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Post by Brady Brown on Mar 16, 2013 8:57:13 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.04 "Welcome To My World"
I totally just realized all of the episodes so far have taken place in, like, one night. XD SO MUCH IN ONE NIGHT. Anyways, another great episode! They all just seem to improve, because you've got these characters established, and now you're just waiting for all these secrets to unfold. AND I GET THE TITLE NOW. I feel so smart...
So, The Order. Intrigued. And I really like James and Adam together, even if they were... bickering most of the time. XD But yeah, I really like Adam, and how he just smirks at the end when Alyson and James away, just makes him look like a cheeky little dude. XD I LOVE IT! And James, who I said I liked more in the beginning, but now I don't know. XD I think I like James and Alyson equally, because they're both just awesome. And, ugh, I want to know what happened to Alyson's mother! I'm not going to really comment on Alyson because she wasn't in this episode that much, except for STABBING THAT VAMPIRE LIKE A BAMF. But yeah. Another awesome episode!
10/10
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Post by Brady Brown on Mar 16, 2013 9:14:53 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.05 "Up In Flames"
So, since I'm so awesome at just figuring out these titles, this one seems like something bad's going to happen. -cue creepy music- I'm... having... ANXIETY. -reads- Something bad kinda happened...
And we get more of Adam and James, which I just love. I still don't know why, probably because they act like brothers who just like to bicker all the time. And how Adam just randomly shows up. LOVE IT. The mysterious woman is brought up again, and I need to know who this chick is, and why she's the center of all these conversations. XD The mystery on this show is just awweeessooommmee. Okay, you know what, screw James and Alyson, Adam is my new favorite character. He needs to be in this more. Please tell me he's in this more! XD
Of course Alyson is drawn back to James. SHE NEEDS ANSWERS LIKE I DO. But yeah, this pentagram thing. I'm going to guess it had something to do with the Order. And then Adam that sneaky dude sets up an underground meeting. I don't care if he's a bad guy, he's still my favorite, haha! ONE MORE EPISODE.
10/10
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Post by Brady Brown on Mar 16, 2013 9:30:41 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.06 "The Order"
YOU KILLED ADAM. WHAT. NO. NO. NO. But then you killed the Chief, so it's all okay. The Chief deserved to die. But... but... BUT NOT ADAM. Okay, I need to move on before I just die of depression.
Okay, what is going on with this episode, I don't even know anymore... I just... I can't. IT. WAS. A. DREAM. WHAT. But yay, Adam's alive! Woot! Adam is the bomb diggity. But it looks like he's a bad guy, but again, I don't care, he's just awesome. So, we have The Queen, who I'm guessing is Kate Beckinsale from the banner? But yeah, I still need to process what the heck went down. I feel like I should hate the fact that you made this all a dream, because... that's just a loss for all of the development that went between James and Alyson, but I don't completely hate it, because it was a cool twist, but... I don't know. XD
This episode was still pretty awesome though, and I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens now that James is with the Order and Alyson is arrested. Not my favorite episode, but it was still really awesome, so...
