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Post by MJ on Feb 18, 2013 17:30:29 GMT -6
Review: "Waning & Waxing" - Little Red MJ! I come to you with yet another review! Just like the last, I'll be reviewing this as I read along so again, beware! I love your reviews, Aimee, they always make me laugh! XD I'm seriously considering doing some illustrations with my meagre art skills of the scenery/places in LR. I haven't seen Hansel and Gretel so I can't comment on any similarities, but don;t all evil witches homes look the same? Haha. But yeah, Audrey has this dangerous mix of curiosity and innocence that leads to her doing things like walking up to Ethel's house without a care in the world. It's one of the reasons people who know her are so hesitant to let her out of their sight, because she will happily wander off without a care in the world. I wouldn't go as far as calling her naive, but she is far, far too trusting of people. With all the trouble Audrey ends up in I think she'd be pretty good at lying by now, or at least used to it, lol. Thank you! It makes me really happy to hear that. I sometimes worry about the chemistry between characters, especially ones like AUdrey and Renwick who you have to believe have know each other since they were children and over that time become very close friends. I must admit I do like writing scenes with just the two of them though, the way their personalities are different and yet overall compliment each other, it's really fun  He really did draw the short straw. Poor Hunter indeed. I really should have named her, I got quite attached when writing her but decided to let her leave with a bit of mystery. Who knows, maybe we'll see her again? Hahahaha, as if Audrey would stay out of the woods. Ethel is a little bit crazy but she has a reason for everything she does. That reason may or may not just be 'crazy', you'll have to wait and see XD As for the 'mountain hooligans' they pretty much do whatever Braxton tells them to do, and while Braxton sounds like a smart guy he's seriously lacking in foresight. Thank you! Writing the wolf transformations took a bit of work. I had such a clear picture in my head that I then had to write down in a way the reader would understand. It took me a few edits and rewrites to get it the way I wanted and I'm glad you think it was effective and that it came across the way I wanted it to All the cliffhangers were totally unintentional (subconscious cliffhangers!) except for the one at the end of episode 4, I swear  Yeah, I'm gonna have to have a word with my editor, she's usually pretty good and pointing out any mistakes I made (in fact, I think she enjoys it) so I'm gonna go mock her skills for letting something slip by, lol! But seriously, thanks for pointing out some of the typos on msn so I was able to go fix them up As for wordy dialogue, yeah, I totally agree. I couldn't really find a way to shorten it though, get the info across another way, so in the end I kinda went 'stuff it, Braxton and Ethel are full of themselves anyway so they would make long convoluted speeches' haha! XD Thank you so much! I love reading your reviews too, like I said they always make me laugh and any of the feedback you give is always great  |
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Post by Jack Malone on Feb 23, 2013 4:47:45 GMT -6
"The Howling" Review
As far as first episodes go, I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed how this one played out. The characters, and some of their more important relationships, were introduced extremely well, and balanced out to give us enough knowledge to understand who they were, which for me, is probably the most important aspect of a pilot. As for story, there were two main plot-points: Ethel's arrival, and desire to find a home in Fae, and a family-slaughtering killer having escaped, and foreseen to find refuge in Fae.
Firstly, I want to talk about characters. I'm not sure if it was because I was only just being introduced to the world, and grown used to it the more pages through the script I flipped, but for the first half of the episode, I found the dialogue came off more 'posh' rather than 'village-y'. That kind of, sipping tea, over-sophisticated- you know, posh kind of language. And that made it kind of hard to connect with the characters. However, from Act Two, and onwards, it felt much more natural and I began eyeing favourites already- Ethel, Galwin, Malven, and Hunter.
Ethel was introduced as a really mysterious character, and Renwick's weariness of her felt very validated because of how she first, you know, suddenly appears, wants to find a home in Fae, carries around poisonous plants which she is going to put in her tea, HAHA, so that made me really interested in turning the next page, to see how much you will give us to establish who she is. There's still that mystery surrounding her, which is going to carry me into future episodes, so I'm looking forward to finding out more about her. The character was a bit of a slow-burner, but then again, like I said, so was the episode, but from Act Two onwards, I was really invested in all of it. But once she threw a bit of her humor out at us, I really liked her. Loved both her scenes in the Council Building, and with just Renwick.
Galwin is another of my favourites, who I think I connected with most from the episode. I loved the relationship between him and his daughter, Audrey, and how you seamlessly managed to introduce the fact that the mother had passed away, without having that overstay its welcome and become a much larger topic for discussion. It kind of brought them to stop arguing, and come together to share that embrace, and it was just a really nice scene. XD
Once Malven was introduced, and carried with him a little mystery of his own, I was really fired up to see how the last ten-fifteen pages were going to play out. He really stood out to me too. I felt like he was the character that amped up the story- he returns home early, which isn't a good thing, he comes bearing bad news, and he's looking to go straight to the council just to get business sorted. He has a strong leadership quality about him, I felt. I liked that it lead to forming a patrol to keep the village safe from...
