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Post by MJ on May 11, 2015 21:16:54 GMT -6
I read your pilot last week, but I'm just now getting the opportunity to leave you some feedback. So, I apologize about that! No prob, people get busy and I know how hard it can be to sit down and get a proper review written for someone XD I hoping they'll prove to have an interesting dynamic. They do like each other a lot (not necessarily romantically) but don't often act like it. I also know the Duchess has plans for the pair of them but that's all I'm giving away now. Chris did mention this so I put up the second episode also. I think i'd probably air them like a two part pilot, because trying to fit everything I want to into one episode is not going to work. So it has ended up being the first episode is mostly introduction of characters (which I think is accomplishing something, as the characters carry the plot after all) and the second episode is the one that introduces the overarching story (or at least one element of it). I'm glad to hear it's not badly written but I do have to disagree with you on this point and will try my best to explain why. It relation to the opening scene, I was setting mood. It's probably obvious that I don't tend to use as many technical camera/filming terms in my scripts, instead paragraphs like those found at the beginning kind of equate to scene setting/establishing shots in way. Also, only the first two paragraphs at the beginning (four sentences in total) are describing the scene, the other two paragraphs are describing characters. The second area of more heavy description is for the vampire bar, but since the vampire bar is going to be one of the major locations i felt it needed to be established well in the first episode so it requires little to no description in later ones. You'll notice most my other settings have little to no descriptions, so if there is a few paragraphs of description it is usually deliberate on my part, and not me just getting carried away with words  Thanks for the feedback! As I said the length issue I'm hoping to address by releasing the first two episodes together (and the second one is up, so you can read it if you want) and the description I hopefully explained about above |
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Post by MJ on May 11, 2015 1:46:47 GMT -6
UPDATE: Second episode has been completed and added to the pitch as per Chris' suggestion, so I'm looking forward to hearing what people think of the pitch/episodes now
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Post by MJ on May 7, 2015 21:44:23 GMT -6
Just wanted to add some info: The other night I had an epiphany on where I want this series to end up which means I have an end point and know which direction i'm taking the story and characters. I don't know exactly how many sequences/season/arcs that will translate to, but I don't think it will be a ridiculously huge number.
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Post by MJ on May 4, 2015 2:12:03 GMT -6
I remember this was going to be an episode of The Void way back when, right? I liked the idea back then, and I still do now. Yeah! I save all my ideas, because 1. everything i come up with is awesome (jk!) and 2. sometimes if i leave ideas and come back to them later, so a couple of years in this case, I have a whole bunch of new ideas that turn a small concept into a full fledged series/story. Originally I was going to include the full scene with Angeline but I was starting to get up there in page count and I also just wanted to get it posted, haha! So yeah, I'm not sure if it should be like, a two part pilot or if I should just have a longer first episode. Any suggestions on that front would be welcome! And yeah, i'll probably write up episode two/extend episode 1 and post it soon-ish to give everyone a better grasp of the series. I like Mags too, she's probably my fav because, let's be honest, Nate is a douchebag, lol! Oh, and it's not really against the vampire law to drink from people, they've just not supposed to kill them (this would be established more clearly over the next few episodes) because if every vampire killed even as scarcely as Nate did that would be a lot of bodies showing up (or if they were disposing of the bodies, a lot of missing people). All vampires would kill people if they could, but out of preservation they've had to really tone down on the whole murder thing. Thanks Chris! I'll see about extending the first ep/putting up the second ep soon |
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Post by MJ on May 3, 2015 1:37:53 GMT -6
Officially staked in the heart.
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Post by MJ on Apr 26, 2015 22:33:15 GMT -6
Thanks, MJ, but... no, wasn't inspired by those at all. In fact, I don't remember ever seeing those opening credits before, so the similarities are purely coincidental, even though I happen to only have one shot like that. You don't remember it from my Aurora pitch? Now I'm sad, haha! But yeah, it's some cool imagery you used, I love space images and such, especially auroras |
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Post by MJ on Apr 26, 2015 21:25:23 GMT -6
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Post by MJ on Feb 12, 2015 19:07:01 GMT -6
You know, I would love to see a Legend of Zelda movie- but I worry that if it was ever attempted it just wouldn't be that good. It would be hard to capture even just one of the games in one movie. Maybe a series of movies? I don't know. Either way, I would love to see a good live-action adaption of Ocarina of Time or Twilight Princess (my personal favourites).
