Post by A. Blackwood on Feb 10, 2017 6:09:30 GMT -6
Description: Asher, Evie, and Link have been training to use magic with Miles for a number of weeks but each thinks they’re his only student. There’s no time like the present to find out you’re actually part of a team.
Description: Magical training is taxing but Asher, Evie and Link are finding that, despite the odds, they work well together. Asher’s life becomes more complicated however when his girlfriend wants to know why he’s constantly avoiding her questions about his sudden decrease in free time.
Description: Miles decides it’s time to break the fantasy and explain exactly why he’s training three people how to use magic. It’s not all fun and games - it’s also duty and danger.
Description: Asher, Evie and Link’s first encounter with a dark sorcerer does not go well and just shows they have a lot left to learn.
Description: One of the not so advertised aspects of being a Guild sorcerer is public relations. Asher, Link and Evie are about to get a crash course.
Description: The enemies of the Guild are everywhere and they’re not about to let the Guild train up three new magic users. Separated from each other, Link, Evie, and Asher are going to have to draw on everything they’ve learnt to survive.
I would like to start with how I totally agree with what Jay said. The addition of that first scene added exactly what the episode was lacking for me. Don't get me wrong, the original draft was good but by adding that scene it became great. I would totally read this religiously. Your dialogue was great. Each character has a distinctive voice. Their introductions were done really well. Your description painted the world beautifully. The story and idea is giving me The Magicians vibe and I'm living for it. Just overall great job. You've set up things for the next episode that I can't wait to see where you take us. Just a really great job! Would love to see this picked up.
I totally agree. Jay brought up what was bugging me about the episode (that it felt like it was missing something) and Jack provided the solution with suggesting an opening scene, so it was kind of a group effort! I'm glad you felt it improved the episode too!
Thank you for such kind commentary too! It makes me happy to make people who read my work happy, it's the most encouraging kind of feedback
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 25, 2017 22:50:29 GMT -6
I saw that you’d posted your pilot episode so I thought I should take some time to read and give you a review. Quick note though- the link for the pilot in your pitch isn’t working, only the one on your update post!
Anyway, on to the pilot episode of Brighton Falls.
So overall I quite liked reading this pilot. There were some really big issues I had (more about those later) but the characters and the storyline for this pilot episode I found really enjoyable. I also thought the opening was fantastic- with us getting to see some of what Matt's mother could do and what she was involved with before her death.
There weren't any noticeable problems with your characters, I felt they all had fairly distinctive voices and personalities which was nice. I didn't really have a stand out favourite at the end of the episode but Marnie was a highlight, even though we didn't get a lot of her in this first episode.
I think I've mentioned before that I'm a big fan of fantasy and magic so the mythology you have happening with this series has certainly gained my attention. We were given plenty of interesting tidbits in the pilot to help explain what was gong on while also retaining that air of mystery, especially concerning the Warden. It may fall a little bit into your typical 'fighting against evil' supernatural type series, but I definitely think this series has enough original ideas to hold it's own.
So in summary, story and characters I was very happy with, but the downfall for me was structure and writing.
Unfortunately, I don't think there was a single page in this script where there wasn't a spelling, typo, or grammatical error that jumped out at me. Admittedly I'm probably more attuned to things like this than most, but I feel even your average reader would pick up on a lot of this, and I know for many people reoccurring errors can really take them out of a story. I'll try to breakdown some of the more common errors I noticed now to help you out with future edits or writing.
-Use of commas and full stops. One of the biggest writing errors I noticed was sentence structure. A lot of your sentences were run on sentences or fragments which do not make for nice easy reading unless used sparingly or for emphasis. There were a lot of places where a full stop could have have been used instead of a comma to make for better structure (Eg. "Samael reaches his palm out, as Janet screams in pain, as her whole body tightens." is much neater as "Samael reaches his palm out. Janet screams in pain as her whole body tightens.") and many places where full stops resulted in fragments that made little sense (Eg. "He turns the key. Bringing the engine to life." -Brining the engine to life- does not make sense on it's own as a sentence, and should have been attached to the previous sentence to make "He turns the key, bringing the engine to life."). This would be something I would really watch out for because it caused me to stop and start a lot with my reading, meaning I never fell into a really nice flow where I was completely focused on the story and not the writing.
