|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Feb 18, 2016 13:23:11 GMT -6
EPISODE 1x02 - "The Future Ain't What It Used To Be"
Description: As Carrie begins her investigation, Gordon learns the truth about how his teammates operate and is forced to decide if he is willing to go all the way. Elsbeth (Sigourney Weaver) fights off an investigation over Gordon's hiring, but Adrian (Robert Patrick) is unwilling to lay things to rest.
Written By: Ciaran Graham
Air Date: 2017
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Feb 18, 2016 13:19:16 GMT -6
EPISODE 1x01 - "Pilot"
Description: Gordon Sophoes (Karl Urban) is somewhat unwillingly inducted into the special branch of the government that deals with time-travelling and other strange cases. On his first time out, the team work to track down a local crook, working for an unknown boss, who is using illegal technology to get shipments from the future. Meanwhile, reporter Carrie Dunn (Katie Holmes) gets stuck with a story that could be something bigger than expected.
Written By: Ciaran Graham
Air Date: TBC
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Feb 4, 2016 14:33:24 GMT -6
Synthesis Season One - Discussion
Discuss the first season of 'Synthesis' below.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Feb 4, 2016 14:30:23 GMT -6
Synthesis Season One - Spoilers & Speculation
All spoilers regarding the first season of 'Synthesis' will be posted below.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Jan 16, 2016 13:15:29 GMT -6
UPDATED JANUARY 16TH: Added to Carrie/Lyle scene, cut down descriptions, changed bold to italics for emphasis and a few tiny tweaks here and there. Also changed title of thread to hopefully-permanent-new title, Synthesis! Enjoy! |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 30, 2015 9:53:42 GMT -6
Just wanted to drop in and agree with literally everyone, I absolutely loved what I've read so far! Your dialogue, characters and casting were all great. Can't wait to see more!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 30, 2015 9:42:24 GMT -6
I HAVE FINALLY READ THIS! I wrote down a bunch of notes and about what I thought as I read. But overall, really enjoyed this pilot, just a few minor tweeks and it'll be really great! - Bold for emphasis just seems a bit off. Italics can do the trick, not a huge deal but whatever works best for you.
- Teaser was really well done. Loved how it started with a flashback with your main character at a younger stage. Makes me think that along the series we will get flashbacks more and more as the series/season goes on.
- Descriptions seem to run a bit long. Breaking them up would help make it feel more open. But other than that, really set the scene and is really well done, so kudos to you on that.
- The dialogue is really well done, I’m really like it.
- Establishing shots are not really needed (unless absolutely needed for the story itself, which I have seen you done), that’s mainly not used a lot in scripts and is something that is typically done in post for actual tv.
- Abby is an interesting character to me, I feel like I want to know more about her and see where she is going. She seems like a bit of comedic relief.
- Formatting is really well done, looks very professional. Just a few spacing issues, but that's an easy fix.
- Carrie seems out of place in this, we go from learning about time traveling criminals to Taco Night. I think you should re-think her story a bit and how she fits into all of this, because right when she comes in, it seems to stop the story dead. Maybe have her investigate more about the time cops and stuff like that, not have a scene where it’s about Tacos. Have her meet some shady gangster who has the answers she needs and have her slowly get closer to the truth. Or just introduce her later, whatever works best for your story.
- I really enjoyed this! Carrie seems to be a bit out of place for me, but other than that, I’m excited to see how you develop the characters further and how everything falls into place. You planted the necessary seeds that will start to grow later in the series and I cannot wait to see what you have planned, great job.
