Season 1 Discussion

[Ms. Kerry]

Kerry's Review:: EOV "Troubled Waters"

Okay so I'm stealing this idea and going piece by piece to make sure I don't miss a thing! I'm trying to be better at these so I hope this is helpful. Here we go.

Teaser:: It isn't super BAM in your face but it does lead me to wonder what exactly is going on with these people. The mystery is all there for me. Our first glimpse of Tori and Shane in this episode is of course of them arguing XD. I love them and I love their snippy-ness with each other.

Act One:: Oh Llyod. I don't think I've expressed how much I really like this guy, but I do. He and Tori have a great relationship. I think once you commented that you weren't going to keep him around, but I am very glad you decided against that because I think he and Tori balance each other well. I see he gets a new job and I'm very curious as to what it is especially since you kept it so vague.

I love this part I don't know why. I just think it sums up the difference between Tori and Shane so much.

ADAM (CONT’D)
I ran the location analysis like you
asked but I’ve got good and bad news.
What do you want to hear first?

Both Shayne and Victoria answer at almost the same time.

VICTORIA
Bad news.

SHAYNE
Good news.

So nice, I really like their chemistry. I laughed when she didn't hold the door open for him. I love her, really I do. The kicking thing and such, she just seems like a very real person.

Act Two:: Tori pushing Shane's name plate to the floor got another laugh from me. I love her so freaking much. I like Tori and Lloyd talking here, we get a little more of what he is going to be doing now that he is in the wheelchair and I'm glad. Of course I agree with Tori and I really want to see how he handles PR work.

I kinda love that Cassie is the person that has all the knowledge and seems to be able to keep people grounded, especially because she is so eccentric.

Act Three:: I got a little wrapped up in reading and forgot to make comments during this part so...sorry XD. The action picked up here, I blame that and your skills.

Act Four:: Moment of truth now...can Shayne and Tori actually work together to get out of the trouble they're in? The answer does not disappoint because I've been supporting this team all the way. I love that they're opposite and it isn't done in an annoying and cliche way at all.

Act Five:: I won't give much details on this but I like the ending it was a nice way to wrap everything up.

So in an attempt to sum up all my ramblings I am posting this last bit. I love every single one of your characters. They're all very clever and very different. They have distinct voices and mannerisms and I think the best part of this show is the wonderful characters that you have. I can't wait to see what you have planned for them next as the series and the story develops.

[Aimee Nicole]

REVIEW: Troubled Waters

Alright, I'm writing this as I read sooo, like I said with Jack's review, I apologize for the gigantic length this review may reach. You have all permission to shoot me in the face XD


THE TEASER | Shayne and Tori crack me up. So far, I love their interaction. Tori is one of my favorite characters on this show, next to Cassie. Nice opening to the episode, MJ!

THE FIRST ACT | Haha XD Poor Shayne. Glad to see Lloyd, by the way. Again, really like Shayne and Tori. Also, random, but I wanna say that I like how you spelled his name. It's really unique, I think. I've never seen it spelled that way until EoV. I really like your description. It's incredibly easy for me to picture everything you have here. I agree with what Kerry said, the scene with the "good news, bad news" really shows the difference between Shayne and Tori. I kinda feel bad for Shayne though. Poor guy. But, I'm really liking him, too. Not as much as Tori and Cassie, or Adam for that matter, but he's really growing on me. Love the ending of the last scene before the end of the act. Tori cracks me up.

THE SECOND ACT | Alright, I really love Cassie. But I think you already knew that. Regardless, I love the talk she had with Shayne. I definitely think he needed that. I love the scene with Lloyd and Wade, too. I can't quite place why, but it was a really nice scene. It made me feel for Lloyd.

THE THIRD ACT | Holy shit the scene watching them from the house. That was right out of a horror movie there XD I loved it. The action is really starting to pick up here -- totally enjoying this. Random thought, but Kate is kinda adorable. Something about her that I can't really place. Ooooh snap. That can't be good. Sorry, I really should stop reviewing like I'm shouting at the screen -- which, I must add, I would be if this were on television. Tori just got nabbed by the demon. And now there is another one? Damn. I can't wait to see how this pans out.

