Jay Paterson
 
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Oct 26, 2015 18:21:48 GMT -6
Finally getting to sink my teeth into Screenwriter Paradise. This is exciting.
1.01: "Fade In"
I remember reading the pilot for this about 2 years ago when you originally pitched it and loved it. I can see that you've made a few changed since then and guess what, I still love it! I absolutely love the relationship between the two leads, Andrew the focused and more mature one and Joshua, the polar opposite wild boy. Their strong friendship comes through pretty well in this first episode, you can tell that they've been friends forever just by how comfortable they are around each other and their dialogue, which I loved by the way.
I remember before reading this and thinking that the dialogue was a bit chunky and wordy. But this time around I through it read better and really gave a distinctive voice to your characters. Another thing I really liked was the voice over. I know a lot of people dislike a voice over, however I am pro voice over. It really did make for a great beginning to your story, very Gatsby but with a comedic twist.
All in all I think your two main characters bounce well off of one another which will make for some fun dialogue. As well as Andrews passion and his need to succeed in this city, that mixed with Joshua's outspoken and wild self, I think it will land them in some sticky situations. I think it was the best thing solely focusing on Andrew and Joshua this episode, whilst shining a light on two of the other characters for a couple of seconds. It really brought us into the world of these two guys who have just packed up and moved to L.A. in hopes to live out there dreams without over complicating things and throwing all this information and characters at us. This pilot has got me excited for what's to come and I can't wait to continue reading.
Just a quick question, I noticed that in the Audition episode "Fade In" it says that these Andrew and Josh are in their early thirties however, in the pilot they are in their mid twenties. If this just a mistake or is Screenwriters Paradise set before their role in Audition?
|
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Oct 26, 2015 19:06:06 GMT -6
1.02: "The Weed Master"
I have to commend you on your pacing and timing, Chris. These episodes so far seem to be fast, fun and exciting. So, this episodes takes off where the pilot leaves us, Andrew and Joshua trying to approach Shawn. Here we get some back and forth banter between our two leads. Like I've mentioned before they really do bounce off one another well, making for some really funny dialogue. May favourite line from this episode has to be from Andrew when he says:- "if the next words that come out your mouth sound anything like Igloo Australia, you need to find some new words." There were some others but that one really got me. You can tell that Joshua has a tendency to word vomit just by Andrews reaction to him, it was pretty funny. Manny is one crazy landlord, you could already tell this from his short interaction with the boys in the pilot but his altercation with Shawn was pretty entertaining. He's definitely a fire cracker who will come toe to toe with the boys at some point, no doubt. Shawn seem's like a pretty cool character, very different from our main two boys so I like the contrast there. These three will make for an interesting friendship, I tell you that. The stand out moment in the episode is hands down when Andrew smoked the rest of that joint. It was so unexpected and hilarious, I was actually somewhat proud. Haha. Andrew's got balls.
After this we get to see Emily, who I was pretty intrigued by in the Audition episode. She seems like a ball buster who is will definitely make the guys lives interesting in some way. Good or bad? I'm not quite sure yet.
Thanks for another great read, Chris.
|
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Oct 26, 2015 19:40:35 GMT -6
1.03: "The Shindig From Hell"
I'm loving all of these characters so far its really difficult to pick a favourite. Why is everything so much better when characters are drunk? Drunk Emily is great, she finds company in glasses of wine, wither that be to drink or to pour over herself. Lol. And we can't forget about Drunk Joshua, or is it Magic Josh? Haha. This episode was pretty hilarious. I'm interested to see how the relationship between Emily and Andrew will play out, they shared a nice moment up on the roof top. Freya is another character that I'm dying to know more about, she's Andrews wife?! It would be nice to see Andrew with a little bit of romance in his life, It might get him writing something. But it seems him and Freya haven't spoken in sometime so I'm not quite sure how they left things. Josh and Troy seemed to hit it off pretty well, potential romance? or just another one of Joshua's conquests?
