Sequence One Discussion

[Darrin McCann]

I read the first few episodes a couple of days ago but I'm just now getting around to writing a review. So, my apologies.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 101 'Fade In'

I want to start off with the way you write your characters. I feel like you really channel the actors in your character dialogues. I can easily picture them saying the words and acting the part of your characters. That makes a great writer, which you definitely are.

I love how Andrew and Joshua are introduced. Your comedic timing in the dialogue is fantastic. Truly funny, funny stuff. I couldn't help but snort a few times. One of my favorite lines of the episode was 'Before or after you popped three pills and told me you’d punch me in the throat if I woke you up before we landed?' I'm not sure which lead I like more. Both characters have their unique traits that make them stand out for me.

I love that the person to help them break in to the industry is the complex superintendent named Manny. Lol. Where do you come up with this stuff? Lol. Great start for what I am predicting will be a great series.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 102 'The Weed Master'

I love the title for a few reasons, none of which pertain to anything I may or may not have done in my teenage years and possibly my early twenties. I like it because it's gripping. It stands out as one of those titles that make people think 'Damn, I need to read this'.

Manny gives off a Pornstache vibe from Orange Is the New Black. That's a compliment, by the way. Lol. I also like your 'digs' at certain real life actors who have total screwed their career for thinking they were above it all. *coughAngusTJonescough*.

Once again your comedic dialogue is phenomenal. You should totally get into sitcom writing in the real world. For real! I would totally watch a Chris Davis half-hour sitcom and probably buy all 12 seasons on DVD.

I love that we get to see this wild side to uptight Andrew. Joshua's reaction equals priceless.

I like the introduction of Emily and Troy. Their desperation is probably going to be their downfall but it makes for some great stories to come. I can tell already. Larry, dear God, Larry. I believe every job has one. One of those people that think everyone wants to hear how great they are at their job and feel the need to express that, like our congratulatory pat on the back is what is going to make or break their existence. I hate Larry and I hope he totally bombs whatever he might be cooking up with J.J. Abrams.

Another great episode. I don't know what else I can say but I love Screenwriter's Paradise.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 103 'The Shindig from Hell'

J. Law, enough said. PS. I was shipping Toshua / Jroy back in episode two. Before they even met. Love their interaction and their conversation about d-bag names. Did you intentionally pick d-bag names for those two or was that just a happy coincidence when it came time for that scene, because it wasn't until it was mentioned that I thought 'Yeah, that's true'. Lol.

Hold up! Andrew has a wife? A million questions have now flooded my brain. Why? How? When? Huh? She left for LA six months ago and Andrew only a couple? Why? Are they still married, he said wife not ex-wife? My mind equals blown.

Magic Josh... Is that a prequel or like the fourth movie that's not part of the original trilogy?

Can't wait for the next episode! Wish this was like Netflix and I could binge watch for ten hours.

[Jamison]

Aug 9, 2015 11:02:57 GMT -6 Darrin McCann said:

I read the first few episodes a couple of days ago but I'm just now getting around to writing a review. So, my apologies.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 101 'Fade In'

I want to start off with the way you write your characters. I feel like you really channel the actors in your character dialogues. I can easily picture them saying the words and acting the part of your characters. That makes a great writer, which you definitely are.

I love how Andrew and Joshua are introduced. Your comedic timing in the dialogue is fantastic. Truly funny, funny stuff. I couldn't help but snort a few times. One of my favorite lines of the episode was 'Before or after you popped three pills and told me you’d punch me in the throat if I woke you up before we landed?' I'm not sure which lead I like more. Both characters have their unique traits that make them stand out for me.

I love that the person to help them break in to the industry is the complex superintendent named Manny. Lol. Where do you come up with this stuff? Lol. Great start for what I am predicting will be a great series.

Sorry for getting back to you so late, Darrin! Been a bit busy this week, but I appreciate the feedback soo much! Okay, lets get to your reviews.

First I want to say I'm so glad you're liking both Andrew and Joshua. I remember being afraid of giving Joshua all the comedic lines, because his personality allows for more of it, and Andrew would kind of get left behind as far as comedy goes, since he's more dry-witted and quiet. So it's nice to know you're enjoying both of them. 

Manny was a character that literally came out of nowhere. I didn't outline the pilot, so I had no intention of bringing his character on. It just kinda came out, so I'm glad you got a kick out of him.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 102 'The Weed Master'

I love the title for a few reasons, none of which pertain to anything I may or may not have done in my teenage years and possibly my early twenties. I like it because it's gripping. It stands out as one of those titles that make people think 'Damn, I need to read this'.

Manny gives off a Pornstache vibe from Orange Is the New Black. That's a compliment, by the way. Lol. I also like your 'digs' at certain real life actors who have total screwed their career for thinking they were above it all. *coughAngusTJonescough*.

Once again your comedic dialogue is phenomenal. You should totally get into sitcom writing in the real world. For real! I would totally watch a Chris Davis half-hour sitcom and probably buy all 12 seasons on DVD.

I love that we get to see this wild side to uptight Andrew. Joshua's reaction equals priceless.

I like the introduction of Emily and Troy. Their desperation is probably going to be their downfall but it makes for some great stories to come. I can tell already. Larry, dear God, Larry. I believe every job has one. One of those people that think everyone wants to hear how great they are at their job and feel the need to express that, like our congratulatory pat on the back is what is going to make or break their existence. I hate Larry and I hope he totally bombs whatever he might be cooking up with J.J. Abrams.

Another great episode. I don't know what else I can say but I love Screenwriter's Paradise.

Originally, the title was "The Master Baiter" which would have been a play on Andrew and Joshua having the bait Shawn into going to the party with them. But again, didn't outline this episode so when the weed angle came in, I had to tweak it a little bit. I do still want to use that originally title at some point though, because it's one of my favorites.

Manny and Pornstache! haha That's an interesting comparison that I never thought about. I can definitely see some similarities though. It actually makes me want to give Manny an even bigger role in the upcoming episodes, but we'll see how that works out. 

Whenever someone compliments the comedic elements in the show, I'm also a little bit surprised and relieved, because I never thought comedy would be something I could be decent at. I don't watch many sitcoms or comedies, so this is definitely out of my element. I'm glad it's working so far though. Thank you!

Emily and Troy are definitely two of my favorites. Though, I'll say that about all my character What I love about their relationship is how loyal they are to one another. And that loyalty will definitely be tested in the near future, so we'll get to see how strong their friendship truly is, personally and professionally. And oh god, Larry. haha Such a douche.

REVIEW | Screenwriter's Paradise 103 'The Shindig from Hell'

J. Law, enough said. PS. I was shipping Toshua / Jroy back in episode two. Before they even met. Love their interaction and their conversation about d-bag names. Did you intentionally pick d-bag names for those two or was that just a happy coincidence when it came time for that scene, because it wasn't until it was mentioned that I thought 'Yeah, that's true'. Lol.

Hold up! Andrew has a wife? A million questions have now flooded my brain. Why? How? When? Huh? She left for LA six months ago and Andrew only a couple? Why? Are they still married, he said wife not ex-wife? My mind equals blown.

Magic Josh... Is that a prequel or like the fourth movie that's not part of the original trilogy?

Can't wait for the next episode! Wish this was like Netflix and I could binge watch for ten hours.

