Post by Jack Malone on Apr 15, 2011 11:41:22 GMT -6
I've only managed to read the teaser so far, but I'm really liking it. Not a huge fan of the use of the word "f*ck" but I can get passed it if its done tastefully. I should have a review up soon, if I can find some time to sit down and read. But yeah, just wanted to let you know that I've read the teaser, and should have something up for you guys soon!
Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 15, 2011 18:10:00 GMT -6
I'm really glad that you enjoyed the teaser ^^ It was actually one of my favorite parts to write, mostly Spidey's monologue, but still. I'm really excited to hear what you thought about the rest of the pilot.
Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 18, 2011 17:39:37 GMT -6
Alright, a little bit of an update here.
I've added the complete crew list to date, as we've dropped one crew member and pulled another on board as a part-time writer, the lovely Miranda Kilgore who...has yet to join the forum but she plans on doing it at some point today I believe. If not today, then very soon.
We've also updated the episode guide a bit. Episode 4's summary is still in the works, however we have added a key event to that episode. Episode 5 has gotten pretty much it's complete summary and an image to go along with it. Episode 9 has gotten it's guest starts added, as well as the "key event" for that episode. Or rather, the cause of the "key event".
Updates to the other episodes are coming, hopefully within the next day or so and our Episode Guide will be finished!
Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 21, 2011 21:35:28 GMT -6
Alright, ANOTHER update. I've redesigned the opening credits. I took a little time to learn a little about Sony Vegas Pro and produced something I consider much better than the original opening credits. I'm still learning, so it's not NEAR as good as the other promos/trailers/videos on theVPN, but I'm trying! XD
Post by Jack Malone on Apr 22, 2011 0:01:57 GMT -6
Review:The Outcasts:"Along Came a Spider"by Jack Malone and Chris Davis
The Outcasts is one of the most promising new pitches to have hit the VPN, one that both Chris and I were very excited about looking at, and exploring. This is a very character-based show, in that the show depends more on its fantastic range of characters than the week-to-week plots. And, with its great range of characters, there's a lot to cling on to.
"Along came a Spider" is a great pilot, with a mix of high points and low points. It kicks off with introducing the hero of the story: Spider Girl - a witty, spunky and modern superhero that protects the city of New York. From here, we are introduced to the show's main characters, Melanie Haelstrom (who is Spider Girl), who shares the same characteristics as her alter ego, then there's her best friend Mary-Jane Watson, who has an abusive father who I'd really want to hit, and Norman Osborn, who secretly has it out for Spider Girl - he is the Green Goblin.
Despite being a character driven series, the plot involved Melanie's professor, Charles Xavier (who we all know from X-Men) introducing her to this broad world of mutants, and asked that she join him in the search and recruitment of these mutants to help train them for the purposes of good. From here, we were taken to the Xavier Institute, got a few X-Men teases, and the final push to indicate where this series might take us -- possibly around the world to find all these mutants to create team X-Men.
Despite the brilliant writing, and descriptive use of language, there were a mix of high and low points throughout the episode, some that should be taken into consideration.
+ Character Introductions -- this pilot does a marvellous (no pun intended) job of introducing these fantastic characters, and to see the distinctive differences between each of them is great. Among those characters, Melanie, Mary-Jane and Norman were written the best. + The References -- throughout the episode there are a lot of hints at other superheroes, like Tony Stark, the Fantastic Five. This really broadens the scope of the world, and it was written in a way that doesn't force these down our throats. + Mary-Jane Watson -- something Chris and I both agree on is the characterisation of MJ. From showing her upbeat, flirty side with best friend Melanie, to giving us a preview of her life at home with an abusive father. This is a character that was done to perfection. + The Xavier Institute Introduction -- with Euphoria showing Melanie the Insititute, we really loved the effort in explaining what will be where, and what room functions as what. It was fun to get our own little tour as Melanie was getting hers. + The Ending -- ending the pilot on a twist ... that was brilliant! Mystique is a personal favourite of ours, and we can't wait to see how she gets involved with Xavier's plans. - Charles Xavier -- this was the primary character we felt didn't sit right with us. We can't quite put our finger on what annoyed us, so we're waiting out to see how he interacts with the other characters, but his characterisation felt off. Just didn't work for us. - Use of Language -- for this particular show, we both feel that the use of the word "F*ck" doesn't belong here. It often distracts us from the dialogue, ruining the flow, and seems irrelevant in whatever its uses were originally for. With MJ's father, we already know what kind of a character he is through his actions, him swearing, it isn't really needed. - The Showdown -- the confrontation with Spider Girl and Green Goblin was, primarily, a good one, however, it often felt too cartoon like, with constant banter between the two characters. It didn't really hit us as much as we'd have liked it too.
