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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 21:17:09 GMT -6
I enjoyed the flashback. It gave the reason why Abigail is doing what she is doing, and it introduced us to her father, Abraham Whistler. I like his attitude, towards his daughter. He’s strict and determined, and I really enjoy him. Both because of the movies, and the comics, I could never see Whistler any other way. He's the Magneto and Xavier of the Blade (in this case, Nightstalkers) universe. He can't be changed, in my eyes. So I'm glad you like him. ^^ I like the training scene, while Abigail was attacking the dummies. It was detailed really and I could picture it really nicely. And it was just fun to read! Thanks! I'm really glad you guys are liking the descriptions in these webisodes. Like I told Jack, it's something I'm really trying to focus on and get down-packed. Seems like it's working so far! And, even though Blade was only in this episode for, like, a scene, it really showed what a bad-ass he is. And that nobody messes with him, or they’ll end up like those vampires he killed. xD We probably won't see Blade all that often, but I really aim to make all of his appearances like this. They may be small, but he'll be a bad ass and he'll be kicking ass. I did have one or two issues, though -- the first being the use of the word “f***ing”. It just kind of threw me for a loop, and kind of caught me off guard. To me, a script can work just as well without the word, as it could have with it. But if there is a legitimate reason to why it was in there, then I can respect your decision and overlook it. It's like I told Jack in my response to his review in the Outcasts thread. The language depends on the character and how I view it, how it sounds in my head. That's the type of guy Whistler is, that's the type of language he uses. I can't hear him say "freaking" or "fricking" in my head. It's "fucking". It could be taken out, I guess, but I don't believe in censoring things. I hate the rating systems, as I've stated in the chatbox before, and feel like it's a damper on creativity. So there is going to be some language involved, whether it be the "f-word" or something much more minor. Plus, the inspiration I pull these series from (the Marvel Universe, of course) doesn't censor itself either. Some words, they do, but it's still there. You still know what they're saying -- and so that's how I feel with these shows. Only difference is I don't censor the word because how awkward would a "bleep" be in the middle of a sentence? But, yeah. I hope you guys can look passed the "language" stuff. Second, this episode felt like it focused on Abraham, more than it did on Abigail. To me, it felt like he was the main character and not her. That was something I picked up on. Abraham was meant to be a big focus in this episode because he's an important person in Abby's life. It was more about the two of them, together, rather than just Abigail in this episode. Overall, I really enjoyed this episode. I think this series could fit perfectly in the universe you have created, and I think many people could get behind it. Please don’t think I didn’t like this with the things I pointed out, because I really did enjoy this. And I support this, and good luck to you, Aimee, and anyone else working on this!
8.5/10 -- great second episode with very few flaws.
Thanks so much for the review, Brady! It's great knowing you guys are behind this darker addition to the VPN's Marvel Universe. |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 7:52:24 GMT -6
If you're referring to the Scarlet Witch, that's different. That is totally different. The entire thing was Wanda's fault to begin with and she was unstable. Yeah, she gave ONE mutant his powers back, but that doesn't mean she'd be able to restore them all. What if she lost it again? The Phoenix is fire and LIFE incarnate. LIFE being the keyword there. She brings destruction, but also rebirth. Yeah, it could mean trouble, but if it's harnessed and controlled by a host as powerful as Hope -- well, Hope has a chance of taming the beast. Jean managed to tame her for a time.
But you bring up another point. Why are the Avengers having a hissy fit over the Phoenix? She has never caused an issue on Earth beyond the X-Men. Yet Wanda was the cause of mutant GENOCIDE and they protected her. Hypppoooocrriiiiiiiiittttttttssss.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 6:28:30 GMT -6
Alright, I'm going to put this whole thing to rest with this. I think we're all understanding the other's viewpoints, and the issues at hand here, but I don't want the discussion to keep clouding up this pitch thread. I also want to point out to everyone that this was NOT an argument. Jack, Maddie and I have taken no offense to this (as far as I know) and that it was simply a discussion that was opened up and obviously needed to be had. So a few points to sum up before we try to wind this down.
The gender-swapping of characters in the VPN's Marvel Universe was intended to be creative. It's how we saw certain characters for our universe, and the reason why others weren't swapped is because it was strange to us and we couldn't see it. Like Maddie said: If you can see Jean Grey or Mary Jane as a male, that's awesome, but we couldn't and if we forced it, well -- you guys know what happens when you force something you can't really see. We didn't just not gender-swap the other person because we wanted a homosexual relationship. We did it because it didn't work for us.
As for the issue with their not being a development of straight characters, it's like Maddie said. Age of Heroes hasn't aired yet, and Nightstalkers hasn't even been picked up. I see the "skepticism", I guess you could call it, but all I can say is give me a chance. I come off as spastic and disorganized, but I promise you I'm not and I have all this stuff down -- with Maddie's help, of course.
