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Jay Paterson
 
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
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Post by Jay Paterson on Jan 26, 2017 15:28:39 GMT -6
Now that I am caught up on all of the webisode series here on theVPN, it's time to tackle something a little longer.
I always find it daunting trying to read full-length scripts, but I recently remembered how easy it was for me to read Bitten and how obsessed I became with that show. So, I decided that another Darrin McCann original could be a good place to start. And the fact that there are only five episodes so far makes it easier for me to catch up. Lol. So here are my thoughts on the pilot--
1.01 | "Stir of Echoes."
First off, like most of your series, the mythology behind this seems very complex, and for someone who has no idea about angels and demons and who regularly has to google the words you use like Cambion and Nephilim, I apologise if I get confused and please correct me if I get anything wrong.
I loved that we jump straight into the action with Reign and the serpent, I'm only one page into the script, and I can already feel this sense of urgency which has me on the edge of my seat. After only the first five pages, we are left with so many questions involving this box of echoes and what these creatures want with it. We didn't learn too much about the box, and it still remains a mystery, but I guess that we will find out in due time. For now, it remains to be the most important piece of the puzzle as we've already lost a character in order to protect it. That being said, will we find out more about Seth? Even though he's gone, I'm still intrigued by him. I want to know more about the first unbound and his relationship with both Reign and Eve. (If not in this show, then in some sort of prequel webisode series)
Reign so far really stands out to me, I can see him becoming if not a fan favourite, my favourite character. Without being cliche he manages to be a genuinely good guy, what with saving Eve from her cell and going out his way to protect the box of echoes getting into the wrong hands. And his dry dialogue is incredibly fun to read.
Speaking of dialogue, it was really well done in this episode, and I could get a sense of who these characters were just by the way they talked to people. One character, in particular, stood out to me, and that's, Eve. It's not how I would have originally imagined an angel to talk, but it's certainly more entertaining and adds to the complexity of her character. She comes across as fearless, but in a way that could get her into a lot of trouble. Most notably with her interactions with Lucifer and Azrael.
Eve's journey is by far the most interesting thing about the pilot, I got enough answers to satisfy me in the pilot, but I still have a lot more questions. Why was she in the cell to begin with? What are these flashes that she continues to have? And why has she fallen? These are just a few of many that come to mind. We did see a couple of flashbacks throughout the episode, which in my opinion, we didn't need just yet. I was so wrapped up in the excitement of what was going on in The Pit between Lucifer and Eve when it came to outside, and we flashed to the jail cell; it kind of took me out of it. But I understand why you did it; I guess I'm more a fan of the flashback episode or it coming out in the present moment than I am of having a couple of flashbacks per episode. That being said, the flashbacks have peaked my interest about Eve's past, and I am really looking forward to discovering why she is where she is.
Two characters which I have mentioned before that have interactions with Eve are Lucifer and Azrael. Lucifer was fun to read, she seems like a very fresh take on the devil, and with her running The Pit it adds a modern twist to the tale, very True Blood. I think there's more than meets the eye with her operation there with the sin eaters but I guess I'll have to wait and find out. Azrael just confuses me so far, its like he's a bad guy fighting on the right side? And when Aemilia is being attacked he does not want to intervene but then lets Eve, Reign and Diamond? I found it a little confusing.
Also, who's side is Cobalt on? I feel like she's just double-crossing everyone and I have no idea where her loyalty lies, so far it seems it's to herself. I can see why she would side with Azrael if she is planning on taking Lucifers place so my opinion would have been to him, but the ending with Lucifer threw me off.
Diamond and Aemilia have an interesting dynamic. For Diamond being the eldest, he doesn't act like it, and I could see this coming through more than once in this episode. I haven't yet fully formed an opinion on these two; I think it's because although Diamond is a leading character, he took a back seat to observe and learn about this new world he has been brought into. I do think it's an interesting angle that he isn't fully human, a Nephilim I think Azrael referred him as? Half Angel, Half Human. I can tell that throughout his life Diamond has tried so hard to find himself and now with help from Eve he can do this, and I look forward to seeing it.
Same with Aemilia, I haven't yet formed an opinion on her, but I'd like to talk about her storyline in this episode. I want to start by saying that having a young kid possessed, genius. This always gave me the creeps when they did with Lilith in Supernatural. However, when the parents dropped Danny off it school, the structure of the script became a little confusing. Mainly because one minute Aemilia is closing the door, with a possessed child in her classroom and then the next minute she wakes up in the closet with Isaiah, who then becomes possessed. Correct me if I missed the link to this, it just seemed a little confusing. I would have maybe liked to see Danny do something scary first before passing the torch. It was nothing major as I managed to understand what was happening in the end.
Overall, you have a bunch of compelling characters, the story and mythology are insane, I have so many questions I need to be answered, and the writing is just excellent. I had a lot of fun reading this, even though it took me such a long time (I am the slowest reader ever) and I'm sure I had a lot more I wanted to talk about, but I can't seem to think of it right now.-- The ending seems very dark and has me so excited to continue with the series. Hopefully, I can have a review up in the next week or two for the seconde episode.
