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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 19:13:34 GMT -6
DRAFT TWO is complete and here it is: ninth-spectrum.weebly.com/uploads/6/8/3/8/6838324/screenwriters_paradise_-_1x01_-_draft_2.pdfWent from 9 pages to 12, since I added quite few more voiceovers. Hopefully they aren't confusing. As long as you pay attention to the (V/O) next to the name, I think you'll be fine! (hopefully) Based on your reactions to it, I'm thinking about making voiceovers a larger part of the show. Also, I fixed some of the dialogue, creating more distinction between our two leads. They still probably need a little more work though, as does the actual comedy in the script, which may or may not still seem forced. haha But anyway, again, tell me what you all think Constructive criticism is always welcome. Note: I changed Drew's name to Andrew, just in case this goes forward, I didn't want to confuse people too much with another character named "Drew" since one already exists on "Easy."
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 16:51:37 GMT -6
REVIEW: "Use Your Imagination"Okay, so, I needed a break from studying Math, and I decided that I need to get back to REVIEWING, like majorly. And, seeing as how I am a fan of this pitch, I thought I would give this a read! Prepare for this to be pretty random, because... well, you'll see, I guess. I really enjoy the concept of the entire series. I find Hollywood, and the people that live there, really entertaining, and I think it can make a pretty interesting series (obviously...). I love how you're focusing on the screenwriters aspect of it all, like... a lot. Oodles, even. OODLES. Anyway, I thought the pilot was entertaining, but I think it could have been a bit funnier. I know I shouldn't really be the one to give comedy criticism, but I thought at some parts it was just trying a little too hard to be funny. If I had any advice about that, I would just say don't even try to be funny, and just see what happens (it works for me at least XD)! But it was still funny in parts nonetheless! Example: DREW David Mayer. He was an E.P on that NBC show... what was it... Do No Harm?
JOSHUA Didn’t that show get axed after like... two episodes?
DREW Yeah, what’s your point? Joshua raises his eyebrows. JOSHUA Just thought I’d state it for the record. That was my favorite part, haha! Back to the point, I really enjoy the personalities of the two leads! Although, I feel like they were too similar, if that makes sense. I found myself getting a little confused as to who was speaking at some parts, but it wasn't that big of a deal, in my opinion. So, not anything to be too worried about. So, yeah, that's all I really have to say about this at the moment. I know I didn't really talk about that much, I just mainly wanted to talk about those two little problems I had with the pilot. I really enjoyed this, so I hope it didn't sound like I didn't. I really just wanted to focus on the issues since this is a pilot, so... hopefully this was all coherent and not all over the place. GOOD LUCK WITH THIS, KA-RISS 'CUZ I'M ROOTING FOR IT! WOO WOO. 8/10
Thanks for giving this a read, Brady! This is unlike anything I've ever attempted to write before, so I was expecting I would stuff up on the funny bits. I personally don't think I'm that funny a person, so writing it was that much harder. But I still wanted to give it a try. I'll take your advice and not try too hard to set up jokes, and such. Hopefully my second draft will be more naturally funny and not feel too forced. I know exactly what you mean about the two main characters sounding too much alike. That was something I was afraid of when I uploaded it and I think I know why. I wrote the script one way (from Joshua's point of view) then switch it completely, changed a few names around and a few phrases, but I didn't do enough to set the two apart. I think before I go to edit the script I'll need to outline both characters; give them individual quirks and personalities, so it'll be easier for me to write them, and easier for the reader to tell the apart. Errors aside, I'm glad you gave it a read and enjoyed it for the most part! XD I'll let you know when I've got a 2nd draft posted.
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 13:29:32 GMT -6
*** New Cast Promo + Recast -- Cory Hardrict has been replaced by Tip "T.I" Harris for the role of Shawn Leonidas.
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 11:37:49 GMT -6
Working on episode two now. Don't know if I'll be able to write it as quickly as the pilot (that's funny because I made this pitch over 2 years ago) but I hope to have it done before the week is over.
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 11:12:13 GMT -6
I'm excited as well! I loved the concept of the "starlight" drug in the pilot. So, hopefully that returns to the series somehow. Also, I'm looking forward to seeing Lex on the show. He's always been a fun character to watch, read and write for! Good luck with the season, Alex!
