Carry Me Home

[Deleted]

I know I am jumping on the bandwagon a bit late, but I wanted to say that I am very intrigued by this series pitch. I love the concept and the characters you have set up. I was interested in reading your pilot teaser, but the link did not work for me. I hope to see a pilot soon. Best of luck on the editing process.

[skittles]

I am SORRY I have not finished this or responded! I jumped on board the Path not Taken crew and had to hurry on the edits. I SWEAR I am sending this in as soon as I can. I literally have less than 20 pages to edit. Thanks again for the support! This is not dying I swear to it.

[Jamison]

I'm glad to hear it! xD I'll be looking forward to this script when you're finished editing

[skittles]

Let it be known everyone, that I have finished the script. Editing, rewriting. More editing, more rewriting. The whole process of: "Wow, this is total crap," and scrapping and revamping is finally at a complete end.

I am very proud of the episode. I know there are a few things that I can change in the pilot that will never appear in the episodes to follow if given the chance. I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for being supportive of me and this piece of work. It has all been appreciated and loved more than you all will ever know. :3 So again, thank you. Without it none of this would ever have been possible.

[Amin]

I'm only a few pages in but this has already got my vote. Very well-written.

[skittles]

NOTE FOR READERS!!!

I realized that my teaser was taken down because I had posted it wrong. It can NOW be viewed in the first post under NOTES. The word TEASER is the link to it. Please enjoy and give me comments if you so wish to make them. They are greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[Aimee Nicole]

Monica, I want you to know that this is fantastically written, and I agree with Amin completely. You definitely have my vote.

[skittles]

Jan 9, 2012 1:26:38 GMT -6 Amin said:

I'm only a few pages in but this has already got my vote. Very well-written.

Thank you so much Amin! The fact you are reading it makes me very happy. I am so grateful! I hope it remains well written through the rest of it. XD

[skittles]

Jan 9, 2012 1:33:42 GMT -6 Aimee Nicole said:

Monica, I want you to know that this is fantastically written, and I agree with Amin completely. You definitely have my vote.

TWO in one night! I feel like I am in heaven! Thank you Aimee! <3333 I really appreciate it. You have both filled with me hope. :3

[Jamison]

I should be reading the pilot very soon! Just have some school stuff to get out of the way first. I'm tempted to just slack off and read it now, but I know it'll bite me in the butt later

[skittles]

XDDDD School is preeeeetty important. I guess I can let you get to school work then.... J/K Take all the time you need Chris. :3

[Jamison]

I got the chance to read a bit of the script today, and I must say -- I love it so far. The detailing is just phenomenal. I can already tell how much work, creativity and time you put into this pilot. Can't wait to read the rest, and tell you my thoughts on it as a whole But, so far, so good.

[skittles]

O__O I love coming home from a terribly crappy day, and hearing some amazing news like that. Thank you Chris! I hope the rest continues to give that feel. I did work a long time, a lot of planning went into. Thank you again so much!

[Jamison]

Finally finished the script up tonight. I apologize for quite the wait. Anyway, here are some of my thoughts on the pilot.

SPOILER: Click to show

When starting the episode, I noticed the teaser was greatly detailed. You described every single aspect of the scene in the clearest way, and it really made visualizing the scene a lot simpler than with other scripts I've read. The details remained pretty constant throughout the episode, however, in some places, I feel like it could have been dragged out for too long. It didn't completely take away from the script as a whole, but I think it may have worked a bit better if you lessened the narrative, just a bit. In some areas, I felt like I was reading a novel, rather than a script. But like I said, it wasn't a major distraction, or flaw, in the long run, because I got more and more used to the style with each passing page, and it felt less like an anomaly, and more like an important part of the overall script. All in all, nice job with descriptions.

Moving on... this concept is one of my most unique ones for a drama series that I've ever had the pleasure of reading. It's both intriguing, and inspiring -- and I really felt like this was the beginning of something great, when reading the pilot. The focus on Henry and the decision he is about to make, had a great impact on the character himself. We see him, through actions he's making in the present, as well as flashes from the past, that he is pretty much, a broken soul; lost in this confusing world. Then, he's given the chance to make not only his life, but the lives of countless others, a lot better. The episode ended before we got to see Henry's choice. I mean -- at this point, it's obvious that he's going to accept the offer, but I liked that we didn't physically see it. Makes me think this show will have a serialized style, and I love that in television. I've never quite seen it done with straight dramas; Mostly mystery, but this drama, in more ways than one, has a certain mysterious element to it (The Unknown Man, Panecea, etc...). Not revealing their faces, just added to the mystery, and I really thought that was a key component of the episode.

