Sequence One Discussion

[Jamison]

It's been a while, but I'm back again! I've been keeping up with the show, but I've been slacking with my reviews, so I finally wanted to clear some time up to get up to date on that.

REVIEW: 1.08 | "Newbie"

I feel like I keep saying the same things in every single review, but Paula is such a treat for me. You always give her some of the BEST lines, and I really loved the beginning of these episodes with her character, and Michael's character as well. They just bounce off of one another soo well! I don't know why they keep letting Paula drive the car. LMAO! It's probably her car, but still, if I were Michael I would just take her keys away! She's a mad woman, and I love it! XD

I really liked the introduction of a new character here. It was interesting to see how he was treated the exact same way as our two main characters when they first entered LA's Teen Talent, with that terrible welcome party, but he had a very different outlook on the situation. It was great to see how David's character differed from Alex and Alisha, right away, in the sense that he has probably been around people like that before, and has learned how to deal with them. I can't wait to see how David's character turns out, in regards to Alex and Alisha. Hopefully they just gained a new ally, because they have enough enemies at this point!

The episode was a little shorter than usual, and it may have ended a little more abruptly, but it was still a good read. 9/10

I will be back with more reviews!! xD

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Chris Davis' Review of 1.08 "Newbie"

Thanks for the review, Chris! I'm glad you found some time to leave a review, because I know how people can get super busy. But, nevertheless, you left a review, and I'm excited! XD

I feel like I keep saying the same things in every single review, but Paula is such a treat for me. You always give her some of the BEST lines, and I really loved the beginning of these episodes with her character, and Michael's character as well. They just bounce off of one another soo well! I don't know why they keep letting Paula drive the car. LMAO! It's probably her car, but still, if I were Michael I would just take her keys away! She's a mad woman, and I love it! XD

Hey, I love Paula compliments! It makes me feel like I'm continuously producing good "Paula lines". XD And yep, it's her car, but, you're right, maybe Michael should snatch those keys from her. XD Also, I'm really happy you're enjoying Paula and Michael's moments, because they're tons fun to write, and, knowing EVERYONE wants them together, I try to put as many in the show as I can.

I really liked the introduction of a new character here. It was interesting to see how he was treated the exact same way as our two main characters when they first entered LA's Teen Talent, with that terrible welcome party, but he had a very different outlook on the situation. It was great to see how David's character differed from Alex and Alisha, right away, in the sense that he has probably been around people like that before, and has learned how to deal with them. I can't wait to see how David's character turns out, in regards to Alex and Alisha. Hopefully they just gained a new ally, because they have enough enemies at this point!

Yay! I'm really glad David is getting some good reception! I love writing for him as well. His personality, and his ability to stand up to Jordan and Angela, really needed to stand out, as opposed to Alex and Alisha. I really wanted to show how Jordan and Angela would react if someone immediately stood up to them, and took them off guard. Their frustration is a really big part in this arc, so I needed them to get really angry. XD

The episode was a little shorter than usual, and it may have ended a little more abruptly, but it was still a good read. 9/10

Yeah, it was a little shorter, didn't really have a lot more story to tell. Sorry it was a little abrupt, I totally see where you're coming from on that. But I'm still glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again for the review, Chris!!

[Tommy West]

1x01 - "We Have Arrived" Review

I've been meaning to start reading a VPN series for a while and this one stood out to me for several reasons. I'm a big fan of stories revolving around actors and Hollywood - funnily enough my MZPtv movie Perfect used Josh Hutcherson as the fantasy acting for an aspiring actor who moved to Hollywood, although that was a bit darker in tone to this. Still, I certainly approve of these types of stories and there's real potential here so I'm excited to see how it develops.

Your writing style is a little prose-y (making up words like hell yeah) so I was surprised at first because it felt like I was reading a novel-script hybrid but the details you did give us let us get to know the characters and situations quicker so I'm not going to complain. The characters are all likeable, if a bit plain but that's to be expected this early on. I expect Alex's eagerness is probably going to land them in trouble on multiple occasions although I was left wondering why Alisha is going into acting if she dislikes talking in front of people? Acting sort of relies on communication...

The dialogue was good but there were a couple of occasions where it felt a little unnatural, like the characters were talking too much to be realistic. I really struggle with dialogue so I know it's hard to get it sounding really realistic but my advice is usually the less the characters speak, the more realistic... unless they're super talkative which I get the impression Alex is. As far as the story went, it was pretty by the numbers and seemed a little convenient when they came across Paula but she seems like a fun, quirky character so I'm excited to see how the relationships develop in further episodes. First episodes are always hard to get right, especially in webisodes with a limited amount of pages.

Anyway, it was an enjoyable read and I shall continue reading soon so well done on a good pilot!

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.01 "We Have Arrived"

Wow, thanks for the review, Tom! I'm really glad this stood out to you, because I really love the whole "Hollywood Dread" concept, and haha, we both used Josh Hutcherson. XD I'll have to look deeper into the concept of "Perfect". Sounds interesting if it takes a much darker turn. Anyways...

Your writing style is a little prose-y (making up words like hell yeah) so I was surprised at first because it felt like I was reading a novel-script hybrid but the details you did give us let us get to know the characters and situations quicker so I'm not going to complain. The characters are all likeable, if a bit plain but that's to be expected this early on. I expect Alex's eagerness is probably going to land them in trouble on multiple occasions although I was left wondering why Alisha is going into acting if she dislikes talking in front of people? Acting sort of relies on communication...