Another fun filled episode, with some great laughs. Awesome work, Chris.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Oct 27, 2015 19:41:56 GMT -6
Finally getting to sink my teeth into Screenwriter Paradise. This is exciting. 1.01: "Fade In"I remember reading the pilot for this about 2 years ago when you originally pitched it and loved it. I can see that you've made a few changed since then and guess what, I still love it! I absolutely love the relationship between the two leads, Andrew the focused and more mature one and Joshua, the polar opposite wild boy. Their strong friendship comes through pretty well in this first episode, you can tell that they've been friends forever just by how comfortable they are around each other and their dialogue, which I loved by the way. I remember before reading this and thinking that the dialogue was a bit chunky and wordy. But this time around I through it read better and really gave a distinctive voice to your characters. Another thing I really liked was the voice over. I know a lot of people dislike a voice over, however I am pro voice over. It really did make for a great beginning to your story, very Gatsby but with a comedic twist. All in all I think your two main characters bounce well off of one another which will make for some fun dialogue. As well as Andrews passion and his need to succeed in this city, that mixed with Joshua's outspoken and wild self, I think it will land them in some sticky situations. I think it was the best thing solely focusing on Andrew and Joshua this episode, whilst shining a light on two of the other characters for a couple of seconds. It really brought us into the world of these two guys who have just packed up and moved to L.A. in hopes to live out there dreams without over complicating things and throwing all this information and characters at us. This pilot has got me excited for what's to come and I can't wait to continue reading. Just a quick question, I noticed that in the Audition episode "Fade In" it says that these Andrew and Josh are in their early thirties however, in the pilot they are in their mid twenties. If this just a mistake or is Screenwriters Paradise set before their role in Audition? Welcome, Jay! I hope you enjoy the show!  I'm glad the pilot reads even better for you this time around. I removed/added a few things from the original pilot and definitely think this version holds up better. The relationship between Andrew and Joshua is probably one of my favorites I've ever created. I could probably write an entire series with just the two of them hanging out haha! Ooops. That's my bad. They're meant to be in their 30s. Just didn't edit their ages from the original pilot. Strange, because in the original pilot, the actors were older then the current ones. haha! So yes, late twenties - early thirties is about right. 1.02: "The Weed Master"
I have to commend you on your pacing and timing, Chris. These episodes so far seem to be fast, fun and exciting. So, this episodes takes off where the pilot leaves us, Andrew and Joshua trying to approach Shawn. Here we get some back and forth banter between our two leads. Like I've mentioned before they really do bounce off one another well, making for some really funny dialogue. May favourite line from this episode has to be from Andrew when he says:- "if the next words that come out your mouth sound anything like Igloo Australia, you need to find some new words." There were some others but that one really got me. You can tell that Joshua has a tendency to word vomit just by Andrews reaction to him, it was pretty funny. Manny is one crazy landlord, you could already tell this from his short interaction with the boys in the pilot but his altercation with Shawn was pretty entertaining. He's definitely a fire cracker who will come toe to toe with the boys at some point, no doubt. Shawn seem's like a pretty cool character, very different from our main two boys so I like the contrast there. These three will make for an interesting friendship, I tell you that. The stand out moment in the episode is hands down when Andrew smoked the rest of that joint. It was so unexpected and hilarious, I was actually somewhat proud. Haha. Andrew's got balls.
After this we get to see Emily, who I was pretty intrigued by in the Audition episode. She seems like a ball buster who is will definitely make the guys lives interesting in some way. Good or bad? I'm not quite sure yet.
Thanks for another great read, Chris. I'm so glad people have been enjoying the dialogue in this show. I was so worried about that because I'm not that into comedy when going into this project but I really wanted to give it a try. And now, I have a much bigger appreciation for the genre. It's definitely a challenge but a lot of fun. Yes, Shawn is a very different type of character. His arc is probably one of the darker ones of Sequence One, as you'll find out pretty soon. But I'm sure you'll get to see many different sides of his personality. 1.03: "The Shindig From Hell"
