Along Came A Spider”. To me, that little display was the perfect way to bring in Spider-Girl—her mouthing off to the thug. XD This is actually the first VS/script anything that I’ve ever written, so that makes two of us. I’m finding it really fun though, and I’m glad that Outcasts is helping ease you into it! ^^ I’m not very familiar with most of these characters so I had no expectations on how they were portrayed. All I can say is that it has been executed well. Spider-Girl I usually think of as some weird campy disposable character (which she probably isn’t) and I actually like her in these episodes. Also, I’m used to Mary Jane being annoying and having no purpose so it’s nice to see her with a real role here. Mary-Jane usually being annoying and having no purpose but to whine, kidnapped and scream “SPIDER-MAN, HELP!” is the exact reason we turned that ship around. We wanted to give Mary-Jane a solid place in the plot, and give her the attributes she SHOULD have had and what SHOULD be seen of MJ, not just so helpless little sap that hangs on Spidey all the time. That was unacceptable XD So I’m glad you like the “new and improved” Mary-Jane Watson. All I can say is that I enjoyed the show and can’t wait for more. There were a few grammatical missteps here and there so watch out for those. Overall, it’s an excellent show and you should be proud of your work. Thanks so much for the rating and the review. It was nice to hear what you thought about it. I’m that that you enjoyed and look for the next episode. We promise not to disappoint! And I’ll be sure to watch out for the grammatical issues next time. I try to catch them, but sometimes I overlook them and they get put out there anyway XD But I’ll be extra careful next time. And, of course, thanks again! ^^
|
|
|
Post by puzzlepirateking on May 28, 2011 16:15:19 GMT -6
Along came a spider review.
First thing is first, I like this episode a lot, but there were a lot of deterring factors from this episode, but let me start with the good stuff. I like the majority of characters, especially Melanie and MJ, who have great chemistry with each other. The first half of the story I had very few problems with. Now, I love the character of Euphoria, and she reminds me of Emma Frost, the person she was based off. Also, the banter between Melanie and Euphoria was hilarious.
Now the bad part of this section was mainly the pre-credit sequence, which felt like I’ve seen it all before. Other than that, I liked the rest of the first half. Now, the biggest issue I had with this episode came during the second half.
The issue I had was that you used the Green Goblin in the first episode. Now, let me explain. The Green Goblin is one of the most iconic Spiderman villains that there is. You use him in the first episode, so what bigger villain is there, how do you go up from there. Other than Doc. Oct. there isn’t really anybody who would be a bigger villain than that. I would have much rather seen the Hobgoblin or the Scorpion. I would have settled for some of the other Sinister Six such as Vulture and the Sandman. Now, as I have said, I liked the first half of the episode, and I really like Norman Osborn in the first half. I would have liked to see him be the one that is putting these super villains on Spider-Girl’s trial, sending them after her, instead of him getting his hands dirty from the very beginning. At about mid-season, you could have him do the whole, “they aren’t getting it done, so I will,” thing. Having him die, the whole of the super villain underground doesn’t have a leader and you have a control battle between the alliances of super villains going on with the Outcasts right in the middle of it.
Over all, I think it was a great episode, and very entertaining. While I have to downgrade heavily it due to the inclusion of the Green Goblin so early in the season, I still think highly of the episode. 6.5/10
|
|
|
Post by puzzlepirateking on May 28, 2011 16:36:47 GMT -6
Seeing Red Review
Now, let me get this out of the way, I like this episode almost as much as “Along Came a Spider” and it didn’t have the major issue with the villain. Starting off, you have a very original pre-credit sequence, unlike in the first episode.
Now, I want to talk about the villains first, and yes, I do mean plural. The first villain was Lance, who was just a straight up villain with very little justification for his actions. The second and the better villain were the normal people. I think have the protesters and the principal turning against Kristen was a nice touch, and made for the most realist villain you could have and one that can be brought back every episode and not be noticed all that much.
Now, Kristen Sparks and Bobby Drake, the two main characters of this story. Now, I don’t know if I’m looking too much into things, but I think that there is a level of chemistry between them that is beyond just friendship. With that out there, I’m going to start with Bobby. I really liked him and what you did with him throughout the episode, especially when he reveals his powers to Kristen. That scene was a great piece of writing.
Now, to Kristen. I didn’t like her as much as Bobby, so there is a lot more for me to say about her. One, the pre-credit sequence actually had repercussions on her emotionally. There are a fair number of shows now-a-days that have things happen and it doesn’t have an emotional effect on the characters. Now, the relationship with MJ, I hate it. First off, you almost disregard the chemistry that was between MJ and Melanie in the first episode, at least on MJ’s side of things. Also, Kristen doesn’t treat her right, which I hate.