-Spelling errors and incorrect words Again, unfortunately, many of these littered throughout the episode. For example 'dinning room' instead of 'dining room', 'there' instead of 'their' and 'composer' instead of 'composure'. They're easy to miss as the writer, because you know what's supposed to be there, but readers will pick up on the mistakes. This might fall a bit onto grammar but I'll include it here as part of spelling- but there were a lot of incorrectly used apostrophes too. Apostrophes on the end of a word are usually to signal possession or contraction. There are lot of times when you have used 'let's' which means 'let us' instead of 'lets' (Eg. "Matt let's out a chuckle") as just one example. I also noticed a few of the reverse situation, where you had not used an apostrophe where there should have been one.
-Grammatical and other errors A few other common errors I noticed: there were a lot of ellipses used (...) but a lot of the time they only had two dots instead of the customary three. Not sure if some of these were supposed to be full stops and an extra one ended up next to it but keep an eye on those. There were a lot of randomly capitalised words in the middle of sentences that shouldn't have been capitalised (Eg. "The room is dark as we push through it, Coming up to the front door"). I also noticed some redundant phrasing (Eg. "One more car drives down the street, coming to a halt outside of the house. It comes to a stop,"- it's been mentioned twice that the car stops) or sentences where repeated words made them sound clunky (Eg. "Fire erupts from the window shattering all of the windows in the house.").
That probably covers the most obvious things I noticed and hopefully it will help you, like I said, with any future writing you do. Please don't think I didn't like the script either, because I did and my motive for giving you these notes is because I would very much like to see you improve and continue with your idea Also, some of these things I've pointed out are a bit more personal preference than set rules when it comes to writing so don't feel like you need to change a whole heap of things just because I said so!
Anyway, despite the writing side of things I really enjoyed this story, and I wish you the best of luck with your pitch!
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 25, 2017 6:31:45 GMT -6
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update: On the basis of reviews received so far I have provided an updated pilot episode script (link in pitch). Majority of the script remains the same with only small changes for editing, but I have added a completely new scene to the start of the episode to help set up the world a little bit more.
Hopefully those who have read the script find the change an improvement, and those who have yet to read but will soon- hopefully you enjoy!
It was interesting reading your notes on why certain subjects cannot be touched on this early in the series and its left me with even more questions and intrigue. (But I guess I'll have to wait on episodes airing to find out the answers) Of course, you know your world better than anyone, so I am sure you will find that perfect idea you're looking for to add to the pilot. Whether that be Jack's suggestion of working on an alternative opening (which btw, I love) or something entirely different that comes to mind, is completely up to you.
I apologise that I did not touch on your writing. I just wanted to add that it was very well written. The pilot flowed seamlessly, which made it really easy for me to read. So kudos on that!
As I've mentioned before, I am very into this premise, and should you upload a second draft I will be more than happy to give you my thoughts on it.
PS: Just out of curiosity, can I ask where Bearport is located? I noticed Miles was Scottish so I was wondering is this was based somewhere else in the UK, or the US etc.
I'm glad you found the notes interesting! I must admit it was very hard trying to explain why I did things the way I did in response to your concerns without giving away to much, and I wanted to give you good reasons and explanations so you didn't think I was just brushing aside your responses.
And thank you very much for the comment on the writing, I'm glad it was easy for you to read
As for where Bearport is, I'm one of those people who prescribes to the 'always use a fictional city' school of writing because it means I don't have to spend time researching actual cities, I can just make one up and put everything I need into it. Personally I imagine Bearport as being a city in a fictional US, because I feel the US allows for the most flexibility. In all honesty, you could probably imagine it as being in quite a few places unless I've ruled it out in the writing somehow (for example, we know it isn't Scotland because Miles' accent is something that's noted as out of the norm) but in my head it's the US.
