TOMB RAIDER (with Pilot)

[Jamison]

Loosely based on the video game franchise of the same name.
Developed by Brady Brown & Chris Davis

Five years have passed since Lara Croft became the sole survivor of a plane crash in the Himalayan Mountains, which killed her mother upon impact. The tragedy served as the start of a new life for Lara, as she began to fully realize her one true love - adventure!

Abandoning the comfortable world of aristocracy, and dedicating her life to global exploration and intrigue, she makes use of her family's wealth by traveling the world, raiding centuries old tombs to uncover the most ancient of artifacts, and rarest of relics.

Assisting her in her exploits are; her closest friend, a historian named Simone Yates, sharp-witted, computer specialist, Colin Blake, as well as Nigel Fleming, her wise, shotgun-toting butler. Establishing herself as a world-renown archaeologist - one adventure at a time - Lara makes a living tracking down rare artifacts for those willing to pay.

Meanwhile, Lara is contacted by a wealthy, influential family in India - in need of her unique set of skills, to acquire a priceless gem in the heart of an ancient tomb. The simple heist turns into something quite more, as Lara becomes entangled in a war between two powerful, unknown forces, who eagerly want the gem for their own nefarious purposes. Determined to keep the gem from falling into the wrong hands, Lara and her team must protect it, all the while trying to figure out what makes it so important that good men and women have died trying to obtain it.

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MAIN CHARACTERS

Mid-twenties, and already a world-renown archeologist, Lara Croft (Katrina Law) travels the world in search of priceless, ancient artifacts, making a living off of adventure. Lara lost her mother five years ago in a plane crash, and her father went missing on an expedition a few months later, making her very hesitant about intimate relationships and letting people in. She chooses her friends carefully, and trusts only a handful of people. Lara is fearless, strong-willed, and sometimes, stubborn. She’s also extremely quick on her feet, being able to enter the most complex and dangerous situations without an exit strategy, and come out mostly unscathed. Being an expert in over a dozen hand-to-hand combat styles, showing exemplary skill in acrobatics, having knowledge of most ancient and modern weapons, as well as possessing an almost genius level intellect, make Lara Croft one of the best at what she does.

A thirty-something, former U.S Marine Sergeant and family man, turned hired gun, Carmine DeMarco (DJ Cotrona) is a man with a dark and complicated past. Egocentric, forthright and short-tempered, Carmine isn't a man with many real friends. Always on the move, and always on the look out for the next job, joining Lara's team is quite the change of pace for him. He becomes interested in Lara after their paths cross in India, and sometimes accompanies her on missions. Skilled in both armed and unarmed combat, fluent in foreign languages ranging from German to Archaic Latin, and possessing high-to-low level contracts from across the globe, Carmine is useful to Lara and her journey in more ways than one, even though she doesn't like to admit it. But as a mercenary, can he really be trusted?

Early-thirties and already ahead of most scholars in her field, Simone Yates (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) is a historian with a focus on pre-historic legends and mythological artifacts, including relics, weapons, armor, and clothing. Graduating from the School of Archaeology at Oxford University, Simone continued her studies outside of school by becoming a curator for a small museum in London. Due to her keen interest in the fantastical elements of ancient history, she uses her intelligence to prepare Lara for his missions, not only making her one of the most important members of her team, but also one of her closest friends. Simone is a quite sensitive, opinionated and ambitious perfectionist - she's grown accustomed to being the very best at everything she does, and begins to develop an self-conscious and even envious streak when she compares herself to Lara, which may get in the way of their friendship.

Early-twenties, and recently graduating at the top of his class from the University of Cambridge, Colin Blake (Robert Sheehan) is a computer technology specialist and an expert in biotechnological and chemical engineering. He personally designs many of the gadgets and weapons that Lara utilizes on her adventures. His skills prove vital for Lara, as he is also able to access confidential information to further assist her on his missions. Sarcastic, brutally honest, and somewhat childish, Colin prefers to keep himself unfiltered, not afraid to say exactly what's on his mind at any given moment. Colin doesn't discuss his past very often, but even though he seemingly has it all - there are many demons he struggles to keep locked and buried away.

On a mission that goes fatally wrong, nineteen year old, Asha Jhaveri (Naomi Scott) is taken in by Lara and her team, becoming Lara's protege, of sorts. A youthful rebel with a thirst for adventure, and an a knack for getting herself into dangerous situations, Asha finds herself looking up to Lara in more ways than one. Asha is trusting, compassionate, eager to please, but her lack of experience makes it difficult to incorporate herself into Lara’s team. Not wanting to feel like the helpless girl she's been all her life, she makes it her mission to study Lara's every move, in hopes of one day becoming a world renown adventurer, as well.