...Hunter- the last out of my "favourites". Loved the plot twist. The scene between him and Audrey was another of my favourites, and it was really well written. Once you introduced the fact that he was scared, I was waiting for him to say he hadn't committed the murders, and when it happened, I was really happy to see where it would lead the story, and it lead us straight to the mountains, eventually. Speaking of which, I applaud how "full circle" in a way this episode was, in that, the mountains had this kind of "no entry" policy about them, which created mystery in the beginning of the episode, and by the end, you gave us a peek of why, through Hunter's sort of "exile", I guess you could put it. I'm excited to see where his story goes, and how much trouble these people in the mountains are going to be for him, and everyone else. XD
In terms of Audrey and Renwick, I mean- they weren't necessarily bad, or anything of the sort, they just didn't spark much "wow" factor from me, in this first episode. I do love how adventurous Audrey is, and look forward to seeing what trouble that gets her into. And I like this kind of chemistry between these two characters, but from this first episode, I'd have to say I loved Ethel, Galwin, Malven and Hunter the most. XD
I usually don't comment on SPAG, or errors I find within a script, purely because I don't factor that in to my opinion of an episode (short of it being, you know, on every single page), but I know you regard it quite highly, so I took note of a few things that caught my eye when reading. Mostly, it was adding or missing a letter, like with "loose" when it should be "lose", and "you" when it should be "your". And some missing words, like "to" or "of" once or twice. I would also try to condense some of the paragraphs, even if it just means splitting one into two. Its much easier to take in what's happening and being said in the action. That said, your writing is really captivating, and your vocabulary and descriptions are really superb, so I have a lot of fun reading your work.
Just to end on a series of notes, I liked how you incorporating the "intercut" technique within the episode. That was a really nice feature to use. Love the concept of the Council, and how you took the time to establish who was in it, with names and descriptions. You've managed to make me ask a lot of questions while I read it, like: Is Ethel some kind of witch? Will we learn about the mother, see her, or find out how she died? Is Audrey and Renwick's friendship going to develop into something more? Will episodes cut back and forth between life in the village, to Hunter and where he is in the mountains, or will episodes be devoted to one or the other (or even a blend of both)? Either way, you've got me on board as a reader. XD
Overall, I'd give this an 9/10. The first half was a little slow, with dialogue straining my connection to characters. From Act Two onwards, dialogue was more natural, the characters were all great, and the story really amped up into something really exciting. A great first episode!
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Post by MJ on Feb 23, 2013 8:23:04 GMT -6
Reply to Jack's review of 'The Howling'So, since your review was already huge I'm gonna put this reply under a spoiler tag or this post is gonna take up soooo much room XD "The Howling" Review Firstly, I want to talk about characters. I'm not sure if it was because I was only just being introduced to the world, and grown used to it the more pages through the script I flipped, but for the first half of the episode, I found the dialogue came off more 'posh' rather than 'village-y'. That kind of, sipping tea, over-sophisticated- you know, posh kind of language. And that made it kind of hard to connect with the characters. However, from Act Two, and onwards, it felt much more natural and I began eyeing favourites already- Ethel, Galwin, Malven, and Hunter. I'm not gonna lie here, it took me a while to get used to working with the differently styled language. It should get better as the episodes progress (I hope is does, anyway) but yeah, getting used to it and making it sound natural was tough. Not to mention the first episode was written some time ago and while I did do another edit of it before it aired to fix some things up, I didn't change anything to drastically, hence why the dialogue takes a while before it starts to flow better, it was way back when I first delved into writing LR XD Ethel is quite an interesting character to write because she plays her cards very close to her chest. It's kind of ambiguous at the moment as to what her motivations are but come episode two you will get your first taste or what Ethel is hiding from everyone LR is very much a season long story so the first couple of episodes do take quite a slow pace. That said, I'm glad you were still able to get invested in the episode and that you recognised the long slow-build I was aiming for with the pilot. Ethel does have her moments and there's some fun banter between her and a character named Braxton later on in the series that you'll probably like XD Thank you! Tis was probably one of my fav scenes in the episode because I felt it so clearly portrayed everything you need to know about the relationship between Audrey and Galwin. I'm glad you like Galwin as a character too (especially since I find him a bit hard to write for, haha). Malven is an interesting character because he was never meant to have as big of a role as he does end up having in this first season. If you like Malven though you'll probably enjoy episode three (I think it's three) as the whole first act ends up focused on the Hillander family and you get to see more of Malven's role with the council and also the relationship between him and Renwick. Hunter is actually another of those characters who wormed their way into having a bigger role in the season than I initially thought, though we don't get to see much more of him till the back end of this season. The scene between him and Audrey was a lot of fun to write too because it creates this interesting dynamic between the two even though they are only in each others company for a matter of minutes. I loved setting the story up for this reveal at the end that the tales about the mountain men and the fact that the mountains are dangerous all end up being true. Poor Hunter kinda got stuck with short end of the stick though didn't he? Anyway, the mountain criminals definitely have a big part to play in this season but I won't say any more on that since you'll found out the whys and hows in the next episode It's a pity the two mains didn't click with you this episode but hopefully that was just due to me getting used to writing them and you'll enjoy them a lot more in the next episode. However, it's great to hear that you love the other characters and I hope they continue to be some of your favourites Thanks for pointing that out, I'll have to go and fix them up at some point! I think it was just me who edited this episode and my sister didn't jump on board to go over my stuff till the second episode, so that would explain the abundance of typos. Hopefully there'll be less in the rest of the episodes because there were two sets of eyes going over the work rather than one.
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