THE FOURTH ACT | The moment they realize they have to work together amused the hell out of me. Tori's smile, man. XD I really love the way you switched between scenes here to build up the tension. It was really effective, so props on that. And finally, the last scene between the two demons, Tori and Lance -- I enjoyed it. I could picture it perfectly in my head. It didn't feel forced, either, it flowed quite well just like everything else.

THE FIFTH ACT | I love that scene between Tori and Shayne at the beginning. They're finally off on the right foot, or so it seems. The beginning of a great partnership, I can tell. The re-introduction thing was cute, too. I'm glad they may finally start getting along, though I hope even if they do, we still get some of their banter. I loved that as well XD Nora and Lloyd's conversation about them cracked me up.

This was a great episode, MJ, and I'm glad to see EoV finally back -- it's been too long. Can't wait to read the next episode and see where you take the story. It was suspenseful, funny, and overall awesome. I give it a 10/10, solid.

[MJ]

Mar 6, 2012 23:26:09 GMT -6 Ms. Kerry said:

Kerry's Review:: EOV "Troubled Waters"

Our first glimpse of Tori and Shane in this episode is of course of them arguing XD. I love them and I love their snippy-ness with each other.

It was interesting writing Tori and Shayne bickering with each other. I was worried for a while that they sounded really childish but then I realised that's what made it, for us, funny and, for them, pointless. I think it's the realisation later that them fighting with each other is childish that helps them get over it in the end XD

I think once you commented that you weren't going to keep him around, but I am very glad you decided against that because I think he and Tori balance each other well. I see he gets a new job and I'm very curious as to what it is especially since you kept it so vague.

Yes, you recalled correctly. Lloyd was originally supposed to be killed off in the first episode but as I developed the plot for the first season I realised he could actually be quite useful for exposition. So Lloyd is going to be hanging around, at least for this season

And as for his new job, right now it's vague because Nora, bless her, pretty much made it up on the spot XD Well, that's not entirely true. Nora has been working on this little side project for a while and figured Lloyd would be the perfect person to work on it full time. It means he gets a job that's a little more exciting/fulfilling than filing things for the other detectives

I like Tori and Lloyd talking here, we get a little more of what he is going to be doing now that he is in the wheelchair and I'm glad. Of course I agree with Tori and I really want to see how he handles PR work.

Yeah, poor Lloyd is suffering a bit, not just physically but mentally. That people (Tori, Nora) still want him around is a really positive thing for him and I think it will make it easier for him to come to terms with his disability. And yeah, here's hoping Lloyd never has to deal with PR because it will probably be horrifying for everyone involved XD

I kinda love that Cassie is the person that has all the knowledge and seems to be able to keep people grounded, especially because she is so eccentric.

Cassie is just a really good people person. She's got this personality that just draws you in and people are willing to listen to what she has to say about anything really. Cassie can charm just about anyone and it make her a really good character for helping people with their problems

Moment of truth now...can Shayne and Tori actually work together to get out of the trouble they're in? The answer does not disappoint because I've been supporting this team all the way. I love that they're opposite and it isn't done in an annoying and cliche way at all.

Yeah, I try and avoid the clichés in EoV, especially as far as Tori and Shayne getting over their issues and actually working together. Things aren;t going to be smooth sailing from here out either. There's going to be a lot of bickering still, hopefully it would have lost some of it't bite after this though

So in an attempt to sum up all my ramblings I am posting this last bit. I love every single one of your characters. They're all very clever and very different. They have distinct voices and mannerisms and I think the best part of this show is the wonderful characters that you have. I can't wait to see what you have planned for them next as the series and the story develops.

Thank you so much for the review! I love hearing what you have to say about each new episode, Kerry, and I hope you'll enjoy the next episode as much as you've enjoyed this one ^^

[MJ]

Mar 7, 2012 19:33:38 GMT -6 Aimee Nicole said:

REVIEW: Troubled Waters

Shayne and Tori crack me up. So far, I love their interaction. Tori is one of my favorite characters on this show, next to Cassie. Nice opening to the episode, MJ!

