Post by Jon Van Pelt on Mar 17, 2016 23:50:26 GMT -6
Just finished reading the pilot episode.
First: it’s a vast improvement over the previous pilots you wrote for BIONIC. It definitely feels like a more coherent story.
The only thing that didn’t really work for me was the opening scene at BIOTECH. The conversation between Dane/Cody about the sports bar, I didn’t feel it added something interesting to the character of Cody. I know it was just banter between two colleagues, but still, I think this scene could be better.
I know you’ve worked very hard on this series, so both thumbs up!
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Mar 15, 2016 12:43:24 GMT -6
Earth. The year is 2560.
The Great Cataclysm is nothing more but a vague memory. Only 3 billion humans survived a series of natural catastrophes which scorched the planet some 500 years ago. A second Dark Age left modern society in ruins. But on these ruins a new world order found its roots. Nations vaporized, replaced by City States and Free Lands. The Directorate coordinates the policies of each individual City. The goal: the survival of the Human race and the rebirth of Earth. Their policy leaves no room for individual freedom. People serve the survival of the race. By any means necessary. In stark contrast: the Free Lands. A place where one can still choose their own destiny. But that freedom comes at a price. Life is hard out there. Antiquated technology, failed harvests starving the population, no healthcare system,… . In order to survive, Citizens no longer look down to the Earth, but upwards to the stars. After 150 years of travelling into space at the slow stride of light speed, a new propulsion system ushers in a new era of space travel. It is called the “Dark Matter Engine” (DME). It enables us to create a rift in the fabric of space which makes it possible to jump 10 light years in one trip.
We will follow the crew the ENUMA ELISH, the first ship equipped with DME-drive, as they start their one year mission to find new habitable worlds to colonize. But what will they find out there?
The story of JOURNEY OF THE ENUMA ELISH is spread across 3 years. Each year coincides with 1 season.
First season will explore the world in which JOURNEY OF THE ENUMA ELISH takes place, through the eyes of the main characters. We will learn more about their personal history and how they end up on board the ship.
This season will focus entirely on the crew’s voyage through deep space. A lonesome and dangerous endeavor.
Back on Earth, having spent almost an entire year in solitude, the crew must adapt to their old lives while the Human race needs to come terms with the fact that they may not be alone in this universe.
Adanna Jalloh (played by Gina Torres) Function: Mission Commander Born into the upper class of society. Proud and stubborn with an air of superiority. Very by the book attitude. A control freak.
Nathan Storme (played by Chris Pratt) Function: First Officer – security station A decision maker. A hero. Former Captain in the Earth Space Marine Corps. Propelled to the position of first officer on board the ENUMA ELISH by the Admiralty. He is considered to be a pawn in the eternal struggle for space dominance between the ESMC and the Earth Space Program, the organization supervising the mission. Muhiddin Aydin (played by David Giuntoli) Function: Pilot He could have led a life in luxury. But the death of his father (head of A-TECH) dealt a devastating blow to young Muhiddin. He left his home and family and chose to become a space marine. A trusted friend of Storme.
Aaron Berenbaum (played by Mandy Patinkin) Function: Engineer Professor Berenbaum. The man who unlocked the secret of Dark Matter Energy. He takes great pride in his discovery and is eager to be part of the first mission into deep space. He is a father figure and confidant to many.
Charlie Jacobs (played by Samira Wiley) Function: assistant engineer The mission is another opportunity to have fun. She is always in a good mood. Very optimistic mindset. But behind all this positivism, is a dark secret that could ruin careers.
Elisabeth Collins (played by Ruth Wilson) Function: doctor A humanist. Not afraid to take risks. She wants to experience life to the fullest.
HP-86 “HAPPY” (played by Rose McGowan) A Human Print. A living being of flesh and blood ‘printed’ by a machine. She was built as a living translation matrix, able to communicate with others through telepathy.
Suresh Gill (played by Anil Kapoor) Function: tech support for the Human Print Creator of the HP-BVDZ86, or “HAPPY” as she’s called by the rest of the crew. Having been involved in the creation of Human Prints, he sees them as the future of humanity.
PILOT EPISODE 1x01 Return to the Free Lands (link)
A catastrophic event on the S.M.S. INVINCIBLE leaves behind a disillusioned Captain Storme. Trying to come to terms with what happened, he decides to go back to his home in the Free Lands. But after 20 years he’ll learn there’s not much left there to call ‘home’. The Free Lands have changed. A change which could alter the future of humanity...
