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Post by MJ on Feb 22, 2013 18:44:47 GMT -6
 Episode 1.04: "Tooth & Claw"Summary: AUDREY AND RENWICK BECOME THE HUNTED- With no sign of wolves, regular sized or otherwise, the village becomes complacent. Taking advantage of this, Audrey (Bolger) and Renwick (Felton) head into the forest once more. Unbeknownst to the pair, however, they almost stumble upon Ethelenda (Carter), who has finally found what she's been searching for, and soon discover the wolves are much closer than anyone suspects. Written by: M. J. Calder Air Date: Feb 22nd 2013 Main Cast: Sarah Bolger, Tom Felton, Joe Anderson, Helena Bonham Carter, Anthony Head Supporting Cast: Alexander Vlahos, Graham McTavish, Hans Matheson Link: emosaurusproductions.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/0/12602985/lr_1.04.pdf |
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Post by MJ on Feb 20, 2013 17:29:43 GMT -6
Yes, it's working now  |
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Post by MJ on Feb 20, 2013 16:36:20 GMT -6
Yeah, neither of those links work for me. They want me to sign in to the site, they won't just show me the pdf.
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Post by MJ on Feb 19, 2013 22:37:21 GMT -6
Alright it's time to wrap up my reviews of Audition season one! Audition Christmas Special 'A Very Berreta Christmas' ReviewOkay, first up, I really loved the first page and a bit of this script. The eating of the cookies before the guests arrive is totally something I do when my mum has been cooking for an event and you try and pinch as much food as you can because you know it's gonna taste awesome and want to get in as much as you can XD I also really like Alex and Michael's interactions. It seems a lot less... strained, is how I would put it, in comparison to how Michael and Alex act throughout the rest of the series. Though, I guess this is because Miranda is still around at this point. It's nice to see that distinct difference in Michael's character because it shows us how much the death of his wife affected him. I hate to bring it up again but the nonsensical descriptions make a return here when you make your first description of Miranda. I understand that you want to show how important she is to these two people, and how much she affected their lives while she was around but the descriptions kinda had me perplexed and scratching my head. Hair cannot warm a room and a smile that 'assists the tree in brightening it' just makes no sense at all. I get what you're trying to say with these things Brady but sometimes you've just got to strip it back a bit and not try and make everything into a metaphor contest. In this case you could have simply said something like ' she has a warm personality and a smile that lights up the room'. There's nothing wrong with the classic lines on occasion. It's interesting to see the different relationships between the parents too. How Michael and Miranda are so loving but in that way of a couple who have been together forever and have settled down into this really nice sort of stage in their life. Then compare that to Alyssa and Will who seem to be the complete opposite. Again, we get the differences in the two families when Alex tells his mum he wants to be an actor and she accepts it and essentially lets him know that she believes in him. Then you see Alisha going to talk to her mum and you just know it's not going to go down nearly as well as it did with Alex. Which is kinda sad but it does go to show why Alisha's mother was so adamant about bringing her home from L.A and the end of the sequence. The little snippet of Paula in the episode, while I didn't find it overly funny, did get a little smile out of me. I like that you managed to work her into the episode somehow and I really hope Alex or Michael make the connection some time in the future because that I would find hilarious. All up I thought this was a great little Christmas episode. My only gripes were as mentioned above and again a few SPAG things that can easily be fixed with a keen eye. This Christmas special was a nice way to totally wrap up sequence one and was a good little read |
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Post by MJ on Feb 18, 2013 22:46:49 GMT -6
So, finally got around to doing the reviews for Hellbound 3 and 4 and here they are Hellbound 1x03 "A Picture Paints A Thousand Words" ReviewFirst up, omg that stupid ass font is gonna be the death of me, haha! I don't know why my computer hates it so much. But yeah, that doesn't really relate to the episode at all, just thought I'd write something while I wait for it to load the font so I can keep scrolling XD Okay, don't really want to start on a negative point but I want to point this out before I forget: watch the grammar when you're writing and keep an eye out for it when you're editing. There's a couple of instances I found on the first page where you've used 'ing' on the end of a word when it should have been 'ed' for example. Oh, I have a question too: Is the art gallery abandoned as in there's no people there now? Or abandoned as in closed up, no one uses it anymore, etc? Just because I'd find it hard to believe someone would abandon and art gallery but leave the artwork inside it. Unless James owns all the art, because that would explain a lot XD That said, I do love the imagery of this large, dark art gallery. It seems kinda spooky, a good feel for series involving vampires  I really like how each episode focuses on a different characters point of view. Like, here we're seeing things mostly though Alyson's eyes again, and she doesn't know what James' deal is, but because we got to see things through his eyes in the last episode we do. It's a pretty cool way of storytelling and it's probably one of my fav aspects of the series. This is set in America, right? Just because Alyson saying 'mum' instead of 'mom' seems kinda weird if that is the case. I don't normally worry to much about differences like that in action lines/description or if it sounds the same phonetically even if it's