BITTEN

[Deleted]

**UPDATE** A new pic has been added to the supporting characters. Hudson Leick, known for her role as Callisto on Xena, will be playing the Hale sibling's deceased mother Louise Hale. Although Louise's role will be minor, Hudson will be in at least half the first season of BITTEN. Let the speculation fly! LOL.

[Deleted]

**Update** Last night I completed episode 1x02. I'm hoping to go through it this weekend and fix what needs fixing. I also plan to sit down and pen the FULL outlines of episode 1x03 and 1x04 this week. I'm still waiting on reviews from the pilot, so if you loved it, hated it, or was MEH about it, let me know! No review is a bad review. Thanks!! XD

[Jason T. Davis]

Just letting you know that I tried to read the pilot, but the PDF would not load for some reason. I don't know if it's just my computer or not. Is anybody else having this problem?

[Jason T. Davis]

Ahhh. Nevermind. I clicked on the picture link, not the episode title. All fixed now

[Deleted]

Thanks for the heads up Jason. I had fixed up my website and had created folders and such. I thought I had fixed all links but I must of missed the picture one. So thanks!!! XD

[Jason T. Davis]

Okay, I just finished reading the pilot, and thought I'd give you a review right away!

Review of 1.01 - Full Moon Rising

I always like pilots, and episodes in general that begin with flash-forwards. It creates that nice build, and mystery. Executed very well here, too. Moving on to the introduction of many of our main characters, I really enjoyed the sense of family I got. While this show touches on some pretty dark stuff, it has strong family roots threaded throughout, with the Adler's and the Hale's. That's really cool.

The episode starts off, not on a slow note, but it was very calm and low-key. Not that that's a bad thing, because when sh-t hits the fan, it REALLY hits the fan. But I'll get to that later.

Early on, I found myself really interested in Sara and Will. Those two characters had the most interesting dialogue, and it got better and better as I continued to read. The dialogue, overall, improved as the script progressed, not that it wasn't good early on, but some lines felt a little awkward, and it took me a while to get a hold on who the characters were. I really got a handle of it all right before that first werewolf attack, with the jogger.

I must say, that I think Gwen is one of my favorite characters so far. She has a very mature and protective thing about her, and that's interesting. I also like that even though she's into the whole "royal family" thing, and the whole werewolf aspect of her life, unlike Will, who wants nothing to do with that, she's not totally wrapped up in it to the point she forgets that she's still human, and a girl -- as her scenes with Jeremy led me to notice that about her. She reminds me of Caroline from The Vampire Diaries in some odd way. Their storylines and personalities are completely different, but both characters have a certain appeal for me

About halfway in, I found myself more and more interested in Milo's character, when Sara reveals that he had been going through some pretty rough things in his life. There's seriously not a dull character in this story. At first, I was going to say Ed, but after revelation at the end, I can't even say that, because there's definitely something he's not telling us, and I'm eager to find out exactly what's going on there.

The action was great!! I find that in a lot of movies and tv shows, fights involving werewolves can be sort of repetitive, but here I liked your attention to detail, and I really was able to picture everything very well. The action, in general was very clean, and fast paced. Great job on that front.

The big showdown at the party was awesome!! Again, I put this show in the vein of The Vampire Diaries, and things of that nature, which is good, because I love that show, and anything like it. Your consistency and pacing was truly some of the best I've read for a script like this, and I really found myself on the edge of my seat when reading. You descriptions and detailing is ace!

What I'd like to see more, if this show is picked up, and I really hope it is -- is more about the Adler family history. I really find the whole Royal werewolf family idea very interesting, and there seems to be a very rich and well thought out history behind it. Looking forward to seeing more wolves, like Will and Sara's father, the werewolf king, and I'm am SOOO glad that Elizabella survived in the end. I know, she's the "villain," but she's too good of a villain to die so quickly Major points there!

Now, another thing I was wondering... is Sara now going to become a werewolf? I know she got bit, but I didn't know if those same rules worked in this series, with Visceras. Perhaps you pointed something out, and I just decided to ignore it?

