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Post by Ciarán Graham on Aug 16, 2015 12:47:31 GMT -6
PREMISE
In 2052, a scientific research team, led by Doctor Harper Keogh, discovered the key to time travel in humans. The process was achieved by combining dark matter, exposed to a contained nuclear reaction, with dead human tissue. The matter reacted with a dormant human cell, believed to have been repressed following the evolution into homo sapiens, which contributed to the recording of memory and special awareness. The process worked in about 8% of the population, but further research managed to attain the same results through technology.
Naturally, warring governments meant everything got out of hand and a dozen prototypes were stolen by rival nations. However, interest quickly dissipated in 2061, when Lithuania announced it had perfected the process of Terraforming, which would allow residents of Earth to survive in the secondary galaxy located in the Black Hole Ripple of 2045, an event which kick-started a number of scientific advancements. Worldwide preparations began for the mass migration from Earth, which had been acknowledged as declining sometime earlier. By 2070, Earth's eight billion residents had been relocated amongst seven new terraformed planets.
Now, it's 2102. Technology has seen a big jump, but humanity has yet to truly evolve from where it was a hundred years ago. Gordon Sophoes is a cop with a severe rebellion problem. Gordon has long been striving for answers about his aunt Miranda, a government agent who disappeared over twenty years ago after accusations of treason.
What Gordon doesn't know is that he is one of the 8%.
Pretty soon, Gordon finds himself stumbling upon a secret branch of the government, filled with agents who, thanks to Keogh's research, can now travel in time after a surgery to enact their gene. These people combat those who use the time-travel tech long lost amongst the criminals, tech with potentially-catastrophic repercussions, to abuse the timeline for their own gain. To his surprise, Gordon is offered a place amongst their ranks.
Of course, it is no coincidence that Gordon "stumbled" upon this division. Gordon uses his newfound resources to search for the truth about Miranda while sparring with his new colleagues, unaware of the role he is really playing.
Meanwhile, hot-headed reporter Carrie Dunn has been stuck with a long-gestating story: is there really a secret force of time-travelling agents out there? But, after a suspiciously close encounter with the extraordinary, Carrie begins to think there could be some truth to the tales, and plunges deep into a world she does not recognise, scavenging for the truth.
And while Carrie and Gordon explore their new worlds, a new threat begins to emerge that could very well tie everything together, right before it tears it all apart...
MAIN CAST
Gordon Sophoes (Karl Urban) - Gordon may enforce the law, but he's no stranger to breaking it. Ever since the disappearance of his aunt after a treason charge, Gordon has been driven down a shady path in law enforcement before he stumbles upon the time-travelling agents of the government. Of course, it was anything but coincidence - answers are being hidden, and they may just be answers Gordon has been searching for.
Trissa Canning (Kristen Bell) - If you think Trissa Canning is only where she is because of her father, you may just lose an eye or two. Despite being the only daughter of high-ranking officer Adrian Castor, Trissa graduated top of her class and trained in four styles of combat before adopting her mother's maiden name to forge her own career. By-the-books but empathic when needed, Trissa is not happy when the unqualified Gordon waltzes in and becomes her partner. It doesn't mean she'll do her job any different: it just means, as field team leader, she has one more person to keep in check.
Jeremy 'Anders' Anderson (Jeff Hephner) - The stoic, hard-headed weapons specialist, Anders keeps his personal and professional lives very separate. The others know Anders only for what he is: someone who'll have their back and, if needed, a rifle or three.
Abby Lockman (Jeanine Mason) - Bubbly-bordering-on-annoying, Abby is the team's computer specialist, one of the most gifted hackers and programmers around. Abby is innocent, through and through, but even she has a secret, one with a difference, that has her constantly looking over her shoulder.
Jace Gunner (Sam Palladio) - If Jace really applied himself, he could be a genius: but, slacker that he is, he'll have to settle for extraordinary. With a vast knowledge of computers and the quickly-evolving tech of the 22nd century, Jace proves an amiable presence to the team and a capable partner-in-crime to Abby. Jace isn't bogged down by a dark secret or a suspicious past - he's just here to have fun.