We've been calling Joshua/Troy "Parkson" behind the scenes and I'm so glad you ship them! Haha! I didn't intentionally pick d-bag names, it just kinda worked out like that. Wow, all these replies I'm like "no, i didn't really plan that" and its making me seem like I'm just writing this show all willy-nilly haha! But I think for me, writing comedy, it's probably best to not plan too much. Because then it might get a bit robotic and staged.

Yep. Andrew has a wife. haha! Freya was originally supposed to be revealed to be Andrew's fiance, but I thought "hell, why not just go all the way and make her his wife." I think it raised the stakes a bit more, and we'll get to see a lot more backstory in the next few episodes.

Knowing Josh, this won't be the last time he gets on stage and strips. So, you never know. haha

Thanks for the feedback, Darrin. So thrilled you're enjoying the show, and I hope you stick around for the rest of the sequence!

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.04 "Aftermath of the Shindig from Hell"

I really loved the way this story was structured. It added a pretty cool sense of mystery not knowing what had happened with any of the characters the night before, and it was almost like we were Andrew, so putting the audience in that position was really clever. I also adored how Andrew was the one who doesn't remember anything, whereas Joshua was the the seasoned hangover veteran and was able to recount the night to a tee. I don't know, it was a nice little surprise because from first glance you'd think that it would have been flipped, and I really appreciate that you didn't go that obvious route.

The opening scene was fantastic. It reminded me a lot of the one in the pilot, with Joshua waking Andrew up and calling him the ever so cute "babe". But this time, Joshua is fully naked and that adds another layer to this incredible friendship that these two men share. I love how open Joshua can be around Andrew, and even if Andrew gets a little uncomfortable about it because he's not as extroverted as his bestie is, he still goes with it because they share such a strong bond. That scene was just overall really well done, and I loved how it lead us into the main story of the episode.

Right after that, we got further into the relationship between Joshua and Troy, which immediately lead to a sexual encounter that was written really well and not too explicitly. Through that, we got a nice little nod to the title of the show, which I always appreciate. But then, Joshua invites Troy up to show him his place. I liked how Troy was all "no funny business" and Joshua was like "no promises were made" haha. One thing about that scene that I loved was how disjointed it started, with Troy banging his head on the wall because it's a totally realistic thing and not a perfectly composed sex scene like we're so exposed to in media nowadays. Soon after, Andrew cuts him off because he wasn't interested in Joshua's midnight adventures and I just thought that was so cute and I really loved it.

We also got insight into Shawn and what I'm assuming is part of his overall arc this sequence. It's obvious he's upset about being booted from his TV show, but I didn't expect such an outburst from him, so it was a nice surprise. I'm thinking we're going to delve into his anger problems, and whether he uses anything as a coping mechanism to try and make himself feel better. I don't know, all of it just really interests me.

That scene between Freya and Andrew playing video games was honestly so adorable and I hope we get another type of thing like that between them. Anyway, their talk was really intimate and well done and you can really get the sense that they moved way too fast into a situation that could have ruined a possible friendship that they previously shared, and probably still do share. I hope we delve a little bit more into exactly why Freya ran away, and hopefully we get a glimpse into both of their home lives and see why they were forced to make such a drastic decision to just get away from both of their families. But yeah, you can still tell that these two people care deeply about one another, despite Joshua's digressions, and that entire scene was really well done and personal and added such a nice sentimentality to the episode.

But then, we probably got the saddest moment of the series thus far. We learn that Freya, who's been introduced as this starstruck model who I wrongly assumed had her entire life on a silver platter, has been evicted, is staying at a cheap and sketchy motel, and is having to wear outfits with the price tag in hopes of returning them. That honestly hit me on such an emotional and serious level that it took me a moment to realize how powerful her slipping out of that dress was and how devastating it must have been for her to nicely ask the cab driver to pull over because she was terrified she was going to own him money and that Andrew was going to see how low the city has taken her. It was such a well done moment and probably the most stand out scene of the series so far. I applaud you for handling it the way you did, because it was written so beautifully and emotional and I loved every single moment of it.

Loved this episode. Packed such a powerful, emotional moment while still delivering the usual laughs. Probably my favorite so far, but then again I'll probably be saying that again next week! Overall, amazing episode that showed insight into our characters and how this city can sometimes get the best of you. Keep 'em coming, babe!

[Jamison]

Aug 14, 2015 12:35:54 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.04 "Aftermath of the Shindig from Hell"

I really loved the way this story was structured. It added a pretty cool sense of mystery not knowing what had happened with any of the characters the night before, and it was almost like we were Andrew, so putting the audience in that position was really clever. I also adored how Andrew was the one who doesn't remember anything, whereas Joshua was the the seasoned hangover veteran and was able to recount the night to a tee. I don't know, it was a nice little surprise because from first glance you'd think that it would have been flipped, and I really appreciate that you didn't go that obvious route.

This episode was originally formatted so much differently. We were just going to see a double date between Joshua, Troy, Andrew and Freya. With a possible side story for Shawn and Emily. But when I got to writing the episode, it seemed like this route worked better for where I want to take the characters in the next few episodes. So, I'm glad it worked for you!

The opening scene was fantastic. It reminded me a lot of the one in the pilot, with Joshua waking Andrew up and calling him the ever so cute "babe". But this time, Joshua is fully naked and that adds another layer to this incredible friendship that these two men share. I love how open Joshua can be around Andrew, and even if Andrew gets a little uncomfortable about it because he's not as extroverted as his bestie is, he still goes with it because they share such a strong bond. That scene was just overall really well done, and I loved how it lead us into the main story of the episode.

Joshua had to get naked at some point. I started to not have it be full frontal but then I thought, women are always showing their breasts on camera, so why not. And yeah, I really wanted to show just how comfortable Joshua is with Andrew, and just as a person. What you see is what you get with him. And maybe Andrew will come around one day, and start opening up more.

Right after that, we got further into the relationship between Joshua and Troy, which immediately lead to a sexual encounter that was written really well and not too explicitly. Through that, we got a nice little nod to the title of the show, which I always appreciate. But then, Joshua invites Troy up to show him his place. I liked how Troy was all "no funny business" and Joshua was like "no promises were made" haha. One thing about that scene that I loved was how disjointed it started, with Troy banging his head on the wall because it's a totally realistic thing and not a perfectly composed sex scene like we're so exposed to in media nowadays. Soon after, Andrew cuts him off because he wasn't interested in Joshua's midnight adventures and I just thought that was so cute and I really loved it.

I'm not very experienced when in comes to writing sex scenes (I've only written two) which might be the reason I cut it short. But it's bound to happen again at some point, so I'm gonna have to get used to it. HAHA! But I'm glad I was able to write it in a way that wasn't too explicit or smutty. Because that's something I really don't want to do, because it'll just make me uncomfortable and probably the readers as well. Unless somebody asks me for X-Rated versions of the scenes haha! 

We also got insight into Shawn and what I'm assuming is part of his overall arc this sequence. It's obvious he's upset about being booted from his TV show, but I didn't expect such an outburst from him, so it was a nice surprise. I'm thinking we're going to delve into his anger problems, and whether he uses anything as a coping mechanism to try and make himself feel better. I don't know, all of it just really interests me.

