Oh and the watch for cliche. You've gotten better at handling that but it's still noticable. Ie) Henry's "I can never love again" that threw me off but Mellie's line after that kinda saved it for me. "You sound like a cheesy romance novel." lol More humor like that about the lines helps.
Dusting off my reviewer cap, getting back into the swing of things.
First off, it's nice to see how you've grown as a writer. I remember my earliest critique of the show was that you relied heavily on punctuation to show emotion which took me out of the story. Now, you're relying on the dialog.
JENNY (V.O.) It’s strange...I have memories of Harlan...but it’s like I don’t remember his face, his voice, and not even the way he made me feel, and the way he made me feel was that...there was actually a chance that I would overcome this drinking addiction...but now that he’s gone...I just don’t know...
In that I see a lot of progress and props to MJ for stepping up as editor. She helped the show a great deal with grammar and things like that.
In terms of story, we've always known this was your strong point. You're great at creating storylines and it really shows off here. Having Jenny's dad come back? Really excited to see more of her history and the part he played in her drinking.
I loved Holly's reveal to Bennett. The "sperm...egg...baby" line was cute and funny. What struck me as weird was Bennett referring to the baby as a mistake and Holly not saying anything about that.The scene is about them loving each other no matter what and the "mistake" slip up going unnoticed sort of undermines that.
And baby crazy! Alyson is also pregnant! Will there be baby showers? I hope so because there are great opportunities to bring out cutesey and fun situations.
Jenny has been a tug of war for me. In the beginning I thought she was okay but it irritates me how she doesn't seem to have any self actualization. She acknowledges her drinking problem but it's still implied that other forces are causing her to do that. I think one way to help is to have her come to things on her own instead of having the other characters tell her. Like the scene at Harlan's grave. I think it would be nice to have Jenny just say that the addiction is her own fault. These are her choices. I also think she should go back to rehab because she's dealing with her addiction through avoidance which will only lead to relapse. Summary: I think Jenny just needs to find her own strength. That's the only way she'll recover.
Overall, though, I like where this show is going. Still can't believe that Harland is dead. Boo. But you're giving me some great plot developments when this could fall into stale territory. Great job on your part. Just be mindful of Jenny's development because I don't think she's made that much progress and it's starting to wear on me.
Wow I've been gone for like...ever. Lol Sorry about that. Did not disappear for good. Anyway, have loads to catch up on (like 5 episodes) and OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I PEEKED AT THE REVIEWS BECAUSE HARLEN IS DEAD WHAT?? Kay, going to catch up now.
Sorry I've been negligent. I'll give you full reviews for the last two episodes some time early next week (Monday or Tues). But keep going Brian! It's great to see you rejuvenated and so excited about the Path.
Watchdogs has been taken off the air. After airing two episodes, the show will not be returning for a third.
When asked for a reason, creator Keisha had this to say, "I love the show and the network but I felt that I could not continue it here. Season One will be completed eventually but right now it's on hiatus until it finds a new home. I haven't ruled out the possibility of running it independently. I'm in the process of exploring my options. I'm very grateful for the opportunity given to me by the VPN but this just wasn't the right fit. "
While the cancellation is disappointing, Keisha insists that she and the network remain on good terms.
"Don't rule out Watchdogs returning to the VPN if it decides to branch out."
I haven't had time to read both episodes, but I've checked out the first one and I really enjoyed it. It had a nice combination of humor, and drama, that together, became really entertaining. I think its use of mature themes is really well handled, and I applaud how vauge, yet so descriptive, you handle the scenes that involve "mature content".
I'm just going to have to say it in full context, but the whole anal sex story was really funny. And the way you blended that humor into the conversation between Jenna and Gabby was perfectly done! I can't wait to read the second episode, and even the third.
I wish I could give some more of a contructive suggestion or something like that, but honestly, the episode flowed well, the characters introduced were very entertaining, and I think this is one of the few pilots the VPN has looked at, and given a 10/10, which is what I have to give for this episode.
When I first saw your pitch, and read about your series, I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it because of my taste. I thought it would be a lot different then it was. I finally read both of the episodes and I adored them! You're a great writer, and thankfully you have good grammar and spelling and technique.
I laughed in episode one at the sex scene =9
I'm also glad this has a mature rating because I get kind of tired of all of the PG-13 sometimes. My favorite characters are Jenna and David. He seems like a great guy, and I don't think Piper is as big as a bitch as everyone thinks she is. She's just feeling bitter and upset. Sure, she's kind of a bitch but, I think there is another side to her.
Can't wait for more. Rating: (10/10)
Thank you guys for checking out the show. Unfortunately, it's not going to have any new episodes on the VPN but I appreciate your feedback.
