Sequence One Discussion

[Brady Brown]

Hey, guys!

Posting the Christmas Special last night totally slipped my mind, so it has been officially posted! Enjoy! ;D

[David]

Brady that episode was brilliant. who would have thought that Paula would sit be everyone's favorite nut job with a love for Santa?All in all a great episode can't wait for more Miranda

[Brady Brown]

Thanks, David! I'm glad you enjoyed!

And, I read over the episode, and actually found some pretty bad spelling errors (why I didn't find them beforehand, I have no idea), so I updated the episode link. XD Hopefully this is better!

[Brady Brown]

So, yeah, I was reading through some of the old episodes, and noticed I put the wrong link on the Christmas episode. I know, I'm terrible. XD But all is fixed now (hopefully)! So, if you're wanting to get into the Christmas mood, check out "A Very Berreta Christmas" featuring Miranda Berreta, portrayed by Lauren Graham!

[Deleted]

Guess what's next on my to read list??? I'll give you a hint... it starts with an "A" and ends with "udition". Lol. Expect some reviews this weekend, sir!

[Brady Brown]

Aw, thanks, Darrin! Hope you enjoy! ;D

[Tommy West]

1x05 - "Improv" Review

Sorry it took so long but I'm back! Sad to say that I wasn't really enamoured with this episode for various reasons, but none of them are things you can't fix in the future.

The first point is that the opening scene, whilst a little amusing, actually has no point. With such a small page limit, every scene should be vital in furthering the characters and the purpose of this scene was to set up a joke that kind of fell flat. I like Paula and her interactions with Michael but her two scenes here both seemed a little pointless and felt like a waste of her quirky, brilliant characters.

My second issue is with the characters of Jordan and Angela. An issue I've brought up before is that they can come across as quite wooden and that happens here too, although they're borderline interesting as long as you play up the weird abusive relationship between them. Jordan has the potential to be a really chilling villain given the way he gets to Angela but right now they're both wasted on saying snide remarks at the leads.

There didn't seem to be much plot or resolution to the episode. Whilst we get to see Alisha's fear of improv first hand and it's one I relate to as an ex-drama student who hates improv too, it's not resolved and she doesn't get any more confident. It's a bit of a shame really because this series can be good but episodes like this don't really add much and I think with a bit of tighter plotting, every episode could be a hit rather than the hit-then-miss it is in these early episodes. Every virtual series improves with time though so I'm sure things will get better.

Sorry that this review is a bit of a downer but hopefully this will help you avoid these issues in the long run!

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.05 "Improv"

Thanks for the review, Tom! Glad to see you back reading the show!
Sorry you didn't really enjoy this one that much, and I hope to see that change in the future.

The story I wanted to tell in this episode, which focused on Alisha's low points and Alex's highs, didn't necessarily need ten-some pages. So, I added a scene that would, basically, set up the day that would be happening. Sorry you didn't find it that amusing. Hopefully Paula can pull some laughs out of you in the future!

Jordan and Angela, for this first arc, were made to cause conflict between Alex and Alisha. And since this first arc was just setting up Alex and Alisha's lives in Hollywood, Jordan and Angela were more introduced to set up their Sequence, and second arc, roles. It'll make more sense in the second half of the Sequence. XD And, the episodes I'm currently writing, will have Jordan become more sinister, hopefully. XD I can't go that sinister. haha

Like I said above, the whole plot/point of the episode, was to further establish that Alisha has flaws- one of those being thinking of things on the spot. And, with this fear, it couldn't be resolved in just one episode, especially it being a webisode. Alisha, yes, will become more and more confident, but all of that takes time. Hopefully you enjoy her storyline this Sequence!

Thanks again for the review, Tom! Great to hear your advice, and hope that the other episodes will sit with you better! ;D

[Tommy West]

1x06 - "Commercial Success" Review

Starting this review off with a mundane grammar comment that in-universe, isn't even a bad thing which was this line: "[...]sent in for a...Alex Berreta[...]". Technically there's nothing really wrong with it because the man didn't know the name he needed to say but my OCD winced at him saying 'a' instead of 'an'. I'm a bit silly with things like this because it doesn't matter all that much at all, but if it happens one too many times, I might end up going all Norman Bates on you!

