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Post by stevieg on Oct 11, 2012 3:29:29 GMT -6
Thanks Connor, Darrin and Chris for your comments on my pitch I've only ever heard of Passions in passing, but looked it up and sounds interesting. I think I was influenced a little from Dark Shadows film I saw recently and enjoyed, although never saw original series as never got over here in UK. I may see about giving this a go sometime, as can see lots of mystery, secrets and various supernatural elements to the series. Think would need a few more characters developed also to give it a wider casting and feel of a larger town. Some good pitches here already and gonna be tough to choose one but I think all seem to have that element of something could be made into a show out of each of them. Looking forward to seeing what else is thrown into the mix.
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Post by stevieg on Oct 10, 2012 7:31:57 GMT -6
"Every soul has a story, just alike every town has a history enriched with it's past of secrets and lies locked away. But what happens when you bring the two together....?"Eloise Andrews is a young, pretty flame-haired woman who is running from her past. Leaving the windy city of Chicago behind and heading down Route 66 to start her life over in the sunshine state of California. Unfortunately, her path is cut short when she finds herself involved in an accident and awakening in the hospital of a town calling itself 'Penance'. The only issue being... Penance is not on any map that she can find. It's a town unlike any other, hidden away from the rest of the world with it's own secrets that surround it. All Eloise wants to do is leave but finds herself struggling to escape, and intrigued as well as strangely drawn to the mystery that surrounds the town, and the residents within it. The families all act unusual, and the Mayor himself seems intent on forcing her to stay within the city for his own personal reasons. All of them seem to be hiding secrets behind closed doors, of which may hold the truth about the town of Penance and what it is the gateway to. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STARRING:Eloise AndrewsEloise is a strong willed young woman, who is intelligent and brave unlike many others her age. Nothing scares her, and there is good reason why as she finds herself running from her past, which one day may catch up with her but until then.... she remains lost in a town where the strangest things keep happening around her, as she tries to unravel the mystery of the town of Penance. Mayor Leon Hargreaves The Mayor runs the town and seems intent on keeping Eloise around the town for as long as he can, against other's wishes. He shows a care for the residents and tries to guide them into making the right decisions to protect the town's secrets from any outsiders passing through. He also seems to live in fear for his own life, against someone... or something. The Devlins (Jacob, Genevieve, Florence)The Devlins are a family who has resided in Penance since it was first established many years ago. The father, Jacob is a rich businessman who helped fund the town and it's creation, and has his fingers in many of the establishments within the town. His wife, Genevieve is a dangerous woman. She lies behind her husband's back, and is as manipulative as she is beautiful. Although a wife, she is not much of a mother and offers little time to her only daughter. Florence is a young rebellious woman, who enjoys the nightlife and partying into the morning hours, against her parents wishes of course. The family overall hide a deeper, darker secret that is tearing the family apart. Dr. Benjamin ThomasBenjamin Thomas is a local Doctor who treats Eloise, and begins to find himself drawn towards her innocence. He hides a secret himself which if unleashed could bring harm to those not only around him, but those he gets close to. His affections begin to grow, not only to protect Eloise but slowly falling in love with her. The Sisters Three - Ruby, Saphire & Pearle GrangerThe three sisters who are virtually identical, are a strange and dangerous group. Their antics cause disruption in the town, and seem to enjoy playing mind games with the other families around them leading to confrontations with the local law. Apart, they seem harmless but put them together and they could bring harm upon anyone they desire. VioletViolet is a young teenage girl, who appears to Eloise and warns her of the dangers of the town. She is a strange and disturbed girl who seeks something from Eloise she could never find elsewhere. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EPISODE GUIDE:1x01: Welcome to PenanceEloise Andrews finds herself on Route 66, heading from her old life of Chicago, and a past she wants to run away from to start afresh in California - the land of the sunshine state.... unfortunately, it doesn't go to plan as she awakens after an accident to find herself in the hospital of a small town calling itself 'Penance'. A town masquerading itself as something that it isn't, and not featured on any map. As Violet finds heself trapped in the town, she begins to uncover the strange characters all around her - unaware of the secrets that lay behind locked doors. 