Sequence One Discussion

[Jamison]

Dropouts | "F My Life" Review

So I was soo excited to see that this series had been airing. I really enjoyed the pitch and pilot you posted years ago and I remembered it for the most part but after rereading it I feel like you made some slight change and it reads even better now. This was a great start to the series. It introduced our main character and his conflict right away. I remember saying the reason why Dylan gets kicked out of college seemed petty before, I don't know if you changed it but it definitely feels more warranted now. That's definitely something I could see a student losing his scholarship over, especially if those pictures were out in the public eye, diminishing the reputation of the university.

In terms of your characters, I really enjoyed both of them we get introduced to in this episode. Dylan seems a lot like me prior to joining the Air Force and Riff is like me after. Haha! Somehow right now I'm a solid mix between the two but they're dynamic as friends was very believable and I'm really looking forward to the future shenanigans they're bound to get into. I wonder if Dylan will blame Riff or hold any grudges against him for his current situation. It would be natural of him to do so, as he's the one that convinced him to party that night but the decisions he made were his so we'll just have to see how it all plays out.

I very much enjoyed the writing style of the big rave. I'm not sure if you were writing from experience or not but that's definitely how those parties tend to go. Took me back haha! But I was able to visualize everything really well and you painted a very nice, clear picture. But anyway, I can't wait to get into this series more as it's one I've been eager to see for a while now. Congrats on getting it off the ground and I look forward to reading more!

[Jamison]

"Staff Unwanted" | REVIEW

Alright, episode two of Dropouts! Again, so excited to be starting this show! I really love the comedic timing you have here. The car scene with Dylan and Riff was hilarious. The Rocky references and then that damned song starts playing at the absolute worst time! I actually chuckled out loud reading that. Very funny stuff. Also Dylan's step dad welcoming him home with a "Sorry You Lost Your Scholarship" banner was genius. haha! 

I really enjoyed Dylan's interactions with his family at dinner. Even though Ronald seems like a total goofball it seems Dylan really appreciates him and listens to what he has to say. That little moment we got of Dylan looking at the picture of his dad was nice. A small moment but it gives us a little insight into Dylan's past. Not sure if his dad has passed away or is just out of the picture but I'm sure we'll find out. I also like that he's taking initiative and actively going out to look for work instead of letting his situation get the best of him for too long. That interview at the tea shop did not go well. HAHA Tayna was brutal as hell. 

Dylan really doesn't want to fess up to Leila. Probably due to embarrassment and not wanting his crush of however many years know that he's got kicked out. I can only see her finding out the truth some day soon if she doesn't know already and I'm wondering how she's going to react. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing more between those two. And Riff as well, with them all working at the same place. The reason for Dylan getting hired was a little convenient but that's just how these things go. HAHA! Caught masturbating in the bathroom. Jesus. I'm really love this show so far. Can't wait to read more!

[Jay Paterson]

Jun 14, 2021 15:05:22 GMT -6 Darrin McCann said:

REVIEW - 1.01 'F My Life' & 1.02 'Staff Unwanted'

So, finally I have found some time to review some V.S. It has really been a minute since I was able to do that, and I am excited to start with Dropouts. I had to go back and reread the Pilot because it's been a hot minute since I last read it. What I remember from the initial Pilot was how excited I was for this series.

You have such a great sense of humor and it's great how you're able to translate that into your work. I love the interactions between Dylan and Riff, definitely a ying and yang relationship. I have had friendships like that where, not only do we challenge each other, but we also help each other grow. This is seen by how more relaxed Dylan gets during Spring Break compared to his college self. It's nice to see two characters who couldn't be more opposite because you know from their initial interactions that the story possibilities are endless. And that's what going to keep the series interesting.

I love the cuts of the scenes. It really adds to the comedic timing of the series. This is seen when Dylan makes his drunken phone call and the Dean and his family.

I am a sucker for any series or film that slips the title into it somehow. Examples: While You Were Sleeping... Hope Floats... Yes, I realize I am naming off Sandra Bullock films, but they're also examples of films that slipped the title into the script. I love how you were able to do that in the final moments of Dropouts. For me in just ties everything together.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts, Darrin. I really appreciate it. 

Dylan and Riff are totally opposite but they work. Similar to you, I have had friends whose personalities conflict with mine off the bat, but they turn into great friendships. Down the line, we will get to see the origins of Dylan and Riff but for now, we will see how they navigate life as adult friends and if that contrast will hold up as they've grown. 

The number of versions I had of those cut scenes. I must have scripts kicking about with lots of different scenarios. I'm happy you liked it as it was one of the hardest parts of the script to decide on. Especially the drunken phone call. 

I'm also a fan of movies that do that, so I thought a slomo, voice-over monologue was the best way to end it. 

The second episode picks up where we left off in the pilot. I really love how Riff is not just this 'bad influence' but also a great friend who's there to pick his friend back up when the world turns to crap.

There's something endearing about supportive parents in cataclysmic circumstances. The whole banner scene had me cracking right up. Patty & Ronald really stole the episode for me. I love the mix of comedy and drama. You write it so well, seriously. An example is Dylan in his room, it goes back to what I said about your scene cuts. One minute we're having this super funny moment and the next is this sentimental scene. You do it really well.

I love how even one-off characters (I am assuming) get unforgettable dialogue scenes, like Tanya Jane of TJ's Herbal Tea. Her snapback response to Dylan had me in stitches.

Another great episode! Can't wait to dig in to the rest of the first season!

Haha! Yeah Riff is the instigator and I don't think he means to be the bad influence but this does lead to him having to console his best friend with a movie quote pep talk, which you'll find is his speciality throughout the series. 