Carrie Dunn (Katie Holmes) - With drive that burns brighter than advised, Carrie Dunn has fired on all cylinders during her promising journalism career. Stuck in a rut after some unfounded accusations caused a career setback, Carrie has a close encounter that convinces her the time-travelling government agents story she was assigned isn't such an urban myth after all. Damning her life for the sake of a story, Carrie delves into the mystery from square one which could end up shedding light on more than just the story at hand.
Adrian Castor (Robert Patrick) - Military-bred and with thirty-plus years on the job, Adrian Castor has rightfully established himself as a force to be reckoned with. While trying to maintain some kind of relationship with his estranged daughter Trissa, Adrian oversees the team and tries, against Elsbeth's wishes, to learn just who Gordon Sophoes really is.
Elsbeth Scarrow (Sigourney Weaver) - Department Head Elsbeth Scarrow has seen her fair share of action, a revered agent with an eye for talent. Although she is in charge of every task force, Elsbeth is anything but in power: someone is pulling her strings. Despite the threats facing her, Elsbeth continues to try and get out from under and put a stop to whatever it is she is a pawn in.
RECURRING CAST
Miranda Grace (Amy Acker) - Gordon's aunt, Miranda was a high-ranking, trusted agent before she disappeared amidst accusations of treason. Finding out what really happened to her has hung over Gordon's head for twenty-two years. She appears in flashbacks throughout the series.
Lyle Steenburgen (Patrick J. Adams) - An ace attorney and Carrie's fiancée. Despite his love for her, he tires of when she chooses work over him. This, as it happens, occurs quite a lot.
Cliff Lowell (TBA) - The leader of a second task force separate from Adrian's, Cliff proves to be a sleazy thorn in our heroes' sides. Though his task force is the bane of the department's existence, Cliff nevertheless is willing to do whatever it takes to keep operations under wraps.
Kaya Montez (TBA) - A talented but villainous agent, Kaya has aligned herself with Cliff in the hopes of progressing with her own frowned-upon method of justice.
Tane Kravensale (TBA) - Another member of Cliff's team, a dim-witted agent who provides muscle and little else.
Hal Dominic (Lance Gross) - Carrie's boss at the Pantheon Press, Hal tries to be a source of sanity for Carrie (not that she's really listening).
Detective Hartley (TBA) - A friendly young police detective who provides a voice of reason for Gordon, Hartley proves to be a valuable asset to Gordon's search in ways he couldn't have imagined. But, just like everyone else, there is more to Hartley than meets the eye.
EPISODES
1. "Pilot" - Gordon Sophoes (Karl Urban) is somewhat unwillingly inducted into the special branch of the government that deals with time-travelling and other strange cases. On his first time out, the team work to track down a local crook, working for an unknown boss, who is using illegal technology to get shipments from the future. Meanwhile, reporter Carrie Dunn (Katie Holmes) gets stuck with a story that could be something bigger than expected.
2. "The Future Ain't What It Used To Be" - As Carrie begins her investigation, Gordon learns the truth about how his teammates operate and is forced to decide if he is willing to go all the way. Elsbeth (Sigourney Weaver) fights off an investigation over Gordon's hiring, but Adrian (Robert Patrick) is unwilling to lay things to rest.
3. "Never Let Me Go" - The agents struggle with what to do when they discover a man abusing the timeline for reasons that blurs right and wrong. Carrie attempts to get to the team through the police force, which could spell trouble for Lyle (Patrick J. Adams). Gordon bonds with Jace (Sam Palladio), while Trissa (Kristen Bell) and Anders (Jeff Hephner) deal with villainous co-worker Cliff Lowell (Ken Marino).
4. "Only By Blood" - When Anders' sweet mother (Special Guest Star Mary Beth Peil) comes to visit, the team discover she may be involved in the case they are investigating - a matter made even worse by the fact that Gordon's ex-wife is running it. Abby (Jeanine Mason) and Jace are forced to partner with sly co-workers Cliff, Tane (Jeremy Gabriel) and Kaya (Sarah Sanguin Carter).