I'm loving all of these characters so far its really difficult to pick a favourite. Why is everything so much better when characters are drunk? Drunk Emily is great, she finds company in glasses of wine, wither that be to drink or to pour over herself. Lol. And we can't forget about Drunk Joshua, or is it Magic Josh? Haha. This episode was pretty hilarious. I'm interested to see how the relationship between Emily and Andrew will play out, they shared a nice moment up on the roof top. Freya is another character that I'm dying to know more about, she's Andrews wife?! It would be nice to see Andrew with a little bit of romance in his life, It might get him writing something. But it seems him and Freya haven't spoken in sometime so I'm not quite sure how they left things. Josh and Troy seemed to hit it off pretty well, potential romance? or just another one of Joshua's conquests? Another fun filled episode, with some great laughs. Awesome work, Chris. Drunk characters are the best! I get to make them do things they wouldn't do (probably) if they were sober and it always makes for an entertaining read. Andrew and Emily share a few more scenes this sequence but I think their dynamic will really get its time to shine in S2. So, hopefully you stick around for that You'll learn a lot more about Freya very soon. And about Joshua and Troy (Parkson), you'll just have to wait and see! So, I said to myself that I will read and review the Screenwriters Paradise pilot before bed and now I'm 4 episodes in? I'm becoming addicted to this show! 1.04: "Aftermath Of The Shindig From Hell"The Dwight Lofts seem like somewhere I'd want to stay. Lol. Is Manny looking for any new tenants? Well last night got crazy didn't it. Ii loved the use of flashbacks in this episode, as soon as Joshua jumped of the sofa and shouted story time I knew we were in for a treat. Although I would have liked to see more of drunk Emily but I get that you have limitations on page count so you can't please everyone. I'm kind of glad that Andrew cut Josh off when he did because it was beginning to become TMI. Haha. But it seemed like Josh sure enjoyed himself. What I really liked about this episode was getting to see another layer to Shawn. You can clearly see that he is struggling with the fact he lost his role in the show that shaped his career, and by his reaction it looks like he could be heading down a slippery slope. I also liked that we were given a bit more information about Andrews wife, Freya who seems to have worse off than she lets on. To be honest I knew something wasn't right when she said she lived in a beach house. Except I was thinking more like, she has a new husband. This will be my last review of the night as Its now 2am and I'm so tired. However, I really look forward to reading more of the gangs journey tomorrow. I'm excited to see what the future holds for Andrew and Joshua! I could probably like at the Dwight Lofts too. haha! One of the things I wanted to work on was making that location more than a location. Los Angeles is such a living, breathing city and I'd really like to capture that here. I think this was the only episode of S1 that I didn't outline prior to writing it. So a lot of this stuff just came off the spot, so I'm really glad it worked for you. It's hard responding to these reviews because I don't wanna give anything any from future episodes, but I appreciate your feedback soo much! |
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Oct 28, 2015 17:53:25 GMT -6
1.05: "Intruder Alert"
Yay! we get to explore Emily a little bit further, just the episode I was waiting for. The whole scene at the beginning where she finds her boyfriend in bed with a bimbo was brilliant. When I was reading it I kept picturing her as Cookie Lyon. Lol. Especially with lines like; "Who the fuck is that bitch!?... That white bitch you still got your dick in!"
And
"Oh, don’t worry. You’re all good.
You can have the bastard." But Emily is a lot nicer, because I think Cookie would have probably knocked a bitch out. Haha. But anyway there were some great lines in there, as per usual, so great job. Emily definitely doesn't have it together like you would expect at her age and profession, she actually seems a bit of a mess, from her poor choice in men to her throwing the drink back. She sure is one of the characters I'm most intrigued by and she's pretty funny, even when she doesn't intend to be. I kind of would have liked to see her roomy with the boys but I guess Freya showing up turned out to scenario for everyone. Freya is a strange one to work out, so far she seems to be my least favourite (along with Troy), but I'm not quite sure why, I guess I'll have to continue reading to for more of an opinion on her. Anyway I hope having Emily as a neighbour now will bring the boys some luck! All in all great episode, great friendship dynamic between they boys shines through again here as usual. I can't wait to read on.