I guess I've kinda pushed myself into a corner with the Outcasts having two lead characters being homosexual that it's automatically assumed everything else in the universe will be the same way. I said at the end of my last post that by the time the reboot airs, this won't even been an issue. There is going to be one rather major heterosexual relationship developing in the first season and more as the series progresses. Age of Heroes has a few as well, obviously, and Nightstalkers, provided that it gets picked up, will too. I know I kinda messed up with the first go around; I got a lot of scrutinizing comments about the gay characters on Outcasts, and there not being enough straights ones. That contributed partially to the reboot as well. A do-over on that regard, too, I guess. Like I said, just give me a chance to show that and this won't even be an issue anymore.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 5:50:54 GMT -6
^ And to tack on to what Maddie say, the Outcasts reboot (because I know with the like, abundance of female characters it was really difficult to do this) will have a development for at least one heterosexual couple in the first season. And, had the season progressed as it was going to before the reboot was decided on, there was going to be a relationship -- Between Kitty and Bobby. That said, I think after the reboot airs, this won't even be an issue anymore. EDIT: THANKS BOTH OF YOU CRACKERS FOR EDITING YOUR POSTS AFTER I CAME IN HERE! But it's okay. I still love you guys. -side eyes- |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 3:40:30 GMT -6
"A Southern Touch" introduced a new mutant character to the universe, known as 'Rogue', who has the ability to drain another mutant's powers into his own to use temporarily. While not being the focal aspect of the episode, the character proved to be an important one, with how the season's big bad, Haylee (aka Demogoblin) views him. The main points of this episode seemed to center around a sense of 'calm before the storm', in that we got a chance to see relationships solidified between Jean and Kristen, as well as Gwen and Melanie, and on top of that, we had nice little moments of happiness with the X-Men enjoying themselves at the pool, for instance. This episode was definitely meant to be the "calm before the storm". Or, rather, "shitstorm" would be more appropriate, but I digress XD It was a way to start bringing everything together and setting up what had to be established for the finale to flow as well as I intend it to. It was nice getting to do these scenes, but at the same time, there is the lingering thought that this is all happening because their lives are about to be torn apart. The opener for the episode was one of my favourites from the season. You creatively found a way to delve deeper into Haylee's backstory, and show several significant moments of her life without it being a major distraction. The only downfall was that the dialogue felt forced, mainly when Haylee mentions the 'tracking device' - this is partly understandable because you're having this character speak without anyone to bounce dialogue off of. I just felt there could have been a better way to introduce the 'tracking device' - which did prove to be important during the climax of the episode. Just a little pet peeve is all. Maddie pointed out to be that that piece of dialogue could have been fixed with one word, and it's my bad that it turned out all wonky like that. Had I used a parathetical to explain how it was said, it probably would have come off differently. I didn't catch it because of how I was hearing it in my head, so that was my bad. XD The relationship between Jean and Kristen really hit its stride - you combined light-hearted moments, as well as some heavy drama, all of which flowed perfectly throughout the course of the episode. I loved the scene between Jean and Bobby as Bobby really helped open Jean's eyes to the truth, and gave her that little nudge from fate to go and ask Kristen out. Then, before Kristen can answer, they are interrupted, which brings me to my next point (of what I found to be the best part of this episode)- The scene between Jean and Bobby was one of my favorites I think, as well. I've been kind of waiting for the chance to show that Bobby is more than an immature little teenage boy. He's so much more than that, and I think this was one way to show it -- by opening Jean's eyes to something she didn't see. Kristen and Jean were probably my favorites to write in this episode. I love playing with their dynamic and the way they bounce off each other and the differences between their characters yet it still works. We get to see that one last time in the finale before everything goes down hill. There was so much suspense. With Kristen unable to respond to Jean's question, and with the intense moments where Jean's powers began to grow and expand into - well, what I can only assume will bring about her inevitable downfall and breed life to The Phoenix - I spent the majority of the last two acts scared that Kristen and Jean would never receive the chance to actually admit how they felt, and return those feelings. It was so hard to keep reading - I honestly thought that Jean would NOT survive this episode, and you had me scared the entire time. I even began to question the purpose of some of these scenes with Jean, thinking 'is this episode her swan song?' Really great work, Aimee - the way you kept that suspense building, it made this episode quite the page turner! This episode was definitely a big one for everyone, but most of all Jean. The sparks of the Phoenix play a huge part in the finale, so establishing that it's there was a big goal for this episode. The suspense in this episode, I have to say, is probably the best thing I've ever done in my eyes. It's something I'm generally not good at, but it seems like it pulled through for me and I'm really glad for that. While I originally hated this episode, the more I look at it and the more I see what you guys have to say about it, it might very well be the best episode I've written so far. Moving on to the famous "triangle" of the series - you really flipped the tables on this one, and