Onto one of my favorite aspects of the script -- your characters. Now, the main focus was on Henry Marsh, but we did get to see the character of "Steven," who I liked a lot. He added some much needed humor to the script, and it wasn't goofy, or misplaced. Just the right amount of funny that the episode doesn't put you to sleep (though, in my opinion, the drama alone, and Henry's character, is interesting enough to keep me enthralled throughout) But, some readers may have had more of a difficult time reading the episode, without that comic relief character. Also, he (Steven) served a purpose, other than being funny. He had a great impact on Henry's life, and that revelation as Steven tells his story to Henry, was a very nice touch to his character. You played with realism a lot with this episode, and it was nice to read.

Henry Marsh is a great character to follow. I want to know more about his past, and future. He has a very distinctive voice, I think, and I think your casting of Joseph Gordon Levitt was outstanding. He pretty much fits in that role like a glove. I've really got nothing negative to say about this character. I'm just looking forward to reading the rest of his journey.

On the technical side of the script, I have to praise you, again, for such stunning quality with details. Also, I loved the dialogue in this script, for the most part. In some drama scripts, I find that dialogue can be a bit plain, flat and "robotic." But here, it was smart, witty, and uniquely written. Each character had their own, separate voices, and that's really something I look out for when reading a script. It's quite a difficult thing to do, but you made it seem almost effortless. Really loved the conversations. Though, I wouldn't call this show, judging by the pilot alone, very dialogue driven, I think it has enough of it to stand out as a TV script, rather than prose.

Another thing I loved, was the layering of the episode. Throughout, we kept getting these moments where Henry is imagining a particular part of his life. Day-dreams, if you will. I liked the fact that the question of "How long are you going to keep running?" and "What are you running from?" was presented throughout the majority of episode, and repeated back by characters other than Panecea. It gave the story a broader tone, and it felt like everything was connected back to that moment in time. And that is why I want to explore more of Henry's past, if the series is to be picked up.

Wow. Overall, this was a great pilot. After reading it, I really want to know how Henry's journey, from this point on, leads to that future flash we got in the teaser. Really interested in finding out if this offer is legit. Also, I'm intrigued with Henry's past. He seems to have a deep, rich history that's just waiting to be unveiled. It's time for me to finish my review so, I'm giving this episode a:

9/10: Great story, characters, and plot. An almost perfect execution.

[skittles]

Oh my goodness Chris. When I read this. I was speechless for days. I have been trying to comment back but I haven't found the words yet to describe how your review has brightened my very shaky ego. I thank you SO MUCH for actually reading and reviewing, it means a lot. More than you will ever know. And if I DON'T get picked up, I can be just fine with that too. But again thank you! Now on to your review!

Jan 21, 2012 21:24:43 GMT -6 Jamison said:

When starting the episode, I noticed the teaser was greatly detailed. You described every single aspect of the scene in the clearest way, and it really made visualizing the scene a lot simpler than with other scripts I've read. The details remained pretty constant throughout the episode, however, in some places, I feel like it could have been dragged out for too long. It didn't completely take away from the script as a whole, but I think it may have worked a bit better if you lessened the narrative, just a bit. In some areas, I felt like I was reading a novel, rather than a script.

This happened to me for two reasons. One, I OVER-compensate because I feel I am UNDER compensating, and two the writer in me wont shut up for five seconds so I can hear myself think. XD When first starting this script, there was definitely a good lot of it where I was striving in vain to appeal to everyone in the best way that I knew how. Like a novel as you said. But I realized, half through, that it's not really the descriptions that entertain people. It is the story and the characters as a whole. I promise you, now that I understand that I must entertain rather than perfect, you will see a lot of changes, without directly dampening the validity of my writing. I know you said it wasn't all that much of a hindrance, and it was more my style, I am gonna relax my shoulders a little bit and really embrace the difference between novel and script.

Makes me think this show will have a serialized style, and I love that in television. I've never quite seen it done with straight dramas; Mostly mystery, but this drama, in more ways than one, has a certain mysterious element to it (The Unknown Man, Panecea, etc...). Not revealing their faces, just added to the mystery, and I really thought that was a key component of the episode.

To even write a Drama on my own, is a miracle. Unless people are dying, I am not usually interested. I think what really helped certain successful aspects of this script is that fact. Dramas, for the most part, don't catch my attention. So I tried to incorporate techniques from other types of shows, such as mystery and suspense. It was a huge risk to take, but it worked in my favor in the end. :3 So I am sooooo glad you liked it. I can finally stop sweating over it. XD

Onto one of my favorite aspects of the script -- your characters. Now, the main focus was on Henry Marsh, but we did get to see the character of "Steven," who I liked a lot. He added some much needed humor to the script, and it wasn't goofy, or misplaced..... You played with realism a lot with this episode, and it was nice to read.