|
|
|
|
Post by Brady Brown on Oct 30, 2015 16:11:59 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.11 "Vaginal Weightlifting"This was definitely one of the wildest episodes of the sequence. First, we get Emily and Freya lifting weights with their vaginas, crazy fan Wendy leaking Shawn's sex tape, and Andrew actually making progress on the script! I really loved that we got a lot of different developments in this episode while maintaing a regular pace and without making the episode feel disjointed or awkward. We start off with Emily, who is fearful of not being able to please a younger man. I really liked that talk she had with Freya where the latter opens up about her asexuality. I loved that Emily wasn't full understanding how asexuality works, but she was still accepting and it didn't change how she viewed Freya at all. I just love the bond these two women have made in such short period of time. Speaking of Freya, she's still struggling to get jobs and it was really hard to see her get another denial. I hope something good can happen to her soon, and Emily, and I hope they can celebrate with a girl's night out! Then, we got Troy, who made a big step with his relationship with Joshua. Well, I'll say Joshua made that step because he actually asked him out on a date. I think that's a really huge thing for him to do, because we know that he's mainly a strictly sexual person and I'm curious to see how this date will work out. I can't tell if Troy wants more than just sex, but it's obvious Joshua is going to try to make things work out for them. I mean, we saw Troy move their script over to the accepted pile so it's obvious he feels something for Joshua. I'm just hoping that decision doesn't end up in flames. We also got some backstory for Joshua, with him and Andrew talking about how he lost his virginity. That was just a really nice scene because it's such a thing best friends talk about and even though it only really added a small detail to Joshua's character I really appreciate it. Onto Andrew, he made so much progress this week! I'm so proud of him haha. I love that he was able to overcome his writer's block and actually get somewhere with the script, and the proud best friend moment between him and Joshua was absolutely amazing. When he kissed him on the cheek I think I might have died a little. Zawson is so real, and that relationship, even if it never gets romantic, is one of a kind and needs to be cherished for eternity. Finally, we arrive at Shawn, who has a sex tape scandal! Wendy is actually a looney tune, and I did not expect her to do such a crazy thing like that. There's only one episode left and I have absolutely no idea what could happen with this storyline. All Wendy wants to be is Shawn's lover, and that's scary. Bruce seems to be happy about this though haha so I'm wondering if they'll have a talk about this. Ah! I have no idea what's going to happen in the finale! Overall, amazing episode. So much development leading into the finale, and I can't wait to see how it all comes together. Awesome job! Oh, and that end credits scene was absolutely brilliant. I need to read it at least three times a day for the rest of the year. 
|
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Oct 31, 2015 21:51:21 GMT -6
1.05: "Intruder Alert"
Yay! we get to explore Emily a little bit further, just the episode I was waiting for. The whole scene at the beginning where she finds her boyfriend in bed with a bimbo was brilliant. When I was reading it I kept picturing her as Cookie Lyon. Lol. Especially with lines like; "Who the fuck is that bitch!?... That white bitch you still got your dick in!"
And
"Oh, don’t worry. You’re all good.
You can have the bastard." But Emily is a lot nicer, because I think Cookie would have probably knocked a bitch out. Haha. But anyway there were some great lines in there, as per usual, so great job. Emily definitely doesn't have it together like you would expect at her age and profession, she actually seems a bit of a mess, from her poor choice in men to her throwing the drink back. She sure is one of the characters I'm most intrigued by and she's pretty funny, even when she doesn't intend to be. I kind of would have liked to see her roomy with the boys but I guess Freya showing up turned out to scenario for everyone. Freya is a strange one to work out, so far she seems to be my least favourite (along with Troy), but I'm not quite sure why, I guess I'll have to continue reading to for more of an opinion on her. Anyway I hope having Emily as a neighbour now will bring the boys some luck! All in all great episode, great friendship dynamic between they boys shines through again here as usual. I can't wait to read on. Glad you're liking Emily so far. Oh my god, I love Cookie Lyon, so that comparison is great. Yeah, I wouldn't say she's been as blunt as Cookie can be but she might become that way soon. I originally planned on Emily rooming with Andrew and Joshua, at least for a little while. But Freya's storyline changed and it just seemed like the thing to do. I hope you start to enjoy Freya more once you get to know her a little better. She should show her true colors in the next few episodes. Troy as well. But as always, I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far! Your feedback has been much appreciated |
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Oct 31, 2015 22:06:17 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.11 "Vaginal Weightlifting"This was definitely one of the wildest episodes of the sequence. First, we get Emily and Freya lifting weights with their vaginas, crazy fan Wendy leaking Shawn's sex tape, and Andrew actually making progress on the script! I really loved that we got a lot of different developments in this episode while maintaing a regular pace and without making the episode feel disjointed or awkward. We start off with Emily, who is fearful of not being able to please a younger man. I really liked that talk she had with Freya where the latter opens up about her asexuality. I loved that Emily wasn't full understanding how asexuality works, but she was still accepting and it didn't change how she viewed Freya at all. I just love the bond these two women have made in such short period of time. Speaking of Freya, she's still struggling to get jobs and it was really hard to see her get another denial. I hope something good can happen to her soon, and Emily, and I hope they can celebrate with a girl's night out! This episode was probably one of my favorites to write. I'm not sure why. haha! I wrote down the title "Vaginal Weightlifting" before I even knew what this episode would be about, so I'm glad I was able to have it make sense for Emily's character. Glad you approve of that talk between Emily and Freya. Her sexuality is something that doesn't get mentioned at all in the earlier episodes because there was really no reason to, so I wanted to get to know her as a woman first before touching on her sexuality, so hopefully that was handled well enough. And I thought it was really important for Emily to not fully understand or be able to relate to Freya but still accept her. Glad you liked that as well Yeah, Joshua does not do dates, as said in the episode. So this is a pretty big step for him. We'll just have to wait and see how it all works out. And Troy moving their script to the accepted pile... I'll just said that decision will definitely have some consequences that will unfold in the sequence finale. Yeah, I figured it was time for Andrew to have a win. The good thing about writer's block is that it doesn't last forever. So him getting over it should give him a bit of a confidence boost from where we last saw him in the crossover episodes. The kiss on the cheek. Awww. I saw this and said in my head "oh god, wait until he reads the Halloween Special" haha! Yeah, Wendy is a bit nutty. I remember you weren't sure what direction this storyline was going in. Whether it would be more humorous or just straight up disturbing and knowing me, of course I chose the latter. haha More to come in the sequence finale. Thanks for the feedback, Brady! So glad you enjoyed this episode! You've been such an integral part of this series being made and I just love you for inspiring me to get this up and running. |
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Nov 1, 2015 13:31:18 GMT -6
1.06: "First Pitch"
Oh shit, Indeed. What a way to end arc one of the sequence.