instead of having Gwen look on with envious eyes, wishing Melanie's affection was for her and her only, you did that with Mary-Jane, which felt quite painful too. But, if I'm being honest, I was still on a "high" from the beautiful Gwen/Melanie moments you gave us for this episode. It kind of reminds me of the Smallville Chloe/Clark/Lana triangle in the first season -- Clark spent the majority of the season wanting Lana, with Chloe wanting Clark, only to remain as the best friend. Then, as the season approached its final few episodes, Clark realised he had feelings for Chloe as well, and with Lana spoken for, he asked Chloe to the prom - which thus resulted in Lana playing Chloe's role, and wanting Clark's affections. Very nostalgic reading this, because of that similarity (which is funny because you don't watch Smallville, but I wanted to bring it up to tell you how great I found it!) Anyway, I'm glad that we got to see these moments between Melanie and Gwen, and I think you've done a wonderful job with this triangle - I really don't know who is going to end up with who. I really hope to carry over these elements you guys seem to love into the reboot. Of course, with some twists and turns, but I really want to bring this back because it didn't get to play out how I wanted it to by us cutting this season short. I want to play it out how I originally saw it, and still keep you guys in suspense on who it's going to be. Which is funny, because in the beginning when I first brought Gwen in, I hated the idea of Gwen Stacy and the triangle. I wanted nothing to do with it, and planned to get rid of Gwen Stacy (-coughkillhercough-) after her episode arc was over. But as I wrote her in that first episode she appeared in, and the more I planned for her, I grew attached and I have you to thank for that. I know I mess with you and rage at you about it, but you know I'm totally kidding and I'm actually glad you've opened my eyes to this character. I love Gwen Stacy just as much as I love the other characters and I've enjoyed giving her my own spin and giving her a MUCH bigger part in the VPN's Marvel Universe. If only you knew the impact she'll eventually have XD But, back to the episode and the finale -- you'll get this version's answer to the triangle in the finale, I can promise you that. This episode also did a great job of building us up to what is bound to be a spectacular finale. We learned that Rogue is the "key" to Haylee's scheming, evil plan; we learned that Jean's powers are progressing towards the Phoenix, and if you ask me, she's at the top of the list of "characters who will die in the finale", which is going to be heartbreaking; and last of all, I revert back to the triangle - you've shown us that it will be reaching some form of conclusion that I can't wait to see unfold. Also: That cliffhanger inspires me to buy a plane ticket, find where you live, fly over to your house, and steal all your notes on the finale to figure out what is going to happen next. Or train myself to become the ultimate hacker, and just... snatch them. Both of which are time and money consuming, so I guess I'll just have to wait. If you knew what was going to happen in the finale, I'm sure you'd kill me and cancel the Outcasts before I had the chance to ruin everyone's hopes and dreams. No, but really, I hope not to disappoint with the finale. I really want it to be as great as you guys are thinking of it. You're definitely a huge inspiration, motivation, and encouragement for me in writing the Outcasts and you've been a supporter from the beginning and it really means a lot. That said, I really hope I don't fall flat for you guys on this one. I do have to say, though, that I felt really bad for how Rogue was treated by the X-Men. I understand that it would have been hard for both of them to trust either one, but knowing that Rogue wasn't really in the bad, and then seeing that huge battle come out of it, it was so tragic. I kind of wish there was less of the brawl between him and the X-Men, but it didn't really affect my views on the episode THAT much. That entire fiasco really has a definite impact on the finale in that, if it never happened...well, the finale wouldn't be happening. I'm not going to say much about it, but you'll see what I mean next week, when the finale goes to air. Favourite moment of this episode is probably the Bobby/Jean stuff. I also loved Gwen's little slipup where she almost told Melanie how much she loved her. But the best thing about this episode was that you created so much suspense that it was like one of those "I don't want to find out what happens in case its bad, but I have to keep reading!" So good. The only complaint was surrounding the forced dialogue from Haylee's part in the opener, mainly around the 'tracking device', and as I was reading through, there were certain parts that felt like they lingered too long (the Jean/Kristen pool scene being one of them). But, I cancelled that complaint out MAINLY because of how it really emphasised the "calm before the storm" part. These happy moments could quite possibly be the LAST time we get to see them enjoying themselves. I really do get the feeling that an all out war is going to be unleashed in the finale, and that we'd be lucky to have any light-hearted scenes in there (at least, ones that aren't surrounding impending doom). Looking forward to the finale! Regarding the "calm before the storm", we'll get to see a few more of those moments in the finale, but it isn't the same. I think, once you read through it and you reach the end, you'll know what I mean. But regardless, we get to see them in their natural, day-to-day environment one last time. Oh, and I loved that Kristen and Jean snuck in a kiss. I probably would have complained about that, actually, if they didn't. LMAO. But really, a great penultimate episode. 10/10. I truly wasn't expecting a rating that high, but damn if it's not an ego-boost and a total motivator to make sure that the finale is as epic as you guys think of it. The kiss between Kristen and Jean was something Maddie and I felt was important, especially considering what's in store for the finale, so I would not have blamed if you for complaining if we hadn't put that in there, lmfao! But really, I'm totally excited that you loved it so much. This review has definitely made my like, entire week. Thanks so much, Jack! |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 10, 2012 2:58:08 GMT -6
