Carey
VPN Community Member
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Post by Carey on Jul 28, 2011 6:09:57 GMT -6
Read the double episode and here are my thoughts.
Well I'm automatically biased in cop shows. I hate them. CSI and its endless spin-offs, NCIS, Law and Order and every single last one except The Shield and The Wire. Now onto the series
This series has the potential to be great. It has a pretty nice cast of characters, Victoria is a strong lead, Lloyd who is plain awesome. Cassie I'm not too big on, but I'll have to see more of her to decide. As for Nora, I'm indifferent to her at the moment. Like Cassie, I gotta see more of her. As for Adam.... I don't know... when he's first introduced, the word "awkward" is used yet he came across a little differently. To me, he really didn't stand out that much and felt a little bland. As for Shayne, I love him. Confident, insensitive, he's my kind of character. Definitely the character I'm looking forward to follow. His conflict with Victoria is probably the best part of the series so far. Conflict is where the really interesting stuff is and I'm looking forward to this storyline.
The bad guy was something called a "Demon". Not exactly sure what this means, except he comes from another reality called "Pandemonium". Is he a man possessed by an actual Demon? Is it just a term for the people that live there? Anyway, he was crazy yet had some connection to Victoria, most likely from her past, possibly a part that she has forgotten.
Along with this is a whole bunch of Mythological references, very little of it being explained yet by the second episode end we are starting to get the idea behind concepts such as "Fracture Lines" and "Sensitives". My guess is that "Fracture Lines" are the weakest spots in reality between the two worlds while "Sensitives" are people that are able to detect these "Fracture Lines".
Episode two I felt was far better than episode 1. Besides a few references to these Mythology concepts, the first episode felt like a typical police procedural until the final moment. The second episode dealt with the fallout of the cliffhanger and the characters stood out a lot more.
After the second episode, I feel that this series could become some great. Although I have series hatred for cop procedurals, I have been able to put my hatred aside for "The Shield" and "The Wire" and I hope to be able to do the same here.
Out Of Sight (Part One) - B-
Out Of Sight (Part Two) - A
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Post by skittles on Jul 28, 2011 13:31:20 GMT -6
I just wanted to say for you Carey, I think that MJ put a description of what the Fracture Lines and stuff like that in her Story Summary section. If I am correct, I BELIEVE she explains what those are there, because otherwise I have no idea how I know what those are. XD Anyways, just trying to be helpful. :3
Alright. Second episode. In my own opinion I don't feel that episode 2 was better than episode 1, but honestly that doesn't matter because I really liked episode 1. So for them to breakeven is great. In fact, part of me likes episode 1 better.
Anyways, onward! I thought your flashback scenes were really well put together. The grayscale, the sluglines and all that technical jazz was on cue and it wasn't confusing. And flashbacks are something I have real big trouble writing, but you did it flawlessly and it added to the drama in a way that was almost completely necessary. Like, I think it would have been less interesting, dramatic and well put together had you just picked up where episode 1 left off. It was better for the story to see it in pieces.
All in all, I don't have much to say in terms of constructive criticism aside from nurses in your future Earth being INCREDIBLY stupid. There is a big chunk of talk about a safety protocol..... WOMAN! YOU JUST SAID THERE WAS A DEMON TALKING OVER THE INTERCOM! Uhh.. even if it's NOT a protocol that has to do with demons, I think it's safe to say you can do what you MUST to save everyone regardless. And then she needed Victoria to tell her to do it... I was like... >.> But honestly, that's not even that important, but I literally screamed out, "YOU MORON!" And scared my room mate. XD
Oh and the demon. What the heck man? He has been trying to get Tori's attention the ENTIRE TWO EPISODES. And then he has it and now he is gonna just, "POOF." Now normally, people will think of this as a story flaw. But I know what you did there, and it is brilliant. It makes the reader want to know what the heck he wanted. So we are gonna read. I really like that. Bad guys spend TOO MUCH TIME monolaguing anyways. Like, "My evil plan is to rule the world and here is a step by step guide on how I am going to do it. If you look at this chart here I have provided you can see I am gonna punch you right in this area.." And so on and so forth. Gives the story a kind of.. foreboding kind of feel. That isn't the last time we are gonna see that fella.