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 24, 2017 0:53:31 GMT -6
5.03 "Southern Comfort for the Hollywood Soul" Review
After a short break I'm back to review Audition again, hoping to get through 5.03-5.05 before any new episodes come out. Anyway, on to episode three of sequence five.
So we got to see a bit more of the band in this episode and the 'do we get new members or do we not get new members' questions thats been hanging from the start of the sequence finally gets an answer. I'm quite enjoying the storyline involving the band in this sequence. I think it's a nice contrast to see the relative success they're having compared to Alex and Alisha, who have hit a bit of a slump as far as their acting is going. I'm very much looking forward to seeing if the band will be able to find some new interesting members and where that will lead them to in future episodes.
It's nice to see David have a more serious interaction with his parents (or, well, as serious as David can be) about what he's going to do with the money. Personally my guess is he'll buy his own comic book store or something similar, but it's nice to see him being careful with the money and not doing that typical over the top spending spree that you see a lot in shows whenever a character comes into a lot of money. So kudos on doing something different there, and I'm interested to see exactly what David will do with the money.
Wow, feeling really bad for Alisha at the moment. Not only is she having to adjust to her newly realised bisexuality, but she also keeps running into the, very much taken, girl she has crush on. It was nice to see her fully open up to Alex about her worries and get it all off her chest. Hopefully it will be a real turning point for her and allow her to start making so positive steps forward with her life and her goals.
And finally Alex. There wasn't too much with Alex this episode I felt until the end, where despite Alisha's assurances he still doesn't open up about what's going on with him. It's a little bit frustration to read, knowing that it's only going to get worse for him if he keeps everything to himself, but it's also a very realistic way of dealing with things. My only hope is that Alex will catch a break soon and things don't stay really bad for him for too long.
I thought this was a solid episode of Audition. Did notice a few very obvious typos or missing words, but nothing worse than usual. There wasn't anything super groundbreaking or exciting as far as the story went, besides Alisha coming out to Alex, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was just a nice crusing episode as we gear up for what I'm sure will be some very interesting episodes to come!
So, I've read the pilot. For me, it was a really solid first episode for the series. You managed to introduce the three main characters in a way that gave us a taste of their personalities, how separate their lives are, their social environments, and then brought them together under the premise of the show. While I definitely understand Jay's perspective, the ending was that "I want to know/see more" moment for me because that last line of "training starts now" propels us into the story of what's to come. Yes, it might be a little abrupt, but within a "webisode" format it works.
Thank you very much Jack! I'm glad you felt satisfied with the ending of the episode and your comments on why it worked for you give me some more things to consider now when I go back to look at that scene. I do think you're right about how that abruptness can work within the webisode format. I felt that to achieve everything I wanted to achieve in that episode (and keep it between 10-15 pages) some things were going to have to be very succinct and to the point, and I doubt anyone wants to read 10 pages of meandering filler and explanation for an episode anyway, haha
If anything, I would suggest a stronger opening scene to introduce us to this world, and this premise that the characters get roped into by episode's end. Perhaps introduce that element of magic from the get-go in a way that doesn't jeopardise the other "reveals" that follow as the episode plays out, and that grasps our attention from the very first page. Something that could either connect with Miles, and/or be completely separate from them all together that better connects with the purpose of training, and why training has to start now. For an example, I've recently started watching 'Trollhunters' and it's opening scene involves the main antagonist overpowering the current Trollhunter, and then introduces us to the main characters who get sucked into this foreign world. Perhaps something similar could open the story, and enhance the ending at the same time. Just a suggestion.
That's a very good suggestion and I will definitely see what I can do to possibly incorporate something like that into the start of the episode. Thanks for the advice!
Overall, I'm very excited to see this join the current line-up. I'm very excited to see an expansion of content for webisode series' on theVPN, and this feels like something fresh and interesting that could do very well here. From the structure, the focus on character-building, and even the subtle moments of humour that's sprinkled throughout, I can tell you're a strong writer and I'm definitely interested in seeing this show picked up. Hopefully more people jump in to offer their thoughts on the pilot in the coming weeks, and I wish you the best of luck with this project!