Employed by the Croft family for nearly two decades and close friends with them for longer than that, Nigel Fleming (Anthony Head) is the butler at Croft Manor and a former explorer himself. Though years older than him, Nigel grew up with Lara's father, Ricard Croft and became somewhat of an older brother to him. When Richard went missing after the death of his wife, Nigel made it is duty to see to it that Lara is looked after. Having vast knowledge of the medical field, he tends to any injuries Lara and her team happen to sustain. Nigel is also there to provide wisdom and guidance to Lara, who he has come to see as the daughter he never had. On the surface, Nigel may appear to be a proper gentlemen, but underestimating him would be a very grave mistake.

RECURRING CHARACTERS



Karim Al Sadat (Rami Malek) is Lara’s vehicle and transportation expert/mechanic. He oversees all of Lara’s travel details and even flies her private jet and yacht. With contacts all over the world, Karim makes sure Lara has what she needs for her cross country explorations. Karim is extremely laid back, easy going and doesn't ask too many questions. He does complain about long hours or dangerous environments - all he cares about is traveling, and Lara's lifestyle allows him to do just that.




Tobias Knight (Joseph Fiennes) is a British philanthropist and business with a dark, and mysterious past.

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EPISODE GUIDE

1.01 - "NAVARATNA" (PILOT) - Since escaping from the Himalayas in an accident that killed her mother, Lara Croft has been hunting ancient artifacts for the past five years. With her own team of specialists assisting her, she's been able to make a living off of adventure. After being hired by the Jhaveri’s to recover an ancient gem to complete a Navaratna, a priceless talisman made up of nine precious gemstones, Lara must travel to an island off the coast of India, where the stone is rumored to be hidden. However, upon arrival, she encounters something she never thought she would - another explorer, which may lead to her becoming a major player in the quest of a lifetime! Written by Brady Brown & Chris Davis

Link to Pilot (FIRST DRAFT): ninth-spectrum.weebly.com/uploads/6/8/3/8/6838324/tomb_raider_-_1x01_-_navaratna_-_complete.pdf

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NOTES

So, this came out of left field, I know. Brady and I were talking about making a show together, but it was just talk. Until we starting planning this pilot out one act at a time, then discovered a way to collaborate on the script together. One thing led to another, and we had a finished pilot in under 48 hours. "Tomb Raider" is a big franchise to mess with, and we want to stay true to it as much as possible, while putting our own spin on things. We decided instead of making this series a direct adaption from the games, we'd sort of reboot the franchise all together, picking a few major aspects from the original story, while having the freedom to tweak and add our own mythology.

As of right now, we've only got a pilot, but we plan on writing five more episodes of season one if this gets a greenlight. We do have a rough idea of where the season is heading, and are on our way to outline it all. Trying to think of anything else to say, but can't. So, if you have any questions, feel free to comment below! And if you feel like reading the pilot, all constructive criticism is welcome!

[Carey]

Now I love Tomb Raider and the whole tomb robbing and adventure genre. I've played most of the games, I've seen both movies, the first being is my guilty pleasure even though its horrible, and I've had a number of thoughts on making my own Tomb Raider VS in the past.

But something about this one didn't click for me. It was the characters. You've described what they do and what skills they possess, but who are they? What is their personality, their relationships with each other?

Now I haven't read the pilot just yet, so you may have already characterized each person, this is just going on the pitch.

On the other hand, you've got a global adventure show. I love these kinds of things. And you even casted Rami Malek, a severely underrated actor. And I do love the games, so you've got one guaranteed reader here.

[Jamison]

Thanks for giving the pitch a read! You're the only one here on the forum who I know enjoys the games, besides Brady and myself.

You make a good point about the character descriptions. You're absolutely right. Hopefully you find them better characterized in the script, but I will go back and add a bit more detail here, as well. Going into the show, I knew I wanted Rami Malek to have a role. He was originally going to be in the main cast, but we didn't have too much room for the character we originally had in mind, but luckily I was able to find another role for him.

Again, thanks for giving the pitch a read. Whenever you decide to read the pilot, here's hoping you enjoy it. It's the first draft, with possibly many more to come, but we just wanted to hit the ground running and get something written out, as soon as possible.

[Carey]

Again, thanks for giving the pitch a read. Whenever you decide to read the pilot, here's hoping you enjoy it. It's the first draft, with possibly many more to come, but we just wanted to hit the ground running and get something written out, as soon as possible.

That's a good tactic, instead of my endless planning for stuff I never get around to.

And I shall give this a read soon, like in a few hours, so be on the lookout for my poorly written review!