Now MJ herself wasn’t given a lot to work with this episode, she was mostly just there as a support role for Kristen, and the lack of chemistry between her and Kristen didn’t help it work. Melanie herself also didn’t get a lot of work this episode as she was mostly Spider-Girl. Also, I missed Euphoria’s presence, and I would think that a small scene between her and Xavier about Bobby and Kristen, or at least Kristen, would have added a lot to the episode and shown that she is actually involved and cares about the project. Xavier in this episode was very much like I he is portrayed in every other series based off of the X-Men. I would like to see you do something different with him. Now, as I’ve said before, I like this episode as much as I do “Along Comes a Spider” but it doesn’t have the villain issue the first episode had. 7/10
|
|
|
Post by skittles on May 28, 2011 16:40:40 GMT -6
Thank you very much for your support and reading the Outcasts. It has been an uphill and downhill road of fun and cram, and for so many people to respond makes us all very very happy.
Though I respect your episode rating, I wish that I could tell you EXACTLY why the Green Goblin HAD to be in the first episode. But I cannot, because that will be revealed later in the story. But as a reminder, this is both Spider-Man and X-Men, so a plethora of Spider-Man villains would have been an insult to the X-Men aspect of our story. We chose Green Goblin because he is so iconic. If we chose someone else, Gobbie wouldn't have been able to be in the series at all.
With that being said, I hope that you will trust the method to our madness and just keep in mind, EVERYTHING comes full circle. ^^
|
|
|
Post by puzzlepirateking on May 28, 2011 16:49:33 GMT -6
Yes, I understand that it is a Spider-Man and X-Mex story, but the iconic X-Men Villains all work together with the exception of Juggernaught. Now, most stories you can't tie back to the Brotherhood of Evil, because that would get repetitive an boring, which is why i left that out of my review.
As for the Green Goblin, I will have to see, but as far as I can think, I don't see why he needed to be in the first episode. I think you could have the same effect with the plot with just having Norman Osborn in it, and leaving his alter persona out, but as I don't know where this is going, I can't pass final jugement. All i have to say is that, at the end of the series, and i will rereview all of the episodes, knowing what happens at the end, to see if what happens later changes my view of the earlier episodes.
|
|
|
Post by innocentlamb on May 28, 2011 17:15:53 GMT -6
I think I can safely assume that whatever the crew of The Outcasts have and have not included in their characters and the plots of the first two episodes, it's been done for a reason.
Even though they haven't really gone into Lance's character or given him justification for behaving the way he does, it doesn't mean that they won't be going into it in future episodes. Investigating Lance's character in Seeing Red would have taken the focus of the episode off Kristen.
Speaking of Kristen, I think her relationship Mary-Jane was put under pressure in this episode because of the trauma she was experiencing with the manifestation of her powers. If Kristen treated her like that on a regular basis, I'm almost positive MJ would not have stayed with her. She gets enough of that nonsense from her father. The chemistry between MJ and Melanie has, as far as I'm aware, not been acknowledged as mutual by either character. So why would they get together?
Anyway, that's all I have to say. I hope you see the issues you had with the first two episodes resolved in the later ones in the season.
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 28, 2011 17:34:25 GMT -6
Now, I want to talk about the villains first, and yes, I do mean plural. The first villain was Lance, who was just a straight up villain with very little justification for his actions. The second and the better villain were the normal people. I think have the protesters and the principal turning against Kristen was a nice touch, and made for the most realist villain you could have and one that can be brought back every episode and not be noticed all that much. Lance has been a long time “rival” of Kristen’s in a high school setting, which was why he wanted to “sabotage” her game. He said it was a long time coming, which was how we tried to say that they have some sort of history. Anything deeper than that, however, will be revealed later. All of his villainous ways haven’t been revealed yet, because we haven’t had a chance to explore it. I’m glad you thought the “normal people” were good “villains” however, because they will definitely be returning. Now, Kristen Sparks and Bobby Drake, the two main characters of this story. Now, I don’t know if I’m looking too much into things, but I think that there is a level of