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Thanks, Jack! I guess sticking to the rules pays off 😆

So I’m not sure I could think of someone to take over this persona so I’d be interested in seeing who you guys come up with.

Veronica Mars

This was a nice surprise to wake up this morning and read your thoughts on the pilot, Jack.

You were always a big supporter of this so I'm happy you got to see it finally air and hope you stick around for the ride. 

I'm so happy you resonate with Dylan right off the bat. Reading your review I can see you had a sense of where he was coming from, working so hard for those grades, giving up so much of his life and still not feeling enough. It was a worry having Dylan drunk for the most part of the pilot that his personality wouldn't come across so this was nice to hear it did for you. 


Yes. Riff did have a big part to play in this. He and Dylan are very different as young adults as opposed to childhood and they both feed off one another which makes their interactions a hoot to write. You make some interesting points about Riff and him having no limitations and how this contrasts Dylan. Riff has these big idea's and isn't afraid to voice them yet he still lives in the same town they grew up in, yet Dylan doesn't and finds it scary to think outside the box yet he made it to Columbia University. There is a lot that contrasts them as friends and you will see that play out as the series progresses. There's a lot they can learn from one another and I hope Riff's journey doesn't disappoint.

Comedy is very daunting to write so its an absolute relief you enjoy it in this episode. I'm just hoping you feel the same with the others. Lol. 

Thanks for taking the time read and review, it means a lot. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the rest of the sequence.

Episode: S01E04
Airdate: 08/03/2021
Guest Star(s): Rebecca Rittenhouse, David Walton and Kathy Najiby.
The VPN's Official Description: When Dylan’s (Joe Dinicol) plan to ask out Leila (Inbar Lavi) doesn’t go smoothly, he has a sneaky suspicion that she may be keeping a secret. Riff (Jeremy Allen White) decides to help out his friend by investigating, but his new role as private detective lands him in a spot of bother. Meanwhile, Leila meets an old friend from school on her bachelorette party who drags up memories of the past. Amber Stevens-West, Rebecca Rittenhouse and David Walton guest star.
Link: jaypaterson.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/4/3/12434521/1.04_theres_something_about_leila_dropouts.pdf
Written by: Jay Paterson

Beacon Hallows 1.01: Town of Darkness, Review. (Contains Spoilers)

Matthew, this was a beast of a pilot. So much to take in and digest so I'll try and try and compose my thoughts as best as I can. 

First off, this feels like a good old fashion supernatural show that I've been missing and you've managed to your own put your own stamp on it. I'm glad that you decided to go ahead with, Shannon, as your main protagonist as the dynamic with her sister, Isobel, is by far the most interesting part of the story and having them on opposing sides will make for an interesting series. The pilot itself gave us a good sense of the world you've built but I'm worried it may be too much too soon and considering we have a full series to go. As you have 79 pages I do feel like it will need to be scaled back a little so it might be worthwhile looking at what we really need to know and what you could hint it rather before addressing in a later episode. 

You have a good bunch of characters here and they already all have their own voices. There is no one I don't like yet, except Chad and Thad but I'm assuming their not a permanent fixture. Lol. Justin intrigues me, its probably because we find the least out about him in the pilot. His mother is tied into this world and his best friend is a witch so it makes me wonder how much does he know if any?

Emily is the heart of the group and that scenic dream she had about her great grandmother has me all kinds of excited to know what you have in store. I actually enjoyed finding out that she was a witch in the pilot. I found it refreshing as we've seen witch origins stories play out in many shows before so there's no need to drag it out longer than needed. I do think how she trusts Matt and Shannon with her secret so quickly is a little surprising. 

Shannon of course is a standout, she's a force to be reckoned with a good leader for this group of misfits. Again though with her instilling such confidence in Matt so early on is surprising. I easy for her and Emily to open up to one another as their both from this supernatural world. But offering up all this information to a human they met hours ago does come across forced. Maybe a way around this is instead of Shannon telling him when they take her home, she could stay wary. I understand that Matt caught Emily red-handed so there's an excuse for that conversation to come up. There isn't much of a reason for Shannon to at this point. You could have her spill the beans before they go save Justin. As they need a third person to help with the rescue mission as they know they cannot go it alone. This gives her more of a reason to need him to know as well as using it to test his trust. Just some food for thought. 

Matt is really quiet and we've learned more about him from the family around him, I'm hoping this new group fo friends help him come into his own. The core 4 so far seem to be a good balance of characters. And now that they've buried a body together and I don't think anything is breaking that bond. 

I do agree with some of Brady's points when it comes to the length and structure of the script. The pilot needs to be trimmed down and I do think you can cut some of this or save some for later. A scene that really intrigued me was Emily's dream scene but it doesn't do much for the pilot so it's definitely something you could have saved for later. Another scene was when the girls picked Matt up in the car which was about 2 pages long. The only thing we learn from this is that Matt is grounded. But you could just cut to the three in the attic and Matt saying his line, "If I get any more grounded." That cuts more to the point as you don't need to explain how Emily got his number etc. There were also times you would "tell" within the action when you had already shown so it wasn't needed, so tightening up those bits will bring down the page count. These are just suggestions so take them as you will. 

Overall, I really enjoyed the pilot and I think you're on to a winner here. I cannot wait to see what Isobel's plan is and what she has in store and if/how Harper fits into this. How will Shannon deal with the death of Miss Potts? What was Aemilia trying to tell Emily and why is her mum so upset by this? You've raised so many questions that need answering which is what a pilot is supposed to do so well done. Good luck with the pitch and I hope you get picked up as I look forward to reading more.

Thanks for taking the time to read Staff Unwanted. 

I loved that Dylan is growing on you and hope he continues to do so. He definitely gets his chance to shine in this episode as he moves home and we find out a bit more about him. I really enjoy writing interactions between Leila and Dylan so I'm glad you're enjoying them. It's interesting you mention Ron, their relationship is quite different and will have its up and downs throughout the series. So if that's a dynamic you

Riff will have more of a presence going forward, I promise. 

I totally agree with you about the interviews. There was a montage in there a while back but I cut it as the script was becoming too long and I was trying to stick to a similar length to the pilot. Which has totally gone out of the window since. I thought having the following scene showing fewer resumes and his shirt undone and things would be enough to show time passing but it doesn't really show all the rejections which had initially been in there. 

Thanks again, Matthew, I really appreciate your thoughts and can't wait to hear what you think about episode 3.

Things like this games, take two seconds to get involved and drums up activity. 

So just because we're all having a good chat and I've also had this thought for while (get involved if you can)

Who could you see playing.... Wheres Wally? (Or Waldo, I believe in the US) - If there are any other names for this guy I am all ears xD 

Brady! Its been a minute. 

Thanks for taking the time you commenting. Hopefully you get the chance to have a read, you know I'm a huge Audition fan so I'd love to hear your thoughts. Its taken me long enough, but posting the first episode has lit the fire that had gone out so I'm hoping to keep it going. 

 

The pitch looks great now that it's all come together. 

I think it's about time we had a supernatural show to sink our teeth into and these characters you have drum up seems like the perfect catalysts for this new adventure. Reading the episodes summaries and I can already tell this series will be shrouded in mystery. You already know I'm a big fan of Shannon and there are a bunch of other interesting personalities jumping out at us which is bound to cause a lot of conflicts. 

It's very impressive you've already written all 10 episodes prior to pitching, that's not an easy task. I don't know if I've missed it but is there a link to the pilot in the pitch? 

Good luck with this one. The graphics were my pleasure.