This probably comes from the fact that I read books...all the time. XD I have to admit, it's probably rubbed off on me a little, and apologize it came off in my scripts. But I'm glad it helped you with characters and situations that took place. Always exciting to get compliments on the characters, especially in a pilot of a webisode. I do agree with you about the plainness -- it tends to happen.

About Alisha, she hates public speaking, and making up things as you go along. But when she practices it over and over with Alex, it doesn't bother her as bad. This comes up later down this arc, because it something that is an undertone of the entire sequence. Hope that cleared things up!

The dialogue was good but there were a couple of occasions where it felt a little unnatural, like the characters were talking too much to be realistic. I really struggle with dialogue so I know it's hard to get it sounding really realistic but my advice is usually the less the characters speak, the more realistic... unless they're super talkative which I get the impression Alex is. As far as the story went, it was pretty by the numbers and seemed a little convenient when they came across Paula but she seems like a fun, quirky character so I'm excited to see how the relationships develop in further episodes. First episodes are always hard to get right, especially in webisodes with a limited amount of pages.

Completely agree. Hopefully this has improved along the line, because I was told it was a problem in this episode. I'm really picky on dialogue, so I know how you feel. Again, I can see where you're coming about the convenience of the meeting with Paula. I was going for the whole "they met by faith" thing. XD And I really hope you enjoy Paula, because a lot of people do, and she's a hoot to write for, as well as all the other characters.

Anyway, it was an enjoyable read and I shall continue reading soon so well done on a good pilot!

Thanks again for the feedback, Tom! Glad to hear your thoughts, and hope you enjoy the rest of the episodes! ;D

[Tommy West]

1x02 - "Hollywood Problems" Review

I'm going to say from the bat that if Michael and Paula don't end up getting together, it'll be a travesty. I love Paula, she's quirky and a little bit daft which contrasts nicely to how strict and serious Michael is being. He does have a point, they knew next to nothing about Paula when they hired her as their agent but as he comes across as rather rude here, I felt myself rooting for Paula in this situation. A couple of her conversations with the kids felt a little too casual, like she was just another teenager, like when she was practically begging them to give her another chance to book a photographer. It's not a bad thing, just something I noticed.

What's a 'smoky voice' sound like? Just a random observation I made during the first page when Paula's on the phone.

Right now everything's rosy-happy so I'm excited to meet some villains and roadblocks along the journey to stardom. Sure, things aren't exactly going their way right now but they all get along as of the end of the episode and the key to a good show is conflict between the characters so I'm hoping we see some fallouts soon. Alisha didn't really get much to do in either episode so far but I've noticed she comes into more prominence later so I'm hoping I'm like her as right now, Paula and Alex are likeable characters.

Overall, another good ep and I'll get to episode three soon!

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.02 "Hollywood Trouble"

Thanks for another review, Tom! I always love reading feedback about the show!

I'm going to say from the bat that if Michael and Paula don't end up getting together, it'll be a travesty. I love Paula, she's quirky and a little bit daft which contrasts nicely to how strict and serious Michael is being. He does have a point, they knew next to nothing about Paula when they hired her as their agent but as he comes across as rather rude here, I felt myself rooting for Paula in this situation. A couple of her conversations with the kids felt a little too casual, like she was just another teenager, like when she was practically begging them to give her another chance to book a photographer. It's not a bad thing, just something I noticed.

Haha! Another Michael/Paula shipper. XD I totally see what you mean, but I can't give anything away for their futures on the show. But I will say they're heaps fun to write for! Anyway, I really wanted to bring up the point of "hey, why did we just hire this chick?", because I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible. Michael can be very rude at times, because it stays true to his character. Glad you were rooting for Paula! That's what I was going for. XD And yeah, Paula really is a kid stuck in a woman's body, just by her personality. Hope that doesn't become a problem for you, though.

What's a 'smoky voice' sound like? Just a random observation I made during the first page when Paula's on the phone.

I try to imagine "smoky" as the way Michael, of of Nikita, talks. Just a little raspy, but not gone too far with it. XD Hope that cleared that up for you!

Right now everything's rosy-happy so I'm excited to meet some villains and roadblocks along the journey to stardom. Sure, things aren't exactly going their way right now but they all get along as of the end of the episode and the key to a good show is conflict between the characters so I'm hoping we see some fallouts soon. Alisha didn't really get much to do in either episode so far but I've noticed she comes into more prominence later so I'm hoping I'm like her as right now, Paula and Alex are likeable characters.

The two main "villains" are introduced next episode, so everything won't stay rosy happy for too long. And for fallout between the main characters, there aren't a lot this sequence, except for the end. It just never called for a good "argument" or something until closer to the end. Again, hope that isn't too big of a problem for you. XD

Overall, another good ep and I'll get to episode three soon!

Thanks again for the review, Tom! They're great to read, as all feedback is! Hope you enjoy the rest!

[Tommy West]

1x03 - "Acting 101" Review

I really enjoyed the opening scene in this episode with Paula her usual quirky self and I got a genuine laugh out of Alex's line: "Ya know, the usual." Unfortunately I did notice a spelling mistake when Michael says "They're what?" rather than "Their what?" although I'm not overly fussed about that because a lot of times I barely even notice. The scene was still really good and luckily all of the characters are firmly established by now so we can really get into the flow of the series without worrying we don't know the characters enough yet.

