Post by Aimee Nicole on May 28, 2011 19:53:56 GMT -6
The first main issue I had with the script was its length. A lot of scenes felt like they dragged on too long or addressed the point of the scene one too many times. For example, when Professor Xavier and Melanie are talking to the Principal, they make a strong argument, but then continue to say 'there is no evidence' and repeating themselves. I think the episode just needed to, unfortunately, have a lot of edits done to it that would trim it up a little - and maybe you could have added some of these scenes onto the VDVD for 'deleted scenes.' The script was just too long for my taste, and dragged on in several scenes. For example, if you look at the scene where they're all trying to escape the hospital, rather than showing them doing it, you could have just shown us what they were going to do to escape, and then cut to the next scene. Although I found the lines really comedically smart and witty, it was an unecessary scene.
Yeah, I was afraid of its length after it got over 65 pages. I was like, “Oh, hell, this is gonna start getting really stupid”. XD I cut down and I cut down, and there were certain scenes I was afraid of omitting/wasn’t sure where to omit/cut down because…and this is probably gonna sound hella dumb, but I was afraid of how Kristen would turn out. My main trouble with this episode was making sure Kristen’s emotional changes/evolution was apparent in the episode so that in later episodes it isn’t like, “What the hell? Where did that come from?”. I will definitely use this advice in later episodes, and when I do the final revision for this coming week’s episodes. ^^
You know what the sad part is, though, that totally makes me laugh? Seeing Red…already has about five deletes scenes. –headdesk-
Another element that I really didn't like was the Mary-Jane/Kristen relationship that seemed to come out of nowhere. I wasn't a huge fan of their interactions. I felt that the relationship seemed forced, as a way to put MJ in the middle of the story. If she wasn't in a relationship with this girl or had anything to do with her, MJ wouldn't have really had a strong presence in this story. I did, however, like the fallout of Melanie discovering this. I think its fair to say that Spider-Girl/Melanie is the best character on this show. And I just hope that this MJ/Kristen thing doesn't last (sorry).
As odd as this is to say, I’m glad you don’t like them. XD I’m glad that everyone seems to have a problem with them, because I can tell you right now that they will not be lasting. Seeing Red will also be the only episode we see a lot of them together in, what with Kristen moving into the Mansion and all. However, it was important that we did it in order to create a growing tension that will come to later in the next few episodes and build up towards the mid-season finale. I can’t say what it is, but while I know you dislike this relationship, you will like what becomes of a few of the characters because of it. But yeah XD they don’t last. [highlight to read] That’ll become extremely obvious when Jean Grey comes in in “Demons Among Us”.. [end spoiler]
Onto the great things about this episode. I really liked the overall plot - the topic of mutants, how the public views them, introducing some of the X-Men (Cyclops, Iceman, Storm!). It was just a great episode. I feel like your mythology is weaving its on thread and that's great. None of it feels like a forced change, or a sudden occurance, things are moving slowly and freely and I like that. Its amazing.
I’m glad you liked it! It just seemed a logical way to go about it, bringing them into the word where mutants aren’t accepted. What would be the fun in a mutant friendly world? I’m excited to know that you like how it’s going and I hope you continue to think so as the plot thickens.
The best element of the episode was Melanie. This episode really proved to me that she was a hero. I think it was clear that Melanie has feelings for Mary-Jane and that she didn't come forward with them because ... she didn't know that MJ was "into girls" as she so shockingly cried out alone in her room. She continued to help Kristen, and continued to be there for MJ, despite questioning how much she really means to MJ if MJ can't be honest with her and tell her these things. I think the characterisation of Spider-Girl was amazing, and continues to be amazing and I hope that she continues to be a large part of these episodes even if you are introducing X-Men characters, or comic book villains.
Melanie definitely wasn’t a happy camper when that little tidbit came out XD But like you said, she knows where her responsibilities lie even if it hurts her in some way in order to do it. She will definitely be a large part of all of the episodes, even if the main storyline doesn’t necessarily center on her. She’ll always wiggle her way in, somehow.
What else did I like about the episode? Uh ... Flash Thompson and Gwen Stacy for one! Flash is hilarious, in the whole "I totally want to punch him in the face" kind of way - if that makes any sense (LOL!). I loved that he was wearing Spider-Girl clothes, because he's always been the "Lois Lane" like figure of the Spiderman world (hear me out). He's always been in love with Spiderman and being a huge fan of that superhero figure, looking up to him and then hating on Peter Parker and bullying him at school. So that was a nice little shout out in the script that I liked. You handle these moments, these little nods really well that if you don't notice them, it doesn't matter, and if you do, you can fangasm all over it inside.
