Supergirl and the Legion of Superheroes

[The Doctor]

Summary: After donning the Legion Ring and setting off to the future, Kara Zor-El aka Supergirl must navigate life in the 31st Century, while also serving as a member of the Legion. As she adjusts to her new surroundings, Kara and the Legion must stop a dangerous cult from raising the dread sorcerer Mordru from enslaving the United Planets and releasing something called the Demons Three.

“Core Legion”
Kara Zor-El/Supergirl: After leaving her life and cousin behind, Kara has taken the Legion Ring and journeyed to the future. Following her arrival, she was inducted into the Legion and has had made headway into becoming one of their most dedicated members. As she continues on, she must adjust to being a full century away from her cousin, and trying to figure out what her “Destiny” ultimately consists of.
Rokk Krinn/Cosmic Boy: One of the three founders of the Legion, Rokk has lead his teammates from victory to victory and made them the United Planets go to for any crisis. With Supergirl joining their cause, Rokk, has no doubt they can keep order in the galaxy. But with word of someone trying to ressurect The Legion’s old foe Mordru, Rokk will stop at nothing to make sure he doesnt escape,
Imra Ardeen/Saturn Girl: One of the three founders of the Legion, and the heart and soul, Imra has been a Legion member for most of her life and has always had a a calming hand in guiding her teammates on the right path. The threat of Mordru’s return has her and the others on edge, but it’s not enough for her hope to waver. She just has to get her stubborn boyfriend to see it though.
Garth Ranzz/Lightning Lad: One of the three founders of the Legion, and the giant fanboy of the group. Looking at heroics as a fun thing to do, Garth is the one that keeps his teammates smiling even when things are looking dire. After getting helpful advice from Clark Kent, Garth has become a better hero to honor the Legacy Superman established and a better Legionnaire to make Rokk proud
Brainiac 5: After being reprogrammed by the Legion from the original Brainiac, Brainiac 5 has become the ideal member of the team. With the team using a Brainiac, they had the ace advantage against their enemies. Not real as social as the other members, Brainiac 5 is always ready for a tragedy to occur and is always stuck in his lab, but with the return of Mordru, he might just have to be a team player instead of the lone wolf he tries to be.
Phantom Girl: One of the newer recruits to the Legion, Phantom Girl has joined the Legion only to spite her mother, The President of The United Planets. Fed up with having her try to run her life, Tinya has made peace with never being the child her mother wanted and now she is getting all of her repressed issues out kicking bad guy ass.
Luornu Durgo/Triplicate Girl: One of the newer recruits to the Legion, Luornu comes from a planet where everyone can split into three and they all think alike and have the same thoughts and feelings. For Luornu she always had separate personalities whenever she split apart, making her an outcast to her people and even her family. Not wanting her, Luornu was put up for adoption at a young age and hasnt really connected with others. It wasnt until, R.J. Brande got into her life, that Luornu finally had a true family. When he felt she was ready, he asked her to join his growing superteam The Legion.
Gim Allon/Colossal Boy: One of the newer recruits to the Legion, Gim, was mutated by a radioactive meteorite that gave him the ability to grow in size. With his parents blessing after using his abilities to save them, he joined the Legion and is one of their powerhouse members. A true boy scout, Gim always does the right thing and isnt afraid to stand up to Rokk when he is being unreasonable. With the threat of Mordru, Gim learns that the Legion isnt all that its cracked up to be and that he might need to change in order to keep up.