Angela and Jordan come across as caricatures right now, although this is their first episode so I'm willing to give them time. Right now they're just sort of gloating villains twirling imaginary mustaches so I'm hoping over time they're developed a bit more. Alisha's sudden confidence after shying away for the whole confrontation does seem to come from nowhere but we don't really know much about her right now other than the fact she's shy so hopefully this is leading to her coming out of her shell a little bit more.

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.03 "Acting 101"

Wow, thanks for another review, Tom! I'm loving that your catching up on these episodes, and leaving your comments. I love it! XD

I really enjoyed the opening scene in this episode with Paula her usual quirky self and I got a genuine laugh out of Alex's line: "Ya know, the usual." Unfortunately I did notice a spelling mistake when Michael says "They're what?" rather than "Their what?" although I'm not overly fussed about that because a lot of times I barely even notice. The scene was still really good and luckily all of the characters are firmly established by now so we can really get into the flow of the series without worrying we don't know the characters enough yet.

Yay! A bunch of these episodes start with Paula, and I'm glad it's gotten such positive feedback, which is always nice to hear. And when I make people actually laugh, it's just great. XD Oops, sorry about that spelling mistake, I admit sometimes I don't even notice them. My bad. Also, I'm glad you've caught on with how the characters act, and why they say the things they do. Makes it easier on me, I guess! XD

Angela and Jordan come across as caricatures right now, although this is their first episode so I'm willing to give them time. Right now they're just sort of gloating villains twirling imaginary mustaches so I'm hoping over time they're developed a bit more. Alisha's sudden confidence after shying away for the whole confrontation does seem to come from nowhere but we don't really know much about her right now other than the fact she's shy so hopefully this is leading to her coming out of her shell a little bit more.

Understood. I was told this when I originally posted the episode, and going back I can see what you mean. Hoping you start seeing them as actual "villains", because, in the next episode, a real big bomb is dropped from their relationship, which is something I've been dying to explore. And the ending, with Alisha, it showed that she isn't as nervous when she's with Alex, opposed to when she's around people she doesn't know, especially if they're belittling her. Hope you enjoy the rest of the episodes, Tom!

[Jay Paterson]

My review of, 1.12: Depart
HEART = BROKEN.

SPOILER: Click to show

Damn you Brady, you really know how to pull at those heart strings. My beloved Alisha, gone. Is this it for her character? Do you have plans on bringing her back? Or are you going to make me wait and find out as my heart breaks ever second haha.

Its so bittersweet, the relationship between Alisha and David. How they managed to fall in love just when she had to move away. I feel like the reaction Alex gave Alisha might affect the relationship between him and David after this. David might blame Alex for pushing Alisha away. Who knows? He might not, Alex is the only friend he's got after all.

It was a nice change to see an emotional side of Paula, rather than her ditsy old self. And the bond between her and Alisha is really nice. I enjoy that you can see how this relationship between the two girls has formed and grown throughout the sequence.

Alex, ugh, Alex, your just as stubborn as you've always been. Alex needs to learn how to listen to people, its really frustrating. I feel like he likes to be the center of attention and be able to control everything around him, and the fact that he finds out Alisha is going and she didn't approach him about it first annoys him. You can tell he really does care for Alisha though, because he put his stubbornness to the side when it came to the commercial, for her. But I guess that's just the way Alex is. He'll be annoyed that she didn't stay, for him, which's leads me onto the letter.

That whole scene was brilliant, and the Jason Mraz song couldn't be more perfect. I hope that Alex can understand it from Alisha's point of view, which is something i think he finds hard doing, but i think he might after reading the letter, and he'll probably feel a bit foolish for not hearing her out. Alisha saying her goodbyes was pretty sad, and the fact that even Micheal was beginning to well up, added so much more emotion due to that father daughter relationship. And the winner for most heartbreaking line goes to Alisha, with "Goodbye, Alex."

What a great series you've got here, Brady. I loved reading every second. The characters are great, the story lines are great, just overall great. I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with Sequence 2, I really don't know what direction you're going to take the show, which is GREAT because you can pretty much go anywhere with it. I really hope Alisha comes back next Sequence, not just for Alex, BUT FOR ME! haha.

Thanks for the great read. And of course, 10/10

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Jay Patterson's Review of 1.12 "Depart"

SPOILER: Click to show

Damn you Brady, you really know how to pull at those heart strings. My beloved Alisha, gone. Is this it for her character? Do you have plans on bringing her back? Or are you going to make me wait and find out as my heart breaks ever second haha.

Haha! That's what I was going for! XD Love pulling on heartstrings. I know, I'm weird. Anyway, I can tell you that Alisha will appear in the Sequence Two premiere. Anymore appearances after that, I can't reveal, because I don't know myself. XD But stay tuned, you never know, haha!

Its so bittersweet, the relationship between Alisha and David. How they managed to fall in love just when she had to move away. I feel like the reaction Alex gave Alisha might affect the relationship between him and David after this. David might blame Alex for pushing Alisha away. Who knows? He might not, Alex is the only friend he's got after all.

Yeah, it is. But for everyone's journey to continue, Alisha needed to follow her mother back to Georgia. And for David, we get to see a sadness from him, as well as his role of stepping up as Alex's "calming voice". But Alex and David's relationship will take somewhat of a dive. You'll just have to see. XD

It was a nice change to see an emotional side of Paula, rather than her ditsy old self. And the bond between her and Alisha is really nice. I enjoy that you can see how this relationship between the two girls has formed and grown throughout the sequence.