We'll definitely get more insight into Shawn's anger problems in arc two. It might seem like he hasn't had much of a role so far, but he has a big arc coming up that really pushes him over the edge and shows just what kind of person he is. It's probably the arc I'm most excited for in sequence one. So, I'm glad you're interested

That scene between Freya and Andrew playing video games was honestly so adorable and I hope we get another type of thing like that between them. Anyway, their talk was really intimate and well done and you can really get the sense that they moved way too fast into a situation that could have ruined a possible friendship that they previously shared, and probably still do share. I hope we delve a little bit more into exactly why Freya ran away, and hopefully we get a glimpse into both of their home lives and see why they were forced to make such a drastic decision to just get away from both of their families. But yeah, you can still tell that these two people care deeply about one another, despite Joshua's digressions, and that entire scene was really well done and personal and added such a nice sentimentality to the episode.

Freya is just the cutest. She's so down to earth and geeky, and that's something I want to bring out even more. Her relationship with Andrew is something I didn't think too much about. Just let it organically develop as I wrote it. There should be more backstory on what exactly happened to make Freya leave in arc two. So you'll have to wait a little while, but not too long. 

But then, we probably got the saddest moment of the series thus far. We learn that Freya, who's been introduced as this starstruck model who I wrongly assumed had her entire life on a silver platter, has been evicted, is staying at a cheap and sketchy motel, and is having to wear outfits with the price tag in hopes of returning them. That honestly hit me on such an emotional and serious level that it took me a moment to realize how powerful her slipping out of that dress was and how devastating it must have been for her to nicely ask the cab driver to pull over because she was terrified she was going to own him money and that Andrew was going to see how low the city has taken her. It was such a well done moment and probably the most stand out scene of the series so far. I applaud you for handling it the way you did, because it was written so beautifully and emotional and I loved every single moment of it.

So much mystery surrounded Freya's character because of this. She is introduced as this high class model who has everything. Then its revealed she's the exact opposite and has been struggling to make a name for herself, but is still trying, so I'm glad we're now getting to see her for who she is. We still have a lot to learn about her as a character and I hope you enjoy her journey this sequence. It's gonna be full of feels, but I think we can get through it together

Loved this episode. Packed such a powerful, emotional moment while still delivering the usual laughs. Probably my favorite so far, but then again I'll probably be saying that again next week! Overall, amazing episode that showed insight into our characters and how this city can sometimes get the best of you. Keep 'em coming, babe!

Thanks for the feedback, Brady! As always, I love you so much for it I think this episode was one of my favorites as well. Next week is Emily centric since she wasn't in this episode that much.  

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.05 "Intruder Alert"

I loooooved that we shifted focus from Andrew and Joshua this week and mainly followed Emily as her life continued to spiral out of control once she found her douchebag of a boyfriend in bed with another woman. But before that, we see Troy driving her home, and that entire interaction was a really great thing to read because their relationship is different than that of Zawson, we still get a playful sense between them that's pretty much built on respect from the workplace. The entire conversation was funny because it's obvious it's happened before by Troy's reaction to "You're fired."

Then, we get to the meat of the situation where Emily's boyfriend has been cheating on her. I loved her reaction by throwing a glass vase, because it just seemed so realistic and showed how angry that actually made her like it would make any other person. "That white bitch you still got your dick in." is probably one of the best lines of the series to date, and I was literally cracking up from that for a good while. I still am just thinking about it. I love how Emily was having none of Diego's BS and literally just packed up and stormed out because she was so hurt and so mad and so furious with the entire situation. And she steals his car! SLAY, EMILY.

We also met two new characters from this episode - Deshia and Zani. They were a hoot. I loved their interactions with Emily, and although that one line from Zani is hella shady and questionable, I loved her response with "Nothing! I just... imagine it was bomb from all the stories you told us..." Another line that literally had me rolling! I hope we get to see more of them, because I really want to see them acting more like "friends" if that makes sense, instead of telling her she did the right thing by leaving Diego and not letting them stay at their places with justifiable reasons.

And then we got another amazing Zawson interaction that led to Andrew using a vacuum to suck on Joshua's junk, which then lead to the greatest reply of Joshua thinking about Andrew giving him a blowjob and it was just absolutely amazing and I cannot wait until that actually comes true. *coughs* Anyway... they don't even have to have some big, important scene that progresses the plot, I just love those two together. They could be doing anything and I'd probably get my entire life reading it. BUT THEN, BUT. THEN. Joshua goes to TICKLE (?!?!?!) Andrew and I wanted to scream. I died. You killed me. I was crying reading it because it was absolute perfection and I am in love with this relationship and everything it is and represents.

Emily showing up already with an offer in her head to convince Andrew and Joshua to let her crash until she can find a roommate was awesome. I love her and how she goes about things, even if they're not the most professional. So that was a great moment which will hopefully lead to an amazing opportunity for our favorite scriptwriting boyfriends best friends.

I was starting to think that my Zawson feels couldn't get anymore tugged on but then we get Andrew confessing to Joshua that he was jealous and sad when he can't just be with his best friend. I wanted to reach into the screen and hug both of them. It was such a relatable moment because I feel like anyone with a best friend gets somewhat sad when they're not the only people together. And I loved Joshua's reaction. Zawson is so perfect and it warms my heart in all o the right places.

I guessed early on that Freya would become Emily's roommate, but that didn't make me love that plot point any less. The possibilities that this could lead to has me over the moon excited. But before that, we got a really nice scene between Freya and Andrew. Their relationship is so nice and so intimate and considerate. All of the relationships on this show are literally so complex and interesting and I love absolutely every single one of them. I can't wait until we see more of them form. My only question leaving the episode, though, was how Freya would be able to pay for this apartment if she was evicted from her last. I'm sure that will be cleared up tho.

Again, all in all, another outstanding episode. Loved how we got some development from Emily and formed a new relationship between her and Freya. I can't wait to see what comes out of all of this, and hopefully the Zawson feels stay high and strong in the arc 1 finale! Awesome work!!

[Brian Melanson]

1x06: First Pitch

Well, I've been really bad at reviewing. Basically I have read the past couple of episodes and just have to say this, WOW AMAZING WOW OH MY YES WOW GREAT 5 STARS. Now, lets get into the MID SQUENECE FINALE!!!!! <----- Totally spelled that wrong. But I really enjoyed this episode, for me it kind of sets up the next back half of episodes that will return October 15th. #PlugItIn.

I loved the opening scene, for some reason it seems like I'm watching an HBO Web series instead of just a show about Screenwriters trying to make it. Joshua and Troy, even though right now it seems like it's just sex, I want them to go places and be more than butt buddies. Or something along those lines, I'm just really rooting for them. The scene was really well detailed, really nicely written. It did seem a bit over the top but I felt like I didn't care as much because it did set the scene up and it was just SO well done, so kudos to that. 

I also really love the idea of Freya and Emily living together, it's going to be fun to see that play out in the rest of the show. Now with Shawn, I liked how he's in a kind of downward spiral, because from here, he can just go right back up. I think it's interesting with how you're setting up the show, you're slowly building the show to these characters coming together and it's a very nice slow burn, something I love. It's nice that in the first episode, Emily didn't make the connections with Joshua and Andrew. And that Joshua and Troy didn't start to become a thing. You've done a really nice job with the first half of this season and I'm super proud of you! I cannot wait to see what you have in store for the second half! October cannot come fast enough! I just wish I had another show to keep me happy...Oh wait, I know! Maybe Audition??!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!? We'll just have to see. 

But again, GREAT JOB CHRIS! I'm super proud of you, brother! 