Another thing I'm looking forward to, and this is my last point because I'm starting to ramble, is what the hell is Milo?? I was very surprised by what he was able to do, and I really can't wait for everything to come full circle. Please, please let this show get approved!

My overall rating for this episode -- 9/10. Great story, characters and presentation. Well worth a read.

[Deleted]

Firstly thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me, honestly it does.

Apr 25, 2012 14:14:10 GMT -6 Jason T. Davis said:

Okay, I just finished reading the pilot, and thought I'd give you a review right away!

Review of 1.01 - Full Moon Rising

I always like pilots, and episodes in general that begin with flash-forwards. It creates that nice build, and mystery. Executed very well here, too. Moving on to the introduction of many of our main characters, I really enjoyed the sense of family I got. While this show touches on some pretty dark stuff, it has strong family roots threaded throughout, with the Adler's and the Hale's. That's really cool.

The episode starts off, not on a slow note, but it was very calm and low-key. Not that that's a bad thing, because when sh-t hits the fan, it REALLY hits the fan. But I'll get to that later.

I'm glad you enjoyed the teaser. I actually had a lot of problems with the teaser the first time I wrote the script, people found it far too cliche, but I'm glad I have avoided it this time around. This show definitely has a strong family root, I think it's because I'm reflecting my own family values into these characters. Sure there will be fights but in the end they are still family, they're still blood, and that's thicker then anything. I understand what you mean by calm, and I am glad that it came off that way because that's what I was aiming for. And sh*t definitely hits the fan! LOL

Early on, I found myself really interested in Sara and Will. Those two characters had the most interesting dialogue, and it got better and better as I continued to read. The dialogue, overall, improved as the script progressed, not that it wasn't good early on, but some lines felt a little awkward, and it took me a while to get a hold on who the characters were. I really got a handle of it all right before that first werewolf attack, with the jogger.

Sara and Will were a lot of fun to write, especially their flirting scenes (which will continue into 1x02). I was trying to find the right combination of flirt especially since they are just meeting for the first time. I'm glad the dialogue improved, and I agree that it was a tad clumsy in the beginning.

I must say, that I think Gwen is one of my favorite characters so far. She has a very mature and protective thing about her, and that's interesting. I also like that even though she's into the whole "royal family" thing, and the whole werewolf aspect of her life, unlike Will, who wants nothing to do with that, she's not totally wrapped up in it to the point she forgets that she's still human, and a girl -- as her scenes with Jeremy led me to notice that about her. She reminds me of Caroline from The Vampire Diaries in some odd way. Their storylines and personalities are completely different, but both characters have a certain appeal for me

Gwen is definitely my favorite as well, and you're completely right about her character. Gwen is a werewolf, a princess, but above all else she's still a woman. A strong, independent woman, who knows who she is and what she wants. And although Will looks at what he is as a curse, Gwen embraces it as just a part of who she is. I can see some of Caroline, I actually see a lot of Caroline in Abigail but that changes in future episodes. Mom's the word on why. LOL.

About halfway in, I found myself more and more interested in Milo's character, when Sara reveals that he had been going through some pretty rough things in his life. There's seriously not a dull character in this story. At first, I was going to say Ed, but after revelation at the end, I can't even say that, because there's definitely something he's not telling us, and I'm eager to find out exactly what's going on there.

Yeah Milo has been through a lot. I mean sure Sara lost a mother and Ed a wife but for Milo it was far more intense especially with the nightmares starting right after her death. Yeah Ed's a fun character to write because I can envision Jeffrey Dean Morgan saying the lines LOL. I can see where he might come off as a little dull at times but trust me when I say just like everyone else in this sleepy little town, Ed too has a secret. Secrets involving both his children.

The action was great!! I find that in a lot of movies and tv shows, fights involving werewolves can be sort of repetitive, but here I liked your attention to detail, and I really was able to picture everything very well. The action, in general was very clean, and fast paced. Great job on that front.

I'm really happy that it wasn't too repetitive. When I write I try to envision every angle, every action, everything so that I can paint a clear picture for the reader. I'm a very visual person, I know shocker! LMAO! But I'm glad the action was good.