[Jamison]

Haha! And I'll just be over here, nervously awaiting it.

[Carey]

A bit late with my review, I know. But I've finally read it.

SPOILER: Click to show

Overall, I did like it. It was a little cheesy and full of the same tropes that much of the genre is full of, but that's whats good about it. Ancient ruins, mysterious creatures, shadowy figures, it's fun to read.

But the biggest problem has to be the characters. I did get a sense of a character from a few of them, Collins and Simone in particular. However the rest didn't really stand out. Lara became a little more interesting near the end, but for the most part there wasn't a lot to her. She was the action girl and I suppose it works for the simple plot.

The flashbacks were a way to give her more characterization, but besides the last one they weren't really needed. They did create a contrast between the girl she once was and the woman she is now, but it created pacing problems and they could've been used to better effect in a later episode.

Nigel kind of feels like a piece of furniture of the Manor that's there to dispense fatherly advice, rather than a person, but it is a pilot and you'll have time to give him the characterization he deserves.

Then there's Asha. I'm a little biased because I hate prodigies, and Asha just feels forced. She doesn't relate to the plot at all and her actions have no consequences. She's supposed to mirror a younger Lara, but we don't even have a clear picture of Lara yet. That "You might be even better" scene was way too soon. Lara met her two minutes previous and already repeating her father's words to her? In my opinion an apprentice shouldn't be introduced for a while, at least until you've already gotten the mentor well and truly established.

The plot of the episode is pretty simple. I was surprised by the Jhaveri family and how high up Lara's clients are. I do wonder what they would've done with the Navaratna talisman when it was complete.

Now for my nitpicking. There were a number of mistakes regarding guns that most people do get wrong. Like the usage of clipin "She empties her clip" when it should be magazine. Another is Machine Gun. I assume you were thinking of Assault Rifles or Sub-machine Guns. Machine Guns are much bigger, heavier and deliver a much more constant rate of fire, where they are far more usable when deployed on a stand or on the ground. Like the gun in the finale of Breaking Bad.

Other than that, the episode seems to work. The plot, though simple, is interesting enough to hold my attention. Lara didn't have a lot of characterization, but she did work as the lead. The rest of the cast could use some work but were serviceable. And I did love the scene with the Leogriff, I'm always happy to see some strange creatures stalking the halls of ancient ruins.
It's not a great episode, but its good. It works. And if it is only the first draft, I'm sure you'll fix many of the issues. And even if this is the final version, I honestly would keep reading the following episodes.

[Jamison]

Oct 23, 2014 0:30:34 GMT -6 Carey said:

A bit late with my review, I know. But I've finally read it.

Overall, I did like it. It was a little cheesy and full of the same tropes that much of the genre is full of, but that's whats good about it. Ancient ruins, mysterious creatures, shadowy figures, it's fun to read.

Thanks for giving it a read, Carey! Your feedback is MUCH appreciated and very helpful.

But the biggest problem has to be the characters. I did get a sense of a character from a few of them, Collins and Simone in particular. However the rest didn't really stand out. Lara became a little more interesting near the end, but for the most part there wasn't a lot to her. She was the action girl and I suppose it works for the simple plot.

The flashbacks were a way to give her more characterization, but besides the last one they weren't really needed. They did create a contrast between the girl she once was and the woman she is now, but it created pacing problems and they could've been used to better effect in a later episode.

Nigel kind of feels like a piece of furniture of the Manor that's there to dispense fatherly advice, rather than a person, but it is a pilot and you'll have time to give him the characterization he deserves.

Noted. Characterization is something I'm going to really focus on when going into the 2nd draft. Typically, I create layouts for every main character before even starting a pilot, in order to have a better understanding of who they are as individuals, and make it easier to establish their own, unique voices. However, production of this flew by so quickly, we kinda just skipped that part. So, that's what I'll be doing in the next few days.

I'm glad you were able to get a sense of character from Colin and Simone, at least. Those two were my favorite to write, so far. I'll be looking to improve on the others, and them as well. On the topic of Nigel -- I agree. The pilot didn't really do him much justice. I can say that there's a lot more to him than meets the eye, but it's true, none of it was shown in the pilot, so I understand your indifference towards him. I'll try to bring a bit more of him out in draft two, but a lot of what will make him really standout will probably have to wait until a few episodes down the line, when we're able to really explore his past.

Then there's Asha. I'm a little biased because I hate prodigies, and Asha just feels forced. She doesn't relate to the plot at all and her actions have no consequences. She's supposed to mirror a younger Lara, but we don't even have a clear picture of Lara yet. That "You might be even better" scene was way too soon. Lara met her two minutes previous and already repeating her father's words to her? In my opinion an apprentice shouldn't be introduced for a while, at least until you've already gotten the mentor well and truly established.