5. "Contagion" - The team come into contact with Jill Hillard, a normal woman whose superhuman empathy causes great destruction. Carrie's searching begins to put a strain on her personal life. Elsbeth is forced to go to dangerous lengths to keep Gordon on the force.
6. "Get Chen" - Anders' past comes back to haunt him when a deadly assassin, known only as Chen (Special Guest Star Lee Byung-Hun), resurfaces and performs a series of deadly but apparently unconnected murders, forcing the team to turn to shady businessman Holmes (Jared Harris) for help. Lyle faces Carrie with an ultimatum and Dinah (TBA) returns for a talk with Gordon.
7. "Miracle" - A strange little boy has a huge impact on Trissa, and she will stop at nothing to protect him from those who wish to abuse his superhuman abilities. At the same time, Gordon learns some surprising information about Miranda through his work on the case, Abby and Jace bond over a strange connection and Carrie comes into contact with Hartley (Special Guest Star Dianna Agron).
8. "Time is a Four Letter Word" (season finale) - The team are forced to partner with rivals Cliff, Tane and Kaya and leave the Hub behind when a break in a case regarding a rising cyber terrorist movement occurs in nearby space. Gordon and Trissa try to make amends, a secret about Anders is revealed, and Carrie's investigation comes to a head.
CREATOR'S NOTES
So this is a series I’ve been working on for a VERY long time. This is intended as, first and foremost, a drama with some notable sci-fi elements, being case-of-the-week in some instances but very much having season-long (and series-long) arcs. Despite the time travel, the characters will not be hopping across time every episode – I intend to keep it very grounded for the time being. Any comments and constructive criticism welcomed!
Also, please suggest titles: I’ve been using ‘Continuum’ for over a year (wasn’t TOTALLY aware of that show’s existence at the time) and I’m fresh out.
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Post by Jon Van Pelt on Aug 18, 2015 4:33:45 GMT -6
Just finished reading the pilot episode. Two words: great fun! “Mr. Sophoes, despite your incredible aptitude for saying the worst things at the worst possible times, you proved refreshingly not-useless.” I’m a fan  ! |
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Aug 18, 2015 12:16:17 GMT -6
Just finished reading the pilot episode. Two words: great fun! “Mr. Sophoes, despite your incredible aptitude for saying the worst things at the worst possible times, you proved refreshingly not-useless.” I’m a fan ! Thank you SOOOO much!!! Great to hear you enjoyed it! |
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Post by Jamison on Aug 18, 2015 18:11:01 GMT -6
There is a lot of information in the premise, and its all pretty interesting. I'm absolutely in love with all things science fiction, especially time travel, so automatically this was appealing to me. You've got some intriguing ideas and scope of a series like this could be huge. I can't wait to see how your characters bring the plot to life. I plan on reading the pilot sometime this week, and should give you a review soon after. But color me interested. I think I'll hold off on reading the episode guide until I've finished the pilot, but it's always nice to see a pitcher that's thinking ahead. One thing I noticed was the lack of diversity in the cast. Other than Lance Gross, I didn't spot any other POC in the cast (correct me if I'm wrong), which could be pretty unrealistic, especially for a science fiction series with such a massive scope. That's something I've been really paying attention to lately, and I know others might not think its a big deal but it could definitely help with the realism and making the show more dynamic and inclusive. This is a pretty solid pitch and idea. Thanks for deciding to pitch here and best of luck!  |
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Aug 19, 2015 4:04:30 GMT -6