Anyways, I am gonna continue to give this episode the same grade as the previous as I believe they worked good together and paved the way for the stories to come. 10/10
I hope you feel better MJ and good luck at University. :3
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Jul 29, 2011 5:31:15 GMT -6
REVIEW: "Out of Sight Part 1"/ Edge of VisionAlright, this is...basically my first time reviewing, so bare with my fail a little bit and it made be a little scattered and random. I promise I'll get better eventually. XD Also, I apologize for it taking so long! The teaser caught my attention immediately. From the get-go, I was intrigued and couldn't wait to see what came next. As the episode went on, I felt the same all the way through. I was wrapped into it the entire time and my attention was never lost. The entire thing was very well written, easy to follow, and all around pretty damn great. I was a little nervous about how a show like this would go but even after reading just this bit, I've completely changed my mind. You've done a great job with it so far and I love it. The lingo is very CSI-esque like Jack said, which I think is great. The research you must've put into this is awesome. Props to you for that! Though abrupt, I had no issues with the ending. I thought it was rather fitting and leaves me being unable to wait for the next episode.  Now, for the characters. All of them pretty much interested me from the start, and I'm enjoying them all. However, my favorites thus far are Tori, Cassie and Lloyd. I'm especially a fan of Cassie's attitude, she's awesome XD As is Tori, but I think my number one favorite definitely has to be Cassie. Overall, and again I'm sorry for the short review, I'll give this episode a solid 10/10. I saw nothing that really needed to be called on to or anything, and I enjoyed the episode all the way through. The pilot episode was awesome!
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Post by MJ on Jul 29, 2011 8:50:01 GMT -6
Just wanted to jump in and thank everyone who's reviewed so far. Also, I do intend to respond to all of your individual reviews when I'm feeling a bit better. I have read them all though, and they've all put a smile on my face despite me currently feeling like something the dog dragged in |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Aug 1, 2011 19:23:07 GMT -6
Hey, I just wanted to pop in and say that I hope you feel better soon! I know it sucks hella bad being sicks, so I totally feel for you. Get well soon!
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Post by MJ on Aug 2, 2011 2:19:14 GMT -6
Aww, thanks Aimee  I'm pretty much all better now, just a lingering cough. I don't get sick that often but when I do it likes to last for a while XD As a general note to everyone: I was pretty sick for most the week so unfortunately I got very little writing done and am essentially in the same situation as last week. Therefore, Edge of Vision is going to have to be pushed back another week (which is really annoying because I was hoping to have an uninterrupted run of the first six episodes) and will instead be airing on the 10th, as long as everything goes according to plan |
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Ms. Kerry
VPN Community Member
Fight the good fight, Tony, I hate nap time too.
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Post by Ms. Kerry on Aug 4, 2011 16:04:24 GMT -6
Review EoV "Out of Sight Part 1"
Okay so...I was out of the country for awhile and I am just now getting around to your show.This is going to be pretty short because this is my first time doing one of these reviews,but I thought this was one worth reviewing.
I REALLY enjoyed the first episode. It reminded me very much of Criminal Minds or one of those other crime shows out there, however it has the supernatural twist which I love. I thought the characters all worked very well together and they all like each other which gave them a sort of family feel which works nicely for a show like this. I thought that Tori was quirky and fun, same with Cassie. I would like to know a little more about the whole Sensitive thing but I trust it is shown more later. Lloyd and Nora as the more responsible of the group looking out for Tori were interesting and I can't wait to see more from them figure out their back story and such. Adam flat out makes me want to snuggle him 'nuff said.
So to sum up- I loved it! I can't wait to read more.