The big showdown at the party was awesome!! Again, I put this show in the vein of The Vampire Diaries, and things of that nature, which is good, because I love that show, and anything like it. Your consistency and pacing was truly some of the best I've read for a script like this, and I really found myself on the edge of my seat when reading. You descriptions and detailing is ace!

Thank you so much!! The Vampire Diaries was definitely an influence when I decided to write a werewolf-centric show. I love drama, and the supernatural and I think TVD has a great combination of the two.

What I'd like to see more, if this show is picked up, and I really hope it is -- is more about the Adler family history. I really find the whole Royal werewolf family idea very interesting, and there seems to be a very rich and well thought out history behind it. Looking forward to seeing more wolves, like Will and Sara's father, the werewolf king, and I'm am SOOO glad that Elizabella survived in the end. I know, she's the "villain," but she's too good of a villain to die so quickly Major points there!

Yes this season is very much about the Adlers' lineage. In 1x04 you'll get to meet Gabriel, Gwen and Will's big brother. He brings his rebellious and troublesome nature with him, and it puts the Adler siblings in a bind. The King will make an appearance in one episode this season. We'll also meet a few members of The Order which are the Royal's guards. So there will be a lot found out about the Adlers LOL. I'm glad you're happy Elizabella survived. I originally killed her off and left it as that but the more I wrote of her the more I fell in love with her and that's when I decided to make her part of the bigger plot so she will be seen in more episodes this season. She's a baddie just not the BIG bad.

Now, another thing I was wondering... is Sara now going to become a werewolf? I know she got bit, but I didn't know if those same rules worked in this series, with Visceras. Perhaps you pointed something out, and I just decided to ignore it?

Hmmm. Yes, Sara and the bite. Whether or not she will become a werewolf is found out in 1x02 from a new foe... ally... hmm they are a complex group of people. LOL. I will say this... If you are bitten by a werewolf you will become a werewolf. One scratch, one bite and you will be given the curse. However everyone in Crescent Bay has a secret, even our dear Sara, even if she knows nothing about it.

Another thing I'm looking forward to, and this is my last point because I'm starting to ramble, is what the hell is Milo?? I was very surprised by what he was able to do, and I really can't wait for everything to come full circle.

What Milo is will be discovered sooner rather then later. Especially once he starts to see things outside his dreams. A character from the Hale's past will breeze back into town and things will get WEIRD and HARD for the Hale children.

Please, please let this show get approved! My overall rating for this episode -- 9/10. Great story, characters and presentation. Well worth a read.

THANK YOU so much!! I am so happy you enjoyed the pilot that much. It truly made my day.

[Cyclopscars]

please tell me Elizabella is a good guy cause i can't see Zoe as a villain.

[Deleted]

Nope Elizabella is definitely a villian, and Zoe is perfect. I have big plans for her character so she's not your typical 'bad guy'.

[Jason T. Davis]

I thought Zoe was PERFECT as Elizabella!

[Brady Brown]

Review of 1x01 Full Moon Rising

Okay, got around to reading this, Darrin. And I actually really enjoyed it!

The introduction was done very well. I really like how your characters were introduced. I enjoyed the opening scene with Sara in the woods. It gave mystery to why Milo was having these dreams, especially considering their relationship.

I do agree that it started off very calm and a little slow paced. The dialogue in the beginning, I don’t know, felt a little forced. For me, anyway. And a tad bit awkward, like Jason said. But other than that, I think your dialogue was good. It improved as the script went along. Staying on dialogue, my favorite was between Sara and Will. That was something I really enjoyed.

The first werewolf attacked, for me, was handled well. The descriptions were done well, and I could picture it in my head.

I’m not too fond of Ed. Well, I wasn’t at the beginning anyway. Well, he’s not my favorite, but I’m curious to see what he brings to the table next. But that’s just me. Gwen was very interesting. Her maturity is somewhat unique. She knows she’s a part of this whole werewolf thing, and her handling behind that was something I enjoyed. Milo was a great, interesting character. You kept me interested in him, and I applaud you for. For the pilot, he’s my favorite character.