Recurring Characters
R.J Brande: Founder and Benefactor of the Legion. After being rescued by Rokk, Imra, and Garth, he helped them become the superheroes that they are today. Using his fortune, he has bankrolled the team, and has made great standing with the President because of it. Acting as sort of a father figure to his young wards, R.J. is willing to go the extra mile to make sure they are well protected.
Mysa Nal: Hailing from the Planet Naltor, Mysa was the only child on the planet to not be born with the ability to see the future. In compensation, later in her teenage years, she heads to the planet Zerox where she was trained in the mystic arts. There she honed her mystical abilities and learned that she is the reincarnated daughter of the dread Mordru and is destined to keep him sealed away. However after being betrayed by her fellow sorcerers, she calls on the Legion to stop them from bringing back their master.
Ayla Ranzz: Garth’s twin sister and light of his life. Not a member of the Legion, Ayla goes to school at Metropolis High and worries for her brother while he is apart of the Legion.
Mordru: A Dark Sorcerer with a mysterious origin. No one knows where he came from, all they know is that he brings death and destruction along with him. Adept in the Mystic Arts, Mordru once lead a coup to conquer Zerox, but was imprisoned by his daughter and other sorcerers where the outcome caused everyone to die and Mordru to just be imprisoned underground for all eternity.

Sequence One
Arc 1: Mystic Quest
Part One First Mission: Supergirl and Legion have to stop an invasion by the Dominators.
Part Two Training Day: A Team that trains together, wins together
Part Three Heat of the Moment: Lust and Passion always go hand in hand
Part Four Pride Cometh: The Legion answer a distress beacon
Part Five Before The Fall: Traps are sprung and the team must fight off an old enemy
Part Six The Message: Dream Girl bring me a dream
Part Seven Zexor: The Legion head for Zexor where harsh truths are learned
Part Eight Breathing Room: Over the course a night, the Legion will ponder their fate
Part Nine Distress: The Legion head off to secure Mordru, only to deal with matters of the heart getting involved.
Part Ten Beacon: Help has arrived
Part Eleven Last Moments: Time to clear the air
Part Twelve Battleground: Final Stand
Part Thirteen Epitaph One: Now we mourn

[Brady Brown]

Great to see you pitching again, Karl!

It's pretty apparent that you have a real passion for Kara and her story, so I definitely love that about this pitch. It's very informative and well thought out. I pretty much feel the same way about this as your others, so I don't want to sound repetitive. Just know that I am very excited for a pilot to get a further, in-depth look on what you've got planning.

[Jack Malone]

Hey Karl, 

I pretty much agree with Brady on everything he said. I'm more keen on seeing an actualised pilot to offer feedback on than another pitch, so I wish you the best of luck on that.

There are still a few notes I've made based on this pitch: 

• I think the webisode format is very appealing. I know you have a lot of fun coming up with big ideas and struggle a bit to finalise them in a script, so the requirements of this format could work much better in your favour.
• I continue to love the idea of Kara/Lucy. The fact that they're both trying to get out of someone else's shadow — paired with the concept of destiny — makes me excited to read their relationship. I think their friendship will be the highlight of the show, especially if it does captivate on those ideas and they are linked by their shared goals of forging their own paths outside of Superman and Lois Lane. 
• Wyatt seems quite detached from the rest of the cast. It reads almost as if you want to give him his own series rather than have him interconnect with the others. I'm intrigued to see if he is as detached in the stories or if he will have a close dynamic with Kara, and is a supporting character to her story rather than a hero of his own.
• I think Clayton is a great addition. I kind of like how he fits into the story more than Wyatt, but that could just be the way the descriptions are written for them. It seems like he plays well into Karen's side of the story, but with his interest in metahumans, he could be an asset for Kara, and maybe fulfil a Clark/Lois partnership type dynamic. 
• There's quite a lot in this pitch and it's kind of hard to see how it all comes together — the backstory with the Legion, the future, the lack of memory, the supposed flashbacks, the whole story planned for Wyatt, the positioning of Karen and her company, the cast of reoccurring characters — especially in a webisode format that usually means 10-20 pages per episode. I'm a little worried you're biting off more than you can chew, so I do look forward to a pilot to see how it does all come together. 

[The Doctor]

Jan 30, 2017 4:56:12 GMT -6 Jack Malone said:

Hey Karl, 

I pretty much agree with Brady on everything he said. I'm more keen on seeing an actualised pilot to offer feedback on than another pitch, so I wish you the best of luck on that.