1x02: Never-Ending TurnsEloise finds herself trying to escape the town, but seemingly always ending up back where she left upon every turn she takes. Learning she cannot escape, she finds refuge with another newcomer to the town - just as the local Sheriff is found slaughtered to death, and the evidence pointing directly to Eloise. 1x03: Trial & RetributionAs Eloise finds herself the prime suspect in the Sheriff's murder, she uncovers a plot by someone to frame her and seeks out help from Benjamin to prove her innocence before the town cast final judgement upon her which could result in something worse than death itself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OPENING THEME:The Doors - People Are Strange-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTES:I never realised how hard it would be to try and come up with something for the category I chose, which was 'Supernatural Drama / Soap Opera'. Saw the series as something like, each season consisting of 10-12 episodes of about 30-45mins in each. I originally had the name 'Route 666' as a show title, but eventualy went with Penance as it seems more like a 'Soap Opera' type show name for it's title. The show is a continuing mystery, as Eloise tries to uncover the truth behind the town, the people and the strange things that keep happening around her. Secrets and lies, deception, manipulation and a deeper, darker secret lays behind the closed doors of all those involved. It's a town unlike any other, and a young woman who finds herself trapped between two different worlds and hiding a secret of her own she is running away from. Season One would consist of Eloise slowly uncovering the secrets of the town, and unravelling the mystery of it's residents - as well as her own secret revealed. Season Two would consist of Eloise struggling to come to terms with the revelations of where she finds herself, and unsure of what the future holds for her and who she can trust.
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Post by stevieg on Oct 10, 2012 2:14:41 GMT -6
So far 2 great entries and both could work well as a series if taken forward.
I've got a name for mine, and I've worked out a rough idea for what it's about and a couple of characters. Now just need to clean it up and make sure if looks alright overall.
I didn't realise how hard it would be to create what I picked 'Supernatural Drama / Soap Opera'. I think I got the Supernatural element of the show, now just trying to make it more like a soap Opera which is extremely tough.
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Post by stevieg on Oct 7, 2012 15:58:42 GMT -6
Great pitch Darrin, looks really interesting.
Not sure if too late to enter, but if not could you put me down for: - Supernatural Drama & Soap Opera (Like combining True Blood with Days of Our Lives)
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Post by stevieg on Oct 6, 2012 4:11:25 GMT -6
Thanks for the comments and advice etc, appreciate it.
The description I've been told I do overdo a lot, and can be squeezed down to a lot less. The dialogue also sometimes is a bit of an issue I have and needs work on.
First regarding the cat, I required something to make John jump at that moment. And what's more jumpy than a cat suddenly appearing out of the blue and hissing and growling. If you're not afraid of a cat when it does that, then you have nerves of steel.
The opening would feature 3 characters, but more would come and go over time - but these are the main 3 so far.
I may take Darrin's advice and try and adapt both episodes into one so the first isn't just all description and hardly any dialogue. I'll have a look at doing this and reworking it so the first episode is a bit more adventurous and action with dialogue than just what we see around us before see about taking it further. It does need work still, ie. dialogue/descriptions cut down etc.
I saw this as a a mixture of Zombie/Science fiction with drama and a bit of horror thrown in along the way.
Thanks for the comments and reading them so far, and offering advice where I'm going wrong and what can look to improve upon as always helpful. I'll do another reworking of it and then can take it from there and see if works better.
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Dexter
Oct 6, 2012 3:59:11 GMT -6
Post by stevieg on Oct 6, 2012 3:59:11 GMT -6
The last season or two hasn't been as good as some others I felt (Still feel 1 - brother, and 4 - Lithgow was the best seasons ever). But after watching the opening episode of Season 7, I'm hooked once again. I agree with Jay, I can't wait to see what is coming for the characters as the whole show has been blown wide open now and can go down different routes for several of the characters.
After several years of being more 'meh' yet still a dedicated fan, I've now returned to the 'Yay' factor and thrill of excitement that leads me back to struggling to wait for the next episode to air. That is how you should leave the fans..... wanting more and going mad as you're being forced to wait for the next episode to air.