The opening of this episode was a little too much for my taste. Even though I thought you wrote the sex scene well, which isn't easy to pull off, I did think there was little moments that took me out of it and me think "um okay?" Other than those couple of moments everything else was well written. I'm still not sure where the relationship between Joshua and Troy is heading, is it just sexual? or are there more feelings involved. Neither one seems to be giving that away as of yet, so I look forward to seeing how their relationship develops throughout the second part of the sequence.
Emily and Freya's set up is a pretty fun. Even though I'm not sold on Freya as of yet I'm still interested in seeing what's to come of their new friendship, seeing as their are pretty much opposites. In a way that kind of reminds me of Andrew and Joshua, so this could be fun! So Freya moved out to LA to become a fashion designer, that could be an interesting journey to follow. I like that she's been modelling other designers clothes, being in that industry without being able to live her real dream is a pretty cool take on it. And Emily wanted to be a singer?! Please can we have her and Troy do karaoke in one episode?
Shawn has always interested me since we met him in the first episode. Even though we have only seen little bits of him since then, slowly showing his downfall, that scene brought it all together. Now we no the jest of what happened to have him thrown off of "The Johnson's" and now we get to explore how that is effecting his life as we move into arc 2 hopefully. I do hope Amber will make an appearance in the near future, I'm sure that could cause a a lot of trouble for him. I do like me some drama. Haha.
And finally, that ending?! What the hell is Emily going to do now? And this doesn't effect her, Andrew and Joshua were counting on that meeting with Frank. I guess its back to the drawing board. It will sure make for an interesting start to arc two. I really wasn't expecting Emily to lose her job, well not so soon into the series. Maybe this will give a push into the singer career that she always wanted? I don't know, whatever it is I'm interested to find out.
What a great start to the sequence, Chris. You should be proud because its a pretty great show and I love it. I can't wait to carry on reading.
|
|
|
|
Post by Brady Brown on Nov 3, 2015 16:57:45 GMT -6
REVIEW: Halloween Special - "You've Got a Friend in Me"My heart... is still in pieces. I read this days ago and I still think about how emotional and amazing this episode was. The opening with Andrew was really adorable, and his costume was perfect and that entire scene was just... perfect. I love how he's usually the serious one but can be goofy sometimes too. And then we got Joshua staring at him, smiling, dressed as Woody which I automatically thought was going to be a dirty joke but it turned out to be the one of the sweetest, most emotional things I've ever read in a form of fiction. Freya and Troy also had a nice talk about where they stand in their relationships with Andrew and Joshua. It was a little shocking having Freya put Joshua on blast like that, but I can see how she really didn't mean anything of it. Troy's a little weirded out that Joshua's been in love with Andrew, and that's a little sad. I hope he can work through that, and either be upfront with Joshua about it if he wants something before or be able to put it aside if they just remain friends with benefits. Okay, now we need to talk about the ending. I didn't think anything was going to come of Andrew and Joshua just drinking away, because best friends do that all the time. I expected some funny interactions, but what I got was Joshua kissing Andrew, and Andrew indulging in said kiss for a little bit. I absolutely love that this didn't weird either one of them out, and that Andrew commented on that not being their first kiss. I love, love, love this relationship so much. Then, as Andrew is putting Joshua into bed, we finally realize why Joshua dressed up as Woody and -- MY HEART BROKE. That was so clever, and I can't believe how cute it was. BUT THEN, Joshua says he loves Andrew, and Andrew replies that he does too. But Joshua clearly means more, and Andrew simply smiles and tells him goodnight. AND THEN MY HURT BROKE EVEN MORE. I'm still crying over this episode. It was just... the entire end scene was beautiful. I can't get over it. Bravo, bravo, bravo! This episode has to be one of my favorites, without a doubt. Zawson is one of the most realistic, emotional relationships I've ever read which is what makes it one of the best. You capture them so well, and that's just a testament to you as a writer and to you as a storyteller. I can't wait to see what happens in the finale, and I can't wait to see what happens in the rest of the series! Amazing job!