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 2:30:17 GMT -6
Review response for Monica:Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's much appreciated I am interested in however, with this fracture allowing horrible murderers into the world, I was sort of wondering if there will be a group of people designed to researching how to CLOSE it. I know that this story is set around solving the murders of the demons, and I may be thinking too far ahead on this one, but it might be interesting.... I forgot where I was going with that... ONWARD. XD Haha, it's funny that you bring this up. The Fracture happened around fifty years ago (hope I'm remembering my timeline correctly XD) and created the Fracture Lines that the Demons can cross through. At the time that Edge of Vision is set, Earth is at a point where Fracture Lines and Demons are a normal part of life but one that is not entirely understood. As for if they'll start to look into how the Fracture Lines work and ways to perhaps stop the Demons from crossing.... it actually begins to get addressed in episode 3 and though not predominant in the first season this is an issue that is likely to pop up every now and again (without giving too much away ) I really like all of the characters, even Lloyd. For most people, segregating character's mannerisms and actions proves difficult. I watch a lot of tv shows where the characters start blending into one another and suddenly I am not certain who is who anymore. However, I felt that none of them overshadowed the other. Characters are very important to me, I'd go as far as to say they're probably more important than story 90% of the time. That being said, I try very hard to give each character their own 'voice'. Victoria is strong and independent while still being feminine and relatable. Lloyd is the gruff professional with a soft side he tends to keep hidden. Nora tries to be the firm but fair authority figure but can't help but coddle and look out for all those working under her. Cassie is the upbeat friend of everyone with an optimistic outlook on life despite working daily with dead bodies. And Adam is the young, nervous tech guy who's eager to please. Of course there's a lot more to each character than what was mentioned but those are the main points I try to get across and if I can do that and make the characters stand out from each other than I've done my job well You seem to know your way around a detective show, so that the lingo and professionalism is still there, despite no one really acting like it all that much. So when Cassie is down in the morgue telling Victoria about the murders, it wasn't: "Oh, he killed her good with this here knife." It was in a professional voice despite her silly kind of nature. Something I am sure we can all appreciate. I'm sure most people have guessed by now but I'm a pretty big fan of crime shows. I've watched (and am still watching in some cases) CSI, Crossing Jordan, NCIS, Criminal Minds, Numbers, Rizzoli and Isles, Blue Heelers, City Homicide, Bones, White Collar and probably more. This is where all my technical lingo and crime fighting knowledge comes from so if I'm writing it in a way that's believable that's one of the best compliments I can get :3 The only real qualm I have with stories is that the main character has this.. uncanny ability to have all of these misfortunate things happen to them over and over again. Though this is the first episode, and I cannot draw any conclusions, I hope that the demons don't always make it a thing to grab Tori's attention. Hahaha, don't worry! Tori may be the focus of this particular Demon but that won't be the case in every episode. While most of Edge of Vision's stories are rather Tori centric, it's more because we are following her life and less because every Demon they come across is going to become suddenly fixated on her. The way I've structured the season is actually so each supporting character gets an episode that is fairly centred on them so no one gets left out Now, finally I am going to give this episode 10/10, because I don't feel that my qualms merit any value in terms of episode quality just yet. I felt it was a good start, with a great array of characters and a writer who has the knowledge of both. I look forward to reading the end of this two parter. Good job MJ. :3 Awww, thank you so much for the review. It makes me happy to know that I'm writing something that people are enjoying and also think is of good quality. I hope you'll keep reading as the series goes on because I'd love to read more of your reviews, I'm sure they'll be very helpful when it comes to finding out what my readers are thinking and what could do with improvement! 
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Aug 7, 2011 2:50:15 GMT -6
-randomly pops in- I just gotta say, MJ, that I LOVED Crossing Jordan (it got me interested in Forensics for a possible career choice) and I totally love Rizzoli and Isles XD
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 3:06:01 GMT -6
Review response for Carey:Well I'm automatically biased in cop shows. I hate them. CSI and its endless spin-offs, NCIS, Law and Order and every single last one except The Shield and The Wire. Now onto the series Eep! Well, I hope Edge of Vision can be one of your exceptions! To be honest, I wouldn't label it entirely a cop show. Sure, they work as cops but I'm hoping for it to be more of a character centric series with an overall supernatural plot which is: 'how the heck are we supposed to stop these Demons from killing people' This series has the potential to be great. It has a pretty nice cast of characters, Victoria is a strong lead, Lloyd who is plain awesome. Cassie I'm not too big on, but I'll have to see more of her to decide. As for Nora, I'm indifferent to her at the moment. Like Cassie, I gotta see more of her. As for Adam.... I don't know... when he's first introduced, the word "awkward" is used yet he came across a little differently. To me, he really didn't stand out that much and felt a little bland. As for Shayne, I love him. Confident, insensitive, he's my kind of character. Definitely the character I'm looking forward to follow. His conflict with Victoria is probably the best part of the series so far. Conflict is where the