There is a lot of information in the premise, and its all pretty interesting. I'm absolutely in love with all things science fiction, especially time travel, so automatically this was appealing to me. You've got some intriguing ideas and scope of a series like this could be huge. I can't wait to see how your characters bring the plot to life. I plan on reading the pilot sometime this week, and should give you a review soon after. But color me interested. I think I'll hold off on reading the episode guide until I've finished the pilot, but it's always nice to see a pitcher that's thinking ahead. One thing I noticed was the lack of diversity in the cast. Other than Lance Gross, I didn't spot any other POC in the cast (correct me if I'm wrong), which could be pretty unrealistic, especially for a science fiction series with such a massive scope. That's something I've been really paying attention to lately, and I know others might not think its a big deal but it could definitely help with the realism and making the show more dynamic and inclusive. This is a pretty solid pitch and idea. Thanks for deciding to pitch here and best of luck! Thanks so much Chris! I'm definitely one for long-term planning/obsessing! I certainly see what you're talking about with the diversity thing, it occurred to me a few weeks ago. I believe two guest stars in the pilot, Kurt Caceres and Joe Nieves, are of Mexican and Spanish descent, but "All Non-Whites Are Villains" is definitely not a message I want to send. In a lot of cases, the characters were written specifically for an actor from day one, while one character was even moved from another project. Casting has been a bit taxing (Abby was recast three times, you can still see Lily Collins credited in the pilot) but I love the cast I've assembled. You're right about the potential for scope with this series, but I intend to take my time getting there. There's no time-hopping in the first season bar flashbacks and the cast are sticking to one planet for the time being. However, one thing I would associate the series with is expansion and I have a lot more characters planned to come. If I'm lucky enough to get a second season, I'm thinking of bringing in an Eastern-European and an African-American, the latter most likely a series regular, with an actress and actor in mind. I even thought about having a transgender agent in the first season, but I realised I was doing it more for shock value than anything else, which wasn't fair, and I just didn't have the time in eight episodes to do it justice (though I hope to pursue that down the line). What I'm getting at is that this first season is very much setting up what is to come and, though it may not seem like it now, diversity is part to that. And yes, time-travelling Hope that eases your mind! Thanks again, can't wait to hear what you think of the pilot! |
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Post by Brady Brown on Sept 5, 2015 11:13:22 GMT -6
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading through this pitch. I recently started back in school, and that has pretty much taken priority. Anyway, onto the pitch - I think it's really interesting take on time travel, and you've given some intriguing information (ie. dark matter, dormant cells, etc) to convey that in a realistic manner. All of the futuristic events you've listed really add a depth to the pitch, and make it that much more fascinating. It sounds like the world building is going to expand tremendously, and that has me hooked. World building is one of my favorite things in fiction, and with this being a science fiction series with what looks to be a multitude of futuristic events, I hope it can deliver on that front. Not that it's a huge, deciding problem but I do agree with Chris on that this show is brought back down due to the lack of diversity that there seems to be within the main of recurring cast. There's a ton of conveying information given with events of this far and expanding future, that having most of the characters be the same ethnicity dilutes back down to the unrealistic nature that a lot of shows fall victim to. I've done it before myself, so I think that's why it's easy for me to pick up on. But yeah, very interesting pitch. I'll try and give the pilot a read soon, but so far so good! |
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Post by R.A. Picking on Sept 5, 2015 19:06:26 GMT -6
Thinking through a title - Paradox or Time Paradox - Sounds like a good idea and I will definitely like to check out the pilot some time in the future. Keep pushing.
