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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 6, 2013 17:35:43 GMT -6
Yeah don't run before you can walk. Maybe test the water, see how people respond to your original idea.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 6, 2013 16:12:02 GMT -6
Must say guys, this is right up my alley - very much looking forward to it.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 6, 2013 16:08:15 GMT -6
1x04 - ‘Welcome to My World’
Back to Chris Davis at the helm as Hellbound continues its first run, after three opening episodes of consistent mid-range quality. ‘Welcome to My World’ doesn’t really buck that trend, despite Davis endeavouring the widen the net slightly.
Crucially, he once again rolls back the description and tries wrestling a little more with character, though not before quite a neat bit of visual direction at the very top end of the piece which, despite needing a bit of a proof, came across really rather well. Beyond that however, the focus shifts to James and new arrival Adam, giving us... not much more than a cryptic conversation really. In fairness, Davis is establishing a little backstory and dropping a few pointers as to where things are going, but a big problem is that James & Adam read very very similar on the page; Adam has the potential to be a little more whip smart, sarcastic, but Davis doesn’t draw this out enough & their conversation is a little flat as a result (it doesn’t help that James still still STILL is coming across just like Angel. Apart from that, Davis has perhaps more success with the Alyson side of things - much as the previous cliffhanger is swiftly undone a little, she staking the vamp was a nice move & Davis playing with linear storytelling works well.
All in all... motoring along, Hellbound, still. Decent writing, a decent enough story, but nothing outstanding, nothing original, nothing hugely exciting.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 4, 2013 15:51:54 GMT -6
Ooooh! Well now, that's piqued my interest more...
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 4, 2013 15:15:56 GMT -6
1x03 - A PIcture Paints a Thousand WordsYou know, I have to be honest, the first thing that ran through my head reading this title was the late, great Telly Savalas: www.youtube.com/watch?v=J94-_w9ARX0But anyway! We’re back with Jack Malone here and as a result the more lyrical description returns, though not quite as successfully as in the first episode - there’s quite a lot of blocky direction here, perhaps not quite enough dialogue to break up the movement, too little ‘white space’ as they say, which always makes a piece of writing a tougher read. Also there was a touch again of quite clunky phrasing that doesn’t always make sense, sentencing a little off, and indeed some mixing of tenses in places. From a plot perspective, I felt we had too little in the way of James/Alyson interaction here - after two episodes putting them together, I didn’t expect Malone to prise them apart so soon. It wasn’t too great a stretch to guess James’ lost love was Melanie either, another twist we’ve seen done before - adding to the normality of Hellbound right now, not stretching itself creatively. However... and this is a good however... once again Malone’s strength for description shines through, painting a picture indeed very well of his locations used here. And I have to say, the cliffhanger with Alyson being bitten I did NOT see coming for a moment, so good show there! As ever, still waiting for Hellbound to develop into something truly original, but I still have faith.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 3, 2013 5:50:07 GMT -6
1x02: Bringer of Light
Once again, for the second time in a row, a new writer for me to enjoy the work of in Chris Davis this time - head honcho of TheVPN, home of Hellbound, and as ever with different writers Davis brings his own aesthetic to this new series in ‘Bringer of Light’. He throws out a little more of Jack Malone’s rather lyrical, prose-like direction and replaces it with a little more in the way of plot momentum, which pleased this writer; yet it lacks the elegance of the opener somewhat, Davis not quite conveying the same sense of atmosphere, and as a result it doesn’t feel particularly fresh.
Truth is, this still really is smelling like Angel-lite right now. James Bryson is, on the face of it, a much less interesting take on Whedon’s creation - dark, brooding, tormented, drinking cold coffee, mooning after a woman he’s lost; stop me if you’ve seen or heard this all before. There’s of course time for James to grow & develop from this stock caricature, but the nature of vampirism here doesn’t help - they can’t come in without invites, they turn to ash when staked. Seen it, done it. I’ve written vampire shows and the lore has a certain elasticity to try new things, which Hellbound on the face of it just isn’t doing. From a plot perspective, it moves quite well & has a shot in the arm the first episode didn’t, but James/Jeremy’s story leading into Alison isn’t all that really dynamic or interesting, more needlessly cryptic.
So not badly written by any stretch of the imagination, even if some of Davis’ sentences are a bit clunky now and then, but just not doing or saying anything original with this story or the mythos behind it. I hope that changes as the run progresses.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Mar 1, 2013 17:38:11 GMT -6
Time to start on Hellbound:
1x01 - ‘Whispers in the Dark’
A new writer for me to chow down on in Jack D. Malone as I enter the webisode world of Hellbound. I confess I came into this with zero advance knowledge of what I was reading, and I was actually quite impressed with several factors. I didn’t, for one, expect this to be nearly as evocatively, and in some places elegantly, penned as Malone delivers - he writes in a very visual way that brings his images alive often in your mind’s eye, that struck me right away and made me sit up and take greater note. The downside, as a result, is what prevents this opener rising above middle ground.
See, quite often, this reads like prose. Big, chunky descriptive passsages that - however nicely turned out - fail frequently to keep the plot moving and that’s where Malone lets himself down right now; a great script does both, retains forward momentum while creating a vivid picture, and Malone only has the second one down here. From a character perspective, well... I couldn’t help but feel James was Angel & Alison was Kate Lockley, if I’m completely honest; the shadowy, handsome vampire skirting good/evil & the earnest, hard-done-by blonde cop with an asshole of a boss. Sound familiar? Alison is nicely depicted, and the mystery of her mother intrigues, but the Chief is mired in cliche and Malone’s use of flashbacks jar - at this early stage, in such a short script, he shouldn’t be relying on them. So from a character & dialogue perspective, it misses more than it hits.