9/10
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Post by Jamison on Mar 28, 2013 10:20:15 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.04 "Welcome To My World"I totally just realized all of the episodes so far have taken place in, like, one night. XD SO MUCH IN ONE NIGHT. Anyways, another great episode! They all just seem to improve, because you've got these characters established, and now you're just waiting for all these secrets to unfold. AND I GET THE TITLE NOW. I feel so smart... Yeah this is a pretty fast paced show. The first day-time scene takes place in episode 5. Haha! I'm glad you're enjoying the sequence and noticing some progress and improvement! XD Adam is definitely my favorite character to write for in the series so far. He can use some further development, but I can definitely see the potential there. Hopefully when the sequence returns you'll grow to like him even more, all in his cheeky glory.  And I'm glad you've warmed up to Alyson! She's really an amazing character to root for! About Alyson's mother... you may have to wait a little while to find out the full story, but that mystery is one we won't simple forget about. It serves a HUGE purpose in the series, and we can't wait to let you all know how it all went down that night. |
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Post by Jamison on Mar 28, 2013 10:27:36 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.05 "Up In Flames"So, since I'm so awesome at just figuring out these titles, this one seems like something bad's going to happen. -cue creepy music- I'm... having... ANXIETY. -reads- Something bad kinda happened... And we get more of Adam and James, which I just love. I still don't know why, probably because they act like brothers who just like to bicker all the time. And how Adam just randomly shows up. LOVE IT. The mysterious woman is brought up again, and I need to know who this chick is, and why she's the center of all these conversations. XD The mystery on this show is just awweeessooommmee. Okay, you know what, screw James and Alyson, Adam is my new favorite character. He needs to be in this more. Please tell me he's in this more! XD Of course Alyson is drawn back to James. SHE NEEDS ANSWERS LIKE I DO. But yeah, this pentagram thing. I'm going to guess it had something to do with the Order. And then Adam that sneaky dude sets up an underground meeting. I don't care if he's a bad guy, he's still my favorite, haha! ONE MORE EPISODE. 10/10 And you'll get even more Adam/James stuff in arc two! Gah! I just can't wait for Hellbound's return! They've got a serious bromance going on. James sired Adam, so there's that connection, and their history and little-big brother relationship is going to be very interesting to explore and develop further. Jack and I often joke about Adam and James being the only REAL pairing on the show. If this show was on TV, I could just imagine all the James/Adam shippers there would be. LMFAO! And about the mystery woman... I feel so evil, keeping all of these secrets. But it should be fun when that storyline comes to a head. I can say that you'll find out who she is once the show comes back to finish sequence one. |
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Post by roseveil on Apr 11, 2013 21:52:57 GMT -6
I only just read the first episode and definitely will when it's not so late, but I like where it's going. You've already come out with several more since then, but I thought I'd comment on the one I read. At first, I was a little unsure about these webisodes considering how short they'd have to be, but I realized that it's not all about length. It makes sense to have a small series like this when you're working on other shows also, and I really appreciate the effort put in to a mere 10 pages. I've always loved vampires, and thank god you don't appear to be writing him in a Twilight way. That makes me more happy than you know!
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Post by Brady Brown on May 25, 2013 11:31:09 GMT -6
Hope everything is still going well with this, guys! Seriously cannot wait to see where this story goes!  |
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2013 7:03:08 GMT -6
I hope it's gonna be vey good!
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 18:46:55 GMT -6
Looks cool! Good work!
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Carey
VPN Community Member
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Post by Carey on Aug 22, 2013 23:43:53 GMT -6
Hellbound - Sequence 1
Alright, here I am, back to reviewing. I just read the first sequence and here are my thoughts
Firstly, I must mention the writing style. It gives off a very good atmosphere, very gothic-y. But it gets too much at times, too flower-y and clunky at times. There's also a lot of "telling, not showing" when it comes to the writing. We're told what the characters are emoting or thinking, rather than showing us.
Plot-wise, its got some interesting mysteries. The explosions and the pentagrams are very interesting. I'm invested in finding out that. Alyson's mother is another point of interest, I'd like to know why she was killed. And I'd like to know more about this Order. James being a half-breed is another thing I'd like to learn about. How is he one? Unfortunately I don't really care about this mystery woman in his past.
Character-wise, this is where the series is weakest. It's not hard to guess where the inspiration for the two leads came from, especially James. He's practically Angel just not as interesting. And Alyson, apart from her apparent suicide-by-cop wish, I don't care much about her. The Chief is the one I like the most. I hope to see more of him in further sequences.
There's some good here. Some interesting mysteries and a good atmosphere. But it's let down by unoriginal characterization and some clunky writing.