Luckily it's followed up with a brilliant Paula line, namely the "Yes!! Yes! I mean... yes." She's so odd, I love her. All is forgiven, haha! I love her overexcited reaction to them getting the part in the commercial. She's seriously the best character in this show, she's brilliantly bonkers. I almost died when she was screaming outside the apartment and then the vomit line... Comedy gold.

I picked up another SPAG error when Michael says "But I thought you wanted to be actor" which took me out of the script a bit. Every writer makes SPAG errors and doesn't spot them straight away though (and trust me, I'm particularly bad) so be sure to make sure to reread all your scripts and make sure to iron them out.

I like the plot decision to have Alex against shooting the commercial, it's never a bad thing to make your lead character too pride or even a bit arrogant. It adds layers and stops Alex from becoming a boring Mary Sue-esque character so bravo for that.

I think this might be my favourite episode so far so well done! I want the show to be more about this sort of stuff with them making progress and causing a little conflict in the group. I've been pretty vocal about the fact Alisha hasn't got much development yet so putting her on her own and having her at odds with Alex lets both of them shine equally. I enjoy the rivalry at the acting school but i think this stands out a bit more from the other episodes because the conflict is internal this time rather than external. I'm hoping there will be more episodes like this because it's made me excited to read on!

[Tommy West]

1x07 - "Jealousy" Review

Nice to see the tension between the friends and their rivals come to a head. Jordan is more menacing here and I was expecting him to punch Alex rather than just shake him about a bit but I'll take whatever conflict I can get! Him shutting down Angela after the 'talent' comment made me laugh even though it shouldn't have. Sure, he's an abusive dick but I can still find him funny, right?

Speaking of funny, Paula gets another brilliant moment when she 'picks up on' (because let's be honest, it was quite obvious anyway!) the tension in the room. Also, her with the car doors locked made me laugh, even if it was a bit silly and didn't totally make sense.

Nice to see another villain and unfortunately he comes off a bit playground-y like Jordan and Angela. As an adult, it would nice to see him be a bit more menacing than the duo as his voice comes off a bit 'young' right here. Still, I'm hoping that the three villains will be enough of a challenge for the heroes throughout the rest of the season.

Nice final lines of dialogue too. You've hit the dialogue mostly spot on in these last two episodes and it's only really the occasional lines from the villains or maybe Alisha that could use tightening a bit. Still, good job!

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Reviews of 1.06 "Commercial Success," & 1.07 "Jealousy"

Wow! These were nice surprises to come home to, haha! Thanks for reading and reviewing, Tom! And it's nice to see that you enjoyed this two episodes! Now, onto the reply!

Oops. I will admit that I'm not the best with grammar on the site. XD These first six scripts are probably some of the weakest I've produced, due to the fact that I was still learning the ropes back then. I do look over my scripts more now, so please no Norman Bates!! haha!!

I'm really glad you're enjoying Paula's humor, because it's one of my favorite parts to write (obviously... XD), and I do not consider myself that funny of a person, so when people laugh, that's always a plus! There's some more Paula heading your way, so get ready!

I'm really glad I've been getting positive response about Alex's attitude in this episode. Because all he does is want big roles, but when he realized it would actually help them, he decided it was ultimately best. So, glad you liked it!!

Alisha is more developed in the second arc, definitely. She comes into contact with some trials, so I hope you enjoy that when you come across it.

I'm super exciting Jordan is a tad bit more frightening, because that's a huge role in this arc- Jordan and Angela's anger building. And there will be a punch thrown in Sequence Two. XD That's all I'm saying on that. Also, no worries about a little laugh here and there, even if it is when a character is being dick-ish! XD

Again, I am so excited you are enjoying Paula. I hope she has some more standouts for you!

Sorry James didn't really do it for you. He won't pop up again until episode 11, so, if you hate him, I guess that's good news for you. XD But yes, there will be conflict, conflict, conflict! haha!

I'm glad you think that dialogue has improved, because I think it has too, and it's great to know that I'm not just a cocky little guy, haha! Hopefully the villains will warm up to you, along with Alisha! Also hope you enjoy the remaining episodes, Tom, and thanks for the reviews! ;D

[MJ]

So I thought I should get around to reviewing the last few episodes of Audition before the new season starts up and since they're short episodes they're first on my 'need to review list'

Review 1x12 Depart

So I was honestly not expecting Alisha to leave. I was sure she would decide to stay in the end so it's rather sad to be seeing a character who was so integral to the story of the first season packing her bags a leaving everything behind, especially since she didn't leave on good terms with Alex, her best friend.