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Post by stevieg on Oct 6, 2012 3:54:23 GMT -6
A really good positive and dramatic first episode. At times I felt they tried to do to much and introduce too many characters, but overall I was enthralled into the drama and mystery of it all.
O'Quinn is wonderful in his portrayal, and can easily go from that charming owner to the dangerous devil like character he is portraying. The way is manipulates those around him gives that darkness to his character, and the disappearing of the man who refused to do what he asked really set the tone of the show.
Certainly a show I'm gonna keep watching and hope it keeps up with how good the first episode started with.
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Post by stevieg on Oct 6, 2012 3:50:47 GMT -6
So far watched the opening 2 episodes, and mostly due to the fact I love Sherlock Holmes and couldn't resist checking it out. Miller I'll admit adds that bit of agitated mind to the character who finds it hard to sit still in one place without his mind going hundred miles per hour and is an intriguing version of the character.
I'm still not stuck on Liu as Watson though, and think she needs more work on her as so far we know little about her still. I'm gonna stick with it and see how it goes no matter what as is Sherlock Holmes afterall. The interaction between the two still needs work also I feel, as it's all over the place at times and still don't feel that connection between them.
Oh, and the 2nd episode. Sorry, but I figured out the killer and how it was done pretty early one when we first saw the character. Maybe I'm just too clever for it. ;D
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Post by stevieg on Sept 11, 2012 4:23:38 GMT -6
A wonderful idea if can be pulled off with lots of mystery and intrigue, plus those of-course 'red herrings'.
Ensembled a great cast also, with some big names and this could be very interesting a script and show. I'd certainly look to give it a read if you make anything of it, and hope you do give it a go.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 11, 2012 4:16:30 GMT -6
I like the idea, as always into anything Supernatural contained within a show. The only small problem I have is the title, I'm just unsure if it works as sounds more like a 'Childrens title', than anything else.
A couple of suggestions although not sure if work either, just an idea throwing out there (don't have to take if prefer original yourself):
'Vamp' - has that cross between Vampire and the term 'A woman who uses sexual attraction to exploit men' which you could see female Vampires use to seduce the men.
Hope - could rename the town just Hope and also is a meaning of Lindsay's 'Hope' to search for a cure to what happened to her.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 10, 2012 3:12:36 GMT -6
Gone back through, and tried to cut down some extra descriptions and tighten the scripts a little better, I hope. Regarding the mystery and revealing. I've added a small part in Episode 1 which offers a little tease of one of the 'others'. But more of those will be revealed in episode three and beyond where you get a better view of them. For the invasion background, I've added a little flashback of some moments into episode 2, as she describes what's happening we get to see a little of what took place without revealing too much too early. Episode 1x01: 5 PagesA man awakens in the morgue of a hospital, suffering from amnesia. As he sets out on his journey of discovery, he finds the world he left behind has been changed by an apocolyptic event and everyone seems missing. Episode 1x02: 8 PagesWarning: Contains strong language After being captured, John is woke up and interrogated at the hands of a mysterious woman who hides in the shadows. He soon finds more questions than answers to what he discovers of what took place upon the world.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 6, 2012 12:36:43 GMT -6
I still see them up there in the pitch. Okay, strange. Shows up for me. May need to refresh a few times as kept same names and took old ones down, and just uploaded new ones after. Could be that causing issues and if continues will have to rename and modify the original post. Anyway, episodes 6/7 now wrote in first draft form. Probably needs some touching up throughout the episodes, but first sequence roughly completed for now.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 6, 2012 4:09:41 GMT -6
Thanks Amin for your comments. I've redone the episode titles without the exclamation/question marks now.