I've probably said it a few times already in this response but thank you very much for taking the time to read and offer your suggestions Jack. It's super encouraging to get such positive feedback and the suggestions on where improvements could be made (from everyone so far) have been really helpful
Magic has always been a subject I enjoyed, and your premise already has me all sorts of interested. Having a read through your pitch I can tell you have put a lot of thought into the world you've created here and I already have lots of questions brewing in my mind, especially concerning The Guild of Sorcery. On to the pilot itself--
Thank you very much Jay!
The idea is to introduce the audience to this huge hidden world of magic along with the characters, and I can assure there is a lot to learn about, the Guild included.
I loved the character introductions, it gave a clear insight into who these three individuals are, and their personality shone through considerably. That being said, I do feel like something was missing, and it has a lot to do with the final scene involving Miles. You have a great nine pages of character building and introducing these three protagonists to your audience and then just a final two pages when it feels like we're getting into the thick of things. I do feel like extending the scene involving Miles would improve this, as it did feel a little rushed or unfinished. It doesn't have to be by much; I just feel as though the ending of your pilot was a little anti-climatic and it needed something to make me go, "I need to know more" you know what I mean? Some big reveal, if you will; to set up your story.
I must admit I'm very proud of the character introductions and definitely felt when I was writing that they would be the strongest part of the episode. In regards to the end of the episode, it was somewhat deliberate to leave it where it was, to go any further would have prolonged the episode more than I would have liked and possibly lead into a big information dump session- something I really didn't want to finish the first episode. That said, I will definitely go back and see what I can do to give the final scene a bit of extra something without veering into territory I don't want to explore in the first episode.
I'd also like to add something about Miles' dialogue. Nothing major, just something I think could tighten up the end scene. When he discusses why they have been brought together to become a team, his first line is, "Each of you had the potential for magic." I'm just thinking if I was a reader going into this blind not knowing much about the show beforehand, I would have been a little thrown off by this. The script so far had been Asher, Evie, and Miles living a normal life, so it seems a bit out of the blue. Maybe having him reference what each of them had been doing before this meeting, i.e. why and what he had been training them separately up until this moment, why he chose them (since we didn't get to see this) and/or some reference to The Guild. Maybe not giving the whole reason why The Guild of Sorcery had sent him but giving the audience and your characters enough intrigue to want to know more. Even something like that could add enough mystery to make me have that, "I need to know more" moment without having to change the ending you currently have.
In regards to your comments here, I wanted to address the possibility of being thrown off by Miles talking about how each of them had the potential for magic. While yes, it could be surprising for someone going into the show with little information to find out that magic is actually a big part of the story, I find it very unlikely that it would be the case. At the very least I would expect a reader to know the title of the series, and since it contains the word 'magic' I'd like to think a reader would be primed enough to not find it that much of a surprise. There was also an intent in the writing for magic to show up in the episode with little fuss, establishing that, just like their jobs, study, and relationships, this has become a fairly normal part of their life. Also, Miles speaking about magic isn't the first time magic shows up in the episode- Evie very clearly opens the door with magic before we meet Miles, which I hope would start to give unsuspecting readers the heads up that there is more to these characters than meets the eye.
I also want to explain a little bit as to my choices for not including some of the things you suggest here, just so you know I'm not being stubborn about not wanting to include it, haha! Why Miles doesn't mention what each of them had been doing: Miles has been teaching and testing them all on the same things so to state this would just be telling them things they already know. Evie, Link, and Asher also jump to the conclusion that the others have been undergoing at least similar sessions with Miles, hence while Miles doesn't bother to mention it. Explanation as to why they have been trained separately: Is mentioned in passing with one of Miles' lines- "I thought surely only one of you would show any real skill but, alas, I was wrong." He planned to dump them as students if he didn't think they had enough talent essentially, and that was easier done if they didn't know about each other. Why we don't see how he chose them: Mostly because I plan to go back to this later. I did consider beginning the series with him choosing them but it would have proved for some very boring episodes or a decent jump in time, neither of which I wanted. No mentions of the Guild: Deliberately done on Miles' part. He doesn't want them to know about the Guild for reasons that are explained in episode three.