[Jamison]

Aug 23, 2015 17:29:23 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.05 "Intruder Alert"

I loooooved that we shifted focus from Andrew and Joshua this week and mainly followed Emily as her life continued to spiral out of control once she found her douchebag of a boyfriend in bed with another woman. But before that, we see Troy driving her home, and that entire interaction was a really great thing to read because their relationship is different than that of Zawson, we still get a playful sense between them that's pretty much built on respect from the workplace. The entire conversation was funny because it's obvious it's happened before by Troy's reaction to "You're fired."

Emily and Troy have been a lot of fun to write for. Their dynamic is really playful and fun, and I really want to expand on that in arc two. While they both kinda of go off on separate arcs. Emily will be involved more in Freya's storyline and Shawn's. While Troy has his relationship with Joshua. I always love to put those two together because they were so connected in the beginning. Glad you enjoyed that little scene and hope you enjoy what's to come from those two

Then, we get to the meat of the situation where Emily's boyfriend has been cheating on her. I loved her reaction by throwing a glass vase, because it just seemed so realistic and showed how angry that actually made her like it would make any other person. "That white bitch you still got your dick in." is probably one of the best lines of the series to date, and I was literally cracking up from that for a good while. I still am just thinking about it. I love how Emily was having none of Diego's BS and literally just packed up and stormed out because she was so hurt and so mad and so furious with the entire situation. And she steals his car! SLAY, EMILY.

Emily was not playing around haha! I loved showing that wrathful side of her personality. I wasn't sure whether I should have had Emily take the car or not, but went ahead and did it because Diego is rich and he really could buy a new one. 

We also met two new characters from this episode - Deshia and Zani. They were a hoot. I loved their interactions with Emily, and although that one line from Zani is hella shady and questionable, I loved her response with "Nothing! I just... imagine it was bomb from all the stories you told us..." Another line that literally had me rolling! I hope we get to see more of them, because I really want to see them acting more like "friends" if that makes sense, instead of telling her she did the right thing by leaving Diego and not letting them stay at their places with justifiable reasons.

I definitely want to bring Deshia and Zani back in arc two! Emily has such an out-there personality, so it's only right that her best friends match those traits of her, and possibly even surpass them. There's a "Girls Night Out" type episode with Emily and Freya coming up and I'm sure I can throw in Deshia and Zani. Should be a lot of laughs

And then we got another amazing Zawson interaction that led to Andrew using a vacuum to suck on Joshua's junk, which then lead to the greatest reply of Joshua thinking about Andrew giving him a blowjob and it was just absolutely amazing and I cannot wait until that actually comes true. *coughs* Anyway... they don't even have to have some big, important scene that progresses the plot, I just love those two together. They could be doing anything and I'd probably get my entire life reading it. BUT THEN, BUT. THEN. Joshua goes to TICKLE (?!?!?!) Andrew and I wanted to scream. I died. You killed me. I was crying reading it because it was absolute perfection and I am in love with this relationship and everything it is and represents.

I was starting to think that my Zawson feels couldn't get anymore tugged on but then we get Andrew confessing to Joshua that he was jealous and sad when he can't just be with his best friend. I wanted to reach into the screen and hug both of them. It was such a relatable moment because I feel like anyone with a best friend gets somewhat sad when they're not the only people together. And I loved Joshua's reaction. Zawson is so perfect and it warms my heart in all o the right places.

Zawson's time will come. Maybe. haha! Yeah, they're just kind of there in this episode. I couldn't really find much of anything for them to do besides much needed filler until Emily got there. But I still enjoyed writing this interaction. The tickle fight was sooo random and just thrown in there as another way to show how close these two are. I loved writing it haha This will basically be the two of us when we meet.

I love showing the playful aspects of their relationship but I also love when I can bring the comedy down and get to some real, dramatic stuff. Also, usually Joshua is the one to openly express his love for Andrew, but I wanted to turn it around and have Andrew be the one that's like "No. You're my best friend and I want you all to myself." I think it's important that the audience knows that its not a one way street for their relationship. They both love one another equally.

I guessed early on that Freya would become Emily's roommate, but that didn't make me love that plot point any less. The possibilities that this could lead to has me over the moon excited. But before that, we got a really nice scene between Freya and Andrew. Their relationship is so nice and so intimate and considerate. All of the relationships on this show are literally so complex and interesting and I love absolutely every single one of them. I can't wait until we see more of them form. My only question leaving the episode, though, was how Freya would be able to pay for this apartment if she was evicted from her last. I'm sure that will be cleared up tho.

Yeah, I wasn't subtle about Freya becoming Emily's new roommate. Like... at all. It was pretty obvious, but I'm glad you still enjoyed it They will have some interesting scenes together in the episodes to come, so I hope you enjoy them. Andrew and Freya have a very tender relationship that I'm loving to explore. It's different from Andrew and Joshua, but at the same time, but also similar in a lot of ways. There's a lot more still to come for those two

Again, all in all, another outstanding episode. Loved how we got some development from Emily and formed a new relationship between her and Freya. I can't wait to see what comes out of all of this, and hopefully the Zawson feels stay high and strong in the arc 1 finale! Awesome work!!

Thanks for the feedback, Brady! So glad you're enjoying the show!

[Jamison]

Aug 28, 2015 12:23:06 GMT -6 Brian Melanson said:

1x06: First Pitch

Well, I've been really bad at reviewing. Basically I have read the past couple of episodes and just have to say this, WOW AMAZING WOW OH MY YES WOW GREAT 5 STARS. Now, lets get into the MID SQUENECE FINALE!!!!! <----- Totally spelled that wrong. But I really enjoyed this episode, for me it kind of sets up the next back half of episodes that will return October 15th. #PlugItIn.

Thanks for reading/reviewing Brian! And you are not bad at it. Stop it!  

I loved the opening scene, for some reason it seems like I'm watching an HBO Web series instead of just a show about Screenwriters trying to make it. Joshua and Troy, even though right now it seems like it's just sex, I want them to go places and be more than butt buddies. Or something along those lines, I'm just really rooting for them. The scene was really well detailed, really nicely written. It did seem a bit over the top but I felt like I didn't care as much because it did set the scene up and it was just SO well done, so kudos to that. 

The sex definitely gets a little more graphic in this episode. I wanted to see how much smut I could get away with and I think that's about the limit for me. I don't think it'll get any more graphic than this! haha But it was ... interesting to write. I wanted it to be kinda messy and gross because it seemed more realistic to me. But glad you thought it was well written. That's a relief because I actually don't like writing those scenes all that much.

I also really love the idea of Freya and Emily living together, it's going to be fun to see that play out in the rest of the show. Now with Shawn, I liked how he's in a kind of downward spiral, because from here, he can just go right back up. I think it's interesting with how you're setting up the show, you're slowly building the show to these characters coming together and it's a very nice slow burn, something I love. It's nice that in the first episode, Emily didn't make the connections with Joshua and Andrew. And that Joshua and Troy didn't start to become a thing. You've done a really nice job with the first half of this season and I'm super proud of you! I cannot wait to see what you have in store for the second half! October cannot come fast enough! I just wish I had another show to keep me happy...Oh wait, I know! Maybe Audition??!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!? We'll just have to see. 

But again, GREAT JOB CHRIS! I'm super proud of you, brother! 