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 6, 2015 3:50:20 GMT -6
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading through this pitch. I recently started back in school, and that has pretty much taken priority. Anyway, onto the pitch - I think it's really interesting take on time travel, and you've given some intriguing information (ie. dark matter, dormant cells, etc) to convey that in a realistic manner. All of the futuristic events you've listed really add a depth to the pitch, and make it that much more fascinating. It sounds like the world building is going to expand tremendously, and that has me hooked. World building is one of my favorite things in fiction, and with this being a science fiction series with what looks to be a multitude of futuristic events, I hope it can deliver on that front. Not that it's a huge, deciding problem but I do agree with Chris on that this show is brought back down due to the lack of diversity that there seems to be within the main of recurring cast. There's a ton of conveying information given with events of this far and expanding future, that having most of the characters be the same ethnicity dilutes back down to the unrealistic nature that a lot of shows fall victim to. I've done it before myself, so I think that's why it's easy for me to pick up on. But yeah, very interesting pitch. I'll try and give the pilot a read soon, but so far so good! No need to apologise Brady. I was back at school myself this week, so I know where you're coming from! I'm happy that people seem to be receptive to the scope and possibility for expansion with this series. I've been working on this project for a long time, on-and-off, due to some collaborative issues that have since been cleared. As such, I've had a lot of time to set up a game plan, so I'm hoping this means I have an idea of what I'm doing! Apart from sitting down and actually writing the script, casting was probably the hardest part of doing this. Usually whenever I start brainstorming a character I immediately go "who should play them?" and get a face in my mind, which I know can be a hindrance and I try not to, but it's a hard thing to shake. Coming back to my game plan, I have a fairly good idea when a whole host of characters will appear as the series, and its environment, expands, with a fair few actors in mind that certainly diversify the cast. That being said, I really don't want to be saying "oh, just stick around for a year or two, THEN things will be fine," so if people here want me to, I could definitely look into recasting one or two of my current roles. Thanks so much for giving the pitch a read, I'll definitely respond to any new concerns, and hope you enjoy the pilot! |
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 6, 2015 3:53:18 GMT -6
Thinking through a title - Paradox or Time Paradox - Sounds like a good idea and I will definitely like to check out the pilot some time in the future. Keep pushing. Glad you liked the pitch. Paradox could be a contender - I've also been toying with Synthesis - thanks especially for the suggestion! |
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Post by Brady Brown on Sept 6, 2015 10:33:45 GMT -6
Apart from sitting down and actually writing the script, casting was probably the hardest part of doing this. Usually whenever I start brainstorming a character I immediately go "who should play them?" and get a face in my mind, which I know can be a hindrance and I try not to, but it's a hard thing to shake. Coming back to my game plan, I have a fairly good idea when a whole host of characters will appear as the series, and its environment, expands, with a fair few actors in mind that certainly diversify the cast. That being said, I really don't want to be saying "oh, just stick around for a year or two, THEN things will be fine," so if people here want me to, I could definitely look into recasting one or two of my current roles. If you don't want to recast anyone, that's totally fine. You don't have to if you don't want to, and it's not a deal-breaking decision. I just thought I'd bring it up so that it could be on your mind moving forward. |
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Post by Darrin McCann on Sept 13, 2015 11:24:15 GMT -6
REVIEW Pilot
I have to say that going into the Pilot I had no idea what to expect. Your pitch was filled with so much information I almost felt overloaded. Not a bad thing. The Pilot itself was fantastic. I'm not a huge science fiction fan but I could totally get on board with this VS. Your characters were each distinctive with their own voices and quite engaging. Your dialogue was great. The stories we followed had great pace. My only critic would be Carrie's story. I mean I get what you were doing but it just seemed it didn't really start until she found the body then it was over. Everything before that felt more like filler. Because of this I felt the least connected to her character. Had she been following this story the whole time, maybe had been told to drop it or whatever, it would have given her more appeal. I just think with her lack of connection to the rest of the main cast in the Pilot her story felt more like filler. Again, this is only my opinion. However, minus that I thoroughly enjoyed the Pilot and hope this gets a pick-up in the future.