spelt different, but the mum/mom thing really stands out to me in this case. I like the juxtaposition of James' intense 'fight' scene and Alyson's quiet unravelling of some of the mystery surrounding James. Another thing to note: It's said the vampire's (the one who nabs Alyson at the park) fangs are 'withdrawn'. Do you mean they're out or are they retracted? Because the scene gives me the impression they would be out, but the word 'withdrawn' implies they're not. Wow, Alyson, so quick to sell out the guy who saved you from being chucked in jail XD Though, to be fair, she probably thinks he's a serial killer or something at this point, lol. Okay, the last page or so between Alyson and the vampire seems, for lack of a better term, very rape-y. I'm not sure if it was intentional but I just though I should let you know that as a female reader it made me a little uncomfortable. Like I said, I don't know if it was intentional or not, but if it wasn't intentional perhaps keeping an eye on word choices and how the action plays out is a good idea. Okay, summing up: I think I might prefer James as a character, but I by no means hate Alyson! I think I preferred the first two episode to this one too, but 'A Picture Paints A Thousand Words' was still pretty good. Again, I like the way I feel like I'm getting a proper story out of each episode, despite the fact that they're only ten pages long, so props for that! I'm quite eager to see where Hellbound is heading and I'll definitely be staying on as a reader Also, I've read episode 4 so a review for that will be posted shortly after this one |
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Post by MJ on Feb 18, 2013 17:30:29 GMT -6
Review: "Waning & Waxing" - Little Red MJ! I come to you with yet another review! Just like the last, I'll be reviewing this as I read along so again, beware! I love your reviews, Aimee, they always make me laugh! XD I'm seriously considering doing some illustrations with my meagre art skills of the scenery/places in LR. I haven't seen Hansel and Gretel so I can't comment on any similarities, but don;t all evil witches homes look the same? Haha. But yeah, Audrey has this dangerous mix of curiosity and innocence that leads to her doing things like walking up to Ethel's house without a care in the world. It's one of the reasons people who know her are so hesitant to let her out of their sight, because she will happily wander off without a care in the world. I wouldn't go as far as calling her naive, but she is far, far too trusting of people. With all the trouble Audrey ends up in I think she'd be pretty good at lying by now, or at least used to it, lol. Thank you! It makes me really happy to hear that. I sometimes worry about the chemistry between characters, especially ones like AUdrey and Renwick who you have to believe have know each other since they were children and over that time become very close friends. I must admit I do like writing scenes with just the two of them though, the way their personalities are different and yet overall compliment each other, it's really fun He really did draw the short straw. Poor Hunter indeed. I really should have named her, I got quite attached when writing her but decided to let her leave with a bit of mystery. Who knows, maybe we'll see her again? Hahahaha, as if Audrey would stay out of the woods. Ethel is a little bit crazy but she has a reason for everything she does. That reason may or may not just be 'crazy', you'll have to wait and see XD As for the 'mountain hooligans' they pretty much do whatever Braxton tells them to do, and while Braxton sounds like a smart guy he's seriously lacking in foresight. Thank you! Writing the wolf transformations took a bit of work. I had such a clear picture in my head that I then had to write down in a way the reader would understand. It took me a few edits and rewrites to get it the way I wanted and I'm glad you think it was effective and that it came across the way I wanted it to All the cliffhangers were totally unintentional (subconscious cliffhangers!) except for the one at the end of episode 4, I swear Yeah, I'm gonna have to have a word with my editor, she's usually pretty good and pointing out any mistakes I made (in fact, I think she enjoys it) so I'm gonna go mock her skills for letting something slip by, lol! But seriously, thanks for pointing out some of the typos on msn so I was able to go fix them up As for wordy dialogue, yeah, I totally agree. I couldn't really find a way to shorten it though, get the info across another way, so in the end I kinda went 'stuff it, Braxton and Ethel are full of themselves anyway so they would make long convoluted speeches' haha! XD Thank you so much! I love reading your reviews too, like I said they always make me laugh and any of the feedback you give is always great  |
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Post by MJ on Feb 18, 2013 16:56:06 GMT -6
Just read the premiere of "Edge of Vision", and really enjoyed it MJ!! Your characters definately have a way of jumping straight off the page, and EoV definately felt more 'modern' in tone, language and style, having coming from reading "Little Red". I could easily see all the scenes playing out in my head, and feel the characters working well together, looking forward to getting through the next few episodes! Sorry for the late reply but thanks so much for reading, Alex, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Haha, I do find it a lot easier to write characters in a time and place I am actually familiar with and it was strange going from this to LR, and I'm sure it will be strange going from LR back to this XD Thank you for the compliments, it really makes my day to read a comment like this. I hope you do go on to the next episodes and that you enjoy them also |
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Post by MJ on Feb 17, 2013 6:15:58 GMT -6
I got my five pages in today. Mind you, it did end up taking ALL day XD I'm gonna have to keep up the pace too if I want the last two LR episodes to be out on time. Why do I do this to myself, haha!