The banner scene always gets great feedback and I'm quite fond of it myself. I still chuckle thinking about it. Thank you, that's a huge compliment. Although this is primarily a comedy, I never find myself getting into comedies that don't involve a hint of drama throughout. I feel like pulling in these real-life elements can make for some sweet moments which stops it from becoming sketch-like. I'm chuffed that you appreciate the contrast and the cuts are working well.

Yeah, she's totally a one-off character. It was supposed to be a running theme that Dylan would meet these one-off characters that push him forward in his journey. So in episode three, he'll have another encounter but I didn't quite manage to squeeze one into episode 4. But both Leila and Riff get more screentime in that one so it was worth it. It's nice to see that the guest star appearances have you laughing also. 

Thanks again, Darrin. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the next bunch of episodes. 

[Jay Paterson]

Jun 16, 2021 17:51:47 GMT -6 Jamison said:

Dropouts | "F My Life" Review

So I was soo excited to see that this series had been airing. I really enjoyed the pitch and pilot you posted years ago and I remembered it for the most part but after rereading it I feel like you made some slight change and it reads even better now. This was a great start to the series. It introduced our main character and his conflict right away. I remember saying the reason why Dylan gets kicked out of college seemed petty before, I don't know if you changed it but it definitely feels more warranted now. That's definitely something I could see a student losing his scholarship over, especially if those pictures were out in the public eye, diminishing the reputation of the university.

In terms of your characters, I really enjoyed both of them we get introduced to in this episode. Dylan seems a lot like me prior to joining the Air Force and Riff is like me after. Haha! Somehow right now I'm a solid mix between the two but they're dynamic as friends was very believable and I'm really looking forward to the future shenanigans they're bound to get into. I wonder if Dylan will blame Riff or hold any grudges against him for his current situation. It would be natural of him to do so, as he's the one that convinced him to party that night but the decisions he made were his so we'll just have to see how it all plays out.

I very much enjoyed the writing style of the big rave. I'm not sure if you were writing from experience or not but that's definitely how those parties tend to go. Took me back haha! But I was able to visualize everything really well and you painted a very nice, clear picture. But anyway, I can't wait to get into this series more as it's one I've been eager to see for a while now. Congrats on getting it off the ground and I look forward to reading more!

I told you I'd get it off the ground at some point. Even if it did take me about 5 years. Lol. Serious though, the support you and the others showed during the pitch stage was awesome and it really helped form the outcome of the first two episodes so it would have been a shame not to be able to share them with you guys at some point. 

Yeah, the reason for Dylan being booted out of college changed ALOT! I don't even remember the original scenario. It was hard to find something comical that didn't feel like an overreaction on the Dean's part. I think what I landed on works best although I personally think it can seem a little over the top. But I just think, it's a comedy show with ridiculous scenarios, it allowed sometimes.  

Haha! So they are both relatable to you. That's good news. It's a great dynamic to write having them both be so opposite and I'm stoked its reads believably. It's funny you say that he could totally hold Riff accountable, although it's not his initial reaction. But you might see these cracks showing down the line when they navigate their contrasting personalities through their adulthood. 

Maybe subconsciously, but I'm usually far too drunk to remember those nights. I'm delighted it read well, it's always my worry that people can't visualise the scene I'm trying to paint. 

Thanks for taking the time to read and review, Jamison! I really appreciate it and looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the rest. 

[Jay Paterson]

Jun 17, 2021 2:47:56 GMT -6 Jamison said:

"Staff Unwanted" | REVIEW

Alright, episode two of Dropouts! Again, so excited to be starting this show! I really love the comedic timing you have here. The car scene with Dylan and Riff was hilarious. The Rocky references and then that damned song starts playing at the absolute worst time! I actually chuckled out loud reading that. Very funny stuff. Also Dylan's step dad welcoming him home with a "Sorry You Lost Your Scholarship" banner was genius. haha! 

I really enjoyed Dylan's interactions with his family at dinner. Even though Ronald seems like a total goofball it seems Dylan really appreciates him and listens to what he has to say. That little moment we got of Dylan looking at the picture of his dad was nice. A small moment but it gives us a little insight into Dylan's past. Not sure if his dad has passed away or is just out of the picture but I'm sure we'll find out. I also like that he's taking initiative and actively going out to look for work instead of letting his situation get the best of him for too long. That interview at the tea shop did not go well. HAHA Tayna was brutal as hell. 

Dylan really doesn't want to fess up to Leila. Probably due to embarrassment and not wanting his crush of however many years know that he's got kicked out. I can only see her finding out the truth some day soon if she doesn't know already and I'm wondering how she's going to react. Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing more between those two. And Riff as well, with them all working at the same place. The reason for Dylan getting hired was a little convenient but that's just how these things go. HAHA! Caught masturbating in the bathroom. Jesus. I'm really love this show so far. Can't wait to read more!

Thank you, Jamison. It's always nerve-wracking putting these episodes out there without me being the only one reading jokes and the punchlines. So hearing that you are enjoying them and that the timing is working for you and generating real laughter is such a delight. 

It's funny, that was not what I was going for originally between Ron and Dylan but it happened naturally and I'm glad it did because it makes for some nice/funny moments later in the series. You'll find out more about Dylan and his relationship with his father during the second half of the 1st season, it really shaped him to be the straight-laced guy we know today. Haha yeah, he was so hopeful before meeting Tanya. 

Dylan's reasoning to hold back the truth from Leila stems from him always wanting to be able to impress her. He has this college life now and she looks at him in a different way, rather than the nerdy kid next door. It will come out eventually of course but I'll let you keep reading to find out if that leads to any fallout or not. Yes, this was another one of those moments where I was like, comedies like these can have those eye-roll moments but when you add in an employee masturbating in the bathroom and him getting the job being tied into the joke, maybe it's just enough to work. Lol. 

Thanks again for another review. I'm so happy you're enjoying the series so far.