The episode opened with a great action sequence that really showcased what I believe has been your best writing - it felt different to the way you write the Outcasts, not just in tone, but also in the way you've formatted it. It was snappy. Quick and to the point, but also insanely descriptive. I really enjoyed it! This style of writing has been something that's actually grown on me over the last few months and I'm going to try to integrate it into the Outcasts once the reboot starts. I felt like changing it up eleven episodes in would be a little off-putting so I've held back quite a bit, but I'm glad you liked it here. I really enjoyed writing it this way, and it helped me actually even more detail into what I was seeing in my head down on paper without it being insanely thick like Outcasts was when I first started writing. I'll definitely have to try to stick with this style. It's went over well. I loved the description of Abigail: "behind them we see an unwavering determination in her blue eyes, but a softness hidden deep within." It gave us insight into the kind of person she was, and really highlighted the fact that this is someone who may not necessarily be the "what you see is what you get" kind of girl. There's layers to her - and peeling them back, and getting to the core of this character is something that I'm looking forward to. Abigail is definitely a character that has several layers that we'll get to delve into as the series goes on. I think she's going to be one of the most likable (or hated, depending on your preference) characters in this series. Or, at least I hope she is. I have to extend on what Brady said, in regards to your shows having a homosexual main protagonist. Exploring both heterosexual and homosexual characters and relationships on The Outcasts felt like a perfect, and unique idea, and it really worked well for the show because of how they are mutants, and not all of them are accepted by society, yet they still fight for it, and protect it. To not only change the genders, but also the sexuality of those characters -- it really emphasized one of the key aspects of the series, and I always applauded that. That said, my main problem centers around Brady's comment - it does get repetitive. Personally, I read all relationships, and view all relationships, the same - whether its a man and a woman, or two women or two men. Its still love, and romance, and all of that. However, whereas its something I felt was creatively great for the Outcasts, I'm not quite sure how I feel about another character, in a long list of characters from your "Marvel Universe" sharing homosexual traits, especially when its often rare to see heterosexual relationships develop in this vast universe you've moulded with the Outcasts, and later Age of Heroes, and now with Nightstalkers. I think its great to have main homosexual protagonists, however... looking at what your response to the topic was: "a lot of shows feature main characters that are heterosexual and the universe Maddie and I have created is aimed not only at the normal audiences but also to appeal to audiences that aren't usually appealed to directly," I have to say that there doesn't seem to be a balance for audiences (in terms of the universe you've created, not this series in particular), and that your aim to appeal to both seems to favor one more than the other. I don't mean to offend, but I think it would be interesting to see a heterosexual relationship develop in this universe. In terms of Abigail, it comes down to how you see the character - you know, what is her sexuality? Either one is fine. My main point to get across is finding some balance, and whether or not we'll see a heterosexual relationship get as much development and focus than a homosexual one (especially with this series not sharing the same themes as The Outcasts). We discussed this in the chat box, but for those with this same concern that didn't see it -- Nightstalkers has no gender-swapping and all original sexual orientations for the characters were kept. There was a bit of confusion on Abigail before the show was written, but it fell into place as-is because it's what best fit the character and the show. There was no gender-swapping to create homosexual couples or anything like that (which, wasn't the case in the Outcasts either but I digress). Watching Blade, I loved the "blind" character. Here, Taylor just stands out from the others. The fact that she can do so much, yet be at a disadvantage - its really something I hope to see develop more and more over the course of the series. Zoey, on the other hand, has quite an adorable relationship with Abigail, and I think, going off of that beautiful description of her, a key to unlocking that softer side to Abigail is shown through her interactions with Zoey. She is one of those characters that I think will ground Abigail, keep her human in such a demonic world, you know? Taylor and Zoey both are Abigail's grounding. Though, Zoey definitely ends up playing a bigger part in that as the series goes on. Zoey actually becomes a pretty important character, I like to think, over the course of the series. She's not going to stay some side character -- I do eventually want her in a spotlight because she has so much room to grow as a character. Lastly, I have to comment on "story." This was keeping me from reviewing because I didn't know how to discuss that. I think this episode introduces the characters well, established a solid relationship between them, but looking at the story, I wasn't quite able to summarize it, and figure out WHAT the story for this episode was truly about. Its hard - a webisode goes for 10 pages, and you can't have a mindblowing storyline for each little addition. So I'm a bit torn. I felt like you introduced the characters perfectly, you had some build up involved that gave us insight into what to expect in this arc, if not, sequence. You opened the episode with an exciting battle, and you ended with our characters setting off for another one. I have no knowledge of the characters in the Blade series, or anything to do with that aspect of Marvel, so a few references may have gone over my head, but all in all, I quite enjoyed this. It was a pretty great first episode. 