|
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Nov 6, 2015 14:48:25 GMT -6
1.06: "First Pitch" Oh shit, Indeed. What a way to end arc one of the sequence. The opening of this episode was a little too much for my taste. Even though I thought you wrote the sex scene well, which isn't easy to pull off, I did think there was little moments that took me out of it and me think "um okay?" Other than those couple of moments everything else was well written. I'm still not sure where the relationship between Joshua and Troy is heading, is it just sexual? or are there more feelings involved. Neither one seems to be giving that away as of yet, so I look forward to seeing how their relationship develops throughout the second part of the sequence Sorry this reply is coming to you so very late. And sorry for the explicitness of that scene. I was just testing the waters; seeing how much I could get away with. haha! The sex scenes from now on aren't nearly as detailed. Their relationship grows a bit in the remainder of S1 and will surely be a big plot point for sequence two! It's always interesting seeing how people react differently to certain characters. I've gotten mixed reviews for both Emily and Freya from different people and I'm really glad people are getting different things out of these storylines and characters. Hopefully with more time, Freya will grow on you. I know I'm very excited about her S2 arc. Oh and about the karaoke -- just wait Shawn's storyline comes more to the forefront in arc two, and he'll definitely have a bigger role in sequence two. I'm glad you're interested in him as a characters -- he lets me explore some of the darker aspects of the industry so more drama coming for you very soon. Amber doesn't appear again this sequence, but I definitely have plans to bring her back soon. Yep, Emily getting fired was something I planned for a while. In my original plans, she would have been introduced as a former CBS agent, but I thought it would be more interesting to actually see the road to her being let go and how she reacts to it will be a very big part of her story in arc two. Looking forward to seeing what you think of it all As always, thanks so much for the feedback, Jay! |
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Nov 6, 2015 15:13:08 GMT -6
REVIEW: Halloween Special - "You've Got a Friend in Me"My heart... is still in pieces. I read this days ago and I still think about how emotional and amazing this episode was. The opening with Andrew was really adorable, and his costume was perfect and that entire scene was just... perfect. I love how he's usually the serious one but can be goofy sometimes too. And then we got Joshua staring at him, smiling, dressed as Woody which I automatically thought was going to be a dirty joke but it turned out to be the one of the sweetest, most emotional things I've ever read in a form of fiction. So glad you enjoyed this episode so much. I've been planning this story since before the show even aired and I'm so glad I was able to actually write it. Andrew is such a goofball. I really want to show more of that side of him next sequence. I remember wanting to tell you about the "Andy" thing on Skype a long time ago, but I'm glad I didn't because seeing your reaction was so much better. haha! Yeah, Freya didn't mean anything by it. Sometimes she just kinda blurts things out without thinking. That scene was meant to parallel both of their relationships with Andrew and Joshua, and also set the stage for storylines in sequence two. At this point, they're not really sure where they stand in their relationships, or if they can even call them that. I wish I was able to touch more on Andrew and Freya's backstory in this sequence, but other things kind of got in the way. Something I hope to fix in sequence two As for Joshua and Troy, you'll just have to wait and see. I'm so glad you enjoyed this scene. I was really scared when I was writing, actually. I didn't know if it was too soon to be touching on this or if I should even take it this far at all. But I think their relationship has enough history for it to be okay and valid, because its not rushed for them, even though the readers are just recently getting involved in their story. Of course this isn't their first kiss. HAHA! That was probably way back in elementary school and they've probably kissed loads more. But I think this was definitely the most emotional one, because for a minute there, Andrew wants it too. More like, he wants to want it. And that's a big recurring storyline for him for the rest of the series really. Thanks for the feedback!! So glad people are responding well to the show and Zawson in particular. It's definitely been so fun to write. |
|
|
|