But... bags and bags of potential for this to get better, ‘Whispers in the Dark’ introducing it’s world in a dark and Gothic manner, with Malone marking himself out as a writer with growing skill in how to paint a picture. I hope he gets the balance a little better with the other factors going forward.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 26, 2013 15:30:20 GMT -6
Pleasure my friend - us networks need to stick together more I think, that's one of my 2013 missions.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 26, 2013 14:31:51 GMT -6
Bad news guys, but VPN will bounce back I'm sure. MZP has had such dark days and we're close to 10 years standing - you'll survive.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 22, 2013 10:46:40 GMT -6
I'm sorry this twist was frustrating for you. The reason it was stated in 1.03 'Once In A Blue Moon' "there stands LOUISE HALE" is because to the children it was Louise Hale. In 1.04 I clearly stated that Sara had no idea her mother had a sister, let alone a twin. If an actual television show would of ended like that do you think they would of informed the viewer right off the bat that this was not Louise Hale? No, they wouldn't. They would of done exactly what I did and wait until the following episode to reveal in fact that it wasn't. So, I am sorry this soured your view of this episode but I never had any intention of that being Louise Hale. I do see what you mean there, and it's a very fair point, but I would be equally as annoyed at a TV show that did it, and call it out for bad form! Just me. I'm just not a fan of cheaty cliffhangers that lead you in one direction before completely switching to another. It's why I have such a problem with how Lost ended, because that's exactly what its last season did! It just felt a bit like information you needed to get across, more than Ed. At least to me anyway. You definitely need to contextualise them soon, because right now they're just people walking around, watching, saying cryptic things and shouting into phones. Then let's see it, soon. It'll likely give Sara more depth, because characters - like people in RL - defined by others are yawnsome. If there's more to Sara, let's bring it out. Yeah I like the dynamic here, it's a nice contrast with Gwen in the middle. Definitely keep making the Adler's central to the show, they're way more interesting than the Hale's. A-1! I'm not saying kickass, just a bit less wet. If I'm not intrigued by Milo as a person, why should I be intrigued by his journey? When you stack this plotline against the Adler one for depth & interest, it doesn't compare right now I'm afraid. I hope so too, because I've dug eps 2 & 3 & still really think your best is yet to come with Bitten. Keep going mate.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 22, 2013 5:19:50 GMT -6
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 22, 2013 4:10:56 GMT -6
My original plan was to have it set two or three hundred years into the future, I just wasn't sure about pulling of a series set so far into the future, all though I do have a new idea -- maybe give it more of a Buffy meets Terminator vibe. All though without Buffy of course. Yeah that's much fresher, more original. Creatively you'll come up with more exciting stuff if you put your characters in that kind of world. Go for it!
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 21, 2013 14:06:17 GMT -6
Kerry made my point there with much more eloquence, thank you. Matthew I can see you've changed a few characters & stuff, but fundamentally this is the same set up, character, location & ensemble as Buffy. And that means, try as you might, Buffy is what you'll end up writing and, well... you won't do it as well as Joss Whedon None of us would. Like Kerry said, try a radically different kind of approach to the Slayer. Why not have her in a mental institution fighting nasties & struggling to overcome psychological issues? Or make it a bit Fray, lob it into the future & create an entirely different world around Lily with androids & synthetics & stuff - Buffy meets Blade Runner (hell I'd LOVE that! ) Trust me, if you make this more original, you will have SO much more fun writing it dude.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 21, 2013 3:55:56 GMT -6
Is this not just exactly the same as how Buffy started? I can say that now I've seen a lot of it! Maybe try and approach Lily's start from a different angle - what if she was edgier, more of a Faith, just kicked out of college? Because right now, this is basically just copying Buffy S1 it seems.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 19, 2013 9:17:59 GMT -6
Pleasure mate. I'm sure you'll sort any SPAG out for the next run of eps - once people point these things out, you become more watchful. I have faith.
And much as it's still developing, I do enjoy the show. Huge potential here with the characters & world, so keep trucking along and don't give it up.
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 19, 2013 5:10:53 GMT -6
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 16, 2013 9:02:15 GMT -6
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Post by Tony O'Black on Feb 13, 2013 17:12:10 GMT -6
Well, I'm glad you didn't completely hate it, that there were a few things I did correct in your opinion. I can't make any excuses except that I am a new writer. I don't claim to be anything but, so I can understand that I need practice and possibly guidance. Mate I am no expert, I'm just going by what I know, have read & written. The more you write, the better you absolutely will get, I 100% guarantee - long as you remain as good at taking constructive criticism. Maybe, and I meant no offence, but a professional reader would probably make my bluntness look like a warm, fluffy greetings card. The more honest someone is, I believe, the tougher you'll become. What you need to remember is that you're not writing Darrin, and that's something it's hard sometimes to disassociate from. All great drama is never about what people say, it's what they don't. Or it's the choices they make, their actions. And remember, Darrin may say what he means (though I doubt you always do, because nobody ever does constantly), but your drama & characters will pop if you let your reader surmise things, read between the lines, as opposed to your characters voicing everything. That's dramatic death. You're getting there. We all are. I'm just trying to make you notice things that'll help. A pleasure, my friend. More shall come soon.
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