6/10
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Post by Jamison on Aug 22, 2013 23:59:20 GMT -6
Hellbound - Sequence 1Alright, here I am, back to reviewing. I just read the first sequence and here are my thoughts Firstly, I must mention the writing style. It gives off a very good atmosphere, very gothic-y. But it gets too much at times, too flower-y and clunky at times. There's also a lot of "telling, not showing" when it comes to the writing. We're told what the characters are emoting or thinking, rather than showing us. Plot-wise, its got some interesting mysteries. The explosions and the pentagrams are very interesting. I'm invested in finding out that. Alyson's mother is another point of interest, I'd like to know why she was killed. And I'd like to know more about this Order. James being a half-breed is another thing I'd like to learn about. How is he one? Unfortunately I don't really care about this mystery woman in his past. Character-wise, this is where the series is weakest. It's not hard to guess where the inspiration for the two leads came from, especially James. He's practically Angel just not as interesting. And Alyson, apart from her apparent suicide-by-cop wish, I don't care much about her. The Chief is the one I like the most. I hope to see more of him in further sequences. There's some good here. Some interesting mysteries and a good atmosphere. But it's let down by unoriginal characterization and some clunky writing. 6/10 First off, thanks for giving it a read! We love all the feedback we can get. I think the first arc suffers from not fully knowing what kind of series we wanted to write. I think as we write more episodes, and get to know and flesh out these characters while writing, they'll begin to jump off the page more easily. There's a lot of cool, new stuff going into the plans for arc two that I think will have the show take a turn for the better. There so much history and mythology that we left out of the first arc, and much of that will be introduced very soon in arc two. You're focusing on the write topics though. I can say everything you mentioned, from wanting to know why Alyson's mother was killed, to learning more about The Order, will be explained before the end of sequence one So hopefully you'll stick around for another six episodes. About characterization, there are definitely moments where it fell flat. I can only say that I hope to improve upon that as I continue writing the next arc. But thanks for mentioning it; I will definitely keep my eye out for ways to bring out certain characters' personalities, and add a more 'original' touch to these characters. Again, thanks for reading! You feedback is much appreciated! |
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Carey
VPN Community Member
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Post by Carey on Aug 23, 2013 13:24:40 GMT -6
I'll certainly stick around for further sequences. The series has my interest, especially since you say it's going to get much better.
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Post by Amanda Cress on Nov 19, 2013 20:31:52 GMT -6
I think this series is rather stellar. This is an interesting take on the vampire series'. I cannot wait to read more of this in the future. I will be following this series. Excellent work on this series and this sequence thus far!
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Post by Brady Brown on Jan 25, 2014 17:21:03 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.07 - "Broken, Bound, and Beaten"So here we are, the Hellbound Arc 2 premiere. I'm ecstatic it's back! And I can't wait to see where this whole story goes, because this premiere was INSANE. It had so much going on, but the episode had a nice flow to it - if I were to say something was rushed, it would have been Alyson's role, but I still enjoyed her aspect. But I'm just going to go ahead and get the nit pick out of the way - I have mixed feelings on the Queen. Don't get me wrong, she had some awesome lines, but her sort of child-like dialogue in some aspects seemed out of place to me. To be fair, I'll probably get used to it by the next episode, so it didn't take away from the episode for me. I love how James is slowly starting to go insane. I think. HAHAHA. If that's not even what's happening, then totally ignore that. But, in this episode, I loved his interactions with Jeremy. The mystery surrounding James is slowly unraveled, and a lot was revealed in this episode, and I really enjoyed it. James' character is just becoming more interesting and interesting, and GRACE? LIKE WHAT. YES. PLEASE. Again, like I've always said, Adam is my favorite character. When he busted James out of the the dungeon was my favorite scene. Maybe Adam can beat the Queen up... maybe. But anyways, THE BAT CREATURE. That was some freaky sh*t. Definitely want to see more of them, because they seem like they could prove to be a deadly foe. And the Order was brought up once more, and I would love to see that aspect brought up more as well. Alyson didn't have a whole lot to work with in this episode. I liked her interactions with the lawyer, just because I love judicial stuff like that because I actually know some stuff about law and it's just really enjoyable to me. I'm interested to see how her story is going to resolve - will there be a trial? Will she break out? So, all in all, AWESOME premiere. Like it upped the stakes from the first arc so much I can't wait to see what happens. Oh, and, THE CLIFFHANGER. LIKE CAN IT BE FRIDAY OR NAH. But seriously, great job, I can't wait to see what happens (especially Adam and Alyson's first meeting. #Adyson #Alydam FTW).
