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Post by Alex Matthews on May 8, 2013 13:16:09 GMT -6
WOW!! thanks Chris, your words means a lot!! Yeah, I'm terrible for typos, even with a spell check, and I've found I'm not the best to review my own work at times for that kind of thing, because even on the 2nd or 3rd read through, I miss them! The name switch, you're right about - if you read the original script, you'll remember it opened with a 'society ball' scene, and the original kidnapping victim was Vanessa Kapatelis. When I looked over the script after the initial submission and review, I saw how much of the opening was just a lot of waffle, that worked in the original prose outline, but not for a live-action story. Hence why I got rid of it completely, and went straight into the idea of LexCorp being targetted, and the switch to Tina McGee. I thought I'd gotten all of them, sorry! It's because many of the descriptions come from prose that they tend to be bulky, even after going through them to remove over explanation and redundant areas. The devil is in the details, and I've always respected that sentiment - I want to paint as accurate a picture as possible for 'viewers' so they can see it the way I see it in my head. Format wise, I have switched to Celtx, and an STILL trying to get a handle on it - im writing my audio series scripts in it for more practise, but with the screenplay setting, I'm still working out the kinks, so any advice on how to set it out as you say would be appreciated. As a EP on Watchtower, I'm also hoping my little mentions and hat-drops didn't escape notice  |
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Post by Jamison on May 8, 2013 13:25:08 GMT -6
Although I didn't mention it in my review, I did notice the subtle references, and I think they worked well. Not too "out of the blue" or forced.
I started out using Celtx and completely hated it, to be honest. I don't know why their default format is the way it is, but you can always configure the spacing manually, by use of the space bar. I would probably sooner write in Microsoft Word or Final Draft before doing that though. It drove me crazy. LOL If you plan on sticking with Celtx though, don't worry about it too much. The format was good enough for it to be recognizable as a script, and that's really all that matters.
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Post by Alex Matthews on May 8, 2013 14:05:42 GMT -6
yeah, Ms. Aimee suggested Celtx, to help with the format - I originally used Microsoft Works (my laptop's default word processing program), and I'm getting there with Celtx, but generally only after I've planned it all out in Works first As soon as weebly work again for me (lousy new internet connection!!!) I will put up the re-checked, hopefully FINAL version. EDIT: Script is now up, same earlier link still works. |
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Post by The Doctor on May 9, 2013 2:27:46 GMT -6
I got to say Alex....this was good. I will leave you a well trained review tomorrow. But for right now my score is a 9/10  . And btw....your references....were perfect. I honestly enjoyed all of it |
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Post by knightshadow57 on May 15, 2013 11:59:27 GMT -6
I have no say in whether this gets added to the site, but I thoroughly enjoyed the pilot. I would have to agree that you definitely captured the feel of the procedural. I enjoyed the introduction of Wally West given his role in the comics, and regardless of whether he himself becomes a meta or is one, I am interested in learning more about his back story and if he happens to have an Aunt Iris and Uncle Barry in this universe. And I just asked the Watchtower crew if they would be touching on the Flash at some point after the events of Season 2 of the show. Plus, Wally reminds me of Abby from NCIS.
Danny definitely needs time to develop I think, but I never saw the Smallville episode he appeared in, so maybe that would add more context. I am also curious how you plan to address Superman, although it would make sense simply to ignore the elephant in the room as even if Superman is currently around, there is a reason why Metropolis law enforcement have a special unit to deal with metahumans.
Overall good job.