chemistry between them that is beyond just friendship. With that out there, I’m going to start with Bobby. I really liked him and what you did with him throughout the episode, especially when he reveals his powers to Kristen. That scene was a great piece of writing. Any “chemistry” between Kristen and Bobby was unintended. They’re best friends, and nothing more than that XD Kristen is rooting for the girls. I’m glad you liked Bobby, however. He was fun to write for, and that scene was so perfectly Bobby XD It was the best way for him to bring his powers to light for her. Now, to Kristen. I didn’t like her as much as Bobby, so there is a lot more for me to say about her. One, the pre-credit sequence actually had repercussions on her emotionally. There are a fair number of shows now-a-days that have things happen and it doesn’t have an emotional effect on the characters. Now, the relationship with MJ, I hate it. First off, you almost disregard the chemistry that was between MJ and Melanie in the first episode, at least on MJ’s side of things. Also, Kristen doesn’t treat her right, which I hate. Yeah, the effect on Kristen was devastating and while you could see that it affected her (she went from being lighter to much darker between the teaser and the following acts). Her evolution throughout the episode was a key factor to later on when she becomes Cyclops in order for her to become the stoic leader she’s destined to become. The entire episode was meant to show that downward spiral that it takes her in. Not that she’s completely lost, of course, but how light she was before…well, it wouldn’t be the Cyclops we’re used to. The chemistry was not disregarded, but merely pushed aside for a few reasons. One, Melanie spent most of her time in this episode as Spider-Girl, however there were subtle signs of it between them two of them in the hospital room with Kristen. Mary-Jane’s subtle shyness at Spider-Girl’s mention of once being told she “rocked the suit”, and MJ putting her hand on Spider-Girl’s side. Also, Melanie’s frustration in Cerebro was a direct result of her feelings for Mary-Jane, and seeing MJ and Kris together. Kristen doesn’t treat her right because of the emotional damage/trauma she experienced in the teaser. She wouldn’t normal treat Mary-Jane in such a way. MJ is a strong woman, and wouldn’t stand for a partner like that after the way her father treats her. Kristen also tried to make it right with her during the scene in front of the school before all the people talking smack upset her and she had to leave. As for the relationship as a whole, it was intended to not be a “fan favorite”. It’s simply a stepping stone that will lead into events later this season. You guys just have to wait for it. Now MJ herself wasn’t given a lot to work with this episode, she was mostly just there as a support role for Kristen, and the lack of chemistry between her and Kristen didn’t help it work. MJ wasn’t given a lot to work with this time, however, we did learn a few key things about her this episode, mainly that she is in support of the mutants and that she can hold her own—she isn’t the useless Mary-Jane that people are used to. Her hitting Lance over the head was a good indicator of that. The lack of chemistry between Kristen and Mary-Jane was intentional, though we may see sparks of it later, it is meant to be very lacking. It’s another direct result of Kristen’s trauma, any “chemistry” they had has been lost before we could see it. Melanie herself also didn’t get a lot of work this episode as she was mostly Spider-Girl. Also, I missed Euphoria’s presence, and I would think that a small scene between her and Xavier about Bobby and Kristen, or at least Kristen, would have added a lot to the episode and shown that she is actually involved and cares about the project. Xavier in this episode was very much like I he is portrayed in every other series based off of the X-Men. I would like to see you do something different with him. In these first few episodes (mainly 2-4), Melanie might be a little scarce because of her insistence that her identity stay secret. So she will be parading around as Spider-Girl a lot, but we will definitely see more of her after the first few starting episodes, after the X-Men are “complete”. Euphoria will be making more appearances this season as well. But Seeing Red was not a place we felt she would fit. We needed her to stay out of this episode, for a few reasons. XD Now, as I’ve said before, I like this episode as much as I do “Along Comes a Spider” but it doesn’t have the villain issue the first episode had. 7/10 Thank you so much for rating and reviewing! ^^
|
|
|
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 28, 2011 17:40:17 GMT -6
God, make me feel slow as hell why don't you all? XD In the time it took me to do that review response, you guys posted 40834098349 times.
More like 3 or 4...but still!