really interesting stuff is and I'm looking forward to this storyline. Well, there's not much to say about the characters your unsure of except hopefully you'll warm up to them when we get to see more of their personalities and histories in future episodes. I'm very glad that you like the two main characters, Victoria and Shayne, since they are who we'll be seeing the most of. I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that there will be more conflict between Shayne and Tori as the series progresses and I have the feeling that even when they do start warming up to each other there will still be a lot of bickering and disagreements XD The bad guy was something called a "Demon". Not exactly sure what this means, except he comes from another reality called "Pandemonium". Is he a man possessed by an actual Demon? Is it just a term for the people that live there? Anyway, he was crazy yet had some connection to Victoria, most likely from her past, possibly a part that she has forgotten. Along with this is a whole bunch of Mythological references, very little of it being explained yet by the second episode end we are starting to get the idea behind concepts such as "Fracture Lines" and "Sensitives". My guess is that "Fracture Lines" are the weakest spots in reality between the two worlds while "Sensitives" are people that are able to detect these "Fracture Lines". Ah, now this was tricky when I was writing the first couple of episodes. I didn't want Edge of Vision to be a series where nobody knows anything end everything gets a big explanation as the characters figure it. Instead, all the main characters know about Demons and Pandemonium and Fracture Lines and therefore there's no need for explanation between them. So, as a viewer you're kind of thrown into this new world and need to pick things up from the small hints and snippets of info that are given. I know that could be be a overwhelming for people but I think my readers are smart enough to start picking things up, like you seemed to have done! That said, I will constantly be trying to slip in small explanations here and there so that readers get a better understanding of Edge of Visions world but don't expect it to be handed out as a massive explanation because I would like to be a bit more subtle that that. As Monica mentioned in her review though, there is more of an explanation of Edge of Vision's world in the show description if you're ever feeling lost After the second episode, I feel that this series could become some great. Although I have series hatred for cop procedurals, I have been able to put my hatred aside for "The Shield" and "The Wire" and I hope to be able to do the same here. Out Of Sight (Part One) - B- Out Of Sight (Part Two) - A Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review, despite your dislike of cop shows, and here's hoping you'll enjoy the rest of the season
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 5:03:49 GMT -6
-randomly pops in- I just gotta say, MJ, that I LOVED Crossing Jordan (it got me interested in Forensics for a possible career choice) and I totally love Rizzoli and Isles XD Haha, awesome! Crossing Jordan was one of the first crime shows I really got into so it's always been one of my favourites. As for Rizzoli and Isles: I'm a big fan of Sasha Alexander, so when I found out she was staring in it I decided to give it a watch and ended up loving it ^^ Nice to find another fan of Rizzoli and Isles though |
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Aug 7, 2011 5:20:40 GMT -6
-randomly pops in- I just gotta say, MJ, that I LOVED Crossing Jordan (it got me interested in Forensics for a possible career choice) and I totally love Rizzoli and Isles XD Haha, awesome! Crossing Jordan was one of the first crime shows I really got into so it's always been one of my favourites. As for Rizzoli and Isles: I'm a big fan of Sasha Alexander, so when I found out she was staring in it I decided to give it a watch and ended up loving it ^^ Nice to find another fan of Rizzoli and Isles though I watch it every week with my mom XD We're both into crime shows, and those two are hilarious together so Rizzoli and Isles is definitely one of my favorite shows right now, right up there with Rookie Blue. |
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 20:12:15 GMT -6
Review response for MonicaAnyways, onward! I thought your flashback scenes were really well put together. The grayscale, the sluglines and all that technical jazz was on cue and it wasn't confusing. And flashbacks are something I have real big trouble writing, but you did it flawlessly and it added to the drama in a way that was almost completely necessary. Like, I think it would have been less interesting, dramatic and well put together had you just picked up where episode 1 left off. It was better for the story to see it in pieces. I had a lot of fun writing the flashbacks so I'm really glad that you enjoyed them I knew almost as soon as I began writing my pilot episode that episode two wasn't going to be a straight continuation (this was also the main reason the first two episodes aired on separate weeks rather than together) but I still wanted to show readers what happened in the warehouse. Flashbacks turned out to be the best way to do that and I felt it helped carry the episode, knowing that something bad had happened but not knowing exactly how it went down until about half way though the episode. All in all, I don't have much to say in terms of constructive criticism aside from nurses in your future Earth being INCREDIBLY stupid. There is a big chunk of talk about a safety protocol..... WOMAN! YOU JUST SAID THERE WAS A DEMON TALKING OVER THE INTERCOM! Uhh.. even if it's NOT a protocol that has to do with demons, I think it's safe to say you can do what you MUST to save everyone regardless. And then she needed Victoria to tell her to do it... I was like... >.