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Post by Jamison on Jan 25, 2014 17:54:05 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.07 - "Broken, Bound, and Beaten"So here we are, the Hellbound Arc 2 premiere. I'm ecstatic it's back! And I can't wait to see where this whole story goes, because this premiere was INSANE. It had so much going on, but the episode had a nice flow to it - if I were to say something was rushed, it would have been Alyson's role, but I still enjoyed her aspect. But I'm just going to go ahead and get the nit pick out of the way - I have mixed feelings on the Queen. Don't get me wrong, she had some awesome lines, but her sort of child-like dialogue in some aspects seemed out of place to me. To be fair, I'll probably get used to it by the next episode, so it didn't take away from the episode for me. Thanks for the revizzle, Bradizzle! Okay, I'll cut that out. I'm glad that you're glad it's back! And I'm glad that you enjoyed the premiere. James and Adam really took the back seat for this episode, with Ephemera being more at the forefront; since it's her introduction into the story. And the introduction to the idea that the "Old World" is an actually place one can travel to. I'd say the premiere had to be more plot driven because of those factors. 1x08 "Outlaws" is the big character episode, although the plot will be moving quick swiftly from this point on. But we'll get to see more James and Adam, as well as more Alyson. Ephemera won't be present. As for Ephemera's 'childish' dialogue - originally, her character was drawn up as the very 'classical villain.' A proper, Englishwoman from top to bottom. But when I got into writing that character, it just felt so boring and overused. So, I decided to play with her a little bit. She's an age old vampire, yet she's very Valley Girl-esque. I thought that might have been interesting. However, she does tone down a bit in the remaining episodes, so hopefully you'll enjoy her more. He is starting to lose his mind. We'll get some more info on that arc in episode 9, but it won't really start to come to the surface of the plot until sequence two, but we'll get to see a bit of it. We finally know the name of the woman James is looking for. Grace. Who we also revealed to be his twin sister. Yes. Lots of information in this episode. And all answers will arrive before the Sequence's end. Adam is probably my favorite character to write for in this show. Followed by Alyson, who it took a while to get a grasp on. This arc, I really tried to give all our characters, but especially our main three, more personality. You didn't get to see much of that in the premiere since again, it was more plot-driven. But it'll definitely come out more in the next few episodes. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. As for the BAT PARASITE CREATURE-- Amin thought up the most brilliant name for them last night: VAMPARASITES! It's the official term now so, look for it to appear in a future episode. And yes, you don't know all the info on vamparasites, but they might be more crucial to the vampire mythos than you might think. A lot is revealed about Alyson in the next episode. All that you think you know about her is about to change. It was fun writing that scene between her and Laura. I think her role in the premiere was just reflective. It's only been a week for her, and everything's just moved so fast. She hasn't really had time to think about what her life has become, and I think her little break down with Laura was her getting rid of some built up stress and anxiety. We won't be seeing the last of that, either. As she's got a couple more shockers to deal with coming up. Again, thanks a lot Brady, for the review! Your thoughts are always so fun to read, and I hope you enjoy the rest of Arc Two. Oh, and you'll just have to wait and see about Adyson!  They'll be meeting a little later on in this arc. Will sparks fly? Who knows what could happen between those two. |
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Post by Jack Malone on Jan 27, 2014 9:11:28 GMT -6
EP7 "Broken Bound and Beaten" Review
The premiere was insane, man. First off, I have to say that the portrayal of the Queen, Ephemera was at first kind of what Brady mentioned of being quite "child like", but I only got that vibe in one or two pieces of dialogue where the rest was more- I guess the word I'm looking for is condescending. She's the damn Queen, so its expected, and there's not better than to have her very emotive and animated in her expression of power, and familiarity with both James and Adam. I think you really nailed her character here because she weaved in and out of almost flirtatious, to condescending, to powerful, intimidating, and scary all in just one scene and I loved it. My favourite piece of dialogue from here was where she goes: EPHEMERA (CONT’D) Are you familiar with the human phrase about two dogs, fighting inside of every man?