I'm glad you like Tori and Shayne's interaction. Since they are the two main characters and take up majority of the screen time in the episodes it's important to me that people enjoy them as characters. And yeah, Cassie seems to be one of the most liked characters across the board as far as EoV is concerned XD

Also, random, but I wanna say that I like how you spelled his name. It's really unique, I think. I've never seen it spelled that way until EoV.

Yeah, I don't know why I spelt it that way. I think I just like unusual names or spellings of names

I really like your description. It's incredibly easy for me to picture everything you have here.

I'm so glad to hear you say that because I always feel that description is the weakest part of my scripts. I'm very much a dialogue person, my descriptions usually take a bit of work during the editing process.

I agree with what Kerry said, the scene with the "good news, bad news" really shows the difference between Shayne and Tori. I kinda feel bad for Shayne though. Poor guy. But, I'm really liking him, too.

Haha, yes, poor Shayne kind of ended up being a bit of a 'bad guy' at the start of the series. But in the following episodes, even this one actually, we start to see more of Shayne and feel a bit bad for him when we realise he is trying to fit in and get to know people, he's just failing at it horribly XD

I love the scene with Lloyd and Wade, too. I can't quite place why, but it was a really nice scene. It made me feel for Lloyd.

This scene actually came in during a late edit of the script. I needed a break from what Tori and Shayne were doing and figured why not see how Lloyd is fairing? The answer to which is 'not very well'. I feel it was important to show Lloyd struggling. He's always been the tough guy, someone who can look after himself and the people around him and he's really had that taken away from him with the paralysis.

When I was writing that scene and having him try to move the desk I felt so bad! Here's a man who is used to be able to doing things on his own and suddenly he can't even move a piece of furniture around his office, and that frustrates and depresses him at the same time. And then Wade turns up and he's embarrassed and there is no way he's going to ask for help because that's like admitting he's weak and worthless now.

But Wade, being the good guy he is, picks up on all of this and manages to offer his help without outright saying so or sort of undermining Lloyd in anyway. For such a short scene it was trying to portray a lot so I'm really touched that you love it ^^

That can't be good. Sorry, I really should stop reviewing like I'm shouting at the screen -- which, I must add, I would be if this were on television. Tori just got nabbed by the demon. And now there is another one? Damn. I can't wait to see how this pans out.

I had so much fun writing all the action here. And yeah, it did feel a bit like I was writing a horror movie XD And please, review like you're shouting at the screen all you want, it means you're getting into it

The moment they realize they have to work together amused the hell out of me. Tori's smile, man. XD

See, this is the point I had been building up towards and I was thinking at the time, 'this is so cliché'. I then I realised, hey, Tori and Shayne would probably be thinking the exact same thing. So that's sort of where their reactions come from. Later on in this scene is also the first time we really see them showing any sort of concern for each other which I think is kinda sweet

I love that scene between Tori and Shayne at the beginning. They're finally off on the right foot, or so it seems. The beginning of a great partnership, I can tell. The re-introduction thing was cute, too. I'm glad they may finally start getting along, though I hope even if they do, we still get some of their banter.

Again, so glad you love this scene because it is such a big step in Tori and Shayne's relationship/partnership. And don't worry, there will definitely be more bickering and arguments in the future. Tori and Shayne are very similar in some regards, both very determined and stubborn, so of course they're going to butt heads over something in the future XD

I loved that as well XD Nora and Lloyd's conversation about them cracked me up.

This is actually quite a telling conversation between them, at least from my point of view Now I'm just teasing the readers but one of Lloyd's lines gives away a bit of where the series is going and a little bit about Lloyd's own past. I'll let you try and figure out which line it is XD

This was a great episode, MJ, and I'm glad to see EoV finally back -- it's been too long. Can't wait to read the next episode and see where you take the story. It was suspenseful, funny, and overall awesome. I give it a 10/10, solid.