However, I do agree, as mentioned above, that there is probably something I can do to add a bit more of a hook in the last scene. While I can't use any of the suggestions you supplied here, I do very much appreciate the time you took to make them
Anyway, these are just my opinions, take them for what they are. It is of course up to you how you arrange the episode. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of more reviews in the coming weeks that will help you decide what is best for you and your show.
Keep with it; I honestly think this has massive potential and with a little tightening up, this would be an excellent show for theVPN to have on their roster. I already adore the characters and the world you've created, so I am rooting for this to be picked up.
Again thank you so much for your in depth review Jay. It's been very helpful in pushing me to go back and look over the last scene (which I was never 100% happy with but couldn't work out what else to do with it) and it's very encouraging to hear such positive feedback.
This is so well thought out and crafted in such a mesmerizing way. Everything having to do with magic interests me, so I'm totally on board with this. I love the idea of this Guild, and the interactions between Miles and his students can lead to some incredible scenes and development. I'm ready to check out the pilot, which I'll hopefully do soon.
Also, don't worry about having a cast. I actually think it's pretty intruiging that you don't have one, but in the end it's up to you. Casts are great.
Thank you Brady! I was very nervous when I saw my pitch had a comment on it but you certainly put me at ease. It has been a lot of fun coming up with the world and the magic and should I be lucky enough to have my series picked up I'm going to very much enjoy exploring it!
I'm looking forward to hearing what you think of the pilot, hopefully it lives up to the pitch
I’ve just finished reading the pilot episode. Though it doesn’t have this ‘big bang’ that makes you sit on the edge of your seat, it does introduce the main characters very well. Definitely a show I’d want to read so hoping this series gets picked up.
Thank you Jon!
I did struggle a bit with the pilot episode and, like you said, incorporating a 'Big Bang' moment, but ultimately I felt a slow burn was better. It may not be a typical way to start a series, I know more often than not writers tend towards something big and dramatic for a draw in the first episode, but hopefully there is enough intrigue in the first episode to make you want to see what happens next.
Thanks again for reading, it's very much appreciated!
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 21, 2017 3:48:23 GMT -6
The world is a wonderful place full of all kinds of magic - a sunset over water, finding five dollars you didn’t know you had when you really need a coffee, a single flower growing through a crack in the concrete, and the ability to create fire with a snap of your fingers. It’s this last kind of magic, the mystical unexplained-by-science type of magic, that can be harnessed and used by those with a certain aptitude.
Like any powerful force, magic draws many types of people to it. It attracts people who wish to study it, experiment with it, and use it for good, but also those who would abuse it for less than honourable purposes. Time and time again people with dark souls have tried to use magic to advance their own nefarious plans, but time and time again there have been magic users willing to stand up to them and protect those who can’t protect themselves.
The Guild of Sorcery is one such group of people, focused on the study of magic and preventing its use for evil. Only the Guild has grown complacent over time, allowing their numbers and power to dwindle. Those with nefarious plans and dark hearts began to rally in the shadows, biding their time and combining their strength. The Guild found itself in dire need of magic users to carry on their cause but those who can harness magic are few and far between.
Miles Kurr is a well established magic user and member of the Guild of Sorcery. He was never one with a patience for learning and study but he has always been a righteous man with an innate skill for magic. So when desperate times came upon them the Guild sent him and a number of others forth to find and train a new generation of magic users and Guild members.
In the end, Miles found three proteges; Asher, a college student with incredible magic potential, Evie, a tattoo artist who takes to magic like she was born with it, and Link, a personal trainer and part time photographer who is still just in awe that magic exists. They’re young and untrained but the Guild of Sorcery is relying on Miles, and he thinks with enough training Asher, Evie, and Link may just be the saving grace the Guild is looking for.