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Post by MJ on Feb 16, 2013 3:02:29 GMT -6
Review of 1x04 A Tale of Two BrothersSo before I even read this episode I was rather intrigued by the title. I don't know why exactly, probably because it lends itself to hinting about the storyline what with us not having seen Will and Gwen's brother up until now, and then the whole Romulus/Remus thing (I think I'm recalling names correctly and the face they were brothers? I hope so XD). Anyway, yeah, the title had me rather intrigued, lol! First up, we find out it wasn't actually Sara and Milo's mother but their mothers twin. I totally forgot that was how the last episode left off so getting chucked right back into the middle of that was fun. I don't know if I'm glad or disappointed it wasn't actually their mother though, haha! Also, Vampires? Did you mention before there were going to be vampires? Because that really surprised me XD And we're introduced to Gabriel, the missing Adler. I really liked Gabriel and the kinda bad-boy, not a care in the world vibe he had going on. Like when he offers the cereal to Jeremy? That got a snort of laughter out of me. Though, of course, no one is as they seem in this show and that scene at the end had me so surprised. Mind you, I probably should have expected it because, like I said, no one is as they seem Now, am I right in saying everyone knows about the werewolves and other associated supernaturals now? Gosh, so much for staying under the radar, haha! Oh, and Abigail actually being HBIC? Colour me impressed. My gosh, there are twists and turns everywhere in this show. Yeah, a lot of stuff happened in this and I can't even remember all of it so I'm just gonna do some general notes now. Firstly SPAG issues. I know, I know, I probably sound like a broken record but they keep popping up, some of them really obvious or silly mistakes too, so keep working on cutting them down. I don't know if you have an editor but they help SO much to catch all the things you miss on your own read throughs (I know getting my sister to read through my stuff before I post it was one of the best decisions I made). Oh, one spelling thing in particular which is a pet peeve of mine was the use of 'shutter' instead of 'shudder'. So yeah, just for future reference XD The story line was pretty good, though I felt like it fell down a bit with the huge fight as the 'blood bank'. It just seemed a little... all over the place, and I wasn't quite sure why Elizabella was there with all her cronies, only be kicked out like they were never wanted in the first place? I don;t know, maybe I missed some important details but for me that part of the script just didn't flow the best. The rest of it was fine though, it was just that section that had me scratching my head a bit So, to sum up, I enjoyed this episode but maybe not quite as much as the last two. I did enjoy getting a lot of questions answered, or at lease partially answer in this ep, but as usual you've brought in a whole lot more that I now have to puzzle over, lol! But yeah, solid episode and hopefully I'll get around to reading an reviewing the next one in a timely manner
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Post by MJ on Feb 15, 2013 19:06:12 GMT -6
So I thought I should get around to reviewing the last few episodes of Audition before the new season starts up and since they're short episodes they're first on my 'need to review list' Review 1x12 DepartSo I was honestly not expecting Alisha to leave. I was sure she would decide to stay in the end so it's rather sad to be seeing a character who was so integral to the story of the first season packing her bags a leaving everything behind, especially since she didn't leave on good terms with Alex, her best friend. Now, while these episode was sad in that almost bittersweet way, the amount of crying done by the characters in this one episode I found a little over the top. I don't know if it's just a me thing, but it's not like Alisha's dying, it's not like they're never going to see her again, it's not like the can't pick up a phone or jump on the internet to keep in touch with her. The way they were all reacting made it seem like she was walking to her doom or something, and for me that was very distracting and almost ruined the mood of this last episode. There are ways of showing sadness without a character having to cry to get that across. There weren't too many SPAG issues in this episode which was good but some of the ones that slipped though were really distracting, so just make sure to keep up the critical eye on your own work, maybe get someone else to look though it after you have to pick up anything you missed. I really liked the voice over/letter thing at the end of the episode, I could see that really clearly in my head and while a little cliché I actually really enjoyed the way you used it! Oh, the one other thing that really bugged me about the episode