Freya and Emily will develop an interesting relationship. I love both of those ladies and having them living together was something I planned on doing from the start. Glad I was able to do it sooner rather than later. Only good things can come from this haha! Shawn's plot this sequence is really dark and it might get even worse than this before it gets better. He has a long journey ahead of him. 

Sooo glad you've enjoyed the show thus far, and I can't wait to hear what you think when it returns in October!

[Jack Malone]

"The Weed Master" Review

Finally sat down to continue reading Screenwriters Paradise.  This episode primarily picked up where we left off in the series premiere with the main characters eyeing off someone who could definitely help out their situation.  Nervously talking themselves in and out of approaching Shawn Leonidas, Joshua and Andrew eventually interact with the out-of-work actor, and pull out all the stops to try and form a bond that seems to not work in their favour.  It isn't until Andrew picks up a fallen blunt and shows off his "talents" with it that Shawn grows impressed and eager to hang with the two.  Elsewhere, we are introduced to Emily, who probably had the most interesting and entertaining dialogue in the episode, as well as her assistant, Troy, who are struggling to find a new pilot worth investing in.  Overall, both storylines within the episode were entertaining, and connected with this party/event that I'm assuming we'll see in the following episode where hopefully these two worlds will collide. 

One of the strongest aspects of this series is its characters.  There's something to be said about the distinct dialogue and voice each character has, and the humour built into these dynamics, and these individual people rather than humour being built into a conflict or a situation.  I think the dynamic between Joshua and Andrew is a lot of fun.  They're really close, and have a nice back and forth that seems to be one of the main hooks for the show. 

However, I do think that a lot of time is allocated to one really tiny source of conflict (eg. how do we approach x character without seeming like crazy fans of them and their work?).  It did feel like, while approaching Shawn summoned a lot of interesting back and forth dialogue between the two main characters that did its job in both building character, introducing another character and moving the story forward, it kind of dragged a little to the point where you really do realise that you've been in the same scene for nine pages.  It was the same problem I had in the premiere.  I kind of want things to move a little faster, and I know -- at the moment -- there's just these two characters established, so once everyone is introduced into the fabric of the show, it has leeway to move a little quicker and not be glued to a singular scene, but even if you weaved Emily's story throughout the episode rather than it being thrown on the end of one resolving conflict, then it would have been even more entertaining, especially with both stories resolving in the exact same way. 

Ultimately, these "gripes" aren't so much a complaint or something that took me out of the episode.  As I said, the dialogue is flawless, and this is very character driven and all the characters introduced so far are all distinct and interesting people so nine pages for one scene is forgiven because of how much we learn about a character, or a dynamic a character shares with someone else, etc.  But I thought it was worth bringing up anyway because it was something I took from the episode and felt it was worth mentioning in a review.  

It's hard to review in depth on something so new, so my usual reviews might seem rather short for this first sequence, but it's the same as any television show where you need time to remember a characters name, or be able to talk more about these characters' lives.  Either way, I'm excited to play catch up with this show.  I already adore Andrew and Joshua's friendship.  I like Emily's introduction, and I'm definitely eager to see her world crash into Andrew and Joshua's.  Shawn is a little on the fence.  It'll be nice to see him merge into this friendship with Andrew and Joshua, and see interactions that aren't so stand off-ish -- an interaction that was totally natural, though, because Andrew and Joshua were acting weird as f*ck in front of him, LMAO.  All in all, it was on par with the first episode.  Enjoyable characters, resolved conflict with a nod towards something to look forward to in the following episode, and the writing was ridiculously exceptional -- the dialogue on this show is incredible.  

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.06 “First Pitch”

This arc one finale definitely delivered on the comedy beats, while also maintaining a shocking ending. I really liked the opening scenes (not for obvious reasons) for how well you handled writing it. It could have easily been extremely vulgar, but you managed to maintain that explicit factor while still handling it in a professional light. Joshua and Troy have a relationship built on pure attraction and sexual activity, and I’m interested in seeing it explored, if it happens to come to that. Troy made a comment on not hooking up with guys, so he must genuinely see something in Joshua that causes him to stay and to pursue whatever is coming out of it. Then, we got a really nice moment with Andrew popping in, and a really funny Troy freak out that led to an even funnier gaze that Andrew had for Troy’s naughty bits. I also really liked how Troy wasn’t just going to be a messenger between the two parties, and actually told them to go and talk to Emily themselves. I love that, despite being her assistant and being by her side most of the time, Troy can still stand on his own and won’t be treated like an assistant when he’s not supposed to be one. I just thought that was a really nice aspect to his character.

I loooooove the Freya and Emily situation. It's such a clever way to force these two women together, and just this small glimpse we got of them has me so excited for what's in store for this new budding relationship. They're polar opposites, and that's one of my favorite tropes. I can already picture Emily coming home drunk one night and Freya trying to quietly calm her down *cries* Also, Freya's sketching hobby is something I hope is explored more. I can just imagine how beautiful it would be to just imagine Freya as she creates this intricate designs and is just happy while she does so. I think the fashion designer turned model angle is really interesting, and creative for a show like this. Can't wait to see what comes out of that. The Emily backstory was also really surprising, but I loved it. We always got the sense that Emily wasn't happy with her job, and while it is probably mainly because of her lack of clients, it could also be because it's not her true passion. That could lead to some great things

I liked that we got a focus on Shawn and exactly why he was kicked off of his show. Shawn has mainly been hiding in the background for most of the episodes, so I appreciate that we got such a heavy scene dedicated to him. We met a couple of new characters, starting with Amber, who seems to have a genuine attraction to Shawn. I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since they've seen each other, though. That sex scene might have been a little out of place - not that it wasn't well written, just that it was a little abrupt and oddly placed. Anyway, I hope this isn't the last we see of this characters, because Amber and Eli have me the most interested. Stanley is just a douche canoe, so I can do without him but then there wouldn't be any conflict so I guess we can have him back.

Then, we hopped back over to Joshua/Andrew/Emily as the approach their "meeting". You could tell from the get go that something was off with how everyone was acting around her. It was almost lie foreshadowing, and I thought that was really cool. It was quite shocking that Emily got fired so early on in the series. It has me curious to what she's going to do now, and how Joshua and Andrew are going to try and find away around this to still have a meeting with Frank and co. So many theories! Hopefully we continue to pull back the layers of Emily's character and get to her core.

All in all, amazing way to end arc one. I've loved every episode, every scene, every character, everything. We've gone on such a journey in the first six episodes, and I can't wait to see what arc two has in store, because it just has to be crazier than this one. You keep bringing this characters to rock bottom, and building them up is going to be such a wonderful thing to read, and with your stellar writing everything is going to be beautiful. GREAT job, and I can't wait to see what you have planned for us.

[Jamison]

Aug 30, 2015 4:26:09 GMT -6 Jack Malone said:

"The Weed Master" Review

Finally sat down to continue reading Screenwriters Paradise.  This episode primarily picked up where we left off in the series premiere with the main characters eyeing off someone who could definitely help out their situation.  Nervously talking themselves in and out of approaching Shawn Leonidas, Joshua and Andrew eventually interact with the out-of-work actor, and pull out all the stops to try and form a bond that seems to not work in their favour.  It isn't until Andrew picks up a fallen blunt and shows off his "talents" with it that Shawn grows impressed and eager to hang with the two.  Elsewhere, we are introduced to Emily, who probably had the most interesting and entertaining dialogue in the episode, as well as her assistant, Troy, who are struggling to find a new pilot worth investing in.  Overall, both storylines within the episode were entertaining, and connected with this party/event that I'm assuming we'll see in the following episode where hopefully these two worlds will collide. 