Now, while these episode was sad in that almost bittersweet way, the amount of crying done by the characters in this one episode I found a little over the top. I don't know if it's just a me thing, but it's not like Alisha's dying, it's not like they're never going to see her again, it's not like the can't pick up a phone or jump on the internet to keep in touch with her. The way they were all reacting made it seem like she was walking to her doom or something, and for me that was very distracting and almost ruined the mood of this last episode. There are ways of showing sadness without a character having to cry to get that across.

There weren't too many SPAG issues in this episode which was good but some of the ones that slipped though were really distracting, so just make sure to keep up the critical eye on your own work, maybe get someone else to look though it after you have to pick up anything you missed.

I really liked the voice over/letter thing at the end of the episode, I could see that really clearly in my head and while a little cliché I actually really enjoyed the way you used it!

Oh, the one other thing that really bugged me about the episode was your description of Alisha and David's kiss at the airport. "She wraps her arms around him, David doing the same, and they connect their lips in a way that radiates the room, sending a surge of energy through everyone within a 5 mile radius." I just... you use some interesting metaphors and description in you scripts, Brady, but this I just couldn't help but find really ridiculous. You could have just as easily used the words 'a passionate and loving kiss' and it would have meant the same thing. There's a line between creative description and ridiculousness, and you've toed it a few times before, but this just stepped right over into the realm of absurd.

Besides that it was a pretty solid finale episode for Audition and it will be interesting to see how you proceed in the second season with Alisha no longer around (though I do hope she comes back for visits now and again)

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: MJ's Review of 1.12 "Depart"

Thanks for the review, MJ! As always, it's very much appreciated!

I'm glad you were shocked Alisha ended up leaving, because that was what I was hoping for! haha She may have left on bad terms with Alex, but she does appear in the S2 premiere episode, and they do have a conversation. ;D

The way I look at it is, is that if my bestfriend/girlfriend was moving to the other side of the country, I would be balling my eyes out. haha. True, she wasn't dying, but a member of their "team" was leaving, and we had never seen any of this characters "sad", per say, so it really played into the fact that they did care about Alisha, and that they were sad she chose to left.

SPAG has never been my strong suit, so it's no surprise to me that there were a couple in there, haha. But, I'm on track currently, so hopefully there won't be too many in the next sequence.

I really enjoyed writing Alisha's VO. Probably one of my favorite scenes this whole sequence. Yeah, I could see how it could come across as somewhat cliche, but I'm glad nonetheless that you enjoyed it!

I've been told I can be very prose-y with my scripts, and I have attempted to cut back on that, except for when it's an emotional moment, such as the last kiss Alisha and David were ever going to share. So, that was my reasoning for describing that scene more than I could have. And, to me, it wasn't that ridiculous, but everyone has an opinion, and I'm sorry it didn't sit well with you.

Thanks again for the review, MJ! Yeah, like I said, Alisha will be there in the premiere, so I hope you look forward to that! And I hope you enjoy the second sequence!

[Tommy West]

1x08 "Newbie" Review

Unfortunately I wasn't a big fan of the dialogue in this one, it felt a bit flat although there were some good lines as the script went on. It's a weird phenomenon but a lot of the episodes have started with poor dialogue but improved with each page, like you're getting more confident with the characters the more you write them, which is good.

Paula in the car was amusing, as well as the girls teasing the guys because they screamed. The little scenes of Paula dropping them off are cute, if a bit unnecessary but they're worth it for the little gems of Paula acting like a nutter.

For once, I thought Angela had one of the best lines, namely - "Cute. Short. One syllable. Kind of like ’crap’, which, I’m guessing, is how your acting is going to be." It's a real zinger and that kind of snappiness is the stuff I wish they were saying all the time. I think this show could really benefit by playing up to the stereotypes of actors being really catty and bitchy. It's a lot of fun when characters get their claws out and I'd love to see that here.

Alisha gets a great line too - "So does a dog until it goes rabid and bites through your finger." It's nice to see the female characters shine because they've been a bit underserviced previously.