Can't wait to see what you have planned  Thanks so much for reading Brian, glad you liked it! Happy to hear you enjoyed the teaser, we'll hopefully get to learn more about Miranda as the season progresses, mostly through Carrie and flashbacks. The bold over italics was more a case of "how the hell does this screenwriting program work? Oh, here's bold, I learnt something!", but I've since figured out italics (ONE asterisk on either side rather than two - who knew?!) and I'll be fixing that right up. I can promise that Carrie absolutely will investigate more about time cops, literally every episode EXCEPT this one XD. It just doesn't feel like it fits to me to have her in the thick of it already, like her investigating alongside our introductions to the others didn't mesh well. I have tried to look at it different ways, but it didn't really feel right to have it from the get-go. But like you said, I've tried to plant seeds, and she's in the swing of things by the end of episode two (there's a nice blend of interviews with the agents and Carrie investigating that I'm really excited about). I'll even throw in a shady gangster! I am adding to the Taco Night scene right now though, nothing revolutionary, just to give more of a sense of who she is. So, things on the agenda for draft three: shorten descriptions, cut unnecessary establishings (sorry, I've just seen them so much in scripts online), bold to italics and add to Carrie. I'll give it a bash! Thanks again for the read and the feedback Brian! EDIT: Forgot to mention I'm really liking Synthesis for a title. It kind of suits, with humans and time travel kind of melding together. Plus it sounds pretty cool. Thoughts anyone? And it just occurred to me that I could've said I wanted the Carrie story to be in the same vein as Paul Ballard in Dollhouse's first season this whole time, that just clicked. Hopefully this makes sense, because obviously everyone in the entire world has seen that show! |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 20, 2015 7:39:54 GMT -6
Thanks so much Brady, I'm so glad you're continuing to come back and check up on this pitch! And another thank you for the feedback. It definitely contributed to this new draft. As I've mentioned, Carrie will be explored in more detail in episode two. I've just started breaking it down and we'll get to learn about the world of the show through her searching and interviews with the agents as Gordon starts with them. But if you think it's important to have something more for her in the pilot, just let me know and I'll try and work something in! Also, sorry for the long place descriptions, I'll try and contain myself from now on. I don't think she necessarily needs to have "more" in a sense. I think expanding on the "taco night" scene into a realization of she has no idea why she can't get any good stories or if she's even meant for this line of work or something along those lines could work really well. Just a little something that can form a better connection between her and the reader to carry over into episode 2 Roger that  I'll see if I can do a quick update to add onto that scene, and maybe cut down on place descriptions. |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 19, 2015 16:42:52 GMT -6
Just went through the new draft. I definitely think this is stronger, especially since you added that scene with Abby and Jace. That was seriously so much fun. The only remaining problems I still see are the disconnect in Carrie's story and the overly-long description of the places. If you can find a way to shorten those (keep them maybe 4-5 minimum) then that would really add to the overall flow. But like I've said before, the writing is fantastic. Good job! Hope to see more people checking this out Thanks so much Brady, I'm so glad you're continuing to come back and check up on this pitch! And another thank you for the feedback. It definitely contributed to this new draft. As I've mentioned, Carrie will be explored in more detail in episode two. I've just started breaking it down and we'll get to learn about the world of the show through her searching and interviews with the agents as Gordon starts with them. But if you think it's important to have something more for her in the pilot, just let me know and I'll try and work something in! Also, sorry for the long place descriptions, I'll try and contain myself from now on. |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 2, 2015 16:41:45 GMT -6
UPDATED DECEMBER 2ND: Link to the second draft is up. I've added a few scenes, particularly in and around the first act, and changed or added dialogue here and there for clarification and/or exposition. Enjoy!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Nov 22, 2015 16:39:30 GMT -6
Just dropping by to say I'm currently making some changes to act one to include more of the team at work and tie things together a bit neater. Hoping to upload it in a week or so. Also I've recast Miranda from Summer Glau to Amy Acker.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Oct 20, 2015 10:11:41 GMT -6
Thanks to both Brady and Chris, glad you were able to give it a read. I'll try and cover as much as you guys were talking about in this post, so bear with me!
First off, I can totally accept what everyone is saying about Carrie's arc. A real difficulty in doing this whole series was introducing everything. I've got this futuristic world, this government division, technology and a whole slew of characters and arcs, which is quite taxing to fit into one script. In my notes I'll admit that I left a lot of the mythology to the second episode, which, as well as giving a bit of detail on the science at hand, was designed to slow down and show just how everyone is going to be proceeding for the rest of the season, but I tried to fit as much as I could into what we've seen. I hope that Carrie's story will be a set of the eyes for the reader throughout the season - as she learns about everything that's going on, we learn. Of course, I don't want things to be THAT slow-burning and I'm hoping that everyone is able to accept both the mythology at hand and Carrie's role to the story. But I feel like there is only so much I can do with her in this first episode, as I don't want her to be the office crackpot who has been hunting them for ages - I'd love for the viewer to fall into it with her. If it helps, I'd like to add some background on Carrie to the pilot, hopefully shine a little light on a recent story that almost ended her career which will have repercussions, particularly in a second season. I know it won't connect her story as early as everyone would like, but it would certainly add to her as a character.