Part of next Sequence is Paula's backstory, and why she is as peppy as she is. And with Alisha's leaving, we got to see that emotional side of her, which will show back up next Sequence, second Arc. And glad you enjoyed their relationship! Always goig for compliments like that!

Alex, ugh, Alex, your just as stubborn as you've always been. Alex needs to learn how to listen to people, its really frustrating. I feel like he likes to be the center of attention and be able to control everything around him, and the fact that he finds out Alisha is going and she didn't approach him about it first annoys him. You can tell he really does care for Alisha though, because he put his stubbornness to the side when it came to the commercial, for her. But I guess that's just the way Alex is. He'll be annoyed that she didn't stay, for him, which's leads me onto the letter.

I had a feeling I would get comments like this. XD And I'm glad I did! Alex's stubborn-ness and impatient-ness has been shown, so it needed to be a big factor, because it's a flaw in his character, and I love flawed characters. XD Anyways, he doesn't necessarily want to be the center of attention, he was just booming with anger, because of the lies Jordan and Angela told him. And he really starts to feel guilty in the premiere, but furious as well. Who knows what he'll do! XD

That whole scene was brilliant, and the Jason Mraz song couldn't be more perfect. I hope that Alex can understand it from Alisha's point of view, which is something i think he finds hard doing, but i think he might after reading the letter, and he'll probably feel a bit foolish for not hearing her out. Alisha saying her goodbyes was pretty sad, and the fact that even Micheal was beginning to well up, added so much more emotion due to that father daughter relationship. And the winner for most heartbreaking line goes to Alisha, with "Goodbye, Alex."

Yay! I really loved writing that scene, probably one of my favorites this Sequence. I actually teared up a little writing it, but shhh! XD Okay, time to get to the point. Like I said above, Alex does feel really guilty in the premiere, and it's highlighted. And this whole episode was meant to be "sad", so I'm glad you feel that way! Mission accomplished! And that last line... LOOOOVED writing it. XD

What a great series you've got here, Brady. I loved reading every second. The characters are great, the story lines are great, just overall great. I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with Sequence 2, I really don't know what direction you're going to take the show, which is GREAT because you can pretty much go anywhere with it. I really hope Alisha comes back next Sequence, not just for Alex, BUT FOR ME! haha.

Thanks, Jay! I'm glad you've had time to read and review all the episodes, because it means a lot to me that you enjoy the show. Hope I don't disappoint next Sequence! XD And I do hope you like the direction I'm taking. I'll release some spoilers once the Christmas Special airs, so watch for them, haha! And, like I said, you'll get to see Alisha one more time next Sequence. Oh! And she's in the Christmas Special, too! Hope you enjoy! Thanks again, Jay!!

[MJ]

Review of 1x01 'We Have Arrived'

So, I read this a couple of days ago but am only now getting around to reviewing it

Anyway, I really like the concept of Audition, it's so different from anything else on the VPN at the moment and that's really cool. For a first episode I think 'We Have Arrived' is pretty solid but probably not the best it could be. Some things like the way the characters act/speak is a little bit off but I've read reviews of later episodes that suggests this is probably more to do with you getting used to the show and how you want it to work more than anything.

I like all the characters we were introduced to in this first episode, though I won't make any calls on favourites or anything until I've read a little more of the series, which I am planning to do! Some of the descriptions for the later episodes look really interesting and I can't wait to get into some of the meatier episodes of the first sequence

So, summing up, a pretty solid first episode with an intriguing set of characters which has me eager to read more. Hopefully I'll get around to reviewing all of them but even if I don't I'll definitely be reading them all

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: MJ's Review of 1.01 "We Have Arrived"

Thanks you so much for the review, MJ! It's always great to find new fans of the show, and I'm glad you at least somewhat enjoyed this episode! XD Now, onto the reply!

Anyway, I really like the concept of Audition, it's so different from anything else on the VPN at the moment and that's really cool. For a first episode I think 'We Have Arrived' is pretty solid but probably not the best it could be. Some things like the way the characters act/speak is a little bit off but I've read reviews of later episodes that suggests this is probably more to do with you getting used to the show and how you want it to work more than anything.

I have a passion for acting, and making something out of it really intrigued me. Thus Audition was born! XD Anyways, I totally agree with you on the whole plot of the episode. I don't find myself very good at introducing things, and pilots are torture for me to write. XD But I'm glad it wasn't terrible! And also see what you mean by the dialogue. I was still learning the ropes of writing back then, so hopefully everything improves as the series goes along.

I like all the characters we were introduced to in this first episode, though I won't make any calls on favourites or anything until I've read a little more of the series, which I am planning to do! Some of the descriptions for the later episodes look really interesting and I can't wait to get into some of the meatier episodes of the first sequence

Yay! I've said it before, I'm terrified of introducing characters. I don't know why, I just am XD So to hear that you liked the introductions really makes me happy! I hope you warm up and can claim a favorite, because that's great to hear, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the episodes, and if you don't have time to review, I totally understand. But it's great to know you're at least reading!

So, summing up, a pretty solid first episode with an intriguing set of characters which has me eager to read more. Hopefully I'll get around to reviewing all of them but even if I don't I'll definitely be reading them all

Thanks for the review, MJ! It's greatly appreciated, and I hope you do get around to reviewing some more episodes, because... Well, getting feedback's always nice. XD Anyways, thanks again!

[Tommy West]

1x04 - "The Sing Off" Review

The very first line of dialogue, Paula's "You've been here one whole week!" comes across as blatant exposition. I know you want to establish that time had passed since the last episode but there could have probably been a less obvious way to put that across. In fact, I think Angela's first line does that perfectly. That said, I still enjoy the relationship between Paula and Michael with all of its struggles.