I was really worried I wasn't going to like David and his first like made me wince because ow, that's painful imagery! I like the fact he stands up to Jordan though and the fact he's sassy about it. That's the kind of dialogue I like! I couldn't help but laugh at the James Bond line. I'm kind of hoping he turns on Alex and Alisha, that could be a lot of fun.

Nice to see Jordan get a bit violent - I'm wondering when he's going to move from walls to other characters!

"Spook Fest" Review

A nice little episode, a bit silly but good fun. Turning up at a costume party wearing the same thing as somebody else is always awkward so it was fun to see it happen here, making it feel like it was reflecting reality more. The game was fun, if a bit daft, and I cottoned on with what Alex wanted Alisha to do in order to win. I like it when these guys play dirty, it should happen more often because having two angelic leads can get a bit boring and it's always fun to have them be a bit mischievous at times.

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Reviews of 1.08 "Newbie," and Halloween Special "Spook Fest"

Sorry my dialogue has been like a roller-coaster, Tom. XD But I'm glad you can tell that I'm improving on them, and I hope this weird phenomenon can only get better! haha

I'm still glad you're enjoying Paula. You know, going back, this was a really female-driven episode, despite introducing a new male character. And I'm glad you enjoyed Angela's line, because I was actually really nervous about that one! Hopefully that continues, but I can't make any promises... I can't remember that far back. XD Also glad you're liking Alisha more. That's always a plus!

Really excited you enjoyed David! He's really fun to write, and I'm glad you enjoyed his dialogue. You'll find out who he aligns with, kinda, in episode nine. XD

Jordan's anger is really a huge part of this arc, so, he will get madder and madder, but I can't promise him punching any people! haha XD

I'm happy you enjoyed the Halloween Special, because holiday episodes are always fun to write. Also glad you enjoyed the same costume thing, because I was also a little bit nervous about that element, but people seem to enjoy it, so yay! And the duo gets more confident in what they do, not sure about mischievous, but they do get confident!

Thanks again for the reviews, Tom! I'm glad you're enjoying! ;D

[Tommy West]

1x09 "Mom" Review

"She just shows up, cackling like a maniac a couple of times a day." What a brilliant description of Paula and judging from what we've seen so far, actually quite fitting! She does seem to arrive at their apartment at random times. I like her running joke of the square chin guy. Her comment about David's name and him being a boy and not a weirdly named girl really made me laugh.

Alyssa turning up throws a spanner in the works for Alisha but she seemed suspiciously vague about why Alisha needs to come home. I'm hoping she's actually hiding something and doesn't just want to take Alisha home so the show can have some drama. Sure, Alisha isn't my favourite character but if a character's going to leave then I'd rather it have a purpose rather than for a random reason.

David and Paula's commentary throughout the conversation was funny, especially Paula's comment about thinking she's ugly and David laughing at them all speaking at the same time. They're probably the funniest characters right now but I'm really hoping David ends up as a villain. He could be a very fun antagonist to Alex.

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.09 "Mom"

Wow! You're on a role today, Tom! haha Glad to see you're enjoying Paula, again. I know, I'm getting repetitive in saying it, but I'm really glad you're enjoying her! I honestly love when I can make someone laugh, just by reading something. So yay!

The reason Alyssa comes to take her daughter home, is revealed in the next episode. But it's not a huge bomb, so I guess I can just tell you. haha But, if you want to find out by reading the episode, I'll but it in a spoiler tag:

SPOILER: Click to show

She just wants her daughter back, basically. She's lonely and misses Alisha.

Sorry it's not that much of a big reveal, but maybe you'll enjoy it! XD

Paula and David are really the main "comedy effect" in the series. So, again, getting compliments for being funny is always great. Sorry to say that David is on the light side, and will be for a while. But it's never ruled out that he could go dark! XD

Thanks again for the review, Tom! I know when I say this, I can get repetitive, but it's always nice to read what people think. So thanks again! ;D

[Tommy West]

1x10 "I'm Here" Review

This was a nice episode purely because it focused on two characters who haven't really had much to do previously and lets us see into their heads. I'm not totally in love with the plot itself purely because I think it's really selfish of her mom to ask her to come home just because she's lonely when it could ruin Alisha's dreams. She's already had a taste of success in the commercial and she's been a lot more upbeat lately so this plot is sort of dragging her down to the dumps. I don't really have much to say as it was all one scene but it was a good episode and I like how it ties into the next one and there weren't any characters forced into the script for the hell of it.