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Okay, so I finally got around to reading the first episode of Trinity. I must say, I was a little bit worried about what it would be like since I'm not a big Lana fan but I was pleasantly surprised.
I actually like how you've portrayed Lana in Trinity, she comes across as very mature and determined which I quite like. The character I really liked in this first episode though was Quentin. His character just really stood out out to me and I can't wait to see more of him. Cynthia on the other hand, she just grates on my nerves for some reason. It's not that she's a badly portrayed character, it's just that I really don't like her XD. Maybe she changes in later episodes though and I might begin to like her character a little more (but judging from Jason's comment above I really doubt that ).
I don't think I really have that much more to say on the episode. The script may have been a little on the short side but there were a lot of positives that made up for that. It had a good, strong storyline and characterisation, your script had very few errors from what I saw and overall it was a very enjoyable season opener.
I'm going to rate it an 8/10. Although a very good episode it didn't quite have that 'wow' factor that would have pushed my rating up to a 9 or 10.

Oh, and I plan on making my way through the rest of Trinity's episodes soon but with Uni starting up again this week I can't guarantee that I'll get though them very fast

Review for episode 1.01- The End Where I Began

First let me start by saying you have a great concept here. The story is great and so are the characters but having said that, there is still quite a lot of room for improvement. I'm going to start with the positives of you script and then move into some constructive criticism.

What was done well:
-The story.
As mentioned before you have a great concept here and I could happily see myself reading the rest of the season to find out what's going to happen.
-The beginning.
I really like that you took some time to establish what her life was like before the car accident. It would have been quite easy to just have begun with her waking up after the accident and simply alluding to her life before hand but I think the way you went about it was the better choice.
-Jenny's voice overs.
One of the choices you made that I really enjoyed was to have the voice overs throughout the episode. It was nice to have those little reflections from Jenny as the episode moved through the events in her life.
-Act 5.
My gosh, I just loved this entire act. I could really envision what you described and I just though it was a perfect way to end the episode. Definitely what I loved most about this episode.

Now onto the constructive criticism. One of the biggest issues I had with the script was grammar and sentence structure. There were quite a few instances where the use of grammar was rather poor. An example will the use of 'your' instead of 'you're'. This isn't a huge deal (a lot of people make this mistake) but if you want your writing to look professional it's things like this you need to work on. There was also a couple of cases where you used a full stop and started the next sentence with a conjunction when simply the conjunction and no full stop was fine. When you added the full stop it made the dialogue rather clunky and it would have flowed much better without it. I also felt that some of the dialogue would have benefited from the use of some commas. There were some cases where a pause was really needed in the sentence as it came out a little jumbled in meaning when you read the entire thing but as I mentioned, simply adding some commas here and there you can easily fix that.
There were a few other things in the script that needed fixing (such as missing words, typos, etc.) but your solution for everything I just mentioned is to simply find yourself a proofreader. Proofreading your work is very important if you want it looking it's best. Personally, I'll read through a piece of my writing up to three times to try and pick out any mistakes I may have made. Once I've done that I give it to someone else to read over (usually my sister or my friend Loui, both have a good eye for things that need fixing) because no matter how many times you read over your own work you'll find that you'll almost always miss one or two things (I know I always do XD).

The other thing I had an issue with was dialogue. Firstly, not all of your dialogue was bad. You did enough of it right that I got a feel for each characters personality so that's good but there were many cases where character dialogue was just not very good.
A lot of the time I found the dialogue came across as very static or cliché. One thing you have to remember when writing dialogue, be it for a novel or a script, is that it needs to be livened up a little. When you watch tv or read a book you'll find all the dialogue is rather witty or very characterised and this is because it needs to be. Regular everyday dialogue from people on the streets isn't that interesting and if you mimic it in your work it can come across as rather dull. You scene where this particularly stood out was where Jenny first met Mellie.

JENNY: Oh my god...I’m so sorry I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m just a total klutz.
MELLIE: No its fine. It happens to us all. Im just a nerd handing out flyers to people to adopt puppies and kittens.
JENNY: I have a dog. Her name is Maggie.
MELLIE: Aw. Well I should get inside and get more flyers...
JENNY: Ya Um...I should go to. If you need any help just call.
MELLIE: Alright. Whats your Name?
JENNY Jenny. Jenny Hart.
MELLIE: I’m Mellie. I’ll see you around.