9/10. I'm still getting used to the whole webisode thing, so I understand I probably did some things wrong. I really like the format, and I definitely prefer it over a major, full-length series (at least for right now) for this show in particular because of Outcasts and any potential that R.A.N.G.E.R.S has. I like writing it, I like working with it, but I'm still learning. So I'm probably gonna have a few mistakes here and there as I learn. I think the second episode is better, in regards to a solid story -- but we'll see, I guess XD. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, Jack! I know you're really busy, so it means a lot that you took the time to do it. You know I always appreciate your feedback. |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 9, 2012 18:28:30 GMT -6
I like the scenes of Abigail fighting with the vampires. I think the action/descriptions were very well done, and I loved all the weapons she had. Guess that’s why Zoey couldn’t play in her armory? xD I'm glad you enjoyed the fighting scenes! Abigail's weapons have always intrigued me as well, so I wanted to make sure to kinda showcase those right off the bat. I'm glad you liked them as well. We'll be seeing a lot of those, definitely. I like the relationship between the three girls in this episode. I really enjoy how Abigail treats Zoey. It’s sort of like a cool uncle or aunt or maybe even a cousin. And I really like Taylor, too. The fact that she’s blind and has the ability to do all these things intrigues me. I'm really glad that it came off that way. We really wanted to make sure to show that Abigail and Zoey are really close, you could even say older to younger sister and it'll be something that grows throughout the series and will prove to be really important. [/quote] One of the things I loved most about Sommerfield in the movie was that she was blind, but could do things that a sighted person may not even be able to do. The extent of her abilities has yet to be shown, but I assure you she won't cease to amaze. If I had to point out something I’m a bit iffy about, and it’s not a bad thing, but it seems to me that all your main characters of your shows are homosexual. And to me, it can get a tad bit repetitive. Now, I have no knowledge on the character you are trying to portray in the comics, so this could be exactly right. So, sorry if that’s the case. xD For the homosexual characters, it's kind of a mix of different things. In this case, it was implied in the movie Blade: Trinity (and other medias surrounding the movie) that Sommerfield and Abigail were "lovers". Originally, I wasn't going to go with that but after thinking about it and planning out further into the VPN's Marvel Universe, it wouldn't better for future plot lines and such if I DID go with that storyline. It's also partly because a lot of shows (virtual series and television), comics, etc., feature main characters that are heterosexual and the universe Maddie and I have created is aimed not only at the normal audiences, but also to appeal to audiences that aren't usually appealed to directly. That, and I find it a little easier to relate to those characters in certain ways. All in all, I really enjoyed this. It’s intrigued me about the Marvel Vampire universe, and I can’t wait to check out the next episode. So, my final rating would be -- 9/10 -- great story, great characters, and can’t wait to read more! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Brady. It means a lot! I can't wait to see what you think of the second episode! |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 9, 2012 16:39:20 GMT -6
The first two episodes have finally been posted!
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 9, 2012 4:37:17 GMT -6
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BITTEN
May 8, 2012 21:19:19 GMT -6
Post by Aimee Nicole on May 8, 2012 21:19:19 GMT -6
REVIEW: Full Moon Rising
Alright, Darrin, finally reading and reviewing your script. I'm going to review as I read, so I'm sorry if it gets lengthy.
Awesome opening I really love your attention to detail. It was easy for me to picture and you had an element of suspense in the first part that I really enjoyed. You also did a fantastic job of establishing this setting to us. A nice, fishing town. I love it already -- I don't know what it is, but I always love towns/cities like that.
I really like Gwen and her dynamic with Will. Those two are definitely edging to be my favorites. I'm definitely intrigued by this "royalty" element you've got going on here. Really can't wait to see where this goes.
Alright, definitely liking Sara too. She seems really sweet, especially when she let the Evan take a break when she saw how hard he was working. And the newspaper at the end of that scene? Oh, boy, here we go.
The imagery there actually made me chuckle to myself. It probably wasn't supposed to, but it totally did. The little things like that are always awesome. I also love how you've got kind of a horror element in here as well. The "chase" scenes are really well written and give a horror-movie like feel to it. I really like that.
I love how the scene we saw in the beginning makes its way around later in the script. I love how you integrated that and brought it around, and it made sense. Fantastic job with that. The fight scene you had there was great, and well detailed. I could see every bit of it going in my head.
Okay so I got lost in the reading from that scene to the end, so let me just try to summon up my feelings on the rest of it: EPIC. I say again that your attention to detail, while still keeping it relatively short and sweet is amazing, I love it. I don't have to trust to visualize anything and it all flows nicely. Aside from a few places, your dialogue was also well-written and I didn't step back going, "Wait, what?" at all. And that cliffhanger? Oh shit. I can't wait to see more of this, Darrin.