7.5/10 ~Great setup for the show, amazing character introductions, with a few flaws involving the flow, language, and supporting character(s).
Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 22, 2011 0:53:44 GMT -6
Response to Jack Malone and Chris Davis' Review: by Maddiefack and Aimee Nicole
First of all, we'd like to say that we're really excited that you liked it and see potential in it. As for the flow of the episode we caught on that ourselves and have since taken a different approach to planning out the episodes to insure it's not a problem again - if it is we apologize and will continue to grow as writers to make it even more as you first said "marvelous" - pun totally intended.
For the characters, we have to say that we pride ourselves on Melanie, MJ and Norman. We also feel that they were our best written characters in this episodes. We hope, in coming episodes, that you will enjoy the characters that will be introduced. As for the others, we admit that we see the flaws as well. There were a few disagreements on Xavier, which probably led to the wrongful characterization of him. However, this will be resolved and shouldn't happen again.
Personally I [Maddie] am pleased you like the references - I for one absolutely love it when songs, books, shows, and movies have references and they are always my favorite part. We are planning to continue this idea but we hope it will remain very subtle so keep those eyes peeled or you might miss it - which is not what we are going for at all...well maybe.
I [Aimee] am also glad that you liked the references. Some actually came as inside jokes that we managed to morph into a way that would be understandable (or at least recognizable) to a reader outside of us. One of this, in particular, was our play on the National Enquirer, both making fun of the gossip rag as well as putting in the reference to Jonnie Storm and Tony Stark.
We are also excited to know that you liked the way we introduced the characters. We tried to give each character their own, unique sort of entrance that was specific to them. For example, we saw no other way to introduce Melanie than to bring her in as Spider-Girl with the monologue at the beginning. Euphoria's was also a very specific one that I [Aimee] enjoyed writing, for multiple reasons.
As for Mary-Jane, we're extremely happy that you liked her! She will actually end up being one of the most in-depth characters of the entire series. We don't plan for her to be just any sort of supporting or side character, but actually be a main, main part of the plot that extends passed just being Melanie's best friend.
I [Aimee] loved writing the scene with the introduction to the Institute, so I'm actually pretty excited that you guys enjoyed it. Maddie actually designed the scene's set up, and in order to better picture it, I actually drew it out on paper to help me describe what I needed to describe and such. It was really, really fun writing that scene.
Twists are our best friends. We have detailed in several twists and other such things into our timelines for each episode this season that will definitely keep everyone on their toes. We were hoping that the end of the pilot twist would go over well with the readers, and seeing that it has is a huge booster for us. You're in luck, because Mystique is a huge part of our plot line for this season especially, and more than likely extending beyond as well. She is a very important character right now, and will be the cause of a lot of things that happen, so you will definitely being seeing a lot of Mystique.
As for the language, now that I [Aimee] look back on it, I can see exactly what you mean. While I could probably justify it's use in other places, this episode certainly was not the place to use it and I will be glad to edit that out as it's not a huge edit and can be easily fixed. I will be mindful of the use of this word in the future, and avoid it where possible. That is not a problem at all.
I [Aimee] apologize for the showdown scene. I wanted to use that scene to show a little more of how Spider-Girl works, using her wit in battle and such, but I will be mindful of it in the future. In future scenes like this, I will make sure to try and make it less cartoon-like, while still keeping the essence of Spider-Girl into the battle.
We sincerely thank you for your review. We have been on the edge of our seats waiting for word on it, and we are definitely relieved to know that you guys enjoyed it. We're incredibly excited about this series. We've put a lot of effort and time into it, outlining the season and the episodes one by one. We've even already written bits and pieces of the other episodes in this season (which, by the way, if this gets anywhere, you guys will have several "deleted" and "alternate" scenes to look forward too ). It's definitely new to us, but we're loving it and we have a dedicated group that is easy to work with and eager to hopefully see this grow to its full potential.
Post by Aimee Nicole on Apr 22, 2011 21:16:33 GMT -6
Oh, I wanted to ask, since it wasn't mentioned...Spider-Girl's spider-sense. The way we wrote it, was it clear enough? Like, could you tell exactly what it was with no issues, or should we find a better way to write it in?