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Feb 29, 2016 5:25:11 GMT -6
So, anyone here excited about the new Star Trek TV-series that’s going to start next year at CBS All Access?
I sure am ! They’ve already attracted Kurzman (ST09 en STID), Fuller (DS9/VOY) and Meyer (TWOK/TUC) to run the show, which is great news. Wonder though which direction they’ll take this new series. Place it in the new Abramsverse, a new reboot, a continuation of the oldverse… So many directions this could go!
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Jan 21, 2016 12:45:02 GMT -6
1.03 Always Watching
Definitely the best episode so far! I feel like this series is really finding its own beat.
So much to like here:
- seeing growth in the relationship between Lily and Adam - the president sinking deeper and deeper into his own swamp of lies (rightfully so ) - learning more about Adam’s and Lily’s youth and fears (makes us better understand who they are now) - inspector Robertson: more please! - another cool dimension to explore - all (sub)plots flow nicely, never a dull moment
I do have one advice for Adam or Lily though: please ask for a pair of google glasses with an app for facial recognition or something .
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Jan 15, 2016 8:17:45 GMT -6
When I first read the synopsis for this series called REALITY, I imagined it to be much more… serious .
It certainly deals with serious issues like murder, political schemes and the sorts. Yet the show seems to be handling those things in an unexpected fun way. Which makes kind of sense since our two protagonists are convicted killers. Who in their right minds would root for murderers?!
Having read the second episode 'Peaceful Execution', it reminded me of such nineties shows like Hercules or Cleopatra 2525. The stories are entertaining -but don’t take it all too seriously.
I like the growing dynamic between Lily and Adam. The latter at least has some redeeming qualities. Maybe some of it will eventually rub off on Lilly.
I was immediately sold on the character of detective Xander Robertson. Wish he’d join the team on their little quest. Would be a logical choice in my opinion.
The two things that bothered me a bit were:
a) Neil’s storyline: a high profile official who hasn’t seen his daughter in years; why would he care about her?
b) George’s quick rise to power as a Council member; how much time passed between episode 1 and 2? I guess suspension of disbelief is in order here
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Dec 24, 2015 8:21:51 GMT -6
Now that 2015 is coming to an end, I can proudly say it’s been a good year. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get back into writing and so I did! I wrote 4 screenplays this year (which in my case can be considered as very productive ).
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Dec 24, 2015 8:15:37 GMT -6
First: I am not the biggest fan of zombies.
Second: Kudos for trying to create an original take on the genre.
It’s the first few pages of a script that’ll take you in or out of the story. Your teaser definitely peaked my interest. A nice introduction to this world you’ve created, although I have to admit I wasn’t a big fan of Helen’s end. Having her being bitten by a zombie was perhaps a bit too obvious. I’d have her put a bullet through her head just to show how desperate the situation has become. The world is lost forever. That kind of feeling.
Writing a pilot episode is never easy since you have to introduce your main cast, show us ‘viewers’ the potential of the series while at the same time creating a story that can more or less stand on its own two feet. I think you’ve succeed with this one. I liked the dynamic between Julie and Ryder, the possible conflict between (rivaling) camps and the mysterious Skull Faces –which, for some reason, made me wonder if you’re injecting some kind of Mad Max-vibe into the show.
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Dec 23, 2015 12:01:44 GMT -6
Finally found the time to sit down and read the pilot episode 'second chances'. It was a well balanced story, although I have to admit it feels kinda weird to be rooting for 2 convicted killers . The episode is called 'second chances' but Adam and, especially Lily seem to be falling back into their old habits pretty quickly. Hopefully, as the show continues, we'll see some redemption for the 2 of them.
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Sept 20, 2015 2:16:48 GMT -6
Has anyone else here seen S3?
If so, what are your thoughts on it? I’m currently halfway through the season and I feel it’s getting a bit repetitive (been here, done that). The writing is still great (and I love the characters), but it doesn’t seem to add something new (or fresh) to the story. I’m afraid this series is going to have one or two seasons too many. At least that’s how I see it at the moment.
Post by Jon Van Pelt on Sept 4, 2015 10:32:59 GMT -6
I’m currently developing a mini-series called TESTAMENT, a family drama. I finished the first draft of the pilot episode and I’m now looking for someone who wants to work with me on this project as a beta reader.
I’m not a professional screenwriter (this is only my 10th screenplay) so I have to learn everything as I go. It would be fun if there’s someone here who’d give me some pointers and help me become a better writer.