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Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
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Post by Jay Paterson on Jan 24, 2017 1:38:56 GMT -6
It was interesting reading your notes on why certain subjects cannot be touched on this early in the series and its left me with even more questions and intrigue. (But I guess I'll have to wait on episodes airing to find out the answers) Of course, you know your world better than anyone, so I am sure you will find that perfect idea you're looking for to add to the pilot. Whether that be Jack's suggestion of working on an alternative opening (which btw, I love) or something entirely different that comes to mind, is completely up to you.
I apologise that I did not touch on your writing. I just wanted to add that it was very well written. The pilot flowed seamlessly, which made it really easy for me to read. So kudos on that!
As I've mentioned before, I am very into this premise, and should you upload a second draft I will be more than happy to give you my thoughts on it.
PS: Just out of curiosity, can I ask where Bearport is located? I noticed Miles was Scottish so I was wondering is this was based somewhere else in the UK, or the US etc.
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Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
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Post by Jay Paterson on Jan 22, 2017 6:32:05 GMT -6
First off, what a great pitch!
Magic has always been a subject I enjoyed, and your premise already has me all sorts of interested. Having a read through your pitch I can tell you have put a lot of thought into the world you've created here and I already have lots of questions brewing in my mind, especially concerning The Guild of Sorcery. On to the pilot itself--
I loved the character introductions, it gave a clear insight into who these three individuals are, and their personality shone through considerably. That being said, I do feel like something was missing, and it has a lot to do with the final scene involving Miles. You have a great nine pages of character building and introducing these three protagonists to your audience and then just a final two pages when it feels like we're getting into the thick of things. I do feel like extending the scene involving Miles would improve this, as it did feel a little rushed or unfinished. It doesn't have to be by much; I just feel as though the ending of your pilot was a little anti-climatic and it needed something to make me go, "I need to know more" you know what I mean? Some big reveal, if you will; to set up your story.
I'd also like to add something about Miles' dialogue. Nothing major, just something I think could tighten up the end scene. When he discusses why they have been brought together to become a team, his first line is, "Each of you had the potential for magic." I'm just thinking if I was a reader going into this blind not knowing much about the show beforehand, I would have been a little thrown off by this. The script so far had been Asher, Evie, and Miles living a normal life, so it seems a bit out of the blue. Maybe having him reference what each of them had been doing before this meeting, i.e. why and what he had been training them separately up until this moment, why he chose them (since we didn't get to see this) and/or some reference to The Guild. Maybe not giving the whole reason why The Guild of Sorcery had sent him but giving the audience and your characters enough intrigue to want to know more. Even something like that could add enough mystery to make me have that, "I need to know more" moment without having to change the ending you currently have.
Anyway, these are just my opinions, take them for what they are. It is of course up to you how you arrange the episode. I'm sure there are going to be plenty of more reviews in the coming weeks that will help you decide what is best for you and your show.
Keep with it; I honestly think this has massive potential and with a little tightening up, this would be an excellent show for theVPN to have on their roster. I already adore the characters and the world you've created, so I am rooting for this to be picked up.
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Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
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Post by Jay Paterson on Aug 6, 2016 6:04:56 GMT -6
5.01: "23 Days"
Its BACK! I'm so happy to finally have Audition back in my life.
What a great way to start of the sequence. It was all pretty upbeat and fun - until the end but we'll get on to that in soon. One thing I loved about the sequence four finale was the focus back on Alex and Alisha's friendship. Like I mentioned before, when we have these moments it really does take us back to where it all started and all these feelings come flooding back to when I started reading Audition- 4 YEARS AGO!! This episode seemed to focus on Alex more than drunken Alisha. The way this episode ended makes me really concerned for Alex but excited because I feel like this is leading into a huge story arc for him throughout this sequence. Alex has always takes everything harder and personally, he's been like that from the beginning so hopefully that does lead to his demise in Hollywood.
Rose and Robbie's journey is something that I've been excited for for some time now and now your finally diving into it. I love that your now starting to focus on the musical side of Hollywood and it should be interesting with them seeking out more members for their band. But I feel like this may cause some separation between Rose and Alex, which I really do not want to happen. Especially because like I touched on above, Alex would take that pretty hard and he is totally head of heels for this girl.
The cuteness that is Mia and David is back and cuter than ever. You can already see how close they have become between the time of the sequence 4 finale to now. I love the way Mia changes when she is with David, but I hope she doesn't completely change her stand offish, brutally harsh self is something that makes her stand out from the rest of the characters. I feel like David is part of her redemption story but I feel like it could take a lot longer than they all think for her to complete leave her past self behind.
Last but not least- that scene between Paula and Michael. So it looks like that daydream Paula had has been playing in her mind a lot since we last saw her. C'mon, Paula just tell Michael how you feel! You know you want it, you know we all want it. I just have my fingers crossed that this is finally the sequence its gonna happen. Haha.
Overall I'm excited to see what you have in store for these characters this sequence, Brady. I can't wait to check out the rest.
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