Thank you so much Aimee! I love reading what you thought of the episode and you taking the time to review it, 10/10 no less, makes me so happy <3

[Jamison]

I seriously plan on reading episode 3 today! I still need to review episode 2, so perhaps I'll leave a double review for you later

[MJ]

Mar 9, 2012 17:10:54 GMT -6 Jamison said:

I seriously plan on reading episode 3 today! I still need to review episode 2, so perhaps I'll leave a double review for you later

Take your time I always love reading your reviews so I'm looking forward to seeing what you have to say on the third and (possibly) second episode

[Connor J. J]

Eov Review- Out of Sight, Part 1

I know this is (more than) a little late so sorry. This is the first time I've reviewed so sorry if it's a little crappy. But this vs sounded so interesting I just had to review it. The premise sounds AMAZING and the mythology that you've got seems really developed.

Teaser[

This teaser is just WOW. It jumps straight into the story and action. You get fed so much information and story but not so much that it's hard to take in. Really good writing.

Act One[

The story carries on really well and is so amazing. Brilliant way of projecting it into words as well. I felt so sorry for Marcus even though he was only a minor character. You can really picture these locations in your mind. And so far, I love the fact that while Tori has her little quirks she can also be very serious when she needs to be. Great character.

Act Two[

Gosh, so many more amazing scenes. I really love Cassie and her friendship with Tori, it's really sweet. The scene where they find the message is so exciting but shocking at the same time and really hit me in the gut when I read it.

Act Three[

The Act again follows on amazingly with the story. I can't praise it enough. I love the little pieces of ironic humour. Cassie is hilarious. I love this quote:

ADAM
I’m actually here to see Victoria.
CASSIE
(with fake upset)
Of course you are, no one ever comes
down here just to see me.
VICTORIA
What am I? Chopped liver?
CASSIE
Quiet Honey, I’m trying to throw a
pity party here.

All these cliffhangers! So good and they keep drawing you on to the next act.

Act Four[

Okay, Adam is GENIUS. Literally, and figuratively. I mean the way he did all of the computer work and he's just so awkward it's cute and funny. His crush on Tori is so obvious but also another cute trait about him. The end is so exciting again! I need to carry on reading!

Act Five[

I can't say much about the end other than the fact that I REALLY need to read the next part. BADLY


Overall, amazing Pilot! You can count me in as a fan! ;D

[David]

Hey, MJ, is this show returning anytime soon?

[MJ]

Sept 15, 2012 21:52:37 GMT -6 David said:

Hey, MJ, is this show returning anytime soon?

At the moment it's sort of on hiatus. I ran into some trouble with inspiration and needed to do some re-thinking of what I was doing with the episodes in the first season and flesh them out a little more.

I'm currently working on my mini-series Little Red which I hope to have finished and airing at the end of this year. In the time Little Red is airing I'm going to go back to writing Edge of Vision with a new vigour (hopefully) and try to get it airing again sometime early next year

[David]

Sept 16, 2012 1:05:02 GMT -6 MJ said:

Sept 15, 2012 21:52:37 GMT -6 David said:

Hey, MJ, is this show returning anytime soon?

At the moment it's sort of on hiatus. I ran into some trouble with inspiration and needed to do some re-thinking of what I was doing with the episodes in the first season and flesh them out a little more.

I'm currently working on my mini-series Little Red which I hope to have finished and airing at the end of this year. In the time Little Red is airing I'm going to go back to writing Edge of Vision with a new vigour (hopefully) and try to get it airing again sometime early next year

OK, that sounds good

[MJ]

Sept 15, 2012 8:44:31 GMT -6 Connor J. J said:

Eov Review- Out of Sight, Part 1

I know this is (more than) a little late so sorry. This is the first time I've reviewed so sorry if it's a little crappy. But this vs sounded so interesting I just had to review it. The premise sounds AMAZING and the mythology that you've got seems really developed.

That's totally fine! And don't worry about it being a crappy review, all reviews are awesome in my book

Sept 15, 2012 8:44:31 GMT -6 Connor J. J said:

And so far, I love the fact that while Tori has her little quirks she can also be very serious when she needs to be. Great character.

I'm really glad that you think that. I've really value good characterisation and wanted to get across exactly what you've picked up on with Tori: that she's a bit quirky and smart mouthed but she knows when she needs to knuckle down and be serious to get the job done.