Ms Carlyle is so upbeat and super positive it's annoying but there are people like that in real life so it's not a negative comment, just an observation. One of the lecturers at my uni is just like that so I couldn't help but picture her here! Angela's a bit better here than she was in the last villain, we're starting to see layers even if she jumps into a rage pretty quickly. We now know that she's got a crush on Jordan though, no matter how much she might deny it.

I chuckled at Ms Carlyle's comment about Alex and Justin's song and the fact we didn't see it possibly makes the gag funnier. Poor Alex but it's nice to see he's not great at everything! The musical number that follows is impressive, if only because I've not seen it done in a VS script before. It reminds me of Rachel and Santana on Glee so I'm wondering whether their relationship will turn out that way. I have to say though, I like the idea of Alisha and Alex being split up - they won't always get work together, after all.

Aaaaaaaaand Jordan's a pscyho. Uh oh. This could be bad for everybody. Excited to see how that turns out in future eps!

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: Tom East's Review of 1.04 "The Sing Off"

The very first line of dialogue, Paula's "You've been here one whole week!" comes across as blatant exposition. I know you want to establish that time had passed since the last episode but there could have probably been a less obvious way to put that across. In fact, I think Angela's first line does that perfectly. That said, I still enjoy the relationship between Paula and Michael with all of its struggles.

Really sorry about that! I'll admit, when I wrote these first couple of episodes, I was still adjusting to the whole scriptwriting thing, so hopefully it'll get better with each passing episode- the dialogue, I mean. But I'm glad you're still enjoying the Michael/Paula relationship, there's going to be tons more! XD

Ms Carlyle is so upbeat and super positive it's annoying but there are people like that in real life so it's not a negative comment, just an observation. One of the lecturers at my uni is just like that so I couldn't help but picture her here! Angela's a bit better here than she was in the last villain, we're starting to see layers even if she jumps into a rage pretty quickly. We now know that she's got a crush on Jordan though, no matter how much she might deny it.

Yeah, that's how I pictured her all along- just like an "over-dramatic" person. I'm glad you could relate as well, because that's always nice for the reader! Glad you thought Angela was much stronger this episode, and she doesn't want to deny her feelings for Jordan, because they have been dating for some time.

I chuckled at Ms Carlyle's comment about Alex and Justin's song and the fact we didn't see it possibly makes the gag funnier. Poor Alex but it's nice to see he's not great at everything! The musical number that follows is impressive, if only because I've not seen it done in a VS script before. It reminds me of Rachel and Santana on Glee so I'm wondering whether their relationship will turn out that way. I have to say though, I like the idea of Alisha and Alex being split up - they won't always get work together, after all.

Yay! Always happy when I can make someone laugh, or at least chuckle. And yeah, I wanted to have an episode that focuses on Alisha's strengths, and then have one that focuses on Alex's. You're right when you say they're not always get to work together, that's a huge part of this arc. Hope it doesn't disappoint!

Aaaaaaaaand Jordan's a pscyho. Uh oh. This could be bad for everybody. Excited to see how that turns out in future eps!

Yep! He is. xD But their relationship isn't really focues this Sequence, as much as it will in the next. Hope you enjoy the rest of the episodes, Tom, and thanks for the review!

[MJ]

Review of 1x02 "Hollywood Trouble"

I'm kinda really loving the webisode format. I means I can read and review an episode and it doesn't take me, like, two hours! But anyway, on to my review.

First up, a couple of problems I had with the episode. I noticed that some of the dialogue was quite repetitive or redundant a couple of times. The example that comes to mind is when Michael says "She couldn’t find a photographer to book to take your headshots. She said they're all booked." If she can't find any photographers to book doesn't that already imply that they're all booked? it just kinda makes the dialogue clunky. The other big problem I had was couldn't Paula just book one of the photographers the week after if they were all booked for that week? Like, surely not all of them are going to be completely booked up for the next month or so XD But yeah, those were my only two major problems with it.

Besides those issues I really enjoyed the episode. I like that you're focused on how much of a struggle it is for Alex and Alisha to break into the industry and that it's probably going to take them quite a while to do that. I did really enjoy Paula in this episode, I like that while she's a little bit silly and quirky she really is trying hard for Alex and Alisha. I do want to know why she hasn't been representing anyone for a while though. Is that something that ever gets addressed? It has me intrigued.

It's also nice to see that Michael is protective of Alex and Alisha but, gosh, he could cut Paula some slack XD I'm looking forward to see what happens now that Paula has booked them into the LA's Teen Talent.

I know sometimes I can be a little rough with my reviews (I can be really nitpicky ) but beside all that I do really enjoy Audition, If I didn't I wouldn't be coming back and reading more episodes! Anyway, expect a review for episode 3 soon, I really want to find out how the rest of Audition's first sequence plays out

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: MJ's Review of "Hollywood Trouble"

First up, a couple of problems I had with the episode. I noticed that some of the dialogue was quite repetitive or redundant a couple of times. The example that comes to mind is when Michael says "She couldn’t find a photographer to book to take your headshots. She said they're all booked." If she can't find any photographers to book doesn't that already imply that they're all booked? it just kinda makes the dialogue clunky.

Oops. Sorry! I'll admit, the first couple of episodes are not my best- I was still getting used to the whole script writing thing. But hopefully it's not too much a problem for the rest of the Arc.