(cont'd)
Well, a similar thing can be said about us. Two sides to every vampire -- the one who follows his superior's orders to a tee and the one who’s stupid enough to go against them. Feed that rebellious little mutt inside you more than the bitch standing before me now, and I promise... you will regret it. We understanding each other? The only thing that I kind of sat back and went "Huh?" too was her initial surprise to Adam trying to break James out. But I guess if you really think about it, Adam and James haven't exactly been on the best of terms for a long time, and he was pretty convincing, or at least, pretty good at attempting to convince Ephemera, that he had his reasons for being with James, and doing what he was doing. So it didn't bother me that much that she kind of left him alone after all that. Onto Alyson's storyline for the episode. I think the quote in the episode that sums it up best is, "You know what the scary part is... I think I might be safer in here than I was on the outside." That's really exciting. I love that she's a detective and she's now where the criminals end up, and BOTH arcs for this sequence have shown her having to adapt to the real world- outside prison walls she had to adapt the existence of vampires, and that which comes with it, and inside it would appear that she's going to have to adapt to the world she subjects criminals too. Its very mirrored and parallel and I think both arcs (for Alyson at least) are quite complementing of one another. I'm looking forward to see whether she makes it to trial, whether that's something that will be occurring, or if something will interrupt that, or she breaks out, etc. Finally, I want to talk about James (obviously, he's the main dude). I love the angle you've pulled with him and the series now as we begin to peel back the mythology behind all the supernatural elements. I really commend you for taking on board the criticism we received in the first run that commented on a lack of originality and the been there/done that mentality for a lot of vampire shows (which I think we were both oblivious too in starting the show up). So to hint at how humans can be turned into vampires, as well as the history behind James' character through this "Vulcan mind-meld-y shit" is a really effective and creative idea you've pulled off here. I'm eager to learn more about his sister, and was excited that you found a way to bring Jeremy back in the story. But, of course, nothing as exciting as seeing the "true form" of vampires in the Queen, and so ending it like that was just plain mean but FREAKING EPIC. My only huff is that the overuse of words like "shit" and "bullshit" and "bitch" felt slightly forced rather than freeflowing (don't even know if that's the right word to use). I don't know. I felt like I was comfortable with the Queen saying it, but then when Laura and Alyson were swearing too, and it carried on through most of the episode it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. BUT, other than that, you're doing an insane job with the show, and I can't wait for next week's episode. Nice work, man!
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Post by Jamison on Jan 27, 2014 16:08:37 GMT -6
EP7 "Broken Bound and Beaten" Review
The premiere was insane, man. First off, I have to say that the portrayal of the Queen, Ephemera was at first kind of what Brady mentioned of being quite "child like", but I only got that vibe in one or two pieces of dialogue where the rest was more- I guess the word I'm looking for is condescending. She's the damn Queen, so its expected, and there's not better than to have her very emotive and animated in her expression of power, and familiarity with both James and Adam. I think you really nailed her character here because she weaved in and out of almost flirtatious, to condescending, to powerful, intimidating, and scary all in just one scene and I loved it. My favourite piece of dialogue from here was where she goes: EPHEMERA (CONT’D) Are you familiar with the human phrase about two dogs, fighting inside of every man?