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Sept 14, 2015 14:08:16 GMT -6
REVIEW Pilot I have to say that going into the Pilot I had no idea what to expect. Your pitch was filled with so much information I almost felt overloaded. Not a bad thing. The Pilot itself was fantastic. I'm not a huge science fiction fan but I could totally get on board with this VS. Your characters were each distinctive with their own voices and quite engaging. Your dialogue was great. The stories we followed had great pace. My only critic would be Carrie's story. I mean I get what you were doing but it just seemed it didn't really start until she found the body then it was over. Everything before that felt more like filler. Because of this I felt the least connected to her character. Had she been following this story the whole time, maybe had been told to drop it or whatever, it would have given her more appeal. I just think with her lack of connection to the rest of the main cast in the Pilot her story felt more like filler. Again, this is only my opinion. However, minus that I thoroughly enjoyed the Pilot and hope this gets a pick-up in the future. Thanks for giving it and read, and for the kind words! I get that Carrie's side was a bit slow here, but I really wanted to set it up so that, as she investigates in the early stages, she's not even sure if she wants to pursue it like she isn't sure of what she's getting herself into, rather than have her adamant from the start. I'm hoping to do some fun stuff with the character this season in parallel to the others, hopefully they won't end up feeling too disconnected. Thanks for pointing it out, hope it won't be a problem going forward! (I was actually worried that people would find it really coincidental that the portal opened right in front of Carrie of all people, so if anyone wonders: there's more to that!) |
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Oct 18, 2015 10:33:34 GMT -6
UPDATED OCTOBER 18TH: VERY Minor changes to characters bios. Also dropping in to beg for responses so I know how to proceed. Much appreciated!
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Post by Brady Brown on Oct 18, 2015 19:25:20 GMT -6
Okay, so I finally read the pilot. I want to preface this by apologizing for how long it's taken, and that I hope my thoughts and comments can help. I think this is a very interesting concept, and a new take on time travel that I personally have never seen before. I really liked your dialogue, because it flowed well and really helped in understanding Gordon and Trissa's distinct personalities. I will say, however, that I wish the other characters had gotten their own time to shine in the pilot, because as of right now they're pretty forgettable. I think giving Abby, Jace, Anders, and Hal more standout moments would make them have a better impact on the reader. Speaking of which, Carrie's story, I feel, should be reworked to have more relevance on the pilot itself, because as of right now all of her scenes (except for the last one) didn't really have her doing anything except waiting for the end of the episode to where her story actually picks up. Also, i think a lot of description could be cut. I know some produced scripts have tons of action, but it doesn't really make for a flowing reading experience, so I've always been told to keep it to a maximum of 5 or 6 lines. Not that big of a deal, because the writing itself was great, but just something to watch out for to making it more sleek and fluid. In terms of world building, I also think that could be improved. We don't really learn that much about anything except mentions of the Hub and the Hall of Records and that this is set on a different planet. This still very much feels like the world today, and I think a little more explanation on some aspects could really help the audience get sucked into the world itself. I'm not saying put all your cards out this soon, but a little can go a long way, in my opinion. As far as your villain, Chaff, he needed more development too. Maybe there are more scene between Gordon talking to Rack, and there's a team meeting about how to find this guy, more backstory on him, and we see the team working together more rather than just sitting in the back of the van. So yeah, I think the pilot just lacks a lot of development on certain fronts. It almost feels like we're in a mid-season episode rather than a pilot. Like I said, I did enjoy the story and Trissa was a real stand out character for me. I think this world has tons of potential, and I think with just a little more exposition, it could be really something great. |
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Post by Jamison on Oct 19, 2015 15:11:45 GMT -6
Gave this a read yesterday, and I gotta say, I agree with a lot of what Brady has already said. But I'm going to try and point out a few things that weren't covered in his review.
The year is 2102, and we're on another planet. I would have liked to see more science fiction elements throughout the script. I don't know if it was your intention to create a present-day Earth like setting, but that's what I got. Which is completely fine if that's what you were going for. I really enjoyed the time travel aspect that we got to see with the portals popping up in places. It was cool and different and it makes me want to read more.
In terms of structure, the pilot seemed to start in the middle, instead of the beginning. We're just kind of tossed into this story with very little set up or idea of what's going on. I think in some instances, that method can be good and interesting. But here, there were so many new ideas that weren't explained well enough and things that could have used a bit development, and that made me feel a bit confused in some places. I don't think I've ever wanted to see MORE exposition. It's always us wanting less. But I think you could use just a little bit here.