was your description of Alisha and David's kiss at the airport. "She wraps her arms around him, David doing the same, and they connect their lips in a way that radiates the room, sending a surge of energy through everyone within a 5 mile radius." I just... you use some interesting metaphors and description in you scripts, Brady, but this I just couldn't help but find really ridiculous. You could have just as easily used the words 'a passionate and loving kiss' and it would have meant the same thing. There's a line between creative description and ridiculousness, and you've toed it a few times before, but this just stepped right over into the realm of absurd. Besides that it was a pretty solid finale episode for Audition and it will be interesting to see how you proceed in the second season with Alisha no longer around (though I do hope she comes back for visits now and again) |
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Post by MJ on Feb 15, 2013 18:12:41 GMT -6
 Episode 1.03: "Wolf Hunt"Summary: AUDREY'S INQUISITIVE MIND MAY LEAD HER TO MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS- The village is placed on a curfew while some of the men, lead by Malven (Anderson), take to the forest in search of the 'monster' the children saw. Intrigued by all the goings on, Audrey (Bolger) ignores her father's (Head) concerns and seeks out Ethelenda's (Carter) knowledge. Written by: M. J. Calder Air Date: Feb 15th 2013 Main Cast: Sarah Bolger, Tom Felton, Joe Anderson, Helena Bonham Carter, Anthony Head Supporting Cast: Alexander Vlahos, Graham McTavish, Hans Matheson Link: emosaurusproductions.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/0/12602985/lr_1.03.pdf |
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Post by MJ on Feb 10, 2013 1:35:57 GMT -6
So this is something that gets thrown around a lot in writing circles and that is: Do you control your characters or do they have minds of their own? I'd love to see what some of you think before I post up my ideas on the subject so post away with you answers/discussion points and let's see who's controlling their characters and who has characters controlling them |
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Post by MJ on Feb 9, 2013 20:09:23 GMT -6
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Post by MJ on Feb 9, 2013 0:15:40 GMT -6
Reply to Darrin's review of LR 1.02REVIEW – Little Red 1.02 “Waning and Waxing”Okay, the teaser alone has me giddy. What is she up to? Seriously. Lol. Also, I can totally picture Helena Bonham Carter when Ethelenda gets snarky with Braxton. I'm not sure if it's perfect casting, or you were picturing Helena when you wrote this, but it worked really really well! Haha, honestly whenever I think about Helena Bonham Carter I just see everything 'Ethel'. She can pull of the fake sweetness, the dark humour, and the cunning villain perfectly. It was my sister who described Ethel as "pretty much every Disney villain ever" and I just felt that Helena could totally play that role perfectly, lol. I loved that scene because I knew she was going to leaving out some very important elements of those legends and Braxton was just going to fall for it completely XD That was totally unintentional! I didn't want it to come off that way but my characters have minds of their own I tell you!! XD So there might be some feud there or there might not, I'll let you know when my characters let me know, haha. Is that good? I hope that's good XD I wouldn't be surprised if there's a list of people a mile long who'd be happy to mess up Ethel's plans the way she seems to treat people. But as for what she's looking for specifically and who would want to stops her? You'll have to wait to find those out Thank you so much I have to admit, I do prefer this episode to the pilot even though it gave me hell during the writing stage XD But yes, thank you again fro your two reviews, and I hope you enjoyed it enough to come back and read it next week
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Post by MJ on Feb 9, 2013 0:04:08 GMT -6
Reply to Darrin's review of LR 1.01REVIEW - Little Red 1.01 "The Howling"The opening teaser reminded me of Eragon. I think it was just the atmosphere of the village and the language of yesteryear. Although I'm almost positive this story is not about dragons Lol. Okay, somebody tell me which fairytales have dragons in them. I totally want dragons in LR now! Google: Old English names. I kid you not, that is where most the names came from XD Ethelenda totally makes tea. Sometimes. When she's not doing other suspicious things... lol. But yeah, Ethel is quite fun to write. In this first episode I think people get the hint that she's not one of the good guys but there's no hard evidence until later episodes about her true motivations. Really? Thanks! XD I mean, I use a thesaurus on occasion (right click: synonyms, can be my best friend sometimes), especially when I use a word but