Sept 15, 2012 8:44:31 GMT -6 Connor J. J said:

Cassie is hilarious. I love this quote:

ADAM
I’m actually here to see Victoria.
CASSIE
(with fake upset)
Of course you are, no one ever comes
down here just to see me.
VICTORIA
What am I? Chopped liver?
CASSIE
Quiet Honey, I’m trying to throw a
pity party here.

I've said it before and i'll say it again, Cassie is one of my favourite characters to write dialogue for. She's funny, but not just in the traditional 'funny' way, she can dip into witty/smart humour and dark humour too on occasions. Not to mention most of her lines just come really easily to me. It's really nice to know that she's a well liked character by most people who read the series.

Sept 15, 2012 8:44:31 GMT -6 Connor J. J said:

I can't say much about the end other than the fact that I REALLY need to read the next part. BADLY

Overall, amazing Pilot! You can count me in as a fan! ;D

Thank you so much for your review Connor! Sorry for taking so long to get around to replying to it, just know that when I first saw you'd posted it, it really made my day

I hope you will go on to read the second episode and hopefully you enjoy it as much as you've seemed to enjoy this one

[Brady Brown]

REVIEW: 1.01 "Out of Sight (Part 1)"

So, MJ, I read this a while back, but never gave you a review. But now, I've re-read the pilot, because I totally forgot what happened (go me!) and decided to actually leave you a review this time! Soooo, let's get on wit dis!

So, the whole plot. Awesome. It reads a "police show", with the murder at the beginning and the detectives spend the episode attempting to uncover the murderer, but it also has that mystery element of the big bad main demon (forgot his name... sorry! XD), because it feels like he'll be the big-bady of the season. But, yeah, props on having it both ways! Love it!

Your characters are introduced rather brilliantly, especially Tori, Cassie and Nora (who are my favorite, by the way). Especially Tori, because we get to see her using her gift, and it makes her a great main character, seeing as she's the only one with that said gift (correct me if I'm wrong). Now, Cassie, hilarious. We get that sense right off the bat, and it establishes her character well. She brings the lighter mood to the series, and I really hope we get to see her when she's in danger, and not so upright and funny, because that could be really interesting! And Nora, she's not like ca normal boss, which is something I really like. I get the sense she isn't as strict as most bosses are, which intrigues me. Can't wait to see more!

To wrap up, I really enjoyed this pilot. Your character introductions where great, along with the plot and setup. The ending was a nice little cliffhanger, though it was a tad abrupt, for my liking at least, but it didn't really take away from anything. So, I will, hopefully if school doesn't take over EVERYTHING, continue with this series, because it was AWESOMEEE! 10/10

[MJ]

Nov 26, 2012 16:35:35 GMT -6 Brady Brown said:

REVIEW: 1.01 "Out of Sight (Part 1)"

So, MJ, I read this a while back, but never gave you a review. But now, I've re-read the pilot, because I totally forgot what happened (go me!) and decided to actually leave you a review this time! Soooo, let's get on wit dis!

So, the whole plot. Awesome. It reads a "police show", with the murder at the beginning and the detectives spend the episode attempting to uncover the murderer, but it also has that mystery element of the big bad main demon (forgot his name... sorry! XD), because it feels like he'll be the big-bady of the season. But, yeah, props on having it both ways! Love it!

Thanks for taking the time to read it (twice ) and review! I wasn't expecting any reviews for EoV until episode 4 eventually came out so this was a nice surprise

Yeah, EoV kind of covers a lot of genres (I'd go so far as to call it a supernatural/crime/mystery/sci-fi) a while the episodes flow like a police/crime show there is a big mystery element that underlies everything. I think you're referring to Vincent as the big-bad demon? (I can't remember if he's actually named in the pilot) But yes, he'll be a recurring character, however, there's more to his story than just being the villain this season but you'll have to wait a little while to find that out

Your characters are introduced rather brilliantly, especially Tori, Cassie and Nora (who are my favorite, by the way). Especially Tori, because we get to see her using her gift, and it makes her a great main character, seeing as she's the only one with that said gift (correct me if I'm wrong).