(cont'd)
Well, a similar thing can be said about us. Two sides to every vampire -- the one who follows his superior's orders to a tee and the one who’s stupid enough to go against them. Feed that rebellious little mutt inside you more than the bitch standing before me now, and I promise... you will regret it. We understanding each other? Ephemera was a lot of fun to write. Like I told Brady, I really didn't want to write her as the typical vampire Queen. Very regal and proper, yet scary. Instead, I went for something a little more fun, and I think it might have come off strangely in this first episode back. I'm pretty sure that my grasp on her improves in the near future though, but I'll just have to wait and see what you all think. The whole excerpt was probably my favorite as well, really. HAHA! Glad you liked that. I admit, I probably could have plotted that thing out a little better. Even something as simple as Ephemera leaving him alone just to test him; see what he would do. Then be waiting for him to betray her. I guess that's what I was going for, but I didn't make it clear enough in the script. Sorry about that. Alyson intrigues me. I think a lot about her character, especially since she was one I didn't feel I connected with initially. Her arc for the rest of sequence one may surprise you. It takes some interesting turns that you might not expect, and I think her importance to this whole narrative really shines through by the end of next week's episode. I can't even say much, because there's just so much left to reveal about the vampire mythos. haha! In every episode, there will be some action, some line of dialogue, that has been set up to explain or reveal something later in the same episode. It's confusing, but hopefully you'll know what I mean next week. Yeah, I totally understand this complaint. I don't know what I was thinking. haha! I didn't really get back into the swing of things with this show until 1x08. That's when I was able to say to myself, "Alright, this is where I want to go with this story." Everything leading up to that point was pretty much a blur; and I may have lost sight of the show I was writing. And it's funny, because episodes 1x08-1x12... Adam might use the world "hell" once, and I think I might have had him say of "Kiss my ass" to someone in the finale, but other than that, there is nothing in terms of swearing. haha! I think I might have corrected my own mistake, but forgot to edit them all out in the premiere. Is it too late for that? Are take backs allowed in the VS game? haha! But thanks for the support Jack. I was really nervous about tackling this arc without you, and I'm still not 100 percent sure of myself, but hopefully when the story finally gets going next week, the pieces will just fall together. [/div][/div] |
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Post by Brady Brown on Feb 2, 2014 14:25:35 GMT -6
REVIEW: 1.08 - "Outlaws"The pace definitely kept going in this episode - fast, using every single scene to get sh*t done. That's what I love about webisodes, there's no time to waste. And "Hellbound" is certainly making use of its webisode nature by creating even more mystery in its second episode back. This arc almost feels like a completely different sequence compared to the first one. The tone is a lot darker, the pace is much faster, and the development of the characters and mystery is a lot stronger. Well done! I love how we're seeing Alyson becoming more stern now that she's been in prison. She's much more hardened on the outside, and while she may have that nature from being a detective, she just seems different to me than she did in arc 1, which I totally love. I'm wondering if she has some relation to Gray Beard after what she did at the end of the episode; maybe her mother's father or husband? I'm guessing only time will tell, haha! But watching Alyson defend herself and pull out a magical move was completely awesome, and I definitely did not see it coming. Same with Gray Beard, although I probably should have. Again, James and Adam's banter is my favorite part of this arc so far. They're like brothers - they can never agree, but they will save each other when a creepy, black, rat-like vampire begins to attack them. I'm hoping we see them team up more often and fight together. I'm excited to see where their interactions with Gray Beard go, and just exactly how long the mystery man is going to be sticking around. And now we come to the most mysterious part of the episode - Melanie Faye. We learned she was viciously attacked by a vampire, but we definitely have no idea if she's dead or alive. She could be the woman at the end of the episode, but then again it could be someone we've never met before. Also, the pentagrams make an appearance, and we've been seeing them on the promo images featuring Alyson, so I can totally tell they're going to be playing a role in her arc. With all of this I'm almost convinced she has magic blood. But then again, I'm probably stating the obvious or I'm completely off, hahaha! So, this episode definitely outdid the first. The show has hit the ground running and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. I can't wait to see more of the mythology for both the vampires and sorcerers, and also see the new characters you plan to introduce. Keep up the good work, Chris! I can't wait to see what's next! PS/ CREEPY ASS RAJ NEEDED TO DIE SO THANK YOU.
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And I'm glad you've warmed up to Alyson! She's really an amazing character to root for!
They'll be meeting a little later on in this arc. Will sparks fly? Who knows what could happen between those two.