> But honestly, that's not even that important, but I literally screamed out, "YOU MORON!" And scared my room mate. XD Hahaha, as silly as it may have seemed to have the nurse not know what to do there was a reason behind it I think I mentioned it in a previous review but Demons have only been around for fifty or so years, so though humanity is at a point where they've come to accept that Demons and Fracture Lines are going to be a regular part of life most people don't have much contact with them and don't know how to deal with situations involving them. Most people, barring Sensitives, those working with the DCIU, and people higher up in government jobs, tend to be pretty naive when it comes to Demons so the nurse coming off as a bit oblivious was mostly intentional XD It gives you a bit of insight into problems the DCIU are going to have in future concerning how little people know about Demons but I won't say too much more or I'll start giving away future story lines Oh and the demon. What the heck man? He has been trying to get Tori's attention the ENTIRE TWO EPISODES. And then he has it and now he is gonna just, "POOF." Now normally, people will think of this as a story flaw. But I know what you did there, and it is brilliant. It makes the reader want to know what the heck he wanted. So we are gonna read. I really like that. Bad guys spend TOO MUCH TIME monolaguing anyways. Like, "My evil plan is to rule the world and here is a step by step guide on how I am going to do it. If you look at this chart here I have provided you can see I am gonna punch you right in this area.." And so on and so forth. Gives the story a kind of.. foreboding kind of feel. That isn't the last time we are gonna see that fella. Oh yes, you're definitely going to see more of this guy before the first season is though. I'm glad that you appreciate his sudden exit despite having Victoria right there with him though. It wasn't just a cheap ploy on my part to create drama either. I know the exact reason he left and how he managed to disappear (yes, this is all part of my nefarious plan ) and though it may seem a bit odd now it will all be explained in due time.... Anyways, I am gonna continue to give this episode the same grade as the previous as I believe they worked good together and paved the way for the stories to come. 10/10 I hope you feel better MJ and good luck at University. :3 Thank you for another awesome review. I love reading your response to the episodes and a 10/10 rating is more than I could have hoped for
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 20:24:37 GMT -6
Review response for Aimee:REVIEW: "Out of Sight Part 1"/ Edge of VisionAlright, this is...basically my first time reviewing, so bare with my fail a little bit and it made be a little scattered and random. I promise I'll get better eventually. XD Also, I apologize for it taking so long! Hey, anything you have to say on Edge of Vision, be it scattered and random or not, is very much appreciated! The teaser caught my attention immediately. From the get-go, I was intrigued and couldn't wait to see what came next. As the episode went on, I felt the same all the way through. I'm glad it had you intrigued and eager to read more! Being a sort of 'mystery' series had me a little concerned when writing it. I was worried everything was going to be really obvious and people wouldn't be interested, so hearing your kinda of response makes me feel a lot more confident in my ability to write something that has people wanting to know/read more Now, for the characters. All of them pretty much interested me from the start, and I'm enjoying them all. However, my favorites thus far are Tori, Cassie and Lloyd. I'm especially a fan of Cassie's attitude, she's awesome XD As is Tori, but I think my number one favorite definitely has to be Cassie. Although I absolutely love Tori (And you'd kinda hope I would, considering she's my main character), Cassie has to be my favourite character to write. I have so much fun getting into her head and writing her lines, and I'm glad other people love her too! Overall, and again I'm sorry for the short review, I'll give this episode a solid 10/10. I saw nothing that really needed to be called on to or anything, and I enjoyed the episode all the way through. The pilot episode was awesome! A short review is more than fine! No need to get hung up on how long it is because any response from readers can put a smile on my face Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review and here's hoping the pilot episode was enough to convince you to stick around and keep reading
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Post by MJ on Aug 7, 2011 20:39:44 GMT -6
Review response for Kerry:Review EoV "Out of Sight Part 1" Okay so...I was out of the country for awhile and I am just now getting around to your show.This is going to be pretty short because this is my first time doing one of these reviews,but I thought this was one worth reviewing. No problem! I'm very glad that you thought it was worth reviewing. I actually got this review during the middle of an extremely boring lecture so it really made my day! I REALLY enjoyed the first episode. It reminded me very much of Criminal Minds or one of those other crime shows out there, however it has the supernatural twist which I love. Considering Criminal Minds is one of my favourite shows, being compared to it is a huge compliment, so thank you I would like to know a little more about the whole Sensitive thing but I trust it is shown more later. Yes, you'll get more of an idea about Sensitives as the series goes on but for anyone confused, they're pretty much like psychics but they only 'sense' things relating to Demons and Fracture Lines. Adam flat out makes me want to snuggle him 'nuff said. Then my job is done as far as his character is concerned So to sum up- I loved it! I can't wait to read more. Thank you so much for the review! And I hope to hear what you think of future episodes as they air
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Ms. Kerry
VPN Community Member
Fight the good fight, Tony, I hate nap time too.
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Post by Ms. Kerry on Aug 7, 2011 20:53:10 GMT -6
AWE! I'm glad that I could make your day XD.
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Post by Aimee Nicole on Aug 15, 2011 0:08:20 GMT -6
Happy Birthday, MJ!
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Amin
VPN Community Member
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Post by Amin on Aug 15, 2011 0:17:59 GMT -6
^What she said! (:
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