Thanks for giving it a read and review, Jack! Always love hearing your thoughts. Also, I'm so sorry for this incredibly late response. Procrastination has been pretty bad for me these last couple of weeks. Haven't gotten anything done. I'm glad you're finding Emily's interesting so far. She's definitely a character with a big personality and I hope you'll grow to enjoy her even more as the series goes on. You're correct, the worlds do very much collide in episode three. The first two really served as two halves of one whole, and probably would have worked better if they were aired together, but I'll know next time.

One of the strongest aspects of this series is its characters.  There's something to be said about the distinct dialogue and voice each character has, and the humour built into these dynamics, and these individual people rather than humour being built into a conflict or a situation.  I think the dynamic between Joshua and Andrew is a lot of fun.  They're really close, and have a nice back and forth that seems to be one of the main hooks for the show. 

I really love writing for this set of characters. Probably more than I initially thought I would. Not because I didn't care about them, but I kept thinking I had to make them funny and force them into situations were humor would be brought out more. But luckily, after writing them for a few episodes, writing them and their different types of humor became more natural for me. Hopefully it will continue to improve as I write more.

However, I do think that a lot of time is allocated to one really tiny source of conflict (eg. how do we approach x character without seeming like crazy fans of them and their work?).  It did feel like, while approaching Shawn summoned a lot of interesting back and forth dialogue between the two main characters that did its job in both building character, introducing another character and moving the story forward, it kind of dragged a little to the point where you really do realise that you've been in the same scene for nine pages.  It was the same problem I had in the premiere.  I kind of want things to move a little faster, and I know -- at the moment -- there's just these two characters established, so once everyone is introduced into the fabric of the show, it has leeway to move a little quicker and not be glued to a singular scene, but even if you weaved Emily's story throughout the episode rather than it being thrown on the end of one resolving conflict, then it would have been even more entertaining, especially with both stories resolving in the exact same way. 

Ultimately, these "gripes" aren't so much a complaint or something that took me out of the episode. As I said, the dialogue is flawless, and this is very character driven and all the characters introduced so far are all distinct and interesting people so nine pages for one scene is forgiven because of how much we learn about a character, or a dynamic a character shares with someone else, etc. But I thought it was worth bringing up anyway because it was something I took from the episode and felt it was worth mentioning in a review.

Yeah, I see how that could be a problem. I feel like once all the characters are introduced in episode three, there will naturally be more of an equal balance between stories. I'll be forced to check on characters other than Andrew and Joshua more often, so hopefully that's an issue that just resolves itself. I'll definitely be keeping that in mind though, so thanks for bringing it up.

I spend most of my time writing these scripts on dialogue, so I'm so glad to hear that everyone seems to be enjoying it. This is the first VS where I've actually gone through the script more times than I can count to make sure the dialogue was on point (or at least decent) because I'm so worried about how I handle comedy. I need to get over that and just write the thing because it seems to be going fine so far. Guess I'm funnier than I thought.

It's hard to review in depth on something so new, so my usual reviews might seem rather short for this first sequence, but it's the same as any television show where you need time to remember a characters name, or be able to talk more about these characters' lives.  Either way, I'm excited to play catch up with this show.  I already adore Andrew and Joshua's friendship.  I like Emily's introduction, and I'm definitely eager to see her world crash into Andrew and Joshua's.  Shawn is a little on the fence.  It'll be nice to see him merge into this friendship with Andrew and Joshua, and see interactions that aren't so stand off-ish -- an interaction that was totally natural, though, because Andrew and Joshua were acting weird as f*ck in front of him, LMAO.  All in all, it was on par with the first episode.  Enjoyable characters, resolved conflict with a nod towards something to look forward to in the following episode, and the writing was ridiculously exceptional -- the dialogue on this show is incredible.  

This review is just fine! haha! Hopefully if you decide to read more and get more familiar with the show and the characters, you'll feel better about giving your thoughts, but for now, I just hope you enjoy what you read.

Andrew and Joshua's relationship is definitely highlight for me when writing the show, and I'm so glad its being taken so well. If it wasn't I think I'd cry in a corner somewhere. haha! Shawn is mostly in the background for the first arc. But he'll get his time in the spotlight during arc two. He's the character that took the longest for me to really nail down, even in the development, so I understand him being on the fence for people thus far.

Thanks soo much for the feedback, Jack! It's always a pleasure to read!

[R.A. Picking]

1x01: Fade In

Enter two interesting characters from the beginning. The two main characters are definitely ones that I want to know more about because the beginning has me asking a lot of questions. Like the whole situation with the people coming out of the bedroom. My mind can only imagine that someone goes both ways and had a very strange evening, while his partner in crime - his room mate was sleeping on his laptop.

I get from the situation involving their loud neighbor that they have an intimidated side - they don't wanna die - but also they seem afraid to adventure forward in their new career and I'm not sure if both of them are Screenwriters or the one is just hanging on for a free right and maybe - just maybe there's something going on between both of them? I know that sometimes I question my own theories on shows and everything and sometimes I get it completely wrong and maybe if I would just shut up and read the rest of the season now I would understand completely. My apologies if I read too much into things - I tend to do that.

I'm excited to see what happens when they go to this party hopefully we didn't miss it and wondering what these partners will be getting themselves into. Well my next couple of Thursday nights just got busy with checking out a unique and curious tale of the Screenwriters Paradise.

[Jamison]

Sept 3, 2015 19:00:29 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.06 “First Pitch”

This arc one finale definitely delivered on the comedy beats, while also maintaining a shocking ending. I really liked the opening scenes (not for obvious reasons) for how well you handled writing it. It could have easily been extremely vulgar, but you managed to maintain that explicit factor while still handling it in a professional light. Joshua and Troy have a relationship built on pure attraction and sexual activity, and I’m interested in seeing it explored, if it happens to come to that. Troy made a comment on not hooking up with guys, so he must genuinely see something in Joshua that causes him to stay and to pursue whatever is coming out of it. Then, we got a really nice moment with Andrew popping in, and a really funny Troy freak out that led to an even funnier gaze that Andrew had for Troy’s naughty bits. I also really liked how Troy wasn’t just going to be a messenger between the two parties, and actually told them to go and talk to Emily themselves. I love that, despite being her assistant and being by her side most of the time, Troy can still stand on his own and won’t be treated like an assistant when he’s not supposed to be one. I just thought that was a really nice aspect to his character.

Hopefully I keep the sexual stuff tasteful and not too vulgar. Let me know if that ever changes so I can dial it down. Haha! I wanted Joshua and Troy's relationship to start off pretty sexual before developing into something more. At this point, there's no telling which of the two will begin to want more from their relationship, if not both. But it's something I'm thinking about and definitely plan on exploring later. And yeah, Troy hates being the the middle man, and won't do it unless he feels he has to. It's his pet peeve, which is why is kind ticked him off a little bit.