First drafts of episodes 3, 4 and 5 have been wrote. Next onto the final 2 episodes which would conclude Sequence One of the series.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 5, 2012 4:27:25 GMT -6
A mysterious man awakens to find himself seemingly dead and in the mortuary of a Hospital. Upon venturing outside, he discovers the world around him has been savaged by an unknown event that has taken place. Buildings on fire, and vehicles burnt out, crushed or abandoned. All life, seemingly vanished from the world. As he goes searching for answers, he soon finds himself fighting for his life against creatures of an unquenchable thirst for blood and flesh, and support from a woman and her seemingly young daughter who has secrets of her own she hides from all. Notes: The webisode series features a mixture of Zombie type apocolypse, along with science fiction of an invasion and other genres in a bloody, gory and limb ripping series of survival. Starring:Ben Foster as JohnJohn is a mystery to himself, as much as everyone else. Awakening to find himself in a morgue of a Hospital is not the first memory he wishes to have, but beyond that morning his memory is blank. As much as he searches for answers to his own past, he finds he has to fight to survive the new world he awakens in, and finds himself protecting a woman and a young girl from the dangers that lurk all around them. Lena Headey as AmandaAmanda is a fighter, albeit forced into the role which was never her first choice. Moving around every few days to a new home and camp she sets up to escape the nightmare of creatures that track her down. Her only thought now, seems to protect a young girl who she claims is her daughter? Chloe Grace Moretz as EmilyEmily is a young girl, whose voice seems to have been taken from her - maybe by the nightmares she has witnessed up close. Amanda has taken her under her wing, to protect her but in truth. Maybe Emily knows more about what is happening than anyone could ever think? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Webisode Sequence One: Welcome To Hell!Episodes 1x01 and 1x02 available to read by clicking on banners Episode 1x01: 5 PagesA man awakens in the morgue of a hospital, suffering from amnesia. As he sets out on his journey of discovery, he finds the world he left behind has been changed by an apocolyptic event and everyone seems missing. Episode 1x02: 8 PagesWarning: Contains strong language After being captured, John is woke up and interrogated at the hands of a mysterious woman who hides in the shadows. He soon finds more questions than answers to what he discovers of what took place upon the world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also includes the following episodes (may change)! Episode 1x03: 9 PagesAs Amanda frees John, and shows him the truth of the world as it is now. He also gets a chance to discover the others that have been returned, but different in not only appearance, but now with a hunger for flesh. Episode 1x04: 9 PagesJohn discovers that Amanda was hiding a secret, of a young girl she claims is her daughter. But as he tries to come to terms with it all, the others arrive after picking up a scent... and there seems no escape. Episode 1x05: 8 PagesWith Amanda and John discovering Emily has disappeared, and found herself outside at the mercy of the others. The two soon discover there is more to this young girl than was first lead to believe. Episode 1x06: 6 PagesWhen John expresses his concerns over Emily's actions with the others, Amanda takes her and sets off on their own journey, only to find themselves caught trapped by an awaiting group of others... who are hungry for fresh meat. Episode 1x07: 7 PagesWeeks have since passed since John discovered Amanda and Emily, and as they all take refuge in a cabin in some deep forest outside the city. Emily offers her first words as the return of the one's responsible come back.... bringing concern for all three. Notes: This was one of the first attempts of a script I wrote a couple of years ago, and now trying to rewrite it into a webisode idea series which may work better.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 5, 2012 2:23:52 GMT -6
Okay, my first entry in one of these, and a rough attempt at a cover for something I'm working on.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 4, 2012 8:24:34 GMT -6
You haven't stated how many covers you can enter?
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Post by stevieg on Sept 3, 2012 8:39:56 GMT -6
Like the looks of this, and different. A story told from two sides, and two different areas. Some good casting chosen, and the only worry I could see is the large cast list and fitting it all in for a show each week. Got 23 stars, although not everyone will be in it ever week it is big cast. Be interesting to see a pilot script when done and see how it pans out as got good potential with the idea behind the basis of the story.
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Post by stevieg on Sept 3, 2012 8:35:19 GMT -6
Unfortunately, never seen Inception and yet still on my watchlist to catch sometime. Overall, I do enjoy the theme of the show you've described here. It's a mixture of drama, intrigue and action with a bit of mystery thrown in. This could be a great series if it gets off the ground I think as something different than the usual show ideas get. Good casting also picked, especially two leads.
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