You have a really good story here, and a great execution. You've definitely gotten me hooked, and I'd love to see more of this. I feel that "Bitten" definitely has a spot on the network's line-up and we have so many fans of vampires and werewolves on the site that you'd have a really good following as well. All in all, you had a great pilot. I give you a 10/10. Good luck on this, Darrin! You've totally got my vote.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 8, 2012 2:26:51 GMT -6
 Airdate: May 8th, 2012 Guest Star(s): Jensen Ackles, Gwyneth Paltrow, Victoria Justice, Taylor Momsen, Chris Zylka The VPN's Official Description: BEND TO THE WILL OF THE DEMOGOBLIN - When a rogue mutant (Special Guest Star Jensen Ackles) escapes from Oscorp, Haylee (Hayden Panettiere) calls on the help of Spider-Girl (Missy Peregrym) to catch him. But when the X-Men get involved, and the truth of the mutant is revealed, it all goes to hell. Bryce Dallas Howard and Kirsten Dunst also star. Link: the-outcasts.weebly.com/uploads/7/0/5/3/7053905/1x11_new_version_-_a_southern_touch.pdfWriter(s): Aimee Nicole, Maddie Funderburg and Monica Ann |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 7, 2012 19:10:15 GMT -6
This show seems quite interesting, seems like one of those shows were you could do a mashup, like throw in the super teens bump into mali or something hahahaha I don't really think a crossover with the Super Teens would work between two people that have never communicated, nor with two series in separate universes. That would be like...Outcasts crossing over with Edge of Vision or something. |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 7, 2012 18:47:21 GMT -6
I read the script as well, and I just want to point out everything that Monica and Brady said counts for me as well. I also wanted to point out that if you're going to write them as college students, please do a little research as to what college life is like. We don't have detention, teachers don't particularly care if you're late and if they do, they don't say anything to you they just knock it off your grade or what have you. There is also less of a popularity contest. Even in a big university with huge sports teams, you can be "big man on campus" but it's not like high school at all.
Also, do some research on the formatting of scripts or read some of other people's to kind of get a grasp of what's expected of you. Try to keep your sluglines as short as possible. Describe the exact location in the body of the script, not the sluglines. Also, transitions -- make them clear or don't use them at all. Don't write them into the body of the script.
Also, the references to Flash Thompson and the Jean Grey School didn't particularly make sense. "Flash Thompson complex" only works if the reader knows who Flash Thompson is -- don't just assume, always describe him anyway. The Jean Grey School reference just didn't make sense at all. I couldn't figure out why you stuck it in there.
Also, pay attention to certain plot points, make sure to eliminate as many plotholes as possible. How did Vlad automatically know what was going on with the portals, etc. Always make sure to erase the plotholes.
Just some things to keep in mind. When you make the changes, like the others, I'll be glad to read it again.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 7, 2012 16:05:28 GMT -6
X-Men vs. Justice Society of America wouldn't make sense, either. Unless Marvel and DC had a legitimate reason, but they don't. Then again, Marvel doesn't have a legitimate reason for Avengers vs. X-Men, so you never know.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 7, 2012 15:59:34 GMT -6
He didn't. That's what he said he IMPLIED, but then he was like, "You guys are lucky we're not as awful as you think we are" or something to that effect. Scott would NEVER actually go through with that. Ever. He's not that kind of guy, even if he HAS changed. His goal is ALWAYS to protect humanity. The only reason he isn't trying to intercept the Phoenix Force is because it could save HIS people too. And right now, that's ALSO his job because no one else has the balls to do it.
#why I love Scott Summers
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 7, 2012 5:44:54 GMT -6
Okay, I just wanted to say that AvX#3 wasn't as infuriating as the first two, but the event is still ridiculous and I want it to end. Unfortunately, it's going to stick around until like, September. -sighs- Highlights of the Issue: Captain America beat the living shit out of Wolverine and dropped him out of a plane (I LOVE YOU CAPTAIN AMERICA! <3) and Cyclops totally played all of the Avengers in order to get a head start on finding Hope. Also, Rachel finally sided with her fucking dad (Cyclops) for once! |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 5, 2012 0:47:09 GMT -6
Hey, Brady! It was a huge surprise to find a review from you, but an awesome surprise it was. So let me just thank you for it before I get into the response. ^^ This was a crazy episode, in a GOOD way! This, like, kept me hooked the whole way through. And I really like that! The build up until, you know, events I shall not spoil for future readers, was excellent! I loved this episode in every shape and form imaginable. The Teaser, uh, holy freaking crap, guys, that was like AMAZING. Super freaking loved it, as everyone SHOULD. All the characters were introduced, in this episode, nicely. I really enjoyed the dialogue and the action taking place. The teaser was actually all Maddie's doing. At least, the scene between Haylee and Harry so I'll let her say some things on that if she wants to, but I'm glad you liked it! So, let's talk about the one, and only, FABULOUS JEAN GREY. She was amazing, by far. When is she not? I loved her and Kristen in this. The scene at the end with them was something I really enjoyed! Oh, and when Kristen walked into Jean's bedroom....uh, awkward. xD The scene with them at the end was really important, at least to Kristen's character, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was one of my favorites because I finally got to show a side of Kristen that no one has seen before. In fact, I think this entire episode was shoving Kristen out of her comfort