There are still a few notes I've made based on this pitch: 

• I think the webisode format is very appealing. I know you have a lot of fun coming up with big ideas and struggle a bit to finalize them in a script, so the requirements of this format could work much better in your favour.
• I continue to love the idea of Kara/Lucy. The fact that they're both trying to get out of someone else's shadow — paired with the concept of destiny — makes me excited to read their relationship. I think their friendship will be the highlight of the show, especially if it does captivate on those ideas and they are linked by their shared goals of forging their own paths outside of Superman and Lois Lane. 
• Wyatt seems quite detached from the rest of the cast. It reads almost as if you want to give him his own series rather than have him interconnect with the others. I'm intrigued to see if he is as detached in the stories or if he will have a close dynamic with Kara, and is a supporting character to her story rather than a hero of his own.
• I think Clayton is a great addition. I kind of like how he fits into the story more than Wyatt, but that could just be the way the descriptions are written for them. It seems like he plays well into Karen's side of the story, but with his interest in metahumans, he could be an asset for Kara, and maybe fulfil a Clark/Lois partnership type dynamic. 
• There's quite a lot in this pitch and it's kind of hard to see how it all comes together — the backstory with the Legion, the future, the lack of memory, the supposed flashbacks, the whole story planned for Wyatt, the positioning of Karen and her company, the cast of reoccurring characters — especially in a webisode format that usually means 10-20 pages per episode. I'm a little worried you're biting off more than you can chew, so I do look forward to a pilot to see how it does all come together. 

Thank you for the kind notes and the response Jack.
-I have to agree that the webisode format works really well for Supergirl. Having a full blown 4 act script would get me whelmed af so doing it this way, you'll all be able to finally see the story I want to tell for Kara.

-Kara and Lucy are my star characters and they are essentially Team Supergirl to me. Where Kara brings the Superpowers, Lucy brings the street smarts and the two really have a great dynamic that might put Clark and Lois to shame. However, over the course of the sequence, dont expect the two of them to start off on the best of terms

-If Wyatt seems detached from the other's is because he essentially is. I will spoil that he and Lucy have a history, and he and Kara will eventually cross paths, but dont expect him to be interacting with them for awhile. Oh and something else I forgot to mention. The only people who will know Kara's real name will be Lucy, Clayton, and Wyatt. They are the main characters of the series after all. Everyone will be calling Kara, "Linda" since thats the identity she is going with.

-Im really glad that you enjoy Clayton as an addition. When I was mapping out this series, Clayton and Zoe were essentially tied at the waist. But i realized that them being apart could be a story element that can play out later on, so I kept Clayton solo. When you meet him, he has quit the Daily Planet and has been broken up with Zoe for sometime and he heads to Chicago with a new purpose. He story gets woven into Karen's and then drives straight into Kara. Their dynamic might be less Clark/Lois more Oliver/Chloe. Pre Season 9.

-I realize that their are alot of storylines happening at once. Kara's backstory with the Legion is going to be told, over the course of the series. As for her amnesia, its something that will get resolved fairly quickly. The flashbacks about her life during S10 of smallville will be a long run type of deal. One thing that I appreciate about Arrow is that they had the flashbacks related to the trial Oliver was facing in the episodes. So when its necessary, you'll see snippets from the past. Wyatt's story will be explored later on. Karen's company has been under the radar, it's a company that no one has heard off, and her stirring the pot in Chicago is apart of the vision have for the future of this show.

-Destiny is whats driving this series. From the moment Kara put on that Legion Ring she set forth a chain of events that not only changed her destiny, but the destines of the characters she has interacted with. Without her teammates in the Legion, and Clark essentially unavailable, we finally get to see how Kara goes about saving the world, and why she should be worthy of the mantle of Supergirl, and what fresh hell she has created for herself

Thank you Jack and I hope this was eye opening. The pilot is going through the works right now, and should be ready for viewing pleasure. I really hope you guys like it.

[The Doctor]

I redid the pitch. Didnt like what I had. Hope this idea turns out better than the other.