Asher was on his way to the ideal life. He was working part time in IT support to help pay for the small apartment he shared with his amazing girlfriend, Meredith, while also working his way through a maths and computing degree and maintaining a decent GPA. Well, he still has all of that, now he just also has to add magic training on the side without letting his girlfriend know. Miles insists that Asher has the potential for amazing feats of magic, but growing up a science and technology geek is making it hard for Asher to embrace the unknown and unexplained.
EVELYN “EVIE” MARUYAMA
In a family of high achievers Evie, well, isn’t. Not by conventional standards anyway. Her interests lie in the artistic and while that doesn’t really help one if they’re looking to become a doctor or a lawyer, it certainly helped her take to magic like a duck to water. She was discovered by Miles while working at her tattoo parlour Ink Webs and he regularly laments that she is both the favourite and least favourite protege he has ever mentored. Evie is outspoken, fun-loving, and bound to be the bane of all evil sorcerers she encounters—if she is able focus on her training.
LINCOLN “LINK” JARRELL
Link never would have guessed that his life would involve actual magic. He was just living his life one day at a time, focused on his part time personal training job and photography course that would hopefully kickstart his career outside of health and fitness. A life long fan of superheroes and epic fantasy, Miles introducing Link to a world of magic was like having all his dreams come true at once. He may not be as strong as Asher or as intuitive as Evie when it comes to magic, but he’s eager to learn everything he possibly can about it.
Miles joined the Guild when he was a young and impressionable sorcerer but while the years have made him wiser and stronger, they have also made him bitter and cynical. Disappointed with the Guild’s lax attitude over the past century, he agreed to help find new members on the condition that he got to do things his way. The Guild wasn’t in much of a position to argue so they let him go. Miles has never thought of himself as much of a teacher, but desperate times call for desperate measures and at least he likes his students, even if he doesn’t like teaching them.
Asher, Evie, and Link have been training to use magic with Miles for a number of weeks but each thinks they’re his only student. There’s no time like the present to find out you’re actually part of a team.
1.02 | Run It Again
Magical training is taxing but Asher, Evie and Link are finding that, despite the odds, they work well together. Asher’s life becomes more complicated however when his girlfriend wants to know why he’s constantly avoiding her questions about his sudden decrease in free time.
1.03 | Everyone’s On Strings
Miles decides it’s time to break the fantasy and explain exactly why he’s training three people how to use magic. It’s not all fun and games - it’s also duty and danger.
1.04 | The Little Bad
Asher, Evie and Link’s first encounter with a dark sorcerer does not go well and just shows they have a lot left to learn.
1.05 | The Neighbourhood Sorcerer
1.06 | The First Test
1.07 | The Guild of Sorcery
1.08 | Sorcerer Social
1.09 | Doctorate of Glowy Hands
1.10 | Breathe
1.11 | Dark Dreams
1.12 | Darker Waking
So this is my first go at a virtual series pitch, hopefully all my observing and reading other pitches mean I've done everything correctly. Onto the notes about the series:
Firstly this will be a webisode series consisting of 12 episodes a sequence (with the possibility of extra seasonal specials like I've seen some shows on the VPN do) and each episode being between 10-15 pages long.
All episodes for sequence one have been planned out. Descriptions for episode 5 onwards were left out of the pitch to avoid giving away too much information about the sequence.
Episodes 2 and 3 have been written should the admin team need to see them.
I have not included a cast because at this point I don't have one. I'm not the kind of person with a lot of knowledge about actors and actresses so it was easier for me to just write characters and worry about casting (if I have to) later on. Hopefully it's not to the detriment of the pitch.
Finally, I hope you enjoy! I doubt it's perfect (when has any written piece been perfect?) but I'm really proud of this pitch and idea
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 19, 2017 16:41:00 GMT -6
So, in an effort to make sure I am prepared to pitch a webisode series on the VPN I managed to complete a second episode for my idea. I'm pretty happy with my work ethic for writing at the moment, I just have to hope I can keep it up!