know there was something better I could be using. But yeah, if the word is in the script I probably know it and use it somewhat regularly, just sometimes I need the thesaurus to remind me I do Thank you! Mythology for the rest of the world is still under works, but I do have a very clear picture in my head of Fae and how it, as a village, works when they are quite far off from any other villages. But in season 2, if I get a season 2, will take some of the main characters out of Fae and to a different village so we'll get to see some of the bigger world these characters inhabit Eep, was there? My bad XD LR is more serialised than EoV and I do find that some of the episodes end up with odd pacing but I'll see what I can do to make sure that doesn't happen too often Thank you again for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed the episode
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Post by MJ on Feb 8, 2013 17:45:37 GMT -6
 Episode 1.02: "Waning and Waxing"Summary: THERE ARE MONSTERS IN THE FOREST- Audrey (Bolger) and Renwick’s (Felton) discovery of many dead animals in the forest surrounding Fae does little to deter the villagers from enjoying their annual winter festival. What is supposed to be a joyful celebration takes a darker turn when some of the village children are attacked by what they refer to as 'a monster'. Meanwhile, Ethelenda's (Carter) ulterior motives finally come to light. Written by: M. J. Calder Air Date: Feb 8th 2013 Main Cast: Sarah Bolger, Tom Felton, Joe Anderson, Helena Bonham Carter, Anthony Head Supporting Cast: Alexander Vlahos, Graham McTavish, Hans Matheson Link: emosaurusproductions.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/0/12602985/lr_1.02.pdf |
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Post by MJ on Feb 6, 2013 18:08:01 GMT -6
No problem Darrin I look forward to seeing what you think of LR |
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Post by MJ on Feb 6, 2013 0:12:15 GMT -6
Okay, so I read the first twi episode of Hellbound the other day after some effort, as my computer seems to hate the font you used for the title/credits and it takes me forever to scroll through just those first couple of pages XD Anyway, onto the reviews! 1.01 Whispers in the DarkFirst off, I have to agree with everyone else with saying it's a shame that Jeremy get's killed off in the first part of the first episode. He seemed really interesting and props for getting us attached to a character who really isn't in the episode for very long XD I loved the description of the Chief too. Like, you got a really clear image of exactly what he looked like from the descriptors given and I loved that. Alyson is very full on for a cop/ex-cop. Like, impersonating another officer so she can keep investigating just shows you how attached she is to this, how determined to find answers. It gives her a very desperate feel, like she will literally do anything to get to the answers for this, and that's a pretty exciting thought. Also, 'Melanie Faye', haha, it's always weird reading my name in a script XD Oh, and the introduction of James was good. Very mysterious, and the possibility of them being connected somehow from the way Alyson reacted has my interest peaked. Anyway, pretty strong opener and it got me interested enough to keep reading so awesome job! 1.02 Bringer of LightSo we finally get a better introduction to James, and I actually really like his character! Just the way he speaks and acts, his characterisation in general is really entertaining to me. And more Jeremy! You make me like him even more only for his inevitable death to happen again XD I really liked the fight scene in the subway too, I could totally picture it all happening. I also love the tidbits of vampire culture we're getting throw thought this episode, enough for us to start getting a picture but not so much that it's like an info dump. And we finally get back to where we ended last episode. I really liked that, how we were shown the same thing from two different points of view and all the events that lead the both of them to that alley at that time. It's got a very 'fate' kinda feel to it. But overall I really enjoyed this episode too. What I love about Hellbound though is the way you've told us two full stories in only ten pages each. Like, I feel as if I've read a full length episode even though it's actually a fifth of the size. Nothing has been sacrificed in light of the short page count and THAT, everyone, is what a webisode should be like, so take notes! lol If I had any criticisms so far it would be that some of the action lines/descriptions seemed a little too descriptive. As in, there's creative description and then there's just over the top for the sake of trying to do something fancy. That said though, I did really enjoy these first two episodes and I am definitely looking forward to the new episode! |
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