XDD I am so glad you liked him. I want to reveal that the first design of Steven was to be Henry's obstacle. He was going to be a rival of sorts through out his journey. But the closer I got to the middle, the more he became Henry's equal. His friend even. It sort of just came together that way. And I really have to thank you, because I was worried about him for awhile. I spent a lot of time around naturally funny people, just to listen to them speak. How their jokes are told and all that. Because of that, I felt that his character was much more stronger. There will be more of him later on, I can assure. I am just so glad he was executed properly. He was actually SUPER fun to write.

I think, and I think your casting of Joseph Gordon Levitt was outstanding. He pretty much fits in that role like a glove....

Joseph is my husband. He just doesn't know it QUITE yet. XD I have always loved him. And when I thought of this idea, before it was even remotely close to a half done script, he was the only person in my head that would be able to pull off Henry. I really think that part of that success is that I ONLY thought about Joseph's facial features, his reactions and his mannerisms. It is a tool I am sure you all use. It works great! :3

On the technical side of the script, I have to praise you, again, for such stunning quality with details. Also, I loved the dialogue in this script, for the most part. In some drama scripts, I find that dialogue can be a bit plain, flat and "robotic." But here, it was smart, witty, and uniquely written. Each character had their own, separate voices, and that's really something I look out for when reading a script. It's quite a difficult thing to do, but you made it seem almost effortless. Really loved the conversations. Though, I wouldn't call this show, judging by the pilot alone, very dialogue driven, I think it has enough of it to stand out as a TV script, rather than prose.

Oh my gosh! Thank you! I was so afraid that I had honestly, written the whole script wrong. I must have wrote the pilot at least.... four times over before I decided on something solid. And to know that you enjoyed it, is fantastic for me. Drama is really dry and predictable. So I had to think really hard (With the help of Megan) we came up with SO many different ideas for this series as a whole, that I hope will change the way drama is looked upon. Give it something unique that it so desperately needs. This is just a small fraction of what we have planned. So again thank you.

Another thing I loved, was the layering of the episode. Throughout, we kept getting these moments where Henry is imagining a particular part of his life. Day-dreams, if you will. I liked the fact that the question of "How long are you going to keep running?" and "What are you running from?" was presented throughout the majority of episode, and repeated back by characters other than Panecea. It gave the story a broader tone, and it felt like everything was connected back to that moment in time. And that is why I want to explore more of Henry's past, if the series is to be picked up.

When I write out of script form, I can easily write exactly how the character is feeling without hesitation. Script, is not like that at all. XD Which, you already know. So I had to come up with a way to show that Henry, other than what you can blatantly see, is troubled. So when Henry sees Panecea and hears that question over and over again through other people, it's clearer to the reader the message I am trying to get at. That TOO was a risk, and It's actually my favorite part. :3 So I am glad you enjoyed it too.

Wow. Overall, this was a great pilot. After reading it, I really want to know how Henry's journey, from this point on, leads to that future flash we got in the teaser. Really interested in finding out if this offer is legit. Also, I'm intrigued with Henry's past. He seems to have a deep, rich history that's just waiting to be unveiled. It's time for me to finish my review so, I'm giving this episode a:

9/10: Great story, characters, and plot. An almost perfect execution.

Again. THANK YOU SO MUCH! That is higher than I could EVER have imagined on my first try. It means so much to me that you even read it. I appreciate your time. I do promise to maintain this intriguing story if picked up. I have all of season one planned and ready to go. :3

[squintymayhem]

I'm so glad you posted!! I've been waiting so long!!

First I just have to say that I loved it. ♥♥

Your writing is so detailed, and I believe i read in another comment that your writing tends to be novelish. I'd have to agree, but it made my reading experience so much more in depth that i felt like i was really watching the show. I also believe that if you did desire to write novels you'd have a good chance of becoming popular.

I love that the actors you've chosen fit flawlessly with the powerful characters you've constructed. Already Henry has touched my heart and I want to see him do well and have success.

If you don't get picked up, I've lost my faith in good writing.
Your fan,
Squinty

[skittles]

Awww!! Thank you so much! I am so glad to have fans so nice as you guys. Thank you for the constant support. It means a lot. And if I AM picked up, I promise not to disappoint. :3

[Amin]

^Monica, stop pretending like you're dancing on blades. You ARE going to get picked up! While I have been busy with real world stuff, I read enough of your pilot to figure that much out.