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 18, 2017 6:39:11 GMT -6
1.07 "Darkness" Review
So the finale of Bionic sequence one, 'Darkness', opens with some answers about what exactly this mysterious 'incident' that's been alluded to all sequence was. What it still doesn't reveal however is why Justin and Lisa were attack in the first place by Trackers. So we gain one piece of the puzzle but don't have enough yet to put a picture together, so that's exciting when to comes to thinking about the future of the series and if/when we'll get answers to those remaining questions. I'm left wondering who exactly they were after. Justin? Lisa? Both? Could they have taken Lisa to hurt her father somehow and Justin was just collateral? Or was Justin involved with taking down Biotech before he back come Justin-Bionic version. Lots of interesting things to mull over in the break between sequences.
The other aspect of this episode (and technically the previous episode) that I enjoyed was Justin's personal crisis of 'who am I?'. It kind of gets pushed aside here for matters of more importance, like saving your best friend, but I do hope it's revisited in the future because it lends itself to some really interesting and deep emotional storytelling.
Also, this episode leaves me very terrified of Black Widow. I honestly thought (and massive spoiler here for anyone who hasn't read the final) that Cody would be saved at the last minute, but no! Now we have a full on spy for Deacon in side the bunker and working with the team and they don't even realise! Obviously there's still some of Cody in there, I mean, he did have a go at Billy which I'm hoping is actual Cody personality shining through but who knows at this point. Deacon is straight up crazy. Again, some great set up for sequence two and really gutsy move to take with one of your main characters.
Also, since I didn't pay super close attention to character names, the drop the Deacon was Tom's father was a huge surprise, and again, more mysteries I want to get answers for!
Episode wise, this was one of the stronger ones of the season which is good. You want to go out with a bang and your certainly did with this episode.
And since we're on the final episode of the sequence, my opinions of the sequence overall: Mostly I enjoyed it. Yes, there are a lot of little mistakes and things you could get nitpick at. Sometimes the dialogue isn't great, characterisation fluctuates from great to okay to just not the best at some points, and the storyline could use a little bit of polishing here and there. However, the underlying storyline and the mystery of what's going on is quite intriguing and that's what kept me reading despite the previously mentioned flaws. Hopefully as you've progressed through the sequence and moved on to sequence two you're starting to get a handle on things and we'll see some awesome stuff in the future of Bionic.
So overall, had a lot of fun with sequence one of Bionic and I wish you luck with your work on sequence two!
Post by A. Blackwood on Jan 18, 2017 5:31:42 GMT -6
1.06 "Betrayal" Review
So the penultimate episode of Bionic sequence one was very exciting. It was exciting because there was a lot happening and a lot of questions answered. I am happy to find out that I was right on all my guesses a couple of episodes ago but even though I had guessed the outcome of some of this things it wasn't any less satisfying having them revealed in this episode. Some of the reveal scenes, especially in regards to Justin, were really well done.
On the ending of this episode I have been left very worried for Cody. Billy certainly has it out for him after what happened in episode one and I can only imagine things will end badly for Cody if his friends don't act soon. The situation Cody was in though is making me think it might be too late (though I hope it isn't!).
Something slightly critical now, though it may be open to different opinions and justifications: One thing you might want to watch out for in your series as a whole is the role that women have to play. So far there have been two female characters attacked and killed, a third one attacked and missing (possibly dead), and the only other female character I can recall was the tech at the bunker who had no name and we haven't seen since. There's not a great track record there for the poor women in the Bionic universe, it makes it seem like they're just there to be killed and/or provide a source of angst for the men. I realise this is a series probably aimed at more of a male audience, but something like this is a really quick way to alienate any female audience you may have. Hopefully I haven't been too harsh, I really just wanted to point this out in case you were not aware of it, as when you're caught up in what your main characters are doing you sometimes forget what you're doing with your side characters and extras.
Anyway, overall this was a great lead in to the season finale. I'm very worried about Cody, and also how Justin is going to react to the revelations this episode. Hopefully it all works out for the better, but when do the heroes ever get a nice clean happily ever after? It was nice to see some mysteries unravelled this episode too, but with some things still unexplained, the draw to continue and find out what's going on is just as strong as ever!