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 1:42:48 GMT -6
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 1:34:30 GMT -6
Okay. This is looking pretty cool.
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Post by Jamison on May 22, 2013 0:39:50 GMT -6
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, Alex! I changed a few things from the pitch, for example, the story was originally supposed to be told from Joshua's point of view, but now, it's being told from Drew's. And I pretty much threw the old episode description for the pilot out of the window and have come up with something completely different. I'm pretty new to comedy. This being my very first script that even remotely touches the genre, and I would be too scared to label this show a "comedy" instead of dramedy or just drama with comedic elements. But we'll see how it's received and hopefully you'll get one or two laughs (or at least smirks) out of the script.
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Post by Jamison on May 21, 2013 23:08:12 GMT -6
I don't know how this happened, but I wrote the pilot tonight in about a hour and a half. Didn't plan it, no outline, I just wrote, and here it is; at least it's a first draft. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Maybe I'll be able to get this bad boy up and running after all. Screenwriters Paradise | 1.01 "Use Your Imagination (DRAFT ONE)
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Post by Jamison on May 20, 2013 20:58:49 GMT -6
UPDATED 5/20/2012 - The VPN has released an official description for the premiere:
SERIES PREMIERE. WELCOME TO ODYSSEY - It's been four years since she left Smallville to fulfill her destiny, and since then, she has made it her duty to stop injustice where she finds it. Now, settling down in the dark, crime-ridden city of Odyssey, Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) decides to expand her resolve by opening a new Isis Foundation at the heart of the city. Enlisting the help of tech-wiz Quentin O'Neal (Jamie Bamber), the duo embark on a journey to end the corruption within the city. Meanwhile, when a young metahuman girl named Cynthia Reynolds (Alexandra Daddario) becomes the target of a rising, yet secret government-funded science initiative called Cadmus Labs, Lana finds herself in an all too familiar place, as she suspects Lex Luthor is somehow the man behind the curtain. She'll stop at nothing to find out, even if that means digging up a few more things, and even people, from her past. Paul Wesley and Pam Grier also star.
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Post by Jamison on May 20, 2013 20:16:05 GMT -6
Great sequel! If there was ever a list of 2nd installments that match the quality of the first, Star Trek Into Darkness would be very high up on that list, at least in my opinion. Echoing what some people above have already mentioned, but Benedict and Quinto were standouts here. Loved the story, loved the characters, loved this film. J.J. Abrams has done it again, folks.
I don't know if they'll make a 3rd installment, or if Abrams will be behind it, since he's been selected to direct the new Star Wars film, but I'm pretty much sold on this franchise. It's even got me wanting to go back and watch one of the old tv series'. Deep Space Nine was always my favorite, so maybe I'll start there. Not much for going in order.
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Post by Jamison on May 20, 2013 19:11:33 GMT -6
Thanks Brady! Even I will miss some elements of the original story, but we're trying our best to make sure this reboot matches up, and even exceeds the quality of the original. On the technical side of things, I'm sure it'll make for a much better read.
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Post by Jamison on May 20, 2013 11:16:08 GMT -6
Finally going to see this today. Really excited, I know it's going to be brilliant!
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S1 Cast
May 19, 2013 14:31:36 GMT -6
Post by Jamison on May 19, 2013 14:31:36 GMT -6
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S1 Cast
May 19, 2013 14:07:34 GMT -6
Post by Jamison on May 19, 2013 14:07:34 GMT -6
TRINITY | CAST & CHARACTERS | SEASON ONE The cast of Trinity: Season One is below!
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Post by Jamison on May 19, 2013 13:51:46 GMT -6
TRINITY - DISCUSSION THREAD | SEASON ONE Discuss the first season of the Rebooted Trinity here.
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Post by Jamison on May 19, 2013 13:50:11 GMT -6
TRINITY - MULTIMEDIA | SEASON ONE
Media related to the series will be posted here.
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Post by Jamison on May 19, 2013 13:48:01 GMT -6
I know, I'm feeling the same way. I can't wait to get this show airing. 12 episodes to write. I've got my eyes on a November 2013 release at the earliest, January 2014 at the latest, but that may change. Still quite early for an official date. But since I'm out of school for the summer, and will be taking next semester off, I'm thinking I'll have more time to write.
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