zone -- which I love to do. Maddie and I are both really happy that you love Jean so much. I'm really glad that Maddie took to the role of writing for Jean so well -- she's amazing at it and her Jean is a perfect fit for what I've always pictured the Outcasts' Jean Grey to be. I also really like Jonnie in this episode. I remember her not being one of my favorites in an episode she was in, but I rather enjoyed her here. So good job on that! Thanks! I think a lot of people warmed up to Jonnie in this episode, which I'm glad for. Jonnie is one of my favorite characters to write for. So, all in all, this episode was beyond amazing. It kept me hooked, but the ending was just...I don't know...forced maybe? I don't know. Which part are you talking about? The scene with Jean/Kristen or Kristen/MJ? Reading through them, I don't really see the forced-ness of it. Both scenes were relatively important in that it was the end of Kristen and MJ's relationship and thus the end of any connection to Kristen's life prior to the X-Men. And of course, the very end was Kristen finally saying goodbye to said part in her life, along with showing how Jean has a certain way with her, a sort of way to keep her calm basically, even when she's on the defensive. But anyways, I loved it from head to toe, and I'm going to give "Honor Thy Father"10/10 Cannot wait to read more! *Sorry this review is so short. Hopefully future reviews will be longer! Thanks so much for the review, Brady! It was nice hearing your thoughts on the episode and I hope we get to see more of them in the coming episodes. |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on May 5, 2012 0:32:31 GMT -6
First, I just wanna thank you for reviewing the episode, Jack. It's definitely been a while, but it was worth the wait! Now... The latter story felt rather irrelevant in most places, as one scene centered on a game of "truth and dare" that resulted in Felicia and Haylee playing around in Harry's room with a condom. The scene between Felicia and her father felt as though it was a build up to something more in the episode, when she said she'd do anything for him, but instead, she spent the rest of the episode holding back her feelings on her relationship with Jonnie, finally revealing them, and then sharing a small moment with Jonnie towards the end of the episode. This plot did help in breaking up the heavy action involved in the episode, but other than that, it felt like something that could have been saved for a later episode, purely because of how divorced it was from everything else. Moving on... The plotline involving Felicia/Haylee was very much for the benefit of the both of them. It wasn't necessarily just Felicia's storyline. It was to show Haylee in a normal situation, a situation with someone close to her and not in a situation where she's in dark Haylee-mode for her father or some other reason. To kind of establish what sort of person she is. As for Felicia, it was supposed to be a build-up, but not for this particular episode. If the season had progressed as it was supposed to before the reboot, the relevance for all these scenes (the ones with her father and the ones dealing with Jonnie) would have become quite clear in the coming episodes. The way I write the episodes -- and the way Maddie designs them -- sometimes calls for building up to certain events in numerous episodes because a lot of it actually takes a lot of time to build up to so it isn't out of no where when the time comes. I know there have been a few other episodes that we've had reviews on that said similar things. For example, I believe the scene in "Legacy (Part One)" had a scene where Melanie and MJ were taking pictures and the relevance wasn't necessarily in that particular episode, but the relevance was clear in "Honor Thy Father" when we saw where those pictures went. But that's just how I operate XD so if you see this stuff in the future, just know that's going to be relevant at some point if not in that same episode. If it's not relevant, I won't even bother putting it in the episode, I promise. XD This episode introduced Nick Fury, who is such a great character. I enjoyed his plot with Kristen and Jean thoroughly, and their confronation with Reverb - who served as a brilliant antagonist for the episode - also made for a great read. Reverb is one of my favorite villains from the "Amazing Spider-Girl" comics even if he was a one-shot. Actually, he might have shown up twice, but I can't remember. Regardless, I found his suit and the mechanics of it really interesting and wanted to use it here. You'll definitely be seeing him in the reboot. I particularly enjoyed the part where Fury shifted between a rather light tone, and almost easy-going in terms of his conversations between Xavier and the girls, but then jumped to a "down to business" attitude when the mission started, and went so far as to shut Jean up physically. It spoke volumes to the kind of character he was, and I think it did a graet job of establishing him into the universe. I also enjoyed the part where Melanie discovered Reverb was headed for the jet, and Fury was more concerned about the safety of his sniper rifle, than the jet itself. Priceless! Nick Fury was definitely fun to have in this episode. Maddie and I had a lot of fun with his banter back in forth with Xavier and the girls, and of course the confrontation when he actually physically attacked Jean. One of my favorite parts to write with him was the fact that he sort of helped Kristen learn to look closely at certain things for clues and whatnot. I'm glad you liked him, and his little "sniper rifle" thing. I think that was one of our favorite parts as well. XD This episode also marked Melanie's 17th birthday, and also focused on the love triangle between her, Gwen and Mary-Jane. Its no lie that MJ went all out in terms of surprising Melanie and getting her the best presents -- the heart necklace, that was a good move. I think both presents represented the kind of people Gwen and Mary-Jane are, but I liked how Gwen's present stemmed from a bad habit of Melanie's, and proved to be both sweet, and helpful. It was just a nice little moment in the episode that I enjoyed. I'm forever torn between who is better