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Post by MJ on Feb 11, 2015 20:40:36 GMT -6
 
James Zimmerman ( Andrew Garfield) is your perfectly average, completely traditional college student- and superhero. James has a power, the ability to jump back in time and change things, for better of for worse. At any point in time he can ‘jump’ (as he likes to call it) back minutes, hours, or even days. But time travel is never simple, and when James jumps he isn’t just reliving events, he’s essentially living as a copy of himself up until the point when his past self completes the jump that sent him back in the first place. Confusing, potentially, but for science geek James it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Deciding that using his ability just to make his own life easier was a waste of a gift, James took on a superhero identity to help prevent disasters from happening. Juncture was born and his uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time ensured he became well loved by the public. For a while life was great, but all good things must come to an end. It had been all over the news- ‘explosion at power station results in forty dead’. James couldn’t leave it be, not when all it took was one little jump to save forty people, and before long Juncture was there to save the day- only it didn’t go entirely to plan. The forty people were saved but there was no sign of Juncture after the incident, and not long after James Zimmerman also disappeared off the face of the earth- both presumed dead. Only James wasn’t dead- a mishap at the facility and an electric charge that would have killed anybody else had sent his power into overdrive. Upon waking James found himself not minutes, hours, or even days in the past, but years. Enough years, in fact, for him to wake up in the Old West. Waking up in the old west is more than a little bit shocking for James but with the help of the sheriff’s daughter Eleanor ( Emily Kinney) and Sheriff Anderson ( Tim DeKay) himself, he is soon to find his feet. The struggle of living life hundreds of years before his time is constant for James and he quickly sets about trying to find a way to jump back to his time. It isn’t long before he realises that his arrival has caused the town a lot more trouble than he originally thought in the form of people developing strange and unusual powers- and it seems like none of them plan to use them for good. Realising that getting back home may take some time, James once again dons the mantle of Juncture and sets about playing hero for Copper Creek, all while struggling to adjust to his new, and potentially permanent, life.   James Zimmerman | The Hero(Andrew Garfield)James is pretty much your average college student, except for the fact that he is hiding a huge secret- he’s a superhero. It was during his teens that James discovered he had the ability to jump backwards in time and, rather than just using it for his own benefit, he decided to take it upon himself to help everyone. He took on the name Juncture and balanced a double life as a geeky science student by day and publicly adored superhero by night. Waking up in Copper Creek after the accident was something James never thought possible but when he realises returning to his own time may not even be feasible he pushes aside his own wants in order to help out the town with their problems- some of which wouldn’t even be there if it wasn’t for him. He’s not you’re typical hero type, and in the wild west he’s definitely a fish out of water, but he has a good heart underneath it all and that’s what makes him such a good hero when all is said and done.  Eleanor Anderson | The Girl Friday(Emily Kinney) Eleanor is well known around Copper Creek for being the only daughter of the town’s current Sheriff as well as having an uncanny ability to end up with her nose in everyone’s business, not that anyone minds too much. Eleanor is curious, intelligent, and not afraid to raise hell when needs be. It’s a formidable combination and constant reason for her father to worry about her. For the most part she’s sweet and kind to all who deserve it- sometimes even those that don’t- but anyone who mistakes her for a pushover is in for a rough time. Eleanor is the first person to find James after the accident and the pair, after a few initial faux pas, go on to become good friends and an even better team.  Sheriff William Anderson | The Lawman(Tim DeKay)Sheriff William “Bill” Anderson is the incorruptible lawman of Copper Creek. He has been sheriff for six years running and with all law-abiding citizens happy with his work he is likely to remain in the position for many years to come. His wife died of an illness that spread though the town five years ago, leaving him to continue raising their daughter on his own. These days he has a lot on his plate, dealing with a daughter that’s old enough now to make her own decisions despite his eagerness to protect her, and wrangling the seemingly ever increasing population of criminals and outlaws on their doorstep. Some days he doesn’t know which job is harder, being a father or being the Sheriff.  Deputy Cole Bailey | The Deputy(Ryan Kelley)Deputy Cole Bailey is fairly new to Copper Creek but his good looks and gentlemanly nature have won over the ladies, and his dedication to his job and tough but fair stance when enforcing the law have made him friends with most the men. It wasn’t long before Sheriff Anderson took him on as his right hand man, and Cole was more than happy to be working alongside a local law legend. He does have ulterior motives for wanting to work so closely with the Sheriff however, and that’s his long held but carefully hidden infatuation with the sheriff’s daughter Eleanor.  Josephine "Josie" Fields | The Bartender(Lyndie Greenwood)Josephine “Josie” Fields was, and still is, a mystery to most of the people in Copper Creek. She arrived one day without warning or explanation and made herself at home. For a while most people forgot about her, as much as you can forget about someone in a small town, until she took ownership of the local saloon by winning a bet against the then owner. It was an embarrassing day for the old owner, but many people had witnessed her win the place fair and square. He gave up the building with little fight before claiming he was moving to the city and was never heard from again. People were wary about Josie for some time after that but she runs the Copper Creek saloon better than any man ever has. It’s a mostly respectable establishment and Josie makes sure patrons follow her rules. Any troublemakers are swiftly and firmly kicked out and not invited back.  Doctor Benjamin Frazier | The Doctor(Lee Pace)Doctor Benjamin Frazier is Copper Creek’s one and only medical expert. He runs a practice in the center of town and trains a handful of nurses personally to work under him. He appears stern from all outer appearances but has a soft spot for the town and those who live in it. He is a well-off man with the ear of the mayor and substantial pull with others in powerful positions. He won’t hesitate to act if he feels there is something, or someone, threatening the peace.  Abraham "Abe" Tanner | The Outlaw(Eric Balfour)Every town has its bad boy and for Copper Creek that bad boy is Abe Tanner. While no one has been able to pin any crimes on him, yet, it’s well known that he works on the wrong side of the tracks. He steals and scams to get what he wants- usually money- but he likes to claim he’s a gentleman because he only kills people if he really has to. Abe has a soft spot for Copper Creek and while his criminal activities are usually restricted to outside of the town trouble tends to follow him back home fairly regularly. 