Post by Brady Brown on Nov 6, 2015 16:09:03 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.12 "Square Zero"I really loved this finale. The opening scene was so adorable, and those little roommate scenes with Andrew and Joshua are just so great. The fact that they were arguing over Andrew's underwear was adorable and had me rolling haha. It was great to see Andrew in a good state of mind after completing the second episode of Limbo. I love it when he's confident. It's such a great thing to see, and Joshua's every so optimistic self gets matched with Andrew's recurring realism haha. I need Andrew to be more optimistic! I need it in my life! But anyway, the opening scene was great. I love their relationship as always. But then JGL comes in and delivers the bad news that CBS has basically stolen their idea, but unbeknownst them it was because of Troy. That was devastating to read, but Andrew and Joshua's reaction to bettering themselves and looking back on everything they've done in their short time in LA was awesome to read. Shawn and Emily had quite an intense scene. Emily slapping him was a pretty shocking moment. Their short lived relationship looks pretty unfixable at the moment, so I'm interested to see what they're going to do moving forward. I know it was a week ago, but it doesn't look like they've talked since them. Then we get a really nice scene with Freya and Emily, where Freya finally gets some good news. I was so happy for her, because she's been through so much in these past few episodes that she really deserves it. I also loved that Emily finally talked about what she wants to do. She did like being an agent, she just hated CBS. Her next step forward has me intrigued, because her lingering stare at that open place has me guessing she wants to open a business of some kind. Going back to Shawn, he probably had the most emotional scenes. He's really stuck between a rock and a hard place with this whole Wendy situation. Bruce wants him to capitalize on it, but Shawn is extremely uncomfortable and weirded out by having his privacy ignored. The end has me worried, because Shawn has probably gone through the most this sequence and I just want him to have some sort of happiness haha and to be 5000 feet away from psycho Wendy. Awesome way to top off the sequence. Loved how we got so many different and dynamic beats between the characters, and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds in S2. Congrats and completing an emotional, well balanced sequence, and here's to many, many, many more!
|
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Nov 9, 2015 10:57:49 GMT -6
Okay so now that I'm all caught up on Audition, its time to continue Screenwriters Paradise. 1.07: "That Kid From 3rd Rock"So this episode deals with the fallout of Emily losing her job at CBS. I like that Emily is that much of an important character that her losing her job doesn't just effect her, it effects everyone! She was essentially the one in the divers seat moving this story forward and now that she's jobless everyone is stranded and clueless as to what to do next. Even though I do love it when Emily goes off the rails, it always makes for some good scenes, I would like to see her pull it together and focus on her next step. I'm interested to see where she'll go from here. Freya and Troy shared a nice moment in this episode. They really gel together well and could make for a great platonic relationship. There's nothing like a good old TV show to spark a new friendship! I can't believe that Joshua didn't know who JGL was... like seriously?! I laughed when Joshua told JGL-- "don't worry dude. You'll make it one day." Haha! The bar scene between Andrew and Joshua was great and I'm interested in how they use this new found relationship with JGL to their advantage. Hopefully they play it smart this time and not put all their eggs in one basket like they did with Emily. |
|
|
|
Jay Paterson
Episode 4 - "There's Something About Leila" - Out Now
|
Post by Jay Paterson on Nov 9, 2015 14:31:49 GMT -6
Yay for Screenwriter Paradise and Audition Crossover!! What an exciting two episodes, when these guys get together it sure makes for a good time. Both of these episodes has some of my favourite moments in the sequence so far, so like I usually do I'll ramble my way through both episodes telling you my thoughts.
1.09: "And Then There Were Threesome" & 1.10: "Sexual Healing"
Shawn has the most interesting arc throughout these two episode, which is great because I've been waiting for more Shawn. At the beginning of 1.09 we find out that Shawn is blacklisted in LA because of his previous antics with Stanley Page's daughter. Not only that but he also finds out he's being replaced on The Johnsons, harsh! When is Shawn going to catch a break, he's had it rough since we first met him and its been going down hill ever since. But I think its a good balance for the show, not only are you following two noobs who are slowly but surly rising you are focusing on someone who's had it but is falling. The same with Emily here as well, which is why that ending was so perfect they are going through similar situations. And even though it may only be a one time thing, I totally ship Shamily? Haha!