This scene just came across as really 'bleh' to me and it's all because of the dialogue. For example the dialogue could have been done like this-

JENNY: Oh my god...I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m just a total klutz.
MELLIE: No, it's fine. It happens to us all. I'm just a nerd handing out flyers to people to adopt puppies and kittens.
JENNY: Oh! I love dogs. I have a pet dog called Maggie.
MELLIE: Aw, Maggie is such a cute name. (beat) Well, I should really get inside and grab more flyers...
JENNY: (awkwardly) Ya, um...I should really go to. (beat) If you decide you need a hand you can always give me a call.
MELLIE: Really? Because I could always use the extra help. What's your name?
JENNY: Jenny. Jenny Hart.
MELLIE: Well, it was nice 'bumping' into you Jenny. I’m Mellie. I guess I'll see you around then.

Okay, admittedly not one of my best examples but you can see how it helps to liven up the scene a little and get away from the robotic speech. You need to work towards giving each character their own unique voice. Your goal should be to be able to write a line of dialogue and have people be able to identify the character simply by what was said instead of relying on the name above it to know who's saying what. Of course, this would not be possible for every line of dialogue in the script but where possible you should aim to infuse as much of your character as possible into their words.

Alright, I think that's my review finished. Overall I'm going to have to score it a 6.5/10. Although you've done very, very well there is still a lot of room for improvement. I don't doubt that with work you'll be able to get your scripts up to a rating of 8, 9 or even 10 in my mind. You've got the story and the characters, it's just your technique that needs some work. So, good luck with your writing and I can't wait to see what episode two has in store.

Haha, no problem Jack XD
I did actually consider this as a virtual series at first but after thinking about it I felt a movie format would suit the story better. It's going to be much better told in larger instalments than in the smaller instalments of a virtual series.
And don't worry, Edge of Vision take priority over this. I wouldn't even think of starting on a script for this until I have Edge of Vision's entire first season finished

I'm really enjoying reading their interactions. I confess that Helena really bugged me in the first couple of episodes but I have a feeling that was because her character was a little all over the place then. Once she settled in as part of the team I want from really not liking her at all to loving the character (though not as much as I love Chloe ). Once I've made up my mind on if I like or dislike a character it's usually pretty hard to shift my opinion but you managed to do so with Helena and for that I applaud you



I really can't wait to see Bruce become Batman. Batman is one of my favourite heros I'd like to see the direction you take with Chloe and Bruce's relationship when the show comes back. Even though I'm very much a Chlollie shipper I do love anything that involves Chloe and Bruce/Batman. In fact, I've read some very good fanfiction with Chloe and Bruce but yeah, it will be cool to see where you decide to go with this.



Sound like it's going to be great



I've been considering whether or not I want to read Trinity. It's not that I don't think Chris has written a wonderful series (which, from what I hear, it is!), it's just that I never was a big Lana fan. I might head over a check it out though, maybe she'll be easier for me to like in Trinity than she was in Smallville



No problem, I enjoy writing them

Yeah, the title isn't one of my best but it's all I've got at the moment. I'll probably change it later down the track but I haven't had much luck coming up with anything better. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them

Oh, I just realised I never got around to reviewing Deadshot either!
I'll need to go back over it some time this weekend and write you my review, Jack

Wow. I have to say this is my favourite of all the Watchtower episodes we've seen so far.
With the previous episodes they've always been good but Prey just seemed to work fantastically well.

I loved pretty much everything about this one. The characterisation was spot on, it had a great storyline and the guest appearance by the Black Canary was great.
I liked the fight scene with Bruce and Helena, it flowed well and was perfect for those two characters. It was probably one of my favourite scenes from the whole episode.
What I also liked was the relationship between Chloe and Helena. It's great to see Helena lightening up and for Chloe to find herself a fantastic friend. I love those two working together and the scene where they part ways at the elevator was a fantastic insight into how close they are really becoming.

I really don't have anything bad to say about this episode. I think the worst thing about it was a couple of spelling/grammar errors that can be fixed up easily with a read through.

Overall I'm going to give this episode a 9.5/10. It was definitely some of your best work to date Jack and I'm looking forward to next weeks mid season finale