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Uh huh. Brilliant.

This sounds really cool. As someone mentioned above, I'm getting interesting Terminator vibes from this and as abit of a Terminator fan, this is very appealing!

Any idea when we can expect this guys?

More people like me, writing proper reviews and such, make for better VS. Otherwise you just pick up everything yet air very little, which is quickly becoming a trend here from what I've observed over the last few months.

There are like 17 shows and only two of them have aired an episode recently and from I can see just by scrolling through the main page, it seems that at least 10-12 have never aired anything!

It may seem like negative energy but it doesn't nesscarily mean it's the wrong kind of energy! I may seem a little brash at times but all I'm being is brutually honest. If you want me to wear a pair of those rose tinted glasses then I will.

I may even appear to be repeating myself but I'm just seeing the same old, empty replies.

Understood. But you should probably be encouraging raaders not discouraging.

I choose this show as it was the most developed show here on VPN. As the "flagship" show (as indicated by the side bar), you shouldn't invite people to read if your only aiming at a selected audience!

But your excuse, telling me that if I'm not a fan of Smallville, I won't understand this show is quite frankly not good enough. Regardless of whether it's a new, original show or a show set in an already established universe, I should be able to pick things up at the Pilot and know what the show is about. You shouldn't assume the reader knows what you know, cause that's just lazy!

I do feel like the big, bad wolf here as I know for fact people aren't going to like what I have to say. It was, alright. The formatting was good, the plot was okay and the characters were...meh! With no previous knowledge, this is a little difficult to get into. Even when doing a spin-off, you should be making it accessible to new readers. Who are Clark and Lois, what is the DDS etc...as someone who knows nothing, I felt like I knew nothing even when I finished reading the whole episode!

Any exposition you allow us to see is through flashbacks, that's kind of lazy. I don't want this information slapped on my plate and spoon fed to me, I want to learn it. And even with the flashbacks, I learn very little. She's faking her own death, so what!? Why? How?

The dialogue is clunky, I rarely see how the characters are saying certain lines and there doesn't seem to be any other tone but cheese. We are then introduced to Helena and quite frankly, I vomit. Her first line sounds like something out of High School Musical! The whole line doesn't even need saying, you could use the photograph of her parents and combine them with newspaper clippings and together that line is said without the schmaltz. The description of her flaring nostrils and widening eyes was fantastic...then you go and kill it with that line. The single worst line in the whole script.

The following scene between Oliver and Chloe is quite nice, a mistakes that probably should of been cleared up by a beta but there forgivable.

Then this is an issue for me: "Its pretty much the exact same as the one back in Metropolis." to explain the Watchtower HQ. Problem is, you never explained it first time around. As a reader, how am I meant to compare something, if the comparison wasn't explained in the first place. I'm left with two characters standing in a blank room. This is something that happens at times in this script, you have to remember your writing for a reader and not for someone to watch. In a real script, yes, you probably wouldn't add that detail as you'd have a designer who would take care of all but here, we don't have that luxury

So Bruce is avenging his parents deaths as well. There is alot of revenge going on here!? Overkill, perhaps.

Wait. Who is Green Arrow? Then we find out Oliver is Green Arrow. Too late, it should of been explained earlier. Perhaps his face was revealed wasn't covered or something. You also don't explain exactly what Green Arrow is dressed in, as a Superhero, costume is important and I don't know what he looks like, I'm just imagine some green arrow. But as I said, the most important thing, should of been stating that Oliver was now dressed as his alias, Green Arrow.

The fight scene was quite good. But there were times when characters went unidentified. "Pulling back the arrow, he shoots." - He who, last person referenced was the gunman, you should of mentioned Green Arrow by name. While you can work it out for yourself, not using the characters name just makes it confusing.

The next section, when some character comes through the window, is all far too confusing. How does Rupert fall to the wall? I don't get the logic of that! Then who hits the ground hard? Pushing Chloe to which him? Then the he becomes a her!?

Wait, Huntress exits through the roof then appears on the ground and gets on a motorbike!? And Chloe manages to keep up? She runs out the warehouse and the Huntress is just waiting for her!? Doesn't make any sense...

Act Two. What happens to the injuries the characters would of sustained during the previous scene. Particularly Oliver who appeared to get a battering!

Chloe. Green acid. WTF?

What does Emil look like, you talk about super humans but is he? Or is he just an average looking guy? Is he bald, he strikes me as a bald guy!

You then switch from Oliver to Green Arrow. Specifics. I maybe a nitpick but this is getting annoying.

"Pray For Me!" Vomit.

The Chloe/Bruce was good. Nice balance showing right and wrong. Nice.

"Listen up, grumpy!" Uh...no. Grumpy? Doesn't seem like the natural remark! Bitch might be a better fit. "Hmm. Blonde...etc.." yeah not feeling the bad ass-ness here. Her character flips from cold hearted, ice queen to high school cheerleader captain in one line.

And as the argument continues, it gets worse. We get some nice exchanges about heroism etc...but then we get back to the snippy and bitching and it really ruins the tone.

Nice quips about Oliver and the use of "kid", quite amusing, the first genuine lol moment

Helena's flashback felt a bit unnecessary to me, while it had some nice imagery, it all felt very forced. This could of all been summed up in her opening scene where as I said, newspaper clippings would of told the whole story.

The helicopter conversation was really nice, one of the better scenes of the whole script.

It's alright from then but it does seem a little cheesy. The final scenes in the HQ's of both good and evil were quite good, classic comic book style but as I said, a little too cheesy. And the Black Masks death was a little predictable, you knew the moment he walked in that he was a dead man.

SPAG. It's not too bad but it does seem a little drafted, if you know what I mean. This doesn't feel like the final product. Also, I'm big on parenthecials - you have one or two in the whole script, so a lot of the time, I'm reading it a little blind.

Overall, it's not bad, it's just not great either. Chloe kind of grates me up the wrong way but Helana is a really interesting character. As a script, it looked nice, it flowed quite well and despite the lack of description, particular of people and places, it works. Your action was good but a little confusing at times, make sure you tell us who is doing what, when there are multiple he's, it gets a little hairy.

5/10 - Not bad but could do with alot of work. Characterization was clear but dialogue was a little clunky. Formatting was solid but a lack of description made it difficult to picture certain people, places and scenes. The flow was constant but it drags slightly.