Paradise Lost [Supernatural Drama] - w/PILOT

[Jamison]

Spent the last couple of days reading through the pilot and letting it sit with me for a while so I could post some feedback. Overall, I really enjoyed it. There was a lot of setup for future episodes and storylines, which is what a pilot is supposed to do.

The characters were introduced pretty well and most importantly, they all have individual personalities and voices - which is often difficult to bring across in just one episode. I liked the contrast between Eve and Diamond. The latter being our introduction into this world of angels and demons, and Eve being the driving force behind moving the story forward. Their interactions were pretty great. And it's interesting to learn that Diamond may have a larger role to play in this world. Looking forward to seeing how that develops. I'm also really into Reign. I can't say much about where the story is leading, because even though we got a lot in the pilot, there's still so much left to be revealed and explored. You've got me hooked, Darrin!

Another thing I really love about this show is the mythology you've set up. It's so deep, and it feels like we haven't even scratched the surface of it yet. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Cambions, Nephilim, demons, etc... All that stuff is really interesting to me.

The episode was well written; the story flowed quite nicely. I think your biggest strength was in the descriptions. You really know how to describe everything going on in a scene for readers to understand, and visualize clearly. Which I think is important in a show like this because some of the more fantastical elements might be more difficult to show in a clear, concise way. Most of the dialogue was good, though there were some moments where I felt it was a little wooden and on the nose. Mostly some of the lines of exposition, which were definitely needed here for the story to make any kind of sense. So, there's not much I can suggest in that regard. But overall, it was fine.

This show reminds me a bit of Sleepy Hollow, with some Supernatural thrown into the mix. But it's also got its own vibe and mythology that I find very intriguing. I can't really say much else except, I'd love to see this as a full series.

[Darrin McCann]

Apr 28, 2015 23:21:21 GMT -6 guyrjames said:

I read the pilot. It was very well written. There are so many VS series being pitched with nephilim...including my Avery Strange show at MZP. Not a criticism...just an interesting observation.

Thanks for reading! Yeah, I've noticed that too. I'm really glad to hear you're still working on Avery Strange. I was always a big fan of the pitch and pilot!

I love how your story is rooted with actually biblical knowledge and has a dark tone without being depressing. The story flowed nicely...although this didn't feel like it had a resolution, which is fine, but the story felt like it just ends.

When creating any 'Verse I try to create a real history to the story and the characters or in this case a strong history based on the Bible. Some things I alter to fit my warped creativity, like the story of Adam, Eve and the Serpent. I won't go too much into detail but I can say that the Bible's version of what transpired and my own are very different Lol.

When it comes to Pilots my greatest weakness is plot. Hands down. I find it the most challenging out of everything to be able to get to know your characters, introduce the world and still have something going on. With this Pilot my driving force for my characters was why is Eve here, why now, why like this. I tried to conclude part of that with her finding the Box and knowing that it is the reason she's here but I left open 'why like this'. I had her even state matter-of-fact 'That's why I'm here'. The 'why like this' will be something to unfold as the series progresses.

The characters were all very fun and all had an integral part which is hard to do in a show with so many characters. One thing that I liked was that Lucifer (whom I think Christina Ricci is a fabulous choice) wasn't this "Big Bad". I'm not saying that she won't be a contender as the series progresses, but it was a refreshing take on the mythos and definitely goes against what I was expecting even from the pitch. Overall, I'm intrigued. Its different. Its fun and I'm excited to see where it goes. Well done.

I love Lucifer and what I have set up for her. She's my onion character where she has many layers and just when you think you have her figured out another layer is revealed. Her and Eve have such a complicated past. She's the direct reason Eve is an angel. She will definitely become a contender for big bad as the series progresses, just not the first few episodes. Right now she's kind of stuck helping out some people she really wants no part of. They'll be talked about as the season progresses as well. I tried to give an overall idea of who each character was in the Pitch where is wasn't directed at the Pilot itself but the series/season as a whole. I'm sorry if I misled, that wasn't my intention.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I truly appreciate it.

[Darrin McCann]

Apr 29, 2015 12:18:38 GMT -6 Jamison said:

Spent the last couple of days reading through the pilot and letting it sit with me for a while so I could post some feedback. Overall, I really enjoyed it. There was a lot of setup for future episodes and storylines, which is what a pilot is supposed to do.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, Chris! I appreciate it. I have to say I was a little worried by the last line here, I thought maybe a giant 'BUT' was to follow. Lol.