|
|
|
Post by Jack Malone on May 28, 2011 19:08:42 GMT -6
Review: "Seeing Red" - The Outcasts. "Seeing Red" which, other than being a fantastically titled episode, had a really good plot, some solid development, and overall was just a great episode. Despite how much praise I want to give it, there were a few things that didn't go down well for me, which I'll get to first so I can end on some good notes. The first main issue I had with the script was its length. A lot of scenes felt like they dragged on too long or addressed the point of the scene one too many times. For example, when Professor Xavier and Melanie are talking to the Principal, they make a strong argument, but then continue to say 'there is no evidence' and repeating themselves. I think the episode just needed to, unfortunately, have a lot of edits done to it that would trim it up a little - and maybe you could have added some of these scenes onto the VDVD for 'deleted scenes.' The script was just too long for my taste, and dragged on in several scenes. For example, if you look at the scene where they're all trying to escape the hospital, rather than showing them doing it, you could have just shown us what they were going to do to escape, and then cut to the next scene. Although I found the lines really comedically smart and witty, it was an unecessary scene. Another element that I really didn't like was the Mary-Jane/Kristen relationship that seemed to come out of nowhere. I wasn't a huge fan of their interactions. I felt that the relationship seemed forced, as a way to put MJ in the middle of the story. If she wasn't in a relationship with this girl or had anything to do with her, MJ wouldn't have really had a strong presence in this story. I did, however, like the fallout of Melanie discovering this. I think its fair to say that Spider-Girl/Melanie is the best character on this show. And I just hope that this MJ/Kristen thing doesn't last (sorry). Onto the great things about this episode. I really liked the overall plot - the topic of mutants, how the public views them, introducing some of the X-Men (Cyclops, Iceman, Storm!). It was just a great episode. I feel like your mythology is weaving its on thread and that's great. None of it feels like a forced change, or a sudden occurance, things are moving slowly and freely and I like that. Its amazing. The best element of the episode was Melanie. This episode really proved to me that she was a hero. I think it was clear that Melanie has feelings for Mary-Jane and that she didn't come forward with them because ... she didn't know that MJ was "into girls" as she so shockingly cried out alone in her room. She continued to help Kristen, and continued to be there for MJ, despite questioning how much she really means to MJ if MJ can't be honest with her and tell her these things. I think the characterisation of Spider-Girl was amazing, and continues to be amazing and I hope that she continues to be a large part of these episodes even if you are introducing X-Men characters, or comic book villains. What else did I like about the episode? Uh ... Flash Thompson and Gwen Stacy for one! Flash is hilarious, in the whole "I totally want to punch him in the face" kind of way - if that makes any sense (LOL!). I loved that he was wearing Spider-Girl clothes, because he's always been the "Lois Lane" like figure of the Spiderman world (hear me out). He's always been in love with Spiderman and being a huge fan of that superhero figure, looking up to him and then hating on Peter Parker and bullying him at school. So that was a nice little shout out in the script that I liked. You handle these moments, these little nods really well that if you don't notice them, it doesn't matter, and if you do, you can fangasm all over it inside. Xavier's characterisation was good this week, but I felt it was Mary-Jane's who was lacking a bit. I don't know, she just seemed different this week. It might be because she's in a new situation (from my eyes) being in a relationship and everything, or the fact that the majority of her interactions weren't with Melanie but she seemed off a bit. Not too much, I think you kept the essence, but I just wasn't feeling her character in this week's episode. There was a piece of dialogue that I felt was a bit over the top, which was: MARY-JANE How would YOU know that? You weren't there, you didn't even SEE it! You are just so ignorant! You were born ignorant and you will DIE ignorant.
The last line overthrew me. I understand MJ's frustration, and that she's protecting her girlfriend and the mutant community from people like Flash, but she sort of just came off as a bit of a bitch. Don't get me wrong, I was rooting for her and all the others that were standing up for Kristin and the mutant community but that line put me off a bit. Usually for a virtual series I'd say: "Please don't have so many characters." But you write them all in a way that makes it clear to understand how they're all different, what they all add to the show, and how they're all necessary elements -- you give them a good amount of spotlight and focus that doesn't pull away from the main plot and actually seems relevant and despite the script being extremely long, I hope that you maintain that because its great. I always seem to have a problem with scripts that have so many characters to follow, but the way you handle it makes me excited to see these characters again, be able to follow them successfully and enjoy them. So great work on that! I did enjoy this episode a lot more than the series premiere. I felt by now I understood the characters and could just read and enjoy everything. Ultimately, I'm going to give this an 8.5/10. I'd give a full 10 if the script was cut-down a bit more to take out some irrelevant scenes, and because of my views on the MJ/Kristen story and primarily, MJ's character and tone this week. But, nevertheless, a fantastic episode that I thoroughly enjoyed! Great work again, guys! EDIT: And can I just say... the descriptive language in these scipts is amazing. This is something I've been trying to work on in the past three scripts I've written for Watchtower (which haven't aired yet) because I've seriously been lacking in that department for a while now, I think. Its really inspiring to see how much work you put into setting the scene, describing every little thing and it just brings a more realistic element to the table that makes this show that much more captivating. Really inspiring. xD
|
|
|
Post by maddiefack on May 28, 2011 19:25:05 GMT -6
I know I've been quiet for an Executive Producer but I just have to say thank you Jack for your support and constructive criticism! Every time I read a review from you it either makes me realize we've missed something because we know these stories so well and we need to add something for those who don't or they just make me want to write more because of the excitement you give us. I always look forward to your reviews and I'm so appreciative to have a network Vice Exectuive like you on this board.
Also XD if you write in narrative and convert to script it might make it easier for more description. Aimee is amazing at taking my little paragraphs and turning them into script form even though most of my words are completely untouched. ^-^
|
|