I loooooove the Freya and Emily situation. It's such a clever way to force these two women together, and just this small glimpse we got of them has me so excited for what's in store for this new budding relationship. They're polar opposites, and that's one of my favorite tropes. I can already picture Emily coming home drunk one night and Freya trying to quietly calm her down *cries* Also, Freya's sketching hobby is something I hope is explored more. I can just imagine how beautiful it would be to just imagine Freya as she creates this intricate designs and is just happy while she does so. I think the fashion designer turned model angle is really interesting, and creative for a show like this. Can't wait to see what comes out of that. The Emily backstory was also really surprising, but I loved it. We always got the sense that Emily wasn't happy with her job, and while it is probably mainly because of her lack of clients, it could also be because it's not her true passion. That could lead to some great things

Those two are so cute haha! Freya's sketches and interest in fashion will definitely come into play a lot. Her dream has been put on hold and I think her journey will be about discovering herself, what she really wants, and trying to get it against all the obstacles put before her. She's a very shy, mousey woman, so Emily may be able to help her make her mark in a city like L.A. which is one of the main reasons I just had to put those two together.

I liked that we got a focus on Shawn and exactly why he was kicked off of his show. Shawn has mainly been hiding in the background for most of the episodes, so I appreciate that we got such a heavy scene dedicated to him. We met a couple of new characters, starting with Amber, who seems to have a genuine attraction to Shawn. I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since they've seen each other, though. That sex scene might have been a little out of place - not that it wasn't well written, just that it was a little abrupt and oddly placed. Anyway, I hope this isn't the last we see of this characters, because Amber and Eli have me the most interested. Stanley is just a douche canoe, so I can do without him but then there wouldn't be any conflict so I guess we can have him back.

His storyline this sequence takes a bit of a turn in arc two. We'll get to see him become more involved with the others, though he'll probably remain one of the most independent characters. Sorry for that out of place scene. It was supposed to just be some making out, leading up to sex, but it gets interrupted before anything happened, but I got a little carried away haha! Will try to be wary of that in the future. I really don't want any unnecessary stuff in there, especially considering the limited amount of time I have to tell the story per episode. And we'll definitely be seeing more of Amber, Eli and yes, Stanley. Gotta bring the douchebag back.

Then, we hopped back over to Joshua/Andrew/Emily as the approach their "meeting". You could tell from the get go that something was off with how everyone was acting around her. It was almost lie foreshadowing, and I thought that was really cool. It was quite shocking that Emily got fired so early on in the series. It has me curious to what she's going to do now, and how Joshua and Andrew are going to try and find away around this to still have a meeting with Frank and co. So many theories! Hopefully we continue to pull back the layers of Emily's character and get to her core.

Originally, Emily was gonna get fired in her introductory episode But I put it off till episode six. We'll be seeing the aftermath of this when the show returns. But this is just a bump in the road for Emily. She's the type of person that doesn't stay down for long. I'm sure she'll figure something out. I'm much more worried for Andrew and Joshua.  

All in all, amazing way to end arc one. I've loved every episode, every scene, every character, everything. We've gone on such a journey in the first six episodes, and I can't wait to see what arc two has in store, because it just has to be crazier than this one. You keep bringing this characters to rock bottom, and building them up is going to be such a wonderful thing to read, and with your stellar writing everything is going to be beautiful. GREAT job, and I can't wait to see what you have planned for us.

Thanks for reading! So glad you enjoyed. Also, I apologize for this EXTREMELY late reply! Don't beat me up, please!

[The Doctor]

Sorry Im Late to the Screenwriters Paradise party. But I enjoyed it alot .
Ill leave an extensive review soon. Again I am sorry that I havent been as up to date on this series. Trust me Im working on it!!!

My favorite character is Joshua so far. I cant wait to see what you do with him this season .

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.07 "That Kid From 3rd Rock"

This episode was sort of a calm, relaxed installment compared to the previous one. I liked how we got different senses of where everyone is all because of Emily getting fired. It didn't just affect her, it affected everyone around her. And out of that came some very interesting dynamics, most notably Troy and Freya who I did not see having such an addictive reading quality. They bounced off one another so well, and the fact that they bonded over Project Runway is so clever and simple, and I'm already picturing them having Project Runway and Apocalypse Bunker nights (also, thank you for that tie-in, along with the Jace Riordan trial haha). But yeah, I really enjoyed this newfound relationship, and I hope that it continues to grow.

On the Emily front, we didn't really get a lot of development from her, but I thought that it was important that we see how she's handling being fired. I liked that Deshia and Zani were brought back into the mix and that they're not necessarily happy with how Emily is dealing with her problems but they realize that it's her life and not theirs. I think it's more than her just having fun, and I'm curious to see how we're going to dig into that and pull apart Emily's character even more.

Then, onto Joshua and Andrew. I loved their drinking scene. I just love all of their scenes. I love that they have completely different feelings towards losing their meeting, and that they're finally dealing with the fact that they might be in way over their heads and might need to get a paying job soon. JGL showing up and Joshua not recognizing him was a real highlight for me. Whether it was because he was drunk or just because he doesn't really know who he is, it was hilarious. The fact that he thought he was some porn star was brilliant, and Andrew's reaction had me rolling at the end of the episode. I can't wait to see where this arc goes in terms of that new trio.

Sorry this review is complete shite and short, but I wanted to get my thoughts out there for you because I did really enjoy the episode. Not a lot happened, but I think it's important that we see how this major moment has affected everyone in the cast. I can't wait to see how JGL fits into the cast. All in all, GREAT JOB!

[Jamison]

Oct 11, 2015 15:33:15 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.07 "That Kid From 3rd Rock"

This episode was sort of a calm, relaxed installment compared to the previous one. I liked how we got different senses of where everyone is all because of Emily getting fired. It didn't just affect her, it affected everyone around her. And out of that came some very interesting dynamics, most notably Troy and Freya who I did not see having such an addictive reading quality. They bounced off one another so well, and the fact that they bonded over Project Runway is so clever and simple, and I'm already picturing them having Project Runway and Apocalypse Bunker nights (also, thank you for that tie-in, along with the Jace Riordan trial haha). But yeah, I really enjoyed this newfound relationship, and I hope that it continues to grow.

Thanks for the read, Brady!! Yeah, this episode was more relaxed than I even intended. I'm sure things will start to liven up more very soon. Troy and Freya's dynamic was a complete accident. I didn't plan it in any way, it just sort of happened and I'm really glad it did, because it was one of my favorite moments to write so far. Thanks for letting me use those references to Audition!

On the Emily front, we didn't really get a lot of development from her, but I thought that it was important that we see how she's handling being fired. I liked that Deshia and Zani were brought back into the mix and that they're not necessarily happy with how Emily is dealing with her problems but they realize that it's her life and not theirs. I think it's more than her just having fun, and I'm curious to see how we're going to dig into that and pull apart Emily's character even more.

Emily has an interesting journey in these last handful of episodes. We'll get to see her reach an all time low that I think it will make her even stronger and more interesting.  

Then, onto Joshua and Andrew. I loved their drinking scene. I just love all of their scenes. I love that they have completely different feelings towards losing their meeting, and that they're finally dealing with the fact that they might be in way over their heads and might need to get a paying job soon. JGL showing up and Joshua not recognizing him was a real highlight for me. Whether it was because he was drunk or just because he doesn't really know who he is, it was hilarious. The fact that he thought he was some porn star was brilliant, and Andrew's reaction had me rolling at the end of the episode. I can't wait to see where this arc goes in terms of that new trio.