The characters were introduced pretty well and most importantly, they all have individual personalities and voices - which is often difficult to bring across in just one episode. I liked the contrast between Eve and Diamond. The latter being our introduction into this world of angels and demons, and Eve being the driving force behind moving the story forward. Their interactions were pretty great. And it's interesting to learn that Diamond may have a larger role to play in this world. Looking forward to seeing how that develops. I'm also really into Reign. I can't say much about where the story is leading, because even though we got a lot in the pilot, there's still so much left to be revealed and explored. You've got me hooked, Darrin!

Thank you very much. Diamond was definitely used in this episode to help the reader better understand what is happening and who these people are. Diamond's journey is pretty exciting because he's always felt like he was apart of something bigger and, now that he knows there is something bigger out there, it's now a matter of where does he fit in and is that role as big as he thought. His alcoholism is not going away either. He might think he doesn't need the bottle now that he has purpose but it's definitely his demon in the closet that will rear it's ugly head from time to time. Reign is definitely going to have major ups and even more downs as the series progresses. There really is a lot left to be revealed. When I wrote the Pilot I had to pick and chose the information that was given. There were many times where a conversation was started about one thing and dropped to introduce another. I had to weigh the pros and cons of each item. I am ecstatic that you're hooked. Thank you.

Another thing I really love about this show is the mythology you've set up. It's so deep, and it feels like we haven't even scratched the surface of it yet. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Cambions, Nephilim, demons, etc... All that stuff is really interesting to me.

You really haven't. Cambions will be explored further in the second episode along with a couple other species of supernatural creatures within the Paradise Lost 'verse. As far as demons are concerned the only demon-demons to be talked about in the first season will be the Serpents. In the second season (because I like to think that far ahead Lol) there will be a lot more demons introduced as we'll explore the world before Adam and Eve. But as far as the first season it's strictly Angels, hybrids (Nephilim, Cambions) and a few others I can't really say without having to explain what they are. Lol.

The episode was well written; the story flowed quite nicely. I think your biggest strength was in the descriptions. You really know how to describe everything going on in a scene for readers to understand, and visualize clearly. Which I think is important in a show like this because some of the more fantastical elements might be more difficult to show in a clear, concise way. Most of the dialogue was good, though there were some moments where I felt it was a little wooden and on the nose. Mostly some of the lines of exposition, which were definitely needed here for the story to make any kind of sense. So, there's not much I can suggest in that regard. But overall, it was fine.

I've always wanted to be a director. Not that I don't love writing, it's just the artistry that is directing anything appeals to me in a big way. I think that really influences the way I write because I want to write it the way I want the world to see it, through my eyes. This probably sounds incredibly weird, but it's the honest truth.

Yeah, I don't know how else to write exposition then to just come out and say it. This is this and that is that. Lol. That is definitely something I need to work on. Lol.

This show reminds me a bit of Sleepy Hollow, with some Supernatural thrown into the mix. But it's also got its own vibe and mythology that I find very intriguing. I can't really say much else except, I'd love to see this as a full series.

Thanks again, Chris! I appreciate the read and the review!

[Brady Brown]

Finished the pilot, and I've got to say that I really enjoyed it. The characters were really fun to read, especially Eve, Aemilia, and Lucifer. The pilot had a really nice flow to it, which I appreciated, and made the reading experience that much more effective. The mythology had a nice setup as well. I don't want to get too repetitive with everyone that has already left a review, so I will say that I agree with mostly everything they've said; however, I will say that the there was some glaring exposition that felt rather wooden, and I personally felt that some of the description could have been slimmed down but it was in no was a jarring problem.

Overall, very strong pilot and I would love to read more!

[Darrin McCann]

May 1, 2015 13:35:17 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

Finished the pilot, and I've got to say that I really enjoyed it. The characters were really fun to read, especially Eve, Aemilia, and Lucifer.

Thank you very much, Brady, for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the characters. What was introduced of those three in the Pilot was just the tip of the iceberg.

The pilot had a really nice flow to it, which I appreciated, and made the reading experience that much more effective. The mythology had a nice setup as well.

Thank you. I'm very happy to hear it.

I don't want to get too repetitive with everyone that has already left a review, so I will say that I agree with mostly everything they've said; however, I will say that the there was some glaring exposition that felt rather wooden, and I personally felt that some of the description could have been slimmed down but it was in no was a jarring problem.

It's funny that you should mention slimming down the description when I feared I had too much dialogue. Lol. At one point I actually thought of scrapping it because I had too much dialogue.

Overall, very strong pilot and I would love to read more!

Thanks again, Brady! I really appreciate it.