The other big problem I had was couldn't Paula just book one of the photographers the week after if they were all booked for that week? Like, surely not all of them are going to be completely booked up for the next month or so XD But yeah, those were my only two major problems with it.

Well, I guess. XD But, with Alex's impatience, and Michael's already 'iffy' opinion about her. Yes, if they actually sat down and talked about it- but let's be honest, Michael would never do that, right now at least XD- then I'm sure this would've been brought up. But, with the length of page numbers I'm allowed, I did what I could. XD

Besides those issues I really enjoyed the episode. I like that you're focused on how much of a struggle it is for Alex and Alisha to break into the industry and that it's probably going to take them quite a while to do that. I did really enjoy Paula in this episode, I like that while she's a little bit silly and quirky she really is trying hard for Alex and Alisha.

Glad you enjoyed! I want to make this as realistic as possible, so I try my best to do so, and I'm glad it's getting such great reception. That's always good. And yeah, Paula is all cartoon-y and stuff, but she does care. And we see her continuing to care and work to provide them with the best they can get. So I hope you enjoy that! The reason Paula hasn't represented anyone.

I do want to know why she hasn't been representing anyone for a while though. Is that something that ever gets addressed? It has me intrigued

The reason Paula has never represented anyone, is because she's on the best agent in the world. So no one would even glance her way, but she does have the heart. And, yes, it will be addressed as to how she feels about this, in Sequence Two, so you've got a while. XD

It's also nice to see that Michael is protective of Alex and Alisha but, gosh, he could cut Paula some slack XD I'm looking forward to see what happens now that Paula has booked them into the LA's Teen Talent.

Yep, that's really what his character is about, and it's shown through the Sequence, which is why he gives Paula such a hard time, because he wants the best for his son. And I hope you enjoy their adventures at LA's Teen Talent! XD

I know sometimes I can be a little rough with my reviews (I can be really nitpicky ) but beside all that I do really enjoy Audition, If I didn't I wouldn't be coming back and reading more episodes! Anyway, expect a review for episode 3 soon, I really want to find out how the rest of Audition's first sequence plays out

MJ, you're fine! It's great to here your thoughts, even your complaints, because it just makes me want to do better. I'm glad you enjoy the show, and hope you continue to enjoy, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

[MJ]

So I ended up reading all the way up to episode 11 so I'm just going to make one big post with a paragraph or so to review each of the episodes XD

1x03 Acting 101
It's nice to see that Paula, despite being not the best agent, is actually finding ways to further Alex and Alisha's acting career. Not to mention this is the episode where the two 'villains' of the story are introduced. My comments as far as Jordan and Angela go are probably going to echo most others when I say that they come across a bit like stock villains. They're dialogue is so incredibly cliché and I can't read any of their lines without thinking of them striking some kind of fabulous bad guy pose afterwards XD I like that Alex and Alisha now have the additional conflict of dealing with two snobby, nasty people, but I feel like Angela and Jordan would be much for satisfying for readers if they were more than just bad guy caricatures.

1x04 The Sing Off
I like that in this episode we get to focus on Alisha and her talents. I also like how this is an area that Alex isn't very good in, it helps to round out the characters, showing there's some areas they'll have to work on or may never be good at and that's just like real life. This episode probably has my favourite line of the whole sequence and that is "Thank you, Alex and Justin, for that...representation of One Direction.", it really made me laugh. I do like that you add some depth to Jordan and Angela's relationship in this episode, it's a really interesting direction to take with them, though I do have some gripes with how it's handled in late episodes, which I'll get to a bit later.

1x05 Improv
I find it a little odd that Paula has a key to their apartment after only one month but, hey, maybe they're really trusting people. Michael running out with the baseball bat made me chuckle too Again, it's nice to see the variation in Alex and Alisha's skills and how they try to support and make up for each others weaknesses, it's nice to see how close they are like that. I have to admit, I was cringing when it was Alisha's turn to do the improv, so much secondhand embarrassment XD

1x06 Commercial Success
It's nice to see Paula come through for them as an agent in this episode, though I find it so petty of Alex to turn his nose up at the idea of doing a commercial initially XD I'm glad Alisha steps up to the plate though and decides to go it alone, it shows how much she's grown in the short time that they've been there. But, of course, Alex shows up in the end, which is nice, and I was honestly surprised by that too

1x07 Jealousy
I like that this episode picks up from the previous one by actually showing the end product of the commercial. And, no surprises here, Angela and Jordan are crazy jealous XD I like the introduction of Jordan and Angela's agent to the show but I think he comes across as a little too rude? Like, I get what you were going for but the way he responds to Paula has me kind of wondering if these people are really adults because when they're sniping at each other like that for really not much a reason it comes across really childish.