suited for Melanie. XD In the beginning, I wanted Gwen in the episode but it was clear a few scenes in that she wouldn't fit in at all. But I'm glad you liked the small part she DID play in the episode, and that you caught the meaning behind her gift. That said, it also showed the gap between MJ and Gwen in terms of how long they've known one another and know certain things about the other. MJ went all out because she knows certain things about Melanie that Gwen doesn't know -- yet, at least. Just little things and little quirks MJ knows because she's known Melanie since they were small. You'll definitely have your answer to the question of who is better for Melanie in the mock-finale. Or, I should say, who's better in THIS VERSION. Because as I've said before, what happens in the mock-finale is not the originally intended outcome so anything goes, but there will be a close to THIS version of the triangle in the mock-finale. As for the encounter between the Brotherhood and the X-Men, I love that despite their feud, Magneto and his men aren't being portrayed as the season's "big bad", and that you've spent time developping the idea that there is a war between mutants and humanity, but there is also this looming threat from the Goblins that seems to be growing larger and larger. I love that. This storyline is definitely something I'm carrying into the reboot, with some changes of course. But I've always felt this particular plot line was the best way to bring in the first season of the show and branch out from there. The showdown between Mystique and Euphoria was great, and I loved that small moment between Xavier and Magneto. In regards to the "distraction", where the X-Men and the Brotherhood were locked in battle, I kind of felt like that went for too long, considering it was just a "distraction", and considering how Storm convinced the others that Magneto wouldn't hurt Xavier, and that Euphoria was protecting Cerebro anyway. I think we could have just seen the fight on the peak of beginning, and then return to the heat of it as they realised it was a distraction, and stopping themselves. I've tried to make in a point (and will in the reboot, as well) to kind of show Xavier and Magneto's relationship. Enemies, but still friends when it comes down to it. The mock-finale will definitely work to show what happens when they have to come together to fight as one. This entire plot in this episode involving them, sadly, has been made entirely irrelevant because of the reboot but I think the scene between Xavier and Magneto does enough to establish that they CAN get along if need be. As for the fight, I had certain reasons for doing it the way I did but because it's been so long since I wrote that episode, I honestly couldn't tell you what they were, so I'll just leave that alone. XD I love the idea that Magneto has followers that aren't necessarily following him - it adds layers to these very split forces, and makes me wonder if we'll see second guessers on the X-Men side, and whether or not there are people wondering whether or not Magneto has a point, or whether or not his mission is worth fighting for over Xavier's. That was a highlight of the episode for me, when Karin uncovered where Crimson Warlock stood. It kind of opens up many different avenues, even if this particular universe is "ending". This is something that will be explored in the reboot, I can tell you that for sure. I can't really say it's going to come together in the mock-finale, because it won't, but this element will definitely be in the reboot at some point, in some way or fashion though. The ending was quite a shocker. It grew really, really dark, and quite frightening. There seemed to be quite an increase in the language used in those last few pages, and in fact, the episode as a whole, which I wasn't too sure about ("sh-t" being the main word that sort of rubs me the wrong way). But other than that, and Felicia's divorced plot, I felt like this was a fantastic episode of The Outcasts! The ending was probably one of my favorite parts to write. This episode was supposed to introduce the Outcasts' slowly darkening tone to prepare for the second season because I realized around this time how different the two seasons were going to be in terms of tone. Not that that is the perfect example because obviously I'm not going to be brutally murdering/torturing people in every episode or even that often, but I think you know what I mean. As for the language, it's probably something that will flip-flop and sometimes be heavy and sometimes it won't, depending on the characters involved, etc. The reason for this is because sometimes, there are just certain characters that I cannot see saying certain things. So censoring their words is something that I can't do or it feels wrong to me. Like, certain characters watch their mouths. For example, Melanie generally isn't that bad when it comes to her language. But someone like Nick Fury, he isn't going to censor himself. Or it's things like, I can't see Kristen saying "shoot" instead of "shit". That's usually the reason for the language in the episodes. That, and I personally don't find much of an issue with it, especially seeing as how comics and even some of the movies are becoming more liberal in what type of language they use and stuff like that. So yeah, the language will probably flip-flop around at times. Overall, this episode really pushed the season further towards the building climax that is bound to explode in the finale -- the Osborns are more scheming, and are proving themselves to be quite a deadly threat; the love triangle delved more into Melanie receiving affection from both Gwen and Mary Jane, and really showed how they can surprise her; the universe expanded with the introduction of Nick Fury, and S.H.I.E.L.D; and the Brotherhood and the X-Men finally came face to face. 9/10. Thank so much, again, for the review, Jack! Your input is, as always, much appreciated. Hopefully the last two episodes will air this Tuesday -crosses fingers- and we can get the reboot up and rolling in the next month or two, depending how much we're able to get done. Can't wait to see what you think of those XD |
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