She's the only person at the moment in the Barton DCIU branch with Sensitive abilities, yes, but there are other people who are Sensitives. Each one has a different range of 'sensitivity' though, so some people have stronger or more evident abilities than others. Tori's abilities specifically will be looked at in more detail later in the first season and those episodes will hopefully explain more about it all

Now, Cassie, hilarious. We get that sense right off the bat, and it establishes her character well. She brings the lighter mood to the series, and I really hope we get to see her when she's in danger, and not so upright and funny, because that could be really interesting!

You won't have to wait long. Episode five will focus on Cassie and you'll get to see her in a rather dangerous situation then!

And Nora, she's not like ca normal boss, which is something I really like. I get the sense she isn't as strict as most bosses are, which intrigues me. Can't wait to see more!

A couple of people have commented on that, and I think it's because we're so used to seeing bosses stereotyped as being mean and nasty. Nora can be tough when she has to be, but what hasn't been addressed just yet in the series (well, maybe in episode 3 a little) is that it's very much the DCIU against the rest of the world. Nora would rather be a little lenient and earn the respect of the people that work under her so they can be the most effective team possible and be the hard-ass boss who demoralises her team and leaves them not very enthused about their job. The DCIU works hard to remain a respected branch of law enforcement and they can only do that by appearing as a united front

To wrap up, I really enjoyed this pilot. Your character introductions where great, along with the plot and setup. The ending was a nice little cliffhanger, though it was a tad abrupt, for my liking at least, but it didn't really take away from anything. So, I will, hopefully if school doesn't take over EVERYTHING, continue with this series, because it was AWESOMEEE! 10/10

Thank you so much for the awesome review! I really hope you get a chance to at least read 'Out of Sight Part 2' because it wraps up the pilot nicely and I'd love to see what you think of the other main character next to Tori, Shayne Grey

[Alex Matthews]

MJ, with "Little Red" now premiering, but as a full-fledged series, not the mini you originally envisioned, will this affect the continuation of "Edge"? I admit, I haven't read the released episodes yet, but the story line really intrigues me, but I hadn't realised there was only 3 episodes or so out.

[MJ]

Feb 5, 2013 5:08:16 GMT -6 Alex Matthews said:

MJ, with "Little Red" now premiering, but as a full-fledged series, not the mini you originally envisioned, will this affect the continuation of "Edge"? I admit, I haven't read the released episodes yet, but the story line really intrigues me, but I hadn't realised there was only 3 episodes or so out.

EoV is my baby and I will always come back to it, but right now I'm not sure when it will be continuing. I need to do an extensive re-plan and plot out the entirety of the story before I keep writing it. Right now LR is my main focus but in my down time I do work on EoV so it hasn't been abandoned, it's just on hiatus while I get my shit together.

Episode 4 is half written so once I'm done with the first season of LR I'll work on getting that out, but then i'll probably put EoV back on hiatus while I work on re-planning the series. I hope that answers your question

[Alex Matthews]

Just read the premiere of "Edge of Vision", and really enjoyed it MJ!! Your characters definately have a way of jumping straight off the page, and EoV definately felt more 'modern' in tone, language and style, having coming from reading "Little Red". I could easily see all the scenes playing out in my head, and feel the characters working well together, looking forward to getting through the next few episodes!

[MJ]

Feb 10, 2013 17:02:32 GMT -6 Alex Matthews said:

Just read the premiere of "Edge of Vision", and really enjoyed it MJ!! Your characters definately have a way of jumping straight off the page, and EoV definately felt more 'modern' in tone, language and style, having coming from reading "Little Red". I could easily see all the scenes playing out in my head, and feel the characters working well together, looking forward to getting through the next few episodes!

Sorry for the late reply but thanks so much for reading, Alex, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Haha, I do find it a lot easier to write characters in a time and place I am actually familiar with and it was strange going from this to LR, and I'm sure it will be strange going from LR back to this XD

Thank you for the compliments, it really makes my day to read a comment like this. I hope you do go on to the next episodes and that you enjoy them also