It was also no picnic trying to have everyone stand out, right out of the gate. Most of them are at this stage just reacting to the sudden appearance of Gordon. But your suggestions for more teamwork and moments for them to shine have given me a few cool ideas for scenes (Abby and Jace doing their thing together, everyone doing a bit more digging for Chaff, an awkward ride in the van) that I could add to the pilot. Hopefully these will give everyone a better idea of their personalities and what makes them tick.
And now: the world! I apologise if I didn't make it clear, but I do plan to emphasise the similarities between modern day and the setting of the show one hundred years from now. I touched upon it in the premise: basically, everyone got obsessed with technological advancement and though we made great scientific leaps in that time, mankind was just kind of stuck in a rut, failing to change themselves. These characters are very much like those you'd find nowadays, they just have fancier tech. This might be frustrating to some sci-fi nuts, but I don't just include it for the sake of it - I will say that, should the show be allowed to grow, man and its relationship to technology is a huge focus point.
Finally, I see how the fight scenes could be a bit of a drag. Sorry, I wrote prose for so long before scripts, and I do train in martial arts so I like to work in what I know - whenever I read scripts and I see "and he punches back, then it's an all-out brawl that takes them onto the balcony" etc. it drives me a little insane! I'm a description nut, but I can see them either helping or hindering the reading experience depending on preference. To be perfectly honest, they were probably the most fun scenes to write!
Thanks for all this feedback, I hope I've eased your minds - I keep thinking all I've been saying is "lol don't worry that'll show up later"! But all of your comments are valid and I think a bit of tinkering and those new scene ideas I mentioned could really help, if y'all are interested...
Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a Star Wars trailer to watch.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Oct 18, 2015 10:33:34 GMT -6
UPDATED OCTOBER 18TH: VERY Minor changes to characters bios. Also dropping in to beg for responses so I know how to proceed. Much appreciated!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Oct 18, 2015 7:03:12 GMT -6
What happened to this show? How did it become so good? I'm legit confused. It's brilliant. I KNOW, I legitimately love this show now, as opposed to trying desperately to love it when it started. All my friends quit after five episodes and now I'm begging them to come back! |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 14, 2015 14:08:16 GMT -6
REVIEW Pilot I have to say that going into the Pilot I had no idea what to expect. Your pitch was filled with so much information I almost felt overloaded. Not a bad thing. The Pilot itself was fantastic. I'm not a huge science fiction fan but I could totally get on board with this VS. Your characters were each distinctive with their own voices and quite engaging. Your dialogue was great. The stories we followed had great pace. My only critic would be Carrie's story. I mean I get what you were doing but it just seemed it didn't really start until she found the body then it was over. Everything before that felt more like filler. Because of this I felt the least connected to her character. Had she been following this story the whole time, maybe had been told to drop it or whatever, it would have given her more appeal. I just think with her lack of connection to the rest of the main cast in the Pilot her story felt more like filler. Again, this is only my opinion. However, minus that I thoroughly enjoyed the Pilot and hope this gets a pick-up in the future. Thanks for giving it and read, and for the kind words! I get that Carrie's side was a bit slow here, but I really wanted to set it up so that, as she investigates in the early stages, she's not even sure if she wants to pursue it like she isn't sure of what she's getting herself into, rather than have her adamant from the start. I'm hoping to do some fun stuff with the character this season in parallel to the others, hopefully they won't end up feeling too disconnected. Thanks for pointing it out, hope it won't be a problem going forward! (I was actually worried that people would find it really coincidental that the portal opened right in front of Carrie of all people, so if anyone wonders: there's more to that!) |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 6, 2015 3:53:18 GMT -6
Thinking through a title - Paradox or Time Paradox - Sounds like a good idea and I will definitely like to check out the pilot some time in the future. Keep pushing. Glad you liked the pitch. Paradox could be a contender - I've also been toying with Synthesis - thanks especially for the suggestion! |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 6, 2015 3:50:20 GMT -6