You make a good point about waiting for Lara to be established before giving her an apprentice. When we went into creating the character of Asha, we were pulling inspiration from the Nikita/Alex relationship. Not entirely sure if you're familiar with that show. But, we were more focused on what the relationship could become, instead of what it is now, and whether or not it makes sense for it to be the way it is, so soon. I'll have to really do some thinking about this one. Take some time to talk with Brady and see if there's anything we can do to either make Asha seem more realistic and less forced, or perhaps lessen the role she plays, and give her an opportunity to come back one day, when Lara is properly established on her own.

All just thoughts, now, but you've got the wheels in my head spinning.

The plot of the episode is pretty simple. I was surprised by the Jhaveri family and how high up Lara's clients are. I do wonder what they would've done with the Navaratna talisman when it was complete.

That, will definitely be explained. The mystery of the Navaratna will pretty much be the driving force of the season. It's definitely not something you'd want falling into the wrong hands.

Now for my nitpicking. There were a number of mistakes regarding guns that most people do get wrong. Like the usage of clipin "She empties her clip" when it should be magazine. Another is Machine Gun. I assume you were thinking of Assault Rifles or Sub-machine Guns. Machine Guns are much bigger, heavier and deliver a much more constant rate of fire, where they are far more usable when deployed on a stand or on the ground. Like the gun in the finale of Breaking Bad.

Ooops! Guess we should have done more research there. Thanks a lot for pointing the errors out and giving us the correct info. Will be sure to make the changes in draft two.

Other than that, the episode seems to work. The plot, though simple, is interesting enough to hold my attention. Lara didn't have a lot of characterization, but she did work as the lead. The rest of the cast could use some work but were serviceable. And I did love the scene with the Leogriff, I'm always happy to see some strange creatures stalking the halls of ancient ruins.
It's not a great episode, but its good. It works. And if it is only the first draft, I'm sure you'll fix many of the issues. And even if this is the final version, I honestly would keep reading the following episodes.

That Leogriff scene was particularly hard for me to write. One - because I had a raging headache, and two, because I've not very confident when writing action sequences. So, hearing that you liked it is a real confidence booster where that's concerned.

Again, thanks soo much for your read/review, and giving such helpful feedback. I take all criticism to heart and think it's a necessary step in making a piece of work the best it can possibly be, so thank you for being honest. Glad you were able to enjoy the episode, overall, despite a few of its flaws. And hope you're able to enjoy the 2nd draft even more!

[Brady Brown]

Chris has pretty much said everything, but I just wanted to thank you for leaving a review, Carey! It has seriously helped.

[Carey]

Anytime. I love Tomb Raider and I'm quite excited to see what your minds can come up with.

[Brady Brown]

Anybody else interested in checking this out? Any and all feedback is extremely welcomed!

[Matthew James]

So I've read the part of the first Act, while I've enjoyed my read thus far and met, Colin, Simone, Nigel and Lara of course. I loved Nigel and Colin so far.. Simone I was sort oh -- Meh with. I'm hoping she'll get more as I continue reading. But it did grab me and I plan to finish the rest of the pilot tomorrow... I don't know why but every time Simone had a line I kept reading "Sam" probably because I was such a fan of the Tomb Raider reboot, having mentioned that though. I always sort of thought that Camilla Ludington could play a live action Lara, since she did the voice.

[Brady Brown]

Nov 2, 2014 2:24:11 GMT -6 Matthew James said:

So I've read the part of the first Act, while I've enjoyed my read thus far and met, Colin, Simone, Nigel and Lara of course. I loved Nigel and Colin so far.. Simone I was sort oh -- Meh with. I'm hoping she'll get more as I continue reading. But it did grab me and I plan to finish the rest of the pilot tomorrow... I don't know why but every time Simone had a line I kept reading "Sam" probably because I was such a fan of the Tomb Raider reboot, having mentioned that though. I always sort of thought that Camilla Ludington could play a live action Lara, since she did the voice.

Thanks for reading what you can, Matthew! It's really appreciated. I'm fairly certain Chris and I actually had a little conversation about Simone not being very likeable. She's a very, very proud of all the accomplishments she's been able to achieve, and it's very hard for her to accept help. She just has to learn to be humble. But it's awesome you're liking Nigel and Colin!

I definitely agree that Camilla did fantastic in the video game, but, personally, I don't think she was what we wanted this Lara to be. Anyway, Chris came up with the fabulous Katrina Law, so I'll let him add anything if he wants to.

Thanks again, can't wait to hear the rest of your thoughts!