The party scene was my favorite scene! I loved your descriptions for it! I wanted to know what happened next!

I’m going to give the pilot a 8.5/10. I really enjoyed it, but the dialogue sort of brought it down for me. But it totally improved over the course of the episode. Best of luck to you, Darrin! I’m totally rooting for this!

[Deleted]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. Like I said above I appreciate it. It helps me a lot

Apr 27, 2012 17:44:14 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

Review of 1x01 Full Moon Rising

Okay, got around to reading this, Darrin. And I actually really enjoyed it!

The introduction was done very well. I really like how your characters were introduced. I enjoyed the opening scene with Sara in the woods. It gave mystery to why Milo was having these dreams, especially considering their relationship.

I do agree that it started off very calm and a little slow paced. The dialogue in the beginning, I don’t know, felt a little forced. For me, anyway. And a tad bit awkward, like Jason said. But other than that, I think your dialogue was good. It improved as the script went along. Staying on dialogue, my favorite was between Sara and Will. That was something I really enjoyed.

Thanks! I'm really happy with how the opening scene turned out. Much better then the original I had written LOL. Once again I agree that the dialogue, mostly in the teaser and the first little bit of Act I, was a little wonky. If this does get picked up that will be the first place I start to fix because after rereading it myself I agree wholeheartedly with you guys about that section of dialogue.

The first werewolf attacked, for me, was handled well. The descriptions were done well, and I could picture it in my head.

I’m not too fond of Ed. Well, I wasn’t at the beginning anyway. Well, he’s not my favorite, but I’m curious to see what he brings to the table next. But that’s just me. Gwen was very interesting. Her maturity is somewhat unique. She knows she’s a part of this whole werewolf thing, and her handling behind that was something I enjoyed. Milo was a great, interesting character. You kept me interested in him, and I applaud you for. For the pilot, he’s my favorite character.

Yes, Ed is sort of a backseat character in this series, well for the most part. That's why I didn't make him a full cast member, just a recurring. He does have secrets which was hinted at the end of 1x01. In 1x02 he has a father/hero moment with Sara and another short convo with the unknown person on the other line of the phone, but that's it. But trust me, once his secret with Milo comes out all his dirty laundry will be revealed and this man will turn out to be anything but dull. He's lived an interesting life. LOL. In the original pilot I wrote, Milo had little to no role in it, I am very glad that I took my time and developed a stronger mythology especially with him because it seems like he's turning into a fan favorite LOL. I think the thing about Milo is that he's relate-able in the sense that at one time or another we have been sad, or felt like no one understood us. Not too mention he has kick-ass fire power, who doesn't want that! LOL.

The party scene was my favorite scene! I loved your descriptions for it! I wanted to know what happened next!

I’m going to give the pilot a 8.5/10. I really enjoyed it, but the dialogue sort of brought it down for me. But it totally improved over the course of the episode. Best of luck to you, Darrin! I’m totally rooting for this!

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will definitely be working on the opening dialogue. Thanks again for reviewing it really helps and it's really appreciated.

[Deleted]

**Update** - Started outlining 1x03 last night, but got a little side-tracked so I have the teaser and opening scene outlined only. Hoping to continue the outlining this week so I can write the episode this weekend. I am also hoping to go through 1x02 and edit anything that needs editing.

[Amin]

Hello! So I've been more or less absent these days and terrible at my job. Just wanted to drop in and let you know that you're numero uno on my list of pilots to be read. Expect thoughts soon!

[Deleted]

Thanks Amin!

[Jamison]

Just wanted to let you know that I have read the pilot, and I really enjoyed it. A full review should be on the way soon, but don't worry about me saying it was bad. I loved it!

[Deleted]

Thanks Chris, I appreciate it. I eagerly await your review

[Megan Roberts]

Reading the pitch alone, I have to say, I really enjoyed reading it. I'm going to read the script eventually but I'm highly anticipating it since I love Supernatural genre shows. It looks awesome!