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Post by Alex Matthews on May 15, 2013 13:10:55 GMT -6
Hi, knight, thanks for the comments, much appreciated In the original, 81-page version of the script, I did have a nice little scene between Danny and Maggie at a crime scene, that touched on the idea of what law enforcement saw Superman as, so I will hope to bring something similar back in later on in a later episode... but the main idea of the series is that is DOES focus on the 'little people' - towards the end of Smallville, we saw "The Blur" becoming more of a hero for the entire world, not just Metropolis, so it's my belief that Clark is out there in the great blue yonder looking out for natural disasters, or huge accidents, he's not so involved in the law enforcement side that someone like Green Arrow might, because he realises that people still need to believe that their local police can protect them. I love how everyone has responded to Wally - he was really fun to write, and I went in with the idea of both Abby from NCIS and a young Greg Saunders from CSI, but there will be later episodes that focus on his anxiety disorder, and his backstory with Bart Allen, provided it doesn't clash with preexisting plans for the character of The Flash either Chris or Jack might have. Danny will definately be explored in more detail and depth if the show gets picked up - I have an episode planned for him based on a "Gotham Central" graphic novel storyline, where it will show just how much shit he has had to put up with since his appearance in Smallville Season 8, and how working with Maggie will help him become a better cop. |
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Post by Alex Matthews on May 15, 2013 13:12:23 GMT -6
I got to say Alex....this was good. I will leave you a well trained review tomorrow. But for right now my score is a 9/10 . And btw....your references....were perfect. I honestly enjoyed all of it Come along, Karl, I'm eagerly anticipating this review!! |
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Post by The Doctor on May 15, 2013 17:30:59 GMT -6
Metropolis: Special Crimes Unit Pilot Review!!! I have to say this pilot is pretty much something that I literally looked forward to . When you first put out this pitch I instantly loved it because of the fact that it was 1. In the Smallville verse and 2. Its really well written. Another thing that makes me happy about this series is that the characters dont have special ablitites like flight, heat vision, or teleportation, yet they are still heroes. I cant wait to see this developed more. Also...I like that Starlight was a drug and a key part of this episode. I feel like i read it in comics somewhere. ANd if it was made up by you....what made you come up with that idea to have a drug like that? Honestly the story in this episode was good. My favorite parts honestly were Wally.hahaha. Like every scene he was in he stole it for me . You really nailed his personality down pat. And i cant wait to see how you develop him more. Another thing I THOROUGHLY enjoyed, and its something Chris and I both agreed on, was the subtle yet perfectly placed references to Trinity and Watchtower. I honestly had to re-read over some parts to make sure I was reading it correctly . Good on you!!! Now...Time for my detailed review on each character Maggie Sawyer: I got to say....Maggie Sawyer is going to be another one of my favorites. I liked that she is a badass. I feel like her character has been through to much shit and she finally hardened herself. Another thing I enjoyed about her character is that you showed her flaws. For example.....how she was contemplating on smoking that cigarette. Another thing i liked about Maggie is that she gets the job done. She understands the risks and I love that she is the leader of this ragtag band of normal people in world full of superpowered people Danny Turpin: SO the last time that we saw Danny he was shot and turning in his corrupt cop colleagues. I like that he is still dealing with the fallout from that. His storyline is going to be the most unique one to look at because he still im assuming feels guilt from turning in his fellow officers and becoming a pariah to the police force. Im honestly excited to learn more about his character. Beth Chapel: I didnt really get alot from her. But hopefully in later episodes I will get more of a feel from her. Her scenes with Maggie were good . I enjoyed them!!! Wally West: The STAR of this show.hahaha.jkjk. But I like the fact that you used Wally. I always felt the issue with Smallville is that when they introduced Bart they sort of screwed things up YET they kept him pretty awesome. My favorite scenes of Wally's are pretty much epic. From him dancing to Britney Spears to his quirky one liners and his adorable little face. I cant wait to see how you lead up to his future. Im sure you are going to do an amazing job with him Kitty Faulkner: All i have to say is that she is awesome . I cant wait to learn her background and see where her story leads....considering she works at S.T.A.R. Labs  Todd Rice: I CANT BELIEVE YOU BROUGHT HIM IN THIS SHOW. MESSAGE ME AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS!!!!!! Also another thing I enjoyed was that your big bad was hiding in the shadows of the ruined WT building. I cant wait to see what you have planned with the entire season. I give this a 9/10. A couple of SPAG errors but other than that....I LOVED IT I cant wait for this to get picked up!!! |
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