I don't want to repeat much of what the others have said but I have to agree about Carrie's story. That seemed a bit disjointed and out of place. It came together in the end, but I think some of those scenes with Hal and Lyle could have been cut. And that time could have been better spent developing the characters and main plot points of the episode.
I think this was a technically sound script. Well written dialogue and action, albeit a little clunky. But nothing a thorough edit couldn't fix. Gordon and Trissa are characters who really jump off the page well. I look forward to seeing more from them. I think the other characters have potential to be just as interesting to read. I apologize it took so long to give this a read. But I did enjoy the story you're telling and think it has so much potential.
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Oct 20, 2015 10:11:41 GMT -6
Thanks to both Brady and Chris, glad you were able to give it a read. I'll try and cover as much as you guys were talking about in this post, so bear with me!
First off, I can totally accept what everyone is saying about Carrie's arc. A real difficulty in doing this whole series was introducing everything. I've got this futuristic world, this government division, technology and a whole slew of characters and arcs, which is quite taxing to fit into one script. In my notes I'll admit that I left a lot of the mythology to the second episode, which, as well as giving a bit of detail on the science at hand, was designed to slow down and show just how everyone is going to be proceeding for the rest of the season, but I tried to fit as much as I could into what we've seen. I hope that Carrie's story will be a set of the eyes for the reader throughout the season - as she learns about everything that's going on, we learn. Of course, I don't want things to be THAT slow-burning and I'm hoping that everyone is able to accept both the mythology at hand and Carrie's role to the story. But I feel like there is only so much I can do with her in this first episode, as I don't want her to be the office crackpot who has been hunting them for ages - I'd love for the viewer to fall into it with her. If it helps, I'd like to add some background on Carrie to the pilot, hopefully shine a little light on a recent story that almost ended her career which will have repercussions, particularly in a second season. I know it won't connect her story as early as everyone would like, but it would certainly add to her as a character.
It was also no picnic trying to have everyone stand out, right out of the gate. Most of them are at this stage just reacting to the sudden appearance of Gordon. But your suggestions for more teamwork and moments for them to shine have given me a few cool ideas for scenes (Abby and Jace doing their thing together, everyone doing a bit more digging for Chaff, an awkward ride in the van) that I could add to the pilot. Hopefully these will give everyone a better idea of their personalities and what makes them tick.
And now: the world! I apologise if I didn't make it clear, but I do plan to emphasise the similarities between modern day and the setting of the show one hundred years from now. I touched upon it in the premise: basically, everyone got obsessed with technological advancement and though we made great scientific leaps in that time, mankind was just kind of stuck in a rut, failing to change themselves. These characters are very much like those you'd find nowadays, they just have fancier tech. This might be frustrating to some sci-fi nuts, but I don't just include it for the sake of it - I will say that, should the show be allowed to grow, man and its relationship to technology is a huge focus point.
Finally, I see how the fight scenes could be a bit of a drag. Sorry, I wrote prose for so long before scripts, and I do train in martial arts so I like to work in what I know - whenever I read scripts and I see "and he punches back, then it's an all-out brawl that takes them onto the balcony" etc. it drives me a little insane! I'm a description nut, but I can see them either helping or hindering the reading experience depending on preference. To be perfectly honest, they were probably the most fun scenes to write!
Thanks for all this feedback, I hope I've eased your minds - I keep thinking all I've been saying is "lol don't worry that'll show up later"! But all of your comments are valid and I think a bit of tinkering and those new scene ideas I mentioned could really help, if y'all are interested...
Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a Star Wars trailer to watch.
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Nov 22, 2015 16:39:30 GMT -6
Just dropping by to say I'm currently making some changes to act one to include more of the team at work and tie things together a bit neater. Hoping to upload it in a week or so. Also I've recast Miranda from Summer Glau to Amy Acker.
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Post by Ciarán Graham on Dec 2, 2015 16:41:45 GMT -6
UPDATED DECEMBER 2ND: Link to the second draft is up. I've added a few scenes, particularly in and around the first act, and changed or added dialogue here and there for clarification and/or exposition. Enjoy!
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