You have NO idea how happy it makes me that you catch these little things! XD I think I’m going to start sticking them in there just to see if you can catch them. I love that you caught his shirt and the reason why he was wearing it, and the reason he whined at Spider-Girl for helping the mutants. I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but I purposely dressed Gwen Stacy in that stereotypical outfit of hers just for you XD
Xavier's characterisation was good this week, but I felt it was Mary-Jane's who was lacking a bit. I don't know, she just seemed different this week. It might be because she's in a new situation (from my eyes) being in a relationship and everything, or the fact that the majority of her interactions weren't with Melanie but she seemed off a bit. Not too much, I think you kept the essence, but I just wasn't feeling her character in this week's episode. There was a piece of dialogue that I felt was a bit over the top, which was:
MARY-JANE
How would YOU know that? You weren't there, you didn't even SEE
it! You are just so ignorant! You were born ignorant and you will DIE
ignorant.
How would YOU know that? You weren't there, you didn't even SEE
it! You are just so ignorant! You were born ignorant and you will DIE
ignorant.
The last line overthrew me. I understand MJ's frustration, and that she's protecting her girlfriend and the mutant community from people like Flash, but she sort of just came off as a bit of a bitch. Don't get me wrong, I was rooting for her and all the others that were standing up for Kristin and the mutant community but that line put me off a bit.
I’m glad you liked Xavier this week, I’m glad that I could straighten up the issue we all had with him in the first episode. Turns out, it was the difference of opinion amongst the crew and now that we have designated someone has his sole writer, it has made it much better I see. As for Mary-Jane, the new situation definitely put some unneeded stress on her, and was partially the fault of bad writing on my part. I’ll keep a watch on that extra carefully. Thanks for pointing it out!
Usually for a virtual series I'd say: "Please don't have so many characters." But you write them all in a way that makes it clear to understand how they're all different, what they all add to the show, and how they're all necessary elements -- you give them a good amount of spotlight and focus that doesn't pull away from the main plot and actually seems relevant and despite the script being extremely long, I hope that you maintain that because its great. I always seem to have a problem with scripts that have so many characters to follow, but the way you handle it makes me excited to see these characters again, be able to follow them successfully and enjoy them. So great work on that!
I did enjoy this episode a lot more than the series premiere. I felt by now I understood the characters and could just read and enjoy everything. Ultimately, I'm going to give this an 8.5/10.
I'd give a full 10 if the script was cut-down a bit more to take out some irrelevant scenes, and because of my views on the MJ/Kristen story and primarily, MJ's character and tone this week. But, nevertheless, a fantastic episode that I thoroughly enjoyed! Great work again, guys!
Thank you so much for the rating and the review, Jack. It means a lot to us (and me, especially) that you give us a great review each time, and we hope to keep getting them from you as the series progresses. Yours are always so insightful and helpful, and extremely encouraging. I love that you catch the little things and point them out, like I said before XD It’s pretty awesome. We always look forward to your review the most, I have to say, though everyone else’s reviews are great as well.
It relieves me that you liked this one more than the series premiere, because I was stressing out over the fact that it wouldn’t be as good and I’d look like a damn fool XD So that’s a lot of pressure taken off.
EDIT: And can I just say... the descriptive language in these scipts is amazing. This is something I've been trying to work on in the past three scripts I've written for Watchtower (which haven't aired yet) because I've seriously been lacking in that department for a while now, I think. Its really inspiring to see how much work you put into setting the scene, describing every little thing and it just brings a more realistic element to the table that makes this show that much more captivating. Really inspiring. xD
Awww! That is so sweet of you! Thanks Jack! I try really hard to put it down as I envision it so that you guys can see exactly what I see when I write it. I want you guys to enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it, and if I’m doing my job, that makes me happy. Thank you again, that was definitely a confidence booster ^^
I have to admit that I’ve been taking pointers from Watchtower when I do my scripts. I haven’t reviewed any yet (because I’m god awful with reviews, though I might start out small and get better at it because I LOVED “Knight”) but I’ve been reading and the way you write certain things has inspired me a bit as well. It actually might show a little in next week’s episode XD And, of course again, thanks!