1x08 Newbie
I can't decide if I like David or not. He seems almost too confident, you know? Like, almost cocky sometimes and it just has me erring on the side of caution when it comes to deciding if I like him or not. I did like how Jordan and Angela apparently use the same routine on every new person to try and intimidate them, though it obviously fails this time XD

Halloween Special
I love that you have a Halloween episode, I think special holiday tie in episodes are awesome. Anyway, love how Alex and Alisha have the same costumes as Jordan and Angela, didn't see that coming. Again, no surprises that those four are the last ones in the competition and that they try to trick each other into breaking character. I did find it a bit odd that they're trading very obvious insults in front of the teacher and the rest of the class? Aren't they supposed to be watching them? Wouldn't the teacher put an end to it if they were just having a go at each other the whole time? Just something that bugged me. I was kinda wishing that Angela would win though XD I don't know, I kind of like her and figured she could probably do with getting something she wants for once

1x09 Mom
I found it funny how it was just a stream of people coming into the apartment throughout this episode, especially that Paula was there when no one was expecting her. And David, again, not really sure what I think of him. It might just be because the webisode episodes are so short and I'm not really getting a good feel for his character just yet. Alisha's mum showing up was a surprise, I kind of forgot that she was even around until this episode XD I did find her abrupt appearance and ultimatum a bit odd though. I mean, Alisha is old enough to make her own decisions now and her mum rocking up and essentially telling her they're leaving in a month just seemed weird, though that could be because at this point we really had no backstory on her mum at all.

1x10 I'm Here
I really like how you've built the relationship between Alisha and Michael in this episode. He really does feel like a father to her and I like how he ultimately leaves the decision up to her but still gives her a lot of good advice to help make the decision. I did fins the transition from that scene to Paula arriving a bit abrupt though, to go from something tender and emotional to something as crazy as Paula without some kind of way to separate the two scenes was a bit jarring. I do like how the end of this episode sets us up for episode 11 though

1x11 Dance, Dance
Some more looks into Jordan and Angela's relationship which I found really interesting. Don't quite get why David and Alex wandered off to look in the teachers office. Yes, I got a little chuckle out of it but I felt like the scene didn't really serve a purpose? I also have to confess, David and Alisha's chemistry? Don't really see it. I mean, it was getting there but it all feels a bit rushed for me. I can't really sense that "the chemistry between the two is unimaginable". And end the episode with Jordan and Angela being nasty and making Alex think his best friend doesn't trust him enough to tell him her decision. I hope that gets sorted out next episode and it doesn't turn into a catalyst that will end with Alisha leaving

Other notes
Okay, so here I want to address some overarching things that weren't really episode specific

1. Spelling/grammar/typos: I noticed that pretty much every episode had at least a couple of typos or spelling mistakes that were really quite easy to notice. It's not that they were every other sentence but there was certainly enough that I noticed them and it bugged me. Of course, that can be easily fixed by making sure you do a thorough edit or get someone else to read over it for you

2. Dialogue and characterisation: Another of the major problems I had with the series was characterisation. A lot of the characters felt very wooden, in that they were so stereotypical it almost pained me XD It did get better as the season progressed but I felt like a lot of your supporting characters, and even your main characters sometimes, just lacked in strong characterisation. As far as advice I can give you for this the best I can offer is get to know your characters. Jordan and Angela are villains, yes, but villains just for villains sake aren't interesting. You're on the way there by showing that the relationship between them is quite abusive but you still need to flesh them out more. Think about what motivates them. Why are they interested in acting? Why is Jordan so volatile? Why does Angela stay with Jordan? If you know all this you'll find that every action your character makes suddenly has new meaning and it will come across in the writing, even if the audience never finds out the answers to those questions (though admittedly it's more fun if they do, just make sure to drip feed them the info rather than dump it on them )

Anyway, from here on in the comments are mostly just my personal likes and dislikes.

3. Paula: I'm sorry to say it Brady, but I really don't like Paula all that much! I feel that she's so over the top that I just think she's ridiculous. Mind you, I've never been a fan of over the top/slapstick-y characters and unfortunately Paula just fits that bill. I know everyone else loves her and thinks she's funny and when I started reading I was trying to see that but just- no, Paula is not the character for me. As a side effect of this I don't really see any chemistry between her and Michael either, a lot of their interactions just feel like Paula is just forcing her presence on Michael and I really don't get the hype. Sorry! XD

4. Jordan and Angela's relationship: While I really do like the idea that Jordan is an abusive boyfriend (it adds so much to the characters) I found that maybe it wasn't depicted in the best way possible for the characters and the story. I felt like when you wanted to remind us of how Jordan treats Angela it was all very obvious but then in other episodes, where they're relationship didn't play a big role in the story, that aspect was just kind of brushed off to the side until it was needed again for dramatic effect. I would have liked to see it shown as less over the top and more of a subtle undercurrent whenever we saw Angela and Jordan alone. I do hope that in the second sequence we will get to find out more about their relationship.

5. Angela: Of all the characters in the show I'm going to go ahead and declare Angela as my favourite, if only because her character holds so, so much potential for being amazing. I felt like you might have dropped the ball a bit with Angela and I don't know if it was a deliberate choice of if you didn't realise who much a growth a character like her could go though. I would have loved to see Angela open up a little to Alisha in this sequence, and we did see a bit of it in the sing off, because I think it would have been really interesting to see how Alisha would have dealt with it and also how desperate for a friend Angela really is. I would love to see Angela maybe break away fro Jordan a bit, and maybe open up to someone else, because I get the feeling she isn't nearly as nasty as we think she is and that a lot of it's a show. Now I don't know if I'm hitting anywhere near the nail with this character analysis but if there's anything I'd want you to do in the second arc it's explore Angela's character some more

Anyway, that's everything, I think XD Sorry for the ridiculously long review! I should hopefully read the last episode soon and will write you a review for that asap

[Brady Brown]

RESPONSE: MJ's Mega-Post

First off, thank you so much for reading all of these episodes, and leaving some feedback! It's always great to hear some of that! Now, onto the monster reply! XD

Yes, I can see where you're coming from with the whole "cliche-villain", but they weren't meant to come across that way. And they're not necessarily caricatures, but, from their introduction episode, it can come across that way. But, in my eyes, they become better as the Sequence progresses.