One night, I was thinking to myself; "How do Joshua and Andrew even pay for the apartment they're living in." haha! So, that's definitely gonna come back into play at some point. I'm already making plans for S2. Joshua doesn't really watch much film or tv, which is ironic given the career he's going into. Should be a fun to see if this will play out in their favor or just completely blow up in their faces... again.

Sorry this review is complete shite and short, but I wanted to get my thoughts out there for you because I did really enjoy the episode. Not a lot happened, but I think it's important that we see how this major moment has affected everyone in the cast. I can't wait to see how JGL fits into the cast. All in all, GREAT JOB!

No, your review is WONDERFUL! My response is shite! haha! Thanks for everything Brady!

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.08 "F*ck CBS"

This week definitely picked up the pace as we saw Freya step out to try and earn some extra money, and got a glimpse of a newfound trio of the form of JGL, Joshua, and Andrew. the former certainly packed an emotional punch, as Freya, and the audience, saw a extremely dark side of the modeling business. Freya's really had it rough this sequence, notably her two standout scenes - when she enters her hotel room, and her photography scene. She's been a real standout so far, and it's hard to read (not because it's not well written, because it is) because she's such a kind, good-natured soul and it's difficult to see such bad things happen to such genuinely nice people. Her "vagina" line was so cute, and I loved that little interaction with Emily where she's proud she's rubbing off on her. I just really like that relationship in general, and I hope Emily is able to comfort and support Freya after this scarring experience for her. One thing about that scene, though, was that I wish it could have been expanded on a bit. Maybe Freya having a conversation could have heightened the stakes of the moment, but that's just me. Overall, really loved it.

In regards to Joshua/Andrew/JGL, that entire interaction was hilarious, especially Joshua's lines about Wednesday Night service, to which Andrew replies "it's the morning". I literally laughed out loud. (Side Note: it was adorable picturing Joshua tying Andrew's tie.) Joshua's flirty nature towards JGL has me a bit worried; I hope he doesn't end up costing this opportunity for them because he can't keep it in his pants haha! Anyway, this was a good step in the right direction for their story arc. I love that you've tied in his hitRECord studio, and that there's huge focus on unconventional breaking into the business through several multimedia platforms. Then, we finally get to hear Joshua and Andrew's idea, and I've got to say that I really hope you can somehow tie in the story within a story because it sounds AWESOME. Now we just need a title for it! "LOST meets Doctor Who" sounds... wild and amazing. But yeah, hope there's definitely more development with JGL and this Limbo story we're finally hearing about.

For Shawn, he had very little to do this week, but it set up what could either turn into a really creepy or really funny story. Probably both, who knows. Wendy started off as a really innocent, fangirly character, and it was quite shocking when she turned out to be psycho on the closing lines. So props to you for that. Her involvement has me very intrigued because there are so many ways this can go - Shawn could be over the moon he has a fan so passionate because of his current state, or he could result to his angry, violent streak which would not end well for anyone. So this is quite a suspenseful storyline, and I'm happy that you managed to find a way to incorporate that into a dramedy.

So yeah, really enjoyed this episode! We're back into the usual groove - new storylines have been set, and we're introduced to a new crazy superfan. It hit all the right emotional and funny beats, just like a dramedy should, and it had some standout scenes that have been a favorite of the entire sequence for me so far. Can't wait to see where all of these new developments go, whether they're funny or emotional. Freya is this week's MVP. I love her so much, definitely one of my favorite characters. I hope she's able to overcome this traumatic experience she went through. Can't wait for next week!

[Jamison]

Oct 15, 2015 19:27:36 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.08 "F*ck CBS"

This week definitely picked up the pace as we saw Freya step out to try and earn some extra money, and got a glimpse of a newfound trio of the form of JGL, Joshua, and Andrew. the former certainly packed an emotional punch, as Freya, and the audience, saw a extremely dark side of the modeling business. Freya's really had it rough this sequence, notably her two standout scenes - when she enters her hotel room, and her photography scene. She's been a real standout so far, and it's hard to read (not because it's not well written, because it is) because she's such a kind, good-natured soul and it's difficult to see such bad things happen to such genuinely nice people. Her "vagina" line was so cute, and I loved that little interaction with Emily where she's proud she's rubbing off on her. I just really like that relationship in general, and I hope Emily is able to comfort and support Freya after this scarring experience for her. One thing about that scene, though, was that I wish it could have been expanded on a bit. Maybe Freya having a conversation could have heightened the stakes of the moment, but that's just me. Overall, really loved it.

I'm glad I was able to make you really feel for Freya. That scene in particular was actually pretty hard to write for me. Just didn't like putting her through that crap. But I think her character ends up growing from it in an important way that we'll no doubt be seeing soon. She'll have some nice triumphant scenes too. So don't worry. She's not just the show's punching bag. 

I want Emily and Freya to sort of become support systems for each other. It probably won't happen this sequence, but sometime in S2, they'll definitely have a better relationship. So that conversation is definitely coming!

In regards to Joshua/Andrew/JGL, that entire interaction was hilarious, especially Joshua's lines about Wednesday Night service, to which Andrew replies "it's the morning". I literally laughed out loud. (Side Note: it was adorable picturing Joshua tying Andrew's tie.) Joshua's flirty nature towards JGL has me a bit worried; I hope he doesn't end up costing this opportunity for them because he can't keep it in his pants haha! Anyway, this was a good step in the right direction for their story arc. I love that you've tied in his hitRECord studio, and that there's huge focus on unconventional breaking into the business through several multimedia platforms. Then, we finally get to hear Joshua and Andrew's idea, and I've got to say that I really hope you can somehow tie in the story within a story because it sounds AWESOME. Now we just need a title for it! "LOST meets Doctor Who" sounds... wild and amazing. But yeah, hope there's definitely more development with JGL and this Limbo story we're finally hearing about.

Joshua's flirting will probably get him in big trouble one day, but I think he's safe for now. I honestly couldn't think of an original idea for them to have so I just used one of my old ones. I really wanted this show to talk about how the industry is changing. And the different avenues creators can go in to get their work noticed. I took a few classes in college about it and it always interested me. Hopefully some day I'll explore those options myself. But I'm getting sooo off topic aren't I?

For Shawn, he had very little to do this week, but it set up what could either turn into a really creepy or really funny story. Probably both, who knows. Wendy started off as a really innocent, fangirly character, and it was quite shocking when she turned out to be psycho on the closing lines. So props to you for that. Her involvement has me very intrigued because there are so many ways this can go - Shawn could be over the moon he has a fan so passionate because of his current state, or he could result to his angry, violent streak which would not end well for anyone. So this is quite a suspenseful storyline, and I'm happy that you managed to find a way to incorporate that into a dramedy.

Shawn has some pretty big moments in the next four episodes. I think he's been the one character who's been mostly in the background this sequence, but you'll finally get to see him coming to the forefront in these last handful of episode. I'll have to make you wait and see about the super fan. You're right, it could go either way.

So yeah, really enjoyed this episode! We're back into the usual groove - new storylines have been set, and we're introduced to a new crazy superfan. It hit all the right emotional and funny beats, just like a dramedy should, and it had some standout scenes that have been a favorite of the entire sequence for me so far. Can't wait to see where all of these new developments go, whether they're funny or emotional. Freya is this week's MVP. I love her so much, definitely one of my favorite characters. I hope she's able to overcome this traumatic experience she went through. Can't wait for next week!

Thanks for the feedback, Brady! Freya's definitely been a favorite for me to write, so I'm glad you're liking her!