Bringing Alex and Alisha into the mix was a fun way to get Shawn to take his mind of things, before ultimately opening up about things. I loved who dorky they were around him when they first met him. The club scenes were great, Alex in a cage? I can just imagine Rose's face when he tells her. Lol. After that we then witness Shawn attack Robert, leading no not only him but Alex and Alisha ending up in the slammer. Utter brilliance, who would have though those two would end up in jail. I guess Shawn's not the best company for our two innocent auditionees, but they did rub off on him in a nice way. The he opens up to them about being a foster kid and feeling a part of a family on the show was a nice insight it to Shawn's life before the fame. It makes me sympathise with him a lot more because he was lucky enough to go from that life to being a star for that to be taken from him.
Emily's open mic night was fun to read. But first can we just praise Paula for a moment for getting up there and singing Waterfalls. I couldn't stop laughing when I pictures it. Haha. I happy that we finally got to see Emily on a stage singing, I was hoping for a duet with Troy but Freya stole that dream from me... Paula was full of great advice for Emily, Its funny who it took a conversation with a complete stranger for Emily to realise she needs to change her ways. Paula just has that effect on people, it was interesting to see how everyone reacted to her, because we haven't seen her interact with any SP characters yet, but they all seemed to love her!! Can her and Joshua become new besties? I think I'd love that!
So, Andrew, Joshue and Michael end up at a sex party? Hahaha. How does that even happen? This is becoming a common occurrence in down town LA, first we has Rose and Alisha stumble into a lesbian mixer and now this? And its no surprise that Joshua was loving it. Lol. During all the hilarity of them realising they wondered into a sex party, discussions of safe words and sex toys, you still managed to have a special moment between Andrew and Michael. That's one thing you can always count on from SP and Audition, a good pep talk. Hopefully now Andrew and crack on and produce an awesome script for JGL to sink his teeth into.
There's probably so much more I'm forgetting to discuss here, but I have to say this crossover was AMAZING! Throwing these two groups of characters together make for some great comedic moments. I'm also happy that you focussed a lot on Shawn this episode. And with that creepy ending with Wendy I'm expecting his story to get a lot more interesting. I can't wait!
|
|
|
|
Post by Jamison on Nov 9, 2015 14:39:59 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.12 "Square Zero"I really loved this finale. The opening scene was so adorable, and those little roommate scenes with Andrew and Joshua are just so great. The fact that they were arguing over Andrew's underwear was adorable and had me rolling haha. It was great to see Andrew in a good state of mind after completing the second episode of Limbo. I love it when he's confident. It's such a great thing to see, and Joshua's every so optimistic self gets matched with Andrew's recurring realism haha. I need Andrew to be more optimistic! I need it in my life! But anyway, the opening scene was great. I love their relationship as always. But then JGL comes in and delivers the bad news that CBS has basically stolen their idea, but unbeknownst them it was because of Troy. That was devastating to read, but Andrew and Joshua's reaction to bettering themselves and looking back on everything they've done in their short time in LA was awesome to read. So glad you enjoyed the finale and that opening scene! I just love Andrew and Joshua having those little moments to themselves where they can just be themselves. It's always so fun to write. Yeah, Andrew deserved a win after all that writers block. Even though it turned out to be pretty short lived. Still, going forward into sequence two, I suspect Andrew will be even more focused and ready to fulfill his dreams. Yeah, Troy's gonna be in some trouble next sequence. I really wanted to put him in this episode and looking back, I totally could have. But alas, I shouldn't dwell on the past. Yeah, Emily's such a hot head; very much a slap now and ask questions later kinda girl. But whether their relationship is unfixable? I don't know. Possibly, after seeing that the full sex tape was going to be released no matter what Shawn decided to do. We shall see in sequence two. Happy Freya is the best Freya and I wanted her to end on a high note this sequence, since I had to put her through so much. Sequence two is all about her getting new opportunities and really coming into her own. Same for Emily. And yeah, you guessed it right. What kind of business? Who knows but me!  Yeah, I sort of feel bad for putting Shawn through so much crap this sequence. I feel like it couldn't get much worse for him though. Everything's not gonna go down how you might think though, so there's still hope for Shawn in the beginning of sequence two. Thanks soo much for all the feedback, Brady! It's been a blast reading your thoughts and working on the show with you! Can't wait to get to work on S2! |
|
I'm glad the pilot reads even better for you this time around. I removed/added a few things from the original pilot and definitely think this version holds up better. The relationship between Andrew and Joshua is probably one of my favorites I've ever created. I could probably write an entire series with just the two of them hanging out haha! 