I wanted to do an episode that focused on Alisha's strengths, and then on Alex's, simply because I wanted to balance the two out. This whole first Arc is about them getting used to their lives in Los Angeles, and adjusting to their new classes, and the people they meet in them. And I'm glad you liked that "One Direction" line! It seems to be getting some positive reception.

Now, I want to refer to your comments on Jordan and Angela's relationship. Their relationship wasn't the main focus of this Arc, or Sequence rather. It was purely supposed to be hinted at throughout. It was brought up very little, simply because if I had only brought it up in one episode, I feel like people would've been "Hey, what's going on?" It was brought in, because it's leading to a buildup next Sequence, where it will be focused on, and all the questions you've listed will be answered, hopefully to everyone's liking. And, going back, I'm confused as to what you found over the top about their relationship? Going back, from my memory, I never found it that way. So, just a little confused at that comment.

Now, with Angela, like I said above, the questions you have on her will be answered. She just wasn't a major aspect of this Sequence. Yes, her potential is great, which is why I created her. And why yes, it would've been nice for a nice little "gush" session between Angela and Alisha, it was just never called for, and if I just threw it in there to get it out of the way, I wouldn't have been proud of what I had produced. There have been tons of speculation as to how Angela isn't as big and bad as she makes herself out to, which will also be addressed next Sequence. So, is she nasty, or no? XD That is the question!

Paula is just crazy. She could've secretly made a key, or who knows, Michael might have actually given it to her. XD And I'm really glad you felt bad for Alisha when it was her turn (if I'm reading that correctly XD), because that's excactly what I was going for!

I wanted to end the Arc on a happy note, which is why I had Paula come through for everyone. But then again, not everything is so peachy in the real world, which is why I had Alex deny the opportunity at the beginning, strictly because it stayed true to his character, and created conflict. Also, Alisha stepping up, and realizing that Alex isn't always going to be there, is a huge aspect of this Sequence, so I'm glad it's gotten some good reception, along with a shocking ending. XD

I was really nervous about doing the Arc Two premiere, because I didn't know if people would've liked it right where it left off, but people seem to, so I'm glad about that. Again, I love creating conflict with these characters, and having Jordan and Angela being jealous is building their rage, something that was really huge in that Arc. On James, he's based off of one of my family members (who I don't see very often anymore xD), which is why I like writing for him. He's so incredibly rude and full of himself, that he doesn't see that sometimes he's acting like a fool, not really childish, per say.

The somewhat "mystery" element of introducing David was something I really liked doing. "Is he a friend, or not?" It was just interesting to do with a dramadey. And I didn't mean for him to come across as cocky, so a little confused there, he's more meant to be the funny guy XD but I hope, in episodes to come, you start to warm up to him. Also wanted to show how Jordan and Angela treat all the newbies, and with David sticking up for himself, it just added to their rage, which just continues to grow.

I'm really glad I did the holiday episodes, too, they were heaps of fun to write. And I just had to have them be in the same costume! I would've never forgiven myself if I didn't. XD I pictured the conversation between Alex and Angela to be very close up, and to themselves, where no one could hear them, including Ms. Carlyle. Just like a real intense moment where they whisper insults at each other. XD Also, Angela didn't win, because it helps with the rage building. Having this be a last minute episode addition, I didn't just want it to be "Okay, this episode is useless", so having some more rage build-up really helped in the end, for me anyways.

I really do hope you warm up to David, but then again, he is very similar to Paula, which might not make you a fan of him in the end, but hopefully you can come around to him. -crosses fingers- XD And the appearance of Alyssa was to bring in a major decisions for Alisha. It's brought up in the episode after, how Alisha can make her own decisions. Also, on the point of her backstory, and being in a webisode format, I'll talk about that at the bottom. XD

Alisha and Michael's relationship is something I've really enjoyed developing, because I love father-figure relationships. And, with Alisha having no dad at home, it was really special for her to form that bond between them. And the transition between the emotional and the funny, I tried to mimic Paula's personality. She is abrupt; she shows up when she wants to. XD Also, I needed a way to set up the next episode, like you said.

Alex and David wandered off because they're curious teenage boys. XD I'm not even gonna lie, I would find it interesting to snoop through a teachers desk, and when they found the book.. I just loved writing that scene! XD And the purpose of the scene, was to form a relationship between Alex and David, because there hasn't been a scene like that, up until that point. Yes, it ultimately could've been cut out, but it showed that they are friends in the end, even with Alisha and David having a relationship.

On the relationship between David and Alisha, and with it feeling rushed. First I need to address the "webisode" format, and why you might have some of these issues. A webisode is very difficult to write, the problem being that you're limited to how many pages you can use. I knew going into this series, that I was always going feel nervous about things being rushed and not fleshed out properly, because the webisode format can only allow so much. So I'm sorry you've had issues with things like that, but I just wanted to address why you might have them. And, by no means, am I trying to change the opinion you have, I just wanted to say why you might have them.

The dialogue I can see, especially from the beginning episodes, where you're coming from, especially regarding Jordan and Angela, but again, they're not their just to be villains. Their back stories are coming. I'll try and go back to see what you mean by the main characters being very wooden in episodes later down the line, just to see if I can understand where you're coming from.

Thanks for the many reviews, MJ! I hope you don't hate this show entirely, and that you'll continue to read XD But, again, thanks!! ;D