1.01 | Juncture
An average day in the life of James Zimmerman as he attempts to juggle his life as both college student and superhero ‘Juncture’. Everything is going well until a rescue mission at a power station goes awry and James finds his powers have sent him much further into the past than he’s ever been- one hundred and sixty years into the past to be exact.
1.02 | Copper CreekStill struggling to come to terms with just where and when he is, James finds himself in the town of Copper Creek. He’s discovered by the sheriff’s daughter, Eleanor, and her and her father take care of him under the assumption he’s a delirious, dehydrated traveller. James begins searching for a way to get back to his own time in secret after he realises no one believes he’s from the future. 1.03 | The LocalsDespite not wanting to get comfortable with his new surroundings, James is finding he enjoys the simpler life in the old west. With Eleanor as his guide he learns more about the town and the people in it. When Abe Tanner rolls back into town with trouble on his heels however, James finds himself using his powers for the first time since the accident. 1.04 | Cause and EffectJames throws himself into his work to try and find a way back home but soon finds his arrival in Copper Creek had some unintended side effects when a local outlaw shows off some new abilities that beggar belief. James sets aside his personal goals in favour of helping the people who took him in and looked after him and Juncture makes his first appearance in the old west.  So my chosen genre pairing was superhero and western. I also chose the constraint of ‘ time travel’. This was so much fun, I love the opportunity to stretch my creative muscles and I must say I’ve really fallen in love with this pitch, more than I thought I would! I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed putting it together. Also, I hope his powers make sense…? Like, time travel is confusing as all get out and I tried to explain it a simply as possible so I didn’t take up a huge chunk of the plot description, but also detailed enough that people understood it. Hopefully it worked XD |
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Post by MJ on Feb 11, 2015 18:22:55 GMT -6
Damn, Darrin, that's a great pitch! This competition just become a lot harder, haha! But seriously, great work. I could totally see this as a legitimate tv show with how well it's been pitched.
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Post by MJ on Feb 10, 2015 5:38:21 GMT -6
Hey Jack, out of curiosity I just skimmed some of the new Watchtower episode and have to say it looks like your writing has just gotten better over time which is always cool- to see people developing and honing their skills (not to say that your writing was terrible before or anything XD). But yes, I might have to try picking up where I left off because I'm quite interested now to see how Watchtower has developed over the past couple of years |
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Post by MJ on Feb 7, 2015 19:17:21 GMT -6
Sooooo I'm kinda getting back into VS and therefore lurking on all the sites again but I saw this and I just couldn't not participate. I love pitch competitions and you guys always make for good competition so I was wondering if I might be able to pinch a spot for the Superhero/Western genre?
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Post by MJ on Nov 13, 2013 18:07:39 GMT -6
To put it a little less bluntly than the person above me, I am also curious about what was supposed to happen on the 29th? I was looking forward to seeing what you would do for 5 years. Is it delayed? Did other things come up that prevented the plans from going ahead? Myself (and others I'm sure) would really appreciate an update |
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Post by MJ on Aug 24, 2013 2:24:06 GMT -6
Not gonna lie, I've been really eager to read this!
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EVPtv
Aug 23, 2013 23:57:06 GMT -6
Post by MJ on Aug 23, 2013 23:57:06 GMT -6
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Post by MJ on Mar 7, 2013 1:38:15 GMT -6
I think I remember reading somewhere that Jeff Davis was going to approach the 24 episode season like he was writing two 12 episode seasons, so there may not actually be as much filler as you think there would be in 24 episodes.