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading through this pitch. I recently started back in school, and that has pretty much taken priority. Anyway, onto the pitch - I think it's really interesting take on time travel, and you've given some intriguing information (ie. dark matter, dormant cells, etc) to convey that in a realistic manner. All of the futuristic events you've listed really add a depth to the pitch, and make it that much more fascinating. It sounds like the world building is going to expand tremendously, and that has me hooked. World building is one of my favorite things in fiction, and with this being a science fiction series with what looks to be a multitude of futuristic events, I hope it can deliver on that front. Not that it's a huge, deciding problem but I do agree with Chris on that this show is brought back down due to the lack of diversity that there seems to be within the main of recurring cast. There's a ton of conveying information given with events of this far and expanding future, that having most of the characters be the same ethnicity dilutes back down to the unrealistic nature that a lot of shows fall victim to. I've done it before myself, so I think that's why it's easy for me to pick up on. But yeah, very interesting pitch. I'll try and give the pilot a read soon, but so far so good! No need to apologise Brady. I was back at school myself this week, so I know where you're coming from! I'm happy that people seem to be receptive to the scope and possibility for expansion with this series. I've been working on this project for a long time, on-and-off, due to some collaborative issues that have since been cleared. As such, I've had a lot of time to set up a game plan, so I'm hoping this means I have an idea of what I'm doing! Apart from sitting down and actually writing the script, casting was probably the hardest part of doing this. Usually whenever I start brainstorming a character I immediately go "who should play them?" and get a face in my mind, which I know can be a hindrance and I try not to, but it's a hard thing to shake. Coming back to my game plan, I have a fairly good idea when a whole host of characters will appear as the series, and its environment, expands, with a fair few actors in mind that certainly diversify the cast. That being said, I really don't want to be saying "oh, just stick around for a year or two, THEN things will be fine," so if people here want me to, I could definitely look into recasting one or two of my current roles. Thanks so much for giving the pitch a read, I'll definitely respond to any new concerns, and hope you enjoy the pilot! |
|
|
|
Post by Ciarán Graham on Aug 19, 2015 4:04:30 GMT -6
There is a lot of information in the premise, and its all pretty interesting. I'm absolutely in love with all things science fiction, especially time travel, so automatically this was appealing to me. You've got some intriguing ideas and scope of a series like this could be huge. I can't wait to see how your characters bring the plot to life. I plan on reading the pilot sometime this week, and should give you a review soon after. But color me interested. I think I'll hold off on reading the episode guide until I've finished the pilot, but it's always nice to see a pitcher that's thinking ahead. One thing I noticed was the lack of diversity in the cast. Other than Lance Gross, I didn't spot any other POC in the cast (correct me if I'm wrong), which could be pretty unrealistic, especially for a science fiction series with such a massive scope. That's something I've been really paying attention to lately, and I know others might not think its a big deal but it could definitely help with the realism and making the show more dynamic and inclusive. This is a pretty solid pitch and idea. Thanks for deciding to pitch here and best of luck! Thanks so much Chris! I'm definitely one for long-term planning/obsessing! I certainly see what you're talking about with the diversity thing, it occurred to me a few weeks ago. I believe two guest stars in the pilot, Kurt Caceres and Joe Nieves, are of Mexican and Spanish descent, but "All Non-Whites Are Villains" is definitely not a message I want to send. In a lot of cases, the characters were written specifically for an actor from day one, while one character was even moved from another project. Casting has been a bit taxing (Abby was recast three times, you can still see Lily Collins credited in the pilot) but I love the cast I've assembled. You're right about the potential for scope with this series, but I intend to take my time getting there. There's no time-hopping in the first season bar flashbacks and the cast are sticking to one planet for the time being. However, one thing I would associate the series with is expansion and I have a lot more characters planned to come. If I'm lucky enough to get a second season, I'm thinking of bringing in an Eastern-European and an African-American, the latter most likely a series regular, with an actress and actor in mind. I even thought about having a transgender agent in the first season, but I realised I was doing it more for shock value than anything else, which wasn't fair, and I just didn't have the time in eight episodes to do it justice (though I hope to pursue that down the line). What I'm getting at is that this first season is very much setting up what is to come and, though it may not seem like it now, diversity is part to that. And yes, time-travelling Hope that eases your mind! Thanks again, can't wait to hear what you think of the pilot! |
|
I'll see if I can do a quick update to add onto that scene, and maybe cut down on place descriptions.