While the studio heads debate on her future, Jenna betrays David by publicly lashing out. This puts her job in further jeopardy. Will she stay or will she go? Meanwhile, David Sullivan is overwhelmed when his ex-wife unexpectedly leaves their two kids at his doorstep. Holly Marie Combs and Tasha Smith guest star.
Here is my review for Watchdogs 1x01: Wanted part one
Well Keisha...IT WAS AMAZING! Everything about the show just made me keep wanting to read more and more! The interaction between the characters made me feel as if they have known each other for so long! Gabby is so damn funny! Her and Jenna have great chemistry together! And I like how you made this show! It was very mature! Its like something my mom and Aunt would watch! The show is sexy! Has lots of secrets between the characters!
The best part of the episode was when Gabby and Jenna were talking and Jenna said....
JENNA CARMICHAEL I just want to put this all behind me. GABBY REINER (softly) Like he did?
That made me laugh so much! It took me a couple minutes to clam down and get bet to reading! I loved how it ended! With David talking to the Network Execs and then Him saying to Jenna they need to talk! Its got me excited for next week! So all I have to say the writing was well done! I loved it from start to finish!
For this episode I give it a 10/10! It was really well done! You should be very proud! You have a great series here and I see many things for it! AMAZING JOB! Cannot wait for next week!
Haha thanks for the support Brian. Glad I could make you laugh.
Oh my god! Talk about your series starter! First of all, awesome job on the anal sex reference not even five minutes into the show. That was great. I think Jenna is right on the mark about it. Anal really hurts and messes you up when you go number two. (It really sucks!) So I completely understand what she was saying. Also, can we just say how cool Gabby is? I mean the girl has a witty remark every five seconds, keeping things entertaining. It's nice to see a chick speak her mind, freely.
While we're on the subject of cool chicks, I've only seen two minutes of Bloody Mary and I already love her. She is BRUTAL. She doesn't care about personal feelings, she makes sure the job gets done. I admire a woman who knows what she wants and will do anything to get it. I hope they show more of her because her scenes were wayyyyy too short in this episode.
Side note: Where the hell was James? Isn't he, like, part of the main cast? All we got was a two second conversation and that was it. Huh?
Moving on, Chris Fisher is a womanizing jerk. What's new? The hot ones always are. Although, there were some tiny moments in there where he seemed to actually care about Jenna's feelings. I wonder, does he really like her or is he just using her for the sex? She seems to like him, sort of. I'm not sure. Clearly there's some chemistry between the two of them (even while fighting they were steaming up the screens! ) so we'll see where that goes.
Ugh. FRED SAMSON IS A TOOL. That is all.
Hate Natasha. She's a total biotch. A snobby one at that. I love when Gabby insults her. That girl needs an orgasm quick! She's so uptight I swear that's the only reason she hates Jenna and Gabby. She realizes that she's the only one on that set not getting any. And how adorable is David? He's the kind of boss you wish you had. He's sweet cares about his workers, will go that extra mile for them. You don't see that these days. I wonder if he's single. I know he's got an ex wife but hmmm....no mention of a girlfriend just yet. Oh David! If you're single, call me!
Yeah I have no shame! Anyway, here's a quick recap. Jenna and Chris have been boinking like bunnies for the last four weeks. She didn't tell anybody about it. Now some nudie pictures have leaked and everyone is going apeshit about it. Chris acts like he doesn't rally care but I think secretly he does. Jenna's afraid she's gonna lose her job. David, her boss, is trying everything to save her. Meanwhile he's dealing with some oober troll named Samson. There's some boob cancer benefit that the hosts of both rivaling shows host together. Shit hits the fan. Oh! And how UNcool is it that we're left wondering what happens to Jenna? I am soooooo mad! To just leave it at "we need to talk"? Come on! I have to know! Would they really fire her? If they do, she can always work for the Village. I'm sure Chris would loooooooooooooooooove to have her there.
Who knows what is yet to come? We'll find out in the next episode. Until then, XoX Kelly - The Gossip Queen
While the studio heads debate on her future, Jenna betrays David by publicly lashing out. This puts her job in further jeopardy. Will she stay or will she go? Meanwhile, David Sullivan is overwhelmed when his ex-wife unexpectedly leaves their two kids at his doorstep. Holly Marie Combs guest stars.
Quotes "I don't want your money. I just want you to spend more time with your kids." -Piper Sullivan
Racy photos are leaked of Jenna with a mystery man and she suddenly finds herself wanted. As her life slowly starts to unravel, she will soon learn that this was only the beginning. Meanwhile, Fred Samson casts the first stone in their heated rivalry when he undermines David Sullivan in an attempt to secure his position.
I don't think there is anything more I can say. The others pretty much covered it. You have such a great, original show here. It could really be something amazing. It just needs better execution. I'm glad you're taking up MJ on her offer because you have so much potential.