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Post by MJ on Feb 23, 2013 8:23:04 GMT -6
Reply to Jack's review of 'The Howling'So, since your review was already huge I'm gonna put this reply under a spoiler tag or this post is gonna take up soooo much room XD "The Howling" Review Firstly, I want to talk about characters. I'm not sure if it was because I was only just being introduced to the world, and grown used to it the more pages through the script I flipped, but for the first half of the episode, I found the dialogue came off more 'posh' rather than 'village-y'. That kind of, sipping tea, over-sophisticated- you know, posh kind of language. And that made it kind of hard to connect with the characters. However, from Act Two, and onwards, it felt much more natural and I began eyeing favourites already- Ethel, Galwin, Malven, and Hunter. I'm not gonna lie here, it took me a while to get used to working with the differently styled language. It should get better as the episodes progress (I hope is does, anyway) but yeah, getting used to it and making it sound natural was tough. Not to mention the first episode was written some time ago and while I did do another edit of it before it aired to fix some things up, I didn't change anything to drastically, hence why the dialogue takes a while before it starts to flow better, it was way back when I first delved into writing LR XD Ethel is quite an interesting character to write because she plays her cards very close to her chest. It's kind of ambiguous at the moment as to what her motivations are but come episode two you will get your first taste or what Ethel is hiding from everyone  LR is very much a season long story so the first couple of episodes do take quite a slow pace. That said, I'm glad you were still able to get invested in the episode and that you recognised the long slow-build I was aiming for with the pilot. Ethel does have her moments and there's some fun banter between her and a character named Braxton later on in the series that you'll probably like XD Thank you! Tis was probably one of my fav scenes in the episode because I felt it so clearly portrayed everything you need to know about the relationship between Audrey and Galwin. I'm glad you like Galwin as a character too (especially since I find him a bit hard to write for, haha). Malven is an interesting character because he was never meant to have as big of a role as he does end up having in this first season. If you like Malven though you'll probably enjoy episode three (I think it's three) as the whole first act ends up focused on the Hillander family and you get to see more of Malven's role with the council and also the relationship between him and Renwick. Hunter is actually another of those characters who wormed their way into having a bigger role in the season than I initially thought, though we don't get to see much more of him till the back end of this season. The scene between him and Audrey was a lot of fun to write too because it creates this interesting dynamic between the two even though they are only in each others company for a matter of minutes. I loved setting the story up for this reveal at the end that the tales about the mountain men and the fact that the mountains are dangerous all end up being true. Poor Hunter kinda got stuck with short end of the stick though didn't he? Anyway, the mountain criminals definitely have a big part to play in this season but I won't say any more on that since you'll found out the whys and hows in the next episode It's a pity the two mains didn't click with you this episode but hopefully that was just due to me getting used to writing them and you'll enjoy them a lot more in the next episode. However, it's great to hear that you love the other characters and I hope they continue to be some of your favourites Thanks for pointing that out, I'll have to go and fix them up at some point! I think it was just me who edited this episode and my sister didn't jump on board to go over my stuff till the second episode, so that would explain the abundance of typos. Hopefully there'll be less in the rest of the episodes because there were two sets of eyes going over the work rather than one.
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Post by MJ on Feb 23, 2013 3:47:45 GMT -6
Review of Bitten 1x05 'Lustful Acts of Aggression'Let me start this review off by saying the title is quite apt considering some of the events in this episode, haha! Anyway, onto actual story stuff. So I really liked the introduction to Fox at the start of the episode in a sort of flashback sequence and then jumping straight back to the present and re-intoducing her into the story. As a character I kinda hate her because she comes in causing all kinds of trouble but she certainly made things interesting for everyone, that's for sure! Gwen and Jeremy, I don't know if I've ever really been that invested in their relationship but I was kinda disappointed that whatever relationship they did have came to a screeching halt in this episode. I was actually a bit surprised a Gwen in this episode when she went off at Jeremy about the ring. I don't know if it was just me but it seemed a little out of the blue? I mean, it's not like Jeremy has been acting all that suspicious or anything so I don't know why she was so quick to jump down his throat. I dunno, maybe I missed something there but that was the impression I got from all that XD As for Jeremy, I was kinda disappointed we didn't get to find out more about his family's connection to the vampires! I thought that was really cool. Though I do worry about Jeremy's search for power, even though it is with sort of good intentions...? All I can see is bad news coming out of that. Totally picked the Vivian was the one to kill Wayne, didn't pick that she was working with Abigail and the Juggernauts (that's what they were called yeah?). My gosh, everyone is this show has a double agenda! Also, wasn't expecting Ed's death at all. I think that saddest part of that though was when Griffon went to tell Milo, ugh, that really tugged at my heartstrings. Mind you, that was abruptly cut short when they were both abducted. Does anyone get any peace around here? Bloody hell... XD Also, omg, I'm so frustrated we still don't know why Sara doesn't change into a werewolf! (you haven't told us, right? I hope i'm not missing important plot points) I think that is the ONE mystery I want an answer to more than anything else, haha! Anyway, I'll wrap up this kinda hodgepodge review and say that I quite liked this episode. I think it's back up there with the caliber of